Read PICTURES OF YOU: a gripping psychological suspense thriller Online
Authors: Diane M Dickson
“Do you want more tea?” Jacob held up the kettle and turned from the sink.
“No, I haven’t time. I need to get to work.”
“But you haven’t eaten anything. Aw, you poor thing have you still got a headache?”
As he leaned down to wrap his arm around her shoulder Mary stiffened. Tears were a tiny beat away, she couldn’t deal with this now. There wasn’t time, she was never, ever late for work and anyway she didn’t know what to say, how to react. She was in truth a little afraid, a quiver of panic fluttered in her chest. She felt control slipping away, her home and her life being invaded. When he had first come to share her space Mary had been thrilled, happy, but there was something so very unsettling about the way he had used her house, entered while she was sleeping and was now clattering around the kitchen making his breakfast, turning on the radio when all she needed was peace and silence. She pushed away from the table and ran up the stairs to her room. With quivering fingers she applied a hint of makeup and dragged on her uniform.
It would all have to wait. She must step now into work mode and concentrate on her duties. She picked up her bag and turned into the kitchen.
“I’m going now Jacob, you’ll leave the place tidy will you?”
“Yes, of course I will. Hey you don’t look too good, are you sure you’re well enough to go to work? Maybe you’re coming down with something.”
“I’m fine, really.”
“Oh, okay. I won’t be in tonight when you get back. I have some stuff to do and then some of us are going to the gym. I’m not sure where I’ll sleep though. So, I might see you later, right?”
Though the clock was taunting her she couldn’t simply walk away from this. “I thought you had moved out, Jacob. I mean, I wasn’t expecting that you’d be coming back, like this I mean.”
“Aw come on now, you must have known that I couldn’t just leave you. I mean I need to see you don’t I? And I thought you wanted to see me. You do still want to see me don’t you?” His face had clouded with puzzlement. It was impossible to handