Authors: Theresa Jones
Tags: #Literature & Fiction, #romance, #Paranormal, #Teen & Young Adult, #Science Fiction & Fantasy, #Fantasy, #Angels, #Paranormal & Urban
It made me want him to hold me even closer, despite that being impossible. It made those sweet butterflies return to my tummy and made my skin warm. In fact, it made me boil over. I looked up into his eyes, pulling as little away from him as possible and he looked back down at me. His expression had changed, which surprised me. He looked… hungry. Not hungry for food, but hungry for me! The thought alone made my tingle with excitement. He made me remember all those feelings I had for Alex, so many years ago.
But with David it was different, it was stronger. I realized I wanted him to kiss me. I imagined how it would feel, how he would taste. I vaguely became aware that I was leaning into him and rising up in a subconscious effort to get what I wanted. I thought he might return the feelings. And as he leaned down, his eyes smoldering, I knew he did. I knew he wanted to kiss me just as badly as I needed to kiss him.
“Hey, Allison, Sharon wanted me to ask…” Mark came around the corner and stopped as he noticed me and David in each other’s arms. He started to mumble something like, “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt…” then went back around the corner he had just come from.
When Mark had first come into view, David stepped away from me. We were no longer touching and he looked uncomfortable and conflicted. He cleared his throat and said, “Well, I hope you have a nice relaxing day.” I felt the wave of disappointment wash over me, realizing just how desperately I had wanted him to kiss me.
I also cleared my throat and decided I would not let him see how badly I wanted to be near him. I had to hide the flood of rejection that I was drowning in. “Yeah, I plan to. I am going to spend the day with Sam and Sharon in the studio.” I said, pretending the last intense moments hadn’t just happened.
“I’m sure you will have a great time. The dancers put on quite a show, especially when they have an audience. And since this will be your first time spending any real time there, I’m sure they will not disappoint.”
We just looked at each other then, neither of us knowing what to say but not wanting to say good bye. Part of my mind considered throwing all the rules out the window and risking that flood of rejection all over again to throw my arms around him and make him kiss me. I didn’t think he would say no. The way he had looked at me made me feel like he wanted me back. Of course I couldn’t be sure, and it would probably be inappropriate. Not to mention, if he did push me away, I didn’t think I was ready for a hurt like that.
Finally breaking the silence he said, “Have a good day, Allison. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Then he turned and I watched his back as he walked away.
***
On the stage in front of me were the dancers, sometimes it was only one dancer, sometimes it was a whole group of 15 or 20 dancers moving in sync. To the left of the stage were five people painting a mural that covered the entire wall. The right side of the stage, which they had already completed, was angels dancing. Now they were working on the left side, but I couldn’t tell what it was going to be yet. They moved so quickly, I thought the whole thing would probably be completed within a few days.
To the right of the stage was a large mismatched band. There were probably 20 or 25 people sitting together playing all different instruments and two ladies singing in front. Like the musicians had no sheet music, the singers didn’t sing words; just let their voices add depth to the music.
My attention was torn between the dancers to the front, the painters to the left and the musicians to the right. As I watched them, my mind dazed. Before I had come here, I had gone to find Mark. He had only wanted to relay that Sharon wanted me to bring a change of clothes to dance in. I had been angry at him at first for interrupting, though I realized he didn’t do it on purpose. I had just been so certain that David would kiss me. I could feel him radiating want just as badly as I had been. His eyes had been screaming at me, and his body had been demanding mine.
Breaking me from my concentration, Sharon came over and said, “What is going on in that head of yours, Allison dear?” She looked truly concerned.
I laughed it off, “Not much.” And I sighed, determined to not let the morning’s events ruin my day. “Ok, Sharon, so you have your work cut out for you today. I want to try and learn a dance.”
She laughed, “I doubt it will be all that hard. It’s in your blood. Samantha is proof of that. I will teach you the steps, the rest will come naturally. You have great control of your power now; this should be a piece of cake.” Her faith in me was showing through and thankfully it was contagious. I even allowed some faith in myself.
I followed her to the stage and she led me to the center, all the dancers forming a circle around me. At first it made me nervous and self-conscious to have them staring at me, until I realized they were still dancing. It wasn’t elaborate, they were only very subtly moving to the beat, their legs stomping and their arms flying around in small moves. Sharon later explained they were dancing for me, to give me courage and to help me dance gracefully. It was a dance of support.
