Play Me, I'm Yours [Library Edition] (25 page)

“Sweetie, I’m sure you two can find something else to play besides tennis.”

“But he
really
likes tennis.”

“Well, let him play with someone else. You can still go with him and watch. Cheer him on.”

“But I don’t want him to play with someone else.”

“Now don’t be selfish, sweetheart. Besides, you can still take part. You can be the ball boy if you don’t want to play yourself.”

“No! That’s not what I…. It’s not…. Oh, for God’s sake.”

“It can be embarrassing to admit you’re not good at something, especially to someone you want to impress. But honey, you can’t compare yourself to others. You have your own talents. Have you told him how you feel?”

“Not exactly.”

“Just explain to him that you’re a beginner. If he loves you, he’ll be patient and coach you through it.”

“But I don’t even
like
tennis!” He clapped both hands over his eyes.

“Relationships are give and take, sweetie. You have to be willing to at least try the things your partner likes to do. And the same goes for him. If that means playing a game of tennis now and then, it’s not so much to ask, is it? I’m sure he doesn’t expect you to be an expert. Do you expect him to be a skilled pianist?”

“Mom, that’s different. We’re not talking about piano.”

“Call it whatever you like, honey.” She patted his arm and then stood. “Come down and get some breakfast. Your dad and Mason have already left for the meet.”

L
UCAS
couldn’t manage to pull himself out of bed for anything other than the occasional bathroom break. His mom had left for work hours ago, and he had the house to himself. The silence, though usually welcome, now seemed to taunt him.

He shouldn’t be alone, he thought. He should be with Zach.

He thought about what his mom had said. For once in his life, her advice made sense. If Zach wanted to play
tennis
every now and then, that wasn’t such a big deal, was it? The real problem was that he couldn’t get past the fear of disappointing Zach should they ever have sex. Or
try
to have sex, rather, because Lucas wasn’t sure he could do it. The few times he’d thought about doing
that
, he’d always pictured himself on the bottom.

Lucas gathered his courage and brought his laptop over to his bed. He pulled up his web browser and typed “spanking during sex” in the search box. The first site he looked at was a how-to guide for men spanking women. He didn’t suppose there was much difference, so he read through the article. He could fine-tune his search terms later. He was surprised to find detailed instructions on the site. Apparently there was technique involved.

“You can’t just start smacking away at her ass like a maniac.”

Lucas chuckled despite his solemn mood. He read through the list of tips: warm up your hand first, only hit one cheek at a time, make sure your partner is in a secure position, keep your hand tight and slightly cupped, and aim for the meat.

Why would Zach want Lucas to spank him? He didn’t get it.

The slamming of the front door broke his train of thought. “Lucaaaaaaas!”

Lucas winced. He managed to close his web browser seconds before his door flew open.

Mason stormed over to where Lucas sat on the bed, his nostrils flared. “What did you do to Zach?”

“Nothing. Why? What’s wrong with him?”

“How the fuck should I know? He didn’t show up for the meet.”

“What?”

Zach had never missed a meet. Lucas knew he was upset, but surely not enough to miss a meet.

“We needed him today. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a good flyer? I can barely fly one length of the pool,” Mason said as he threw his arms up in the air. “You couldn’t even fly the length of a bathtub.”

“Oh God. What if he was in an accident?”

Mason scoffed. “He wasn’t in an accident. Coach said he was sick.”

“Maybe he is.”

“Bullshit. He didn’t just happen to get sick the same night you come home bawling your eyes out.”

Lucas glanced at his feet. “I’m sorry.”

“I knew something like this would happen. Why are you always wrecking my life?”

“Mason!”

Both boys looked over to find their father standing in the doorway. His arms were crossed in front of his torso, and he wore a stern expression. “Stop yelling. You’re gonna pop a blood vessel. This isn’t your brother’s fault. Zach’s responsible for his own actions.”

Mason huffed, then turned back to Lucas. “I don’t care what you have to say or do. You better go over there and fix Zach. Right now.”

“That’s enough, Mason. Let them work it out on their own.”

Mason left the room and then yelled from the hall, “This is bullshit, cowshit, horseshit,
and
donkeyshit.”

