Pieces of Autumn (44 page)

"So long," she sighed, trying to tilt her hips to guide me in. "Please, Tate. Don't make me wait any more."

The pretense of the game had fallen aside, but I forgot to care.

"You want it?" I kissed her, lightly, on the forehead. "Tell me how much."

"More than anything."

"Tell me what you'd do for me."

"
Everything
."

I breached her entrance, stretching her open, sliding in heart-stoppingly slow.

"Tell me," I whispered, "who you belong to."

"You." Her nails dug into my back, so hard I could still feel it through my scars. "
You
, Sir. Always."

In as deep as I could go, I paused, panting against her skin, my teeth scraping her collarbone.

"Fuck me," she moaned. "Please."

I pulled back, and thrust back in, all the way. Her whole body quivered. She was so beautifully responsive to me, still, and instead of being dulled by her eagerness, my libido only raged higher. I quickened my pace, letting instinct take over.

"
Harder
," she whispered.

I obeyed.

She was moaning, thrashing, meeting my every movement. Faster, faster, harder, our bodies moving in concert, forgetting everything but the need to connect.

It felt like it was building for an eternity, but at the same time, it all came on in a rush.
 

"Autumn," I gritted out, "I..."

"Tate..." she gasped, her eyes losing focus. "Oh my God..."

She was suspended on the edge, and I knew exactly what she needed.

Nuzzling against that little spot between her neck and shoulder, I bit down.

Hard.

She screamed, and I didn't care if the whole fucking camp heard us both come.

We both said it, or at least, I thought so afterwards. The words mingled with our cries and groans of pleasure,
love you
and
god yes
and
so fucking much, I love you, I love you
ringing in my ears. It suddenly seemed absurd that I'd never said it before. That I hadn't said it every day, branded it on my flesh, that I had ever resisted the notion of being so completely in love with her.

We collapsed in a tangle of limbs, foreheads touching, still breathing each other in. I never wanted to fucking leave this bed. I had to be able to hold her, touch her, anytime I wanted. I had to be reminded that this was real.

My head swam with realizations and memories, everything from the look of fear when I first pulled the bag off of her head, to the look in her eyes when she took her revenge on Mr. Charles. On behalf of all the lives he'd ruined, all the lives Stoker had eaten alive, she was like a goddess clothed in vengeance. At the time, I'd thought it was impossible for her to ever seem more beautiful.

I was wrong.

And she was just as intoxicated by me. It was written across her face, very plainly, as I looked down at her.

Her eyes shone, with happiness and unshed tears.

"I never thought you would say it," she whispered, the words almost catching in her throat.
 

My throat was growing uncomfortably tight. Swallowing with an effort, I just smiled. "Of course I was going to say it," I replied, roughly. "Just waiting for the right opportunity."

With a watery smile, she kissed me. "You picked a hell of a moment, Sir."

Stroking the side of her face, I wanted to tell her not to call me that anymore. It was in our past. But it wasn't, really. I still preened when I heard it, even more so now that she had the freedom to call me anything.
 

"I missed you so much." She pushed that stubborn lock of hair back from my eyes, a smile playing at her lips. "I thought I'd never see you again."

"Ought to have been a relief." I couldn't stop myself. The Viper still controlled my tongue, sometimes.
 

She was frowning. "Stop it. That's over. You're not allowed to talk about yourself like that."

"Oh, I'm not?" I couldn't hold back a grin. "Sorry, when did
you
start giving orders?"

"Tate, listen to me." Her face was still serious, her eyes fixed on mine. "I wouldn't change a single thing that happened between us. I mean that."

Holding her tightly, I murmured, "I would change everything. But also - I wouldn't. I'd be afraid to."

She laughed softly, understanding.

This woman, this remarkable woman - she took my breath away. There was no longer any doubt in my mind. I saw her now for who she really was. Who she had always been, who she was meant to be, before the world burned. Strong and beautiful, sun-bronzed and smiling at everyone and everything. Fiercely intelligent, seeing through layers of meaningless posturing and lies to the truth at the heart of things.

And
that
woman loved me.

The Autumn I'd once known was just a pale shadow of the one I held now. I had loved her then, desperately, clinging to the one beacon that lit up my darkness. And she had loved me the same way too; because there was no other choice.

In the sunlight, everything looked different. I was sure,
so sure
, that her feelings would dissolve in the warmth, burning away like the morning mist and clearing her mind. Letting her move on. Freeing her.

And that was why I left. Because it seemed like the right thing to do.

Leave it to Joshua to know how to get a message to me - I'd gone to such trouble to make sure I couldn't be found, and it was all for nothing.
 

He told me what Autumn had said to him. The way she thrived, but there was still a sadness in her eyes.

And still, I was afraid of what I'd find when I came. It wasn't until I saw her eyes, that same emerald fire I knew -
 

Her smile -

Her endless embrace.

Joy, pure fucking
joy
, burst out of my chest when she held me in the field. I dropped my bags, not caring if everything delicate and expensive in the god damn thing broke into a thousand shards. She was more important.
 

She would always be more important.

I loved her before, but it was just a shadow. A pale imitation of the love that I felt for her now.

You don't deserve this.

The Viper pried himself free, one last time, to remind me of what I already knew.
 

Doesn't matter, though, does it?

He bristled.

Doesn't matter. There's no deserving or not deserving. There's just love, and you can accept it, or not.
 

What'll it be, old man?

He had nothing to say to that.

I knew I'd never be completely free from that voice, but now, at least, I knew better. We were a mess, Autumn and I, but it wasn't a death sentence.

We were broken, both of us, but we would be whole again. Between the two of us, we'd make up for everything that had been lost, or damaged, or crushed into dust. It would be messy and confusing and painful, God, it would be painful. But I wasn't afraid of that. Not anymore.

Anything was better than where I'd been. With her ferocity, her compassion, her refusal to let go of her grip on everything inside me that Stoker had never managed to kill - Autumn showed me I couldn't go back. The only way to do penance was to live on. To make things better. To heal.

And I would.

I would rebuild the world. I would rebuild every broken thing I came across.

I would rebuild myself, and I would rebuild her.

And there would be no turning back. As we fixed each other, the pieces would become inexorably linked. No longer separate. Never again.

I would become something new. We both would. A mosaic of so many different shards. Forever blurring the separation, erasing the line that marked where I ended and she began.

Pieces of Autumn, and pieces of me.

Always connected. Always together.

Forever.

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Appendices:

Songs referenced are -
 

"Circle Game" by Joni Mitchell

"One Tin Soldier" by The Original Caste

"All My Loving" by The Beatles

"Suzanne" by Leonard Cohen,
specifically, the Joan Baez cover

Full book inspiration playlist is
here, on Spotify
.
 

The film referenced with the quote "When did sorry ever mend a harm?" is
Love Among the Ruins
, starring Katherine Hepburn and Sir Laurence Olivier.

"Orcs and goblin-men" is the origin of the Uruk-Hai warriors in
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
.

"The Sacred Law of Hospitality" refers to a concept from George R.R. Martin's
A Song of Ice and Fire
series.

"The Knight at the Crossroads" painting
can be viewed here
.

The film about the soldier in the insane asylum is
Shutter Island
.