As she started to tell me where to put my feet, and what to do with my arms, the music changed. It was more upbeat; no longer a tune for support, but a tune for something else. I wasn’t sure what dance she was teaching me, but I saw Sam watching me from the seat I had been sitting in just moments before and I tried hard to concentrate on what Sharon was telling me.
After I tripped over my own feet for the fourth time, Lucille, one of the dancers, said, “Sharon, maybe we should teach her an easier dance. This one is more advanced.”
But she wouldn’t hear of it, she shook her head “no” and grabbed my face. “Allison, I know you have something on your mind.” Then more quietly so that only I could hear, “Was it because of this morning?” A small smile threatened to spread across her face.
Of course she would know about this morning. It was her brother who had seen us. I started to shake my head no, but failed miserably and started to nod. Her hands, still holding my face, tilted my head up to look at her. “I want you to close your eyes and listen to the music. Clear your head. Don’t think of things that have happened in the past, or what you fear for the future. Just clear your mind and let your power flow. You have seen me start this dance several times now. You know how to begin. I want you to close your eyes and just… go with it.”
So I did, I closed my eyes. I heard the music start up again. She whispered, “Reach out to your power and let it guide you.” I obeyed; I reached within, where I kept the power locked up tight and allowed it to flow freely. It started to build, and I allowed it to reach from my fingertips down to my toes. I could feel it tingling all over. It was like the feeling you get when you walk into a warm room and sit next to a fire after being out in the snow for hours. It was warm, comforting, and perfect. As my power filled to the brim, the music began to get louder and faster and I knew the time would come for me to take the first step. I replayed in my head what Sharon had just shown me, I took a deep breath, and started to dance.
I didn’t realize it until after the music stopped and I opened my eyes, but everyone in the room had stopped doing what they were doing to watch me. When I looked around there was a purple shining design around me that reminded me of a Celtic design, all twining around itself. It was beautiful. And I knew it was the manifestation of my power. Sharon was beaming at me, and Sam started to clap furiously. The dancers around me all had different expressions, some of shock, some of pride, some of surprise, and some of awe. The purple haze that was in the air started to fade and disappear as Sharon walked up to me and grabbed my arm.
“We
so
need to talk. Come with me,” she said. I was still reeling from using so much power. Though dancing like that had felt amazing and made me feel powerful, I had already been exhausted, and now that it was over I felt the exhaustion times two. It was power overload.
I followed numbly behind her, not really thinking about where we were going or why we even needing to talk in the first place. I did, however, allow myself to remember what had been going through my mind as I danced. All I could think of was him. If things continued at this rate, there would be no way I could defeat Damien – David was claiming all my thoughts and attention.
She led me to what looked like an office, and sat me down onto a couch. She sat facing me and commanded, “Ok, spill. What is going on with you?”
“What do you mean?” I didn’t understand why she was asking me questions, but I certainly had some of my own. “What happened back there, Sharon?”
“You danced a dance of passion. I had you dance that because I figured you would be passionate about learning to dance, and that it would help you. It is a more complicated dance, but as I already said, it’s in your blood. I figured you would be able to catch on quick enough.”
She took a deep breath and continued, “But Allison, what you did is something dancers train for years to do. You created your own dance of love. It’s not easy to accomplish. You took the passion that you danced and warped it and formed it to create your own unique dance of love. It’s hard to explain, but each dance has its own unique characteristics. Steps that are unique to each dance, certain moves, steps, and turns. And what you just danced was clearly a dance of love. It was beautiful by the way. But now you have every artist in this studio wondering who could have inspired such a dance. If you had danced in front of any other audience, instead of my dancers, we could have passed it off as your love for Sam, but that undoubtedly was not a mother/daughter love.”
I took a deep breath, but she didn’t allow me to talk. She continued, “Is it David Donnelly? Mark said he saw the two of you in each other’s arms this morning. He said you two were in a very compromising position.” I looked down, and almost missed the smile that was crossing her lips. Were we in high school? Did people have to gossip? Ridiculous. I took another deep breath, preparing myself to explain.
“I don’t know what to tell you, Sharon. It’s like… when I’m with him I feel complete.” I looked down, blushing again. Not only because I was telling my intimate feelings to her, but because I had just lost my fiancé. “I don’t mean to! It’s not like I meant for this to happen. It’s just… I feel horrible about the whole thing!” My eyes started to tear.