Lucas saw his dad crack a smile, and he couldn’t resist doing the same. It wasn’t funny, but he couldn’t help it. Rage-Mason had been right about one thing. He did need to apologize to Zach.

H
E
TRIED
to plan out his speech in the shower and then again in the car, but it was no good. He couldn’t find the right words. What was he going to say? He knew he’d been unfair and that he’d overreacted, but he also knew his worries hadn’t changed. Even so, he’d realized he wasn’t ready to give up. He wasn’t going to walk away from Zach. He wanted to give it a try. He just hoped Zach would listen and let him apologize. As he pulled up to the front of Zach’s house, he grabbed his phone.

Lucas:
quick. i need a pep talk

Trish:
to do what?

Lucas:
face my fears

Trish:
u can do it, boo

Trish:
u r fabulous!

Lucas:
thx

Lucas took a deep breath. If things went badly, he’d call her back and beg for a shoulder to cry on.

Alex:
do u need help?

Lucas:
lol, are you two joined at the hip?

Alex:
no, we’re joined at the crotch

Lucas:
OMG… going now…

Alex:
u ok?

Lucas:
for now, yes

Alex:
good luck, dude

Lucas:
thx

Lucas bit his lip as he reached for the doorbell. He hoped to avoid a run-in with Zach’s mom. He shifted his weight from foot to foot as he waited for someone to answer. Why hadn’t he just gone inside with Zach last night? They could have talked this all out then.

The door swung open, revealing a wary-looking Zach.

“Can I come in?”

Zach didn’t answer but moved aside to let Lucas in.

Lucas glanced around nervously.

“She’s not here,” Zach said.

“Okay. Can we talk?”

Zach nodded and led Lucas into the family room. They sat on opposite ends of the couch, where the distance between them felt vast.

Lucas wet his lips, struggling to find words. “I came to say I’m sorry.”

Zach sat with shoulders drooped as he fixed his gaze on Lucas. “Sorry for what?”

The tension in the air was thick. Lucas knew there was a lot riding on his answer.

“I’m sorry for leaving.”

Zach’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “I thought you’d left me for good.”

“I’m sorry,” Lucas said again. “That’s the last thing I want.”

Zach reached his arms out, and Lucas dove into them. He couldn’t stop his tears as he squeezed his arms around the boy he loved.

“One of these days,” Zach said, “we’ll get through a day without crying.”

Lucas laughed in between sniffles and then nodded. “I promise.”

He knew the hard part was yet to come, but at least Zach still wanted him.

They held each other for a few minutes before Zach pulled away. He used his thumbs to wipe the tears from Lucas’s face, then leaned forward for a warm, wet kiss.

“Are we okay?” said Zach.

“Yeah.” Lucas nodded as he gathered his courage. “I’ll do it if you want me to… I’ll spank you.”

Zach snorted through his nose and laughed.

Lucas frowned.

Zach didn’t have to laugh. It might seem ridiculous, but he could at least let Lucas try.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t laugh. It’s just—no, I don’t want you to spank me.” Zach bit his lips in an attempt to hide his smile. “But it’s nice to know you’re willing.”

Lucas folded his arms. “You don’t think I could do it?”

“I have complete faith in you,” he said, smiling. “But I’m not letting you anywhere near a paddle.”

Lucas furrowed his brow. “So you don’t like it?”

Zach sighed. “At the moment, I’d like to spank
you.
But why don’t we stick to the regular stuff first? Then see where it goes.”

“Okay.” But Lucas didn’t understand.

“I can see your brain turning. What are you thinking?”

“Um… just… this would be a lot easier if I knew what you wanted me to do.”

“What I want you to do,” he said, pulling Lucas in close, “is to stop worrying. Tell me what you like and what you don’t like as we go, and I’ll do the same. We’ll figure it out together. You remember the first night you came here? When you got upset because you thought I was going to ask you about Donovan?”

Lucas nodded.

“Why didn’t you want me to know?”

“Because. It was a mistake. I wish I’d never done anything with him.”

