Playing Patience (20 page)

I let my hand slip around to the side of her neck. My fingers twirled in the soft baby hairs behind her ear.

“Yeah?”

We were both breathing so hard my car windows were fogged over. It was the first time in my life I’d fogged windows doing something other than sex.

She reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear and bit at her lip like she knew what I was thinking. She closed her eyes and sighed when I ran my thumb across her bottom lip.

“I think I want to kiss you.”

There. I’d said it. It was out there and there was no taking it back. I hadn’t kissed a girl since I was fourteen. Mainly because it felt entirely too personal, but with Patience I wanted to be personal. I wanted to taste her in ways I hadn’t tasted other women, and kissing was the only way I could do that.

Her eyes widened and her throat bobbed up and down as she swallowed hard. Her breathing accelerated as I gave her a minute to let my words sink it. If she wasn’t okay with being kissed good and hard, I was giving her plenty of time to say so. I had a feeling once my mouth connected with hers it would take a lot for me to stop.

“I think I want you to kiss me,” she whispered.

I looked down at her sweet mouth and bit at my lip ring. I tilted her head up to meet mine and moved in. I let my lips skim hers and they were every bit as soft as they looked. A tiny noise escaped her mouth and I lost it.

I pressed my lips to hers and experienced a new world. I closed my eyes and took her in. She threw her arms around my neck and melted into me. I felt her fingers in the hair at the back of my neck and then her mouth opened a bit and I took that as an invitation to deepen the kiss.

It was better than sex somehow. I’d had enough sex in my life, but this was deeper. This was different. It was being inside of her on a whole other level. I was letting her breathe me in. I was breathing her in and she was the breath I needed to take for most of my life.

Everything bad went away in that moment. She soothed every scar, took away every bad memory. She made me better. My eyes were closed, but there was so much light around us. At least it felt that way, and it heated my skin. I was absorbing a healing heat and it spread through me like a euphoric fire.

I kissed her until we were out of breath and hanging on to each other. Then I broke the kiss, took a deep breath, and went in for more. I couldn’t get enough. She clung to the front of my shirt like I was her savior and I thought that was fitting since, in so many ways, she was mine. She was the sense of peace I’d been searching for in all the wrong places.

She pulled away and took another deep breath and licked at her lips. It drove me wild. She tasted me the same way I tasted her and I liked it. She pressed herself tightly against me. Her body fit to mine like she was made specifically for me, and I was beginning to think she was.

She leaned up and kissed me again and I let her take control. She pressed up into our kiss as she got up on her knees beside me. I reached behind her and hooked my hands to her hips. She was above me, around me, inside me, and then she shocked me when she slipped one leg over me and straddled my thighs.

I broke the kiss and looked up at her. The usual panic wasn’t there. Her eyes were wide and full of excitement. They had the same glazed-over look as a girl in the middle of sex. Her hair hung down into my face as she showered my lips and cheeks with her soft, panting breaths. She looked too far gone, but she’d looked similar that night at my house, the night she stopped me with tears on her cheeks. I couldn’t go through that again. I’d explode.

“Maybe we should slow down,” I said.

I wanted to laugh out loud at that, but I was too afraid of ruining the moment. It was such a chick thing to say, but I didn’t want to push her too far. We’d already established the fact that she was nothing like the girls I was usually with. The last thing I wanted to do was freak her out again.

“Do you want to slow down?” she asked. Her brows bent down in confusion.

“Hell no, but you freaked out last time and I don’t want that to happen again,” I said honestly.

I felt her body tense up a little and she looked down at me like she was about to lay a massive confession on me. The expression was there for a brief moment before it cleared.

“I’m sorry I get scared. I wish I didn’t, but it’s not something I can help.”

I hated the thought of her being afraid of anything. When she was with me, fear should be the last thing on her mind. Patience brought out a protective streak in me that would strike down anyone if it meant keeping her safe. So the idea that I put fear in her heart disgusted me.