“Why do you feel horrible?” she looked shocked.
“Well… because of Alex. I shouldn’t care so deeply for someone so soon after I lost him. I mean, I loved Alex. I did. But it wasn’t the same. When I was younger and our relationship was young, we did love each other. And as time went on we grew apart, but I always cared for him. I feel like… it’s a betrayal to care so deeply for David, when Alex hasn’t even been gone two months.” It felt good, saying it all out loud, admitting my feelings for David, and admitting the shame it made me feel.
“Allison, it is never a bad thing to love someone. You told me yourself, you hadn’t been in love with Alex for years now. You can still grieve for him and mourn him. When he died, you lost a friend. But that is all he was to you. He was Samantha’s father, but that doesn’t mean you are not allowed to love another man.” She paused, and then continued, “Do you know if the feelings are reciprocated?”
I looked down again; this was a question I often asked myself. Did he care about me the same way? Could he ever? “I don’t,” I whispered. “Sometimes when he looks at me, I really think he cares for me. But then, I feel like he is always pulling away from me.” I sighed, hoping that my confessions didn’t make her see me any differently.
She nodded, showing understanding. “Things will work out the way they are meant to be. Don’t worry about it. He is your teacher and your friend. You will figure this out.”
I nodded because I didn’t know what else to do. I really hoped she was right.
Chapter 12
Plans
***Lilith***
“Where do you always run off to everyday that you can’t spend any of the day with me?” I made the sadness seep from every pore. I wasn’t whining, but it was pretty close. “I only wish we could spend more time together. I want to know everything about you. I want to…” He stopped me with his lips. Despite being one of the Order, he still managed to kiss pretty well. I had managed to get him into my bed after only three days. These Order members always tried to sound so high and mighty, they pretended to be perfect, yet they were still human. Our downfall was the same as theirs. We all had weaknesses. Well, most of us. I doubted Damien had one. I had never been able to find any weakness in him anyway.
Mark had managed to sneak out and come to me every night for the last two weeks. Despite the short time we had been seeing each other, he was already smitten. If what I needed from him was any less important, I would have already asked it of him. But I still sensed his regret in this. He wasn’t yet 100% under my control. Any normal man would have been instantly, but these damn Order members could fuck with my mojo.
“You know I love you, Lilly! If I could, I would…”
I cut him off, showing my impatience. “If you loved me as you say, you would prove it to me. If you must hide, I will hide with you. Where you go, I will follow. I am yours completely.”
Gag!
I had to resist the urge to actually gag and only allowed myself an internal choke.
He sighed. I took advantage of the weakness, kissed him harder, more desperately, and poured my power over him, saturating him so completely you could hardly tell he was of the Order at all. He smelled of me and my power now. We didn’t speak again for almost an hour as I proved to him how thoroughly I could love him.
We were resting, my head in the crook where his arm and chest met, my finger tracing swirls over his bare chest. I continued to pour my power onto him. “Mark,
please
!” I made it sound desperate. “I
cannot
be without you anymore!”
He sighed again, “I’m not normal, Lilly. Where I live, things happen that would scare you.” He sounded so scared to speak the words allowed.
But finally he was giving in. “What do you mean? I don’t think you could ever scare me!” I told him definitely, the confidence of my words apparent.
He sighed, “Do you really love me, Lilly? Do you trust me? I would die for you, you know!”
Ugh, he was still too scared to share it with me. He feared how I may react. I poured even more power over him and kissed him passionately. “I trust you completely, Mark. You could worship the devil himself and I wouldn’t care!”
Haha.
As if he would ever be smart enough to worship the Mighty Lucifer.
His face was contorted into a mask of disgust. He made almost a gagging sound, “I would never!” Of course he wouldn’t… “It’s almost the opposite though. I worship God.”
I forced a small chuckle out of my lips, “You think that would scare me off, silly? 90% of the world worships some form of deity!” I had to suppress a sigh. If only he would get on with it.
“Well, we worship to the extreme. Almost like a cult or something.” He said it quietly and hesitantly, weighing my reactions. I held him more tightly, reassuring him. My eyes pleaded with him to continue and I threw another wave of power over him. “I can do things… almost like I have super powers.”
My eyes got big. Not in fear, but astonishment. I allowed him to believe I was in awe. “Really? That’s amazing, Mark!” I urged him again to continue. This was the problem with having someone worship you; they so desperately wanted to please you that sometimes they were too fearful of disappointing you to do what needed to be done.