“That’s how I feel about David. We went out for months, and during that time we always did whatever he wanted to do. He never cared about what I wanted. And I went along with it because he was my boyfriend. I wanted to make him happy. But some of the stuff he wanted to do, I wasn’t into. Instead of accepting that and trying some of the stuff
I
wanted to do, he dumped me.”

“Do you think that’ll happen to us?” Lucas said in a shaky voice.

“What? No. Why would that happen to us?”

“If I don’t want to do stuff.”

“No, of course not. I’m not like that, Lucas. I wouldn’t enjoy it if I knew you weren’t enjoying it too.”

“But won’t you miss it?”

“No. Wait, what exactly are we talking about? What is it that’s got you so spooked?”

Lucas licked his lips. It was hard to say out loud. “You know… like, toys and stuff.”

Zach chuckled. “No, I don’t even have any. Dude, my mom would freak if she found a sex toy in my room.”

“Mine would too.”

“So no toys. Although we may choose to revisit that rule in the future.”

“Okay.”

“And I have a request too.”

Lucas tensed. “Hmm?”

“If we ever have another fight, or whatever you want to call it, don’t walk out. I was so scared you’d left me.”

Lucas squeezed him tighter. “I promise.”

Zach twirled his fingers in Lucas’s hair, then tugged his head back lightly. Having gained access to his throat, Zach leaned in and gently sucked on Lucas’s skin. He left a trail of openmouthed kisses up his neck and along his jaw. Lucas fisted Zach’s shirt, his arousal growing quickly.

They made out for what felt like an hour, then Zach asked, “Come upstairs with me?”

L
UCAS
toed off his shoes and then climbed onto the bed where Zach was sprawled and waiting. Lucas wet his lips as he knelt beside him. He didn’t know what he should do, how he should lay, where he should put his hands.

“C’mere. Sit on top of me.”

Lucas swung his leg over Zach, straddling his thighs. For a split second he toyed with the idea of reaching for Zach’s zipper, but waited to take his cues from Zach instead. If only Zach would keep telling him what to do, step-by-step, this would be far less nerve-racking.

“Take off your shirt.”

Lucas stared down at Zach. It was a simple request, but his fingers failed to obey. His breath came faster.

Zach placed his hands on Lucas’s thighs and kneaded slowly.

“Take off your shirt.”

Lucas relented, grabbing the hem of his T-shirt. He swallowed nervously, then tugged the shirt over his head and tossed it aside. He crossed his arms in front of himself as if he could somehow hide, but Zach peeled his arms open like a curtain.

“You’re beautiful.”

I’m nothing
. His lower lip quivered.

Zach planted both hands firmly on Lucas’s ass. He jerked Lucas forward, repositioning him so that he was seated directly on top of Zach’s erection. Zach thrust his hips up, grinding into him.

“Fuck, Lucas,” he moaned. “You make me so hot.”

Lucas let out a whimper. He could hardly believe he was causing this kind of reaction in Zach. His own breathing shallowed as Zach continued to thrust against him. When Zach stripped off his own shirt, Lucas stared down at him in awe, those gorgeous muscles he’d worshiped from afar for so long suddenly within reach.

“Touch me.”

Lucas obeyed, reaching forward with tentative fingers. Zach’s smooth belly felt like silk under his fingertips. He trailed his fingers along the ridges of Zach’s abs and let his hand travel upward until it found the dip between his pecs. Lucas inched his fingers to the right, stopping to rest his hand over Zach’s heart.

Zach pulled him down into a sloppy kiss, which lasted mere moments before he flipped them over.

For the first time, Lucas felt a boy’s bare chest pressed against his own. His heart pounded.

When Zach groped him, kneading his cock through his jeans, Lucas tensed.

“Is this okay?” Zach whispered.

Lucas didn’t answer.

“Do you want me to stop?”

He shook his head slightly.

“Don’t be nervous,” Zach said. “I want to make you feel good. You don’t have to do anything.”

Lucas nodded. As he felt Zach tug on his pants, he squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t bear to suffer Zach’s disappointment should he not like what Lucas had to offer. Once his pants were off, he felt Zach yank on each of his socks, and then nothing. Zach wasn’t touching him at all. He was too afraid to open his eyes, too afraid to face his worst fear.