She looked away from me like she’d said too much, but I laid my hands on her cheeks and forced her to look at me. Her fingers dug into my shirt and wounded eyes met mine.

“Don’t ever be scared with me. I’d never do anything to hurt you and I’d destroy anyone who tried.”

Two things happened after that.

One: I was smacked in the face with the realization that I had feelings for Patience. It sucked and Lord knows I tried to keep it from happening, but they were there seated deep inside of me where I couldn’t get to them to clean them away, and after that point, I wasn’t sure I wanted them gone anymore.

Two: She closed her eyes and a single tear slipped down her face as a tiny smile spread across her mouth. She laid her cool hands on my cheeks and looked down at me like I was everything I’d never be and then she leaned down and kissed me like her life depended on it.

A wave of relaxation went through her body and she collided with me emotionally. Her body melded into mine and I wasn’t sure where I ended and she began. Her hands were everywhere, in my hair, wrapped in my shirt as she tried to pull me closer, and then up my shirt against my skin.

Breaking the kiss, I leaned down and pressed my lips against the side of her neck. I sucked softly at the smooth skin just under her jaw. She gasped and her fingers dug into my sides. Her pulse was quick against my lips as I ran them down the side of her neck.

She was trembling, but not from fear or anxiety. She was shaking like a girl on the verge of a new experience. She responded much the same way that night at my house in my bed. I loved her responses. I’d never had a girl respond to me that way. She was shy, but still bursting at the seams, and I wanted her to let loose on me.

I ran my hands up her legs and grabbed on to her hips. I pulled her closer and she did the rest of the work as she began to press herself against me and move her hips back and forth.

A husky moan spilled from her lips and she let her head fall back with her eyes closed. It was the most erotic thing I’d ever seen. I’d watched naked women pleasure themselves for me, but Patience was still fully clothed and she wasn’t doing this for me; she was doing this for herself. It was a massive turn-on.

I pushed up the bottom of her shirt and ran my fingers across her belly button. Her stomach moved in and out with her heavy breathing. My eyes crashed with hers when I looked back up. There was a tiny strain on her face, and I knew all too well what the strain was about. Her body was strung tight and if I knew anything, it was how to play a taut string. I wanted to release that tension in her and see relief on her beautiful face.

“Is this okay?” I asked when I let my hand move lower.

My voice cracked and it freaked me out how into this moment I was. Being with a girl wasn’t anything new for me, but Patience made me feel like some virginal fifteen-year-old punk. I can’t say I hated it, but it was different.

She bit her bottom lip and nodded her head yes. My hand slipped lower and I let my finger run just inside her jeans. The lacy top of her panties tickled the tips of my fingers and she made a tiny moaning noise that was probably the sexiest noise I’d ever heard a girl make. I was going slow with her, but going slow was kind of fun. I was teasing myself and teasing her at the same time. As much as I loved a quick, hard fuck up against a wall, going slow with Patience was going to be amazing and I had the distinct feeling I’d remember being with her this way for the rest of my life.

I lifted my finger from her skin and smiled when she lifted her hips and brought her body back to my finger. She wasn’t speaking, but her body was talking for her. She wanted whatever I had to offer and at this very moment, I was offering everything I had.

With hesitant hands, she lifted my shirt and pulled it over my head. Her fingers ran across my shoulders and down my chest. Her hands felt amazing on my skin as she softly ran her fingertips over my abs. I reached down and unbuttoned her jeans. I wanted to feel her again.

“Can I touch you?” I asked breathlessly.

I’d asked the last time this happened with her. I wasn’t sure why I asked. I’d never asked a female permission for anything in my life, but the tiny voice in the back of my head, the one that was telling me to go slow, was also telling me that I needed permission to touch her. Initially, I just wanted her, but now, after just a tiny bit of touching, my body needed her. No other girl could soothe this ache. It was seated firmly in the pit of my pelvic area and the combination for its release was her touch.

“Yes, please.” Her voice was strained and hushed.