He did a little demonstration, moving a few things around the room. I told him how much I adored him and then asked for his proclamation of love. “Would you love me no matter what?” I whispered. I let him feel my fear; begging him to love me, no matter what.
“Of course, no matter what!” he promised. He was adamant. It was disgusting and pathetic how desperate he was.
“Do you swear it?” I urged. I had to trap him with his words.
“I swear to you, I will love you forever, no matter what,” he swore to me. Then, even without my urging, he knelt beside the bed and continued, “I love you more than God himself. I would follow you to the ends of eternity and back!”
Ahh. Sweet victory
.
Every single day I had spent with this idiot I felt more confident in my leader. I couldn’t wait for The End to come. We would win. We would release the terrors within the Seals and be rid of these maggots.
I kissed him more passionately, and threw as much power over him as I could without making him pass out. I said as embarrassed as I could, hoping he would think me ashamed of this instead of the pride I felt, “Thank you, Mark, because I am a member of the Rising.”
***Allison***
“Good morning, Allison.” David said, standing at least four or five feet away from me. It was the same as it had been for the last two weeks. He wouldn’t hug me, wouldn’t touch me at all. It was so heart breaking. He even had to fake his smile; it was obvious it wasn’t genuine.
“Good morning, David. How are you today?” I had to gauge his response. I had continued to practice with him all this time, but I felt ready for more. Today we would discuss me visiting my mom. I had asked him once before, and he said I wasn’t ready yet. But I was. I had to be. I missed her so much. Sam missed her. She was my best friend and I needed her, especially now with everything that had been going on.
The last time we spoke she told me that the stores were empty of many normal food items. No more milk or beef because such a large portion of the cow population had fallen ill and died. No more pork, sausage, or bacon because the pigs all died too.
She told me about the looting in San Antonio and Austin, the two biggest cities near her, and how everyone feared leaving their homes. She feared that she would lose her job soon, because everything was changing. Things people used to care about didn’t matter anymore. Everything was turning so primitive – the only things people cared about were food and safety, and even those things were being ripped away.
I had to see her for my own eyes, make sure she was really ok and offer my support and comfort. I would not take no for an answer this time. He would not deny me my right to be there for her after all she had done for me.
“I’m well. Are you ready?” He turned to lead me to the same spot we sat in every day. I used to love this time, these moments we shared, but he wouldn’t budge on this distance he was putting between us, and I couldn’t help but feel like he was doing it on purpose. Sometimes when he looked at me I knew he wanted more, wanted to do more, or say more, but he wouldn’t allow himself to. It was so frustrating. Though it wasn’t the most important reason I wanted to see my mother, I needed to see her because of him. I needed her advice on how to deal with the situation. And I needed her comfort too.
“Actually there was something I wanted to discuss with you.” I paused. He turned to look at me again, his eyebrow lifted in curiosity above his hazel eyes.
“And what was that?” he asked. He appeared to have no inclination of what I wanted; which was surprising, since I thought it would be obvious by now. I kept hinting at it, but he never seemed to notice anymore. It was like he was always concentrating on something else, something other than me.
“I want to go visit my mom.” I didn’t make it a question. I made it a statement of fact. He looked at me like he wanted to say no, like he was going to refuse me again. So I continued before he could, “I
need
to, David. I need this. I miss her so much! And so does Sam. And she has no one. We left her all alone with all this crazy stuff going on. I need to be there for her.”
He didn’t even hesitate as he said, “I know, Allison. I was thinking you would be ready soon. Wait at least one more week, maybe two. We will only work on your shield until then. Get you as strong as possible for this. I also want to work on some offensive attacks, just in case your shield comes down for whatever reason.” He took a deep breath and said, “I just want you to be ready for anything. I don’t want there to be any risk at all.”
I thought about that. He didn’t say no. He said, in a week or two. It was probably the best I would be able to get out of him. And I could deal with that. It’s not like I wanted to go in unprepared anyway.
“Deal.” I thought about sticking my hand out for a handshake, but I wouldn’t be able to take it if he rejected a touch that simple. So I just continued, “We can work on this for a week or two, but no more.” I smiled. Thankfully he smiled back.
David and I practiced for the first four days on me just holding up my shield. Both my literal shield and the internal shield that hides one’s power from detection. Then for the last five days we practiced defensive attacks. My telekinetic abilities allowed me to move things in front of me or to an attacker pretty easily. But David spent that time teaching me how to defend with my power alone.
I remembered how it felt when Damien had showered me with his power, and I doubted that was full force. I couldn’t imagine doing that to anyone. But Rising members deserved to die, they were evil. Not to mention, it wouldn’t feel the same. My power came from hope. It was pure goodness, while theirs was the opposite. My power could create or, bring forth love, while theirs burned and devoured.
I sat in the cafeteria eating lunch with Mark and David. Mark had been quiet lately, so David kept trying to pull him out of his slump. Neither of us knew what was going on with him. I kept getting a weird vibe from him though, like there was something seriously wrong with him. I asked Sharon about it, but she just said he seemed concerned about the famine and wars. But that didn’t seem right to me. The wars and famine has been going on since I got here and this was new.
David and Mark were sitting next to each other in front of me. Mark seemed distracted, while David was just trying to ease his discomfort.
Mark turned to look at me and said, “So, Sharon said you are practicing extra hard these days. What’s the cause of that? Are you planning some major offensive?” He chuckled, making it sound like a joke, though it almost sounded like he hoped we were. Which was ironic because I had been told the Order doesn’t plan any offensive attacks, ever. They just wait for the Rising to attack and then defend. It didn’t really make sense to me. How were we supposed to rid the world of evil if we didn’t actively do anything about it? But it wasn’t my decision. I just wanted to keep my family safe and the only way to accomplish that was to kill Damien. So the first chance I got, that would be exactly what I would do.
“Actually, Mark, I’m planning on leaving the Compound. I am going to go visit my mom.” I said. Just saying it made it seem more real. I could hardly contain myself with the excitement building in me.
His eyes lit up. Maybe my excitement was contagious. “Wow, you are leaving? When?” In a weird way, it almost felt like he was glad I would be leaving, like he wanted me gone. I shrugged off that thought; he was probably just excited for me.
I looked at David, because we hadn’t quite finalized the date, but we had been discussing it. “I think,” nodding slightly toward David to show it wasn’t really up to me, “this Friday, and I’ll stay until Sunday.”
“Well, that’s great. Samantha is staying here though, right?”
I thought that was a strange question. Why would he think I would leave my daughter behind? I hardly saw her as it was, what with all my training. “No of course not, she misses my mom just as much as I do,” I answered, trying to mask the confusion I felt.
He looked like that wasn’t a good thing. Then shook his head slightly and stood up, “Well, good luck, Allison. I gotta go, so I’ll see you all later.” Then he was walking away. Why would he be so excited for me to be able to see my mom, but then be upset that Sam would be going with me?
Over the last few weeks, Mark’s moods had been changing so rapidly. He would walk around like he was king of the world and then quickly change to a sullen, depressed attitude. He would be short in his side of the conversations and wouldn’t smile at all. It was so strange. Maybe he had some sort of bipolar disorder or something.
I looked at David to see what his thoughts were, but he looked just as confused as I did. So I asked him, “Do you have any idea what’s going on with him?”
He shook his head, and his face looked concerned as he said, “No, I don’t, but I am a little worried for him.”
***Lilith***
“Can I come see you?” he asked, as if I would tell him no. Of course, I wanted to tell him no but I couldn’t. I wanted to never have to spend another second of my great life on his worthless hide. But before I could answer he continued, “I have some news for you, my love. I cannot wait to share it with you.”
I found it odd that he ended up getting excited about the task I set before him. I had told him I needed information on this girl, the one Damien assigned to me. She seemed worthless enough to me, just like all the rest of them. But I did as I was told. He seemed cautious at first, like he feared he was doing something bad. And then, he ended up getting excited about it, like a rebellious child. It was annoying, to say the least. “That’s so wonderful, Sweetheart.” I internally cringed at that. But I was excited enough about the prospect of news. Some piece of knowledge would be better than nothing. And so far, I had produced nothing. “Please come to me, as soon as you can. I have missed you so terribly.”
He was at my door in less than an hour. As soon as he entered, he kissed me. He hated being away from me. I could feel his need and lust so strongly it made me smile. I always loved the feeling that men had around me and the way I stripped them of all that was good and decent. I kissed him back and played my role well, letting him believe my love for him completely.
Only after we finished our romp through the sheets and we rested naked next to each other did I finally feel it was safe to question him. “Mark, didn’t you mention something about wanting to tell me something?”