And it was like the answer to all my prayers. She let her head fall against my shoulder and I breathed in the scent of her hair. I slid my finger lower and let it dip into her moisture. She was so wet. I’d never felt so much moisture in a woman’s body and it was magnificent.

And then her mouth was on mine again and she kissed me hard. Little noises were pressed against my lips as I touched her with experienced fingers. She began softly panting my name and thrusting her hips. Her responsiveness was so sexy, innocent, but definitely sexy.

That was usually the point that I’d strip her the rest of the way naked and get mine, but something about the way she moved her body, her inexperienced movements… I liked making her feel good. As much I wanted my own personal release, I wanted hers more.

Looking up into her pleasure-filled face, her eyes opened and dug into mine. She leaned her head back and opened her mouth for extra air. She was so close; I could see the sweet ache on her face. Her breathing became erratic and she pulled me closer.

A raw sense of pleasure rippled over me when she started to whisper my name over and over again. Her fingers dug deeper into my shoulders and I felt her movements getting stiff. Then the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen happened. She bit down on her lip, threw her head back, and moaned out a long, soul-wrenching release.

Her expression was one of shock when she looked back down at me. Her flushed skin glowed in the moonlight as she came back to herself. I reached up and tucked her hair behind her ears. I went in for another kiss, but her expression changed suddenly and she looked like she was about to be sick.

“Oh my God, what did I do?” she asked.

Panic filled her eyes and she looked down at me like she’d never seen me before.

I didn’t know what was happening. I’d never seen a girl react this way before. She struggled to get out of my arms, but something told me if I let her go, I’d never see her again. She began to cry and push against my chest.

“Snowflake? What’s wrong? You did nothing wrong.” I tried to press my words past her shield of panic.

Still, she continued to look down at me like I was a stranger trying to attack her, and still, she beat against my chest as she tried to get free. I knew I should let her go, but suddenly the idea of not seeing her again made me feel crazy. I needed her to calm down. I wanted to talk this through with her.

“Snowflake! It’s me. It’s Zeke, and I’d never do anything to hurt you. Please, stop this,” I begged.

It was a first for me. I never begged, but she was now hyperventilating and I was scared she’d overdo it and pass out. I released her so she didn’t hurt herself and she jumped off of me and slammed her body against the passenger-side door.

She scratched at the door until she finally found the handle. Cold air rushed into my car when she popped the door open and jumped out. I followed behind her, but she didn’t get far before she ran straight into the arms of her dad. There were three police officers standing behind him.

The officers stared back at me like I was a wanted rapist. Her dad stared back at me like he wanted to kill me on the spot. And Patience looked back at me like she was begging me to save her.

Sixteen

Patience

Protected. Precious. Perfect. I was all three of those things in Zeke’s arms. I’d never known love, other than the love I had for my mom and sister, but when I looked down into Zeke’s face after he kissed me, I knew I was in love with him.

I’d fallen for Zeke. He was dark and dangerous, but he was also the safest place on Earth for me. He’d somehow become home base, a place for me to go and gather my thoughts. A place where I could let go of all the bad and take in some good.

I’d never been so close to someone in my life, I’d never revealed the things about myself the way I did with him. I’d even been on the verge of telling him my dirty secrets, things that could change my life, things that could ruin my father and destroy my mother. That’s what Zeke did to me; he made me want to exhale everything.

When he kissed me, there was a bonding between us and I was sure he felt it too. He had to. It was so strong. It was as if our souls had collided and began to rebuild the other. It was powerful and it pushed me over the edge and right into him.

I thought for sure I’d never feel anything of the sort, but once he touched me with his fingers and my body experienced a release that it never had before, I knew I was transformed. He intricately placed his fingers in places that only an experienced man could and brought forth a reality that I never knew existed, a place where being touched was wonderful and fulfilling, a place overflowing with relief.

But the minute the feeling dissolved, something tragic happened and turned my beautiful moment into a nightmare. I looked down into Zeke’s face and he shyly smiled back at me. Something about the way he looked at me felt wrong. It all felt wrong, and I was waiting for the blow. What I had done was bad and punishment was sure to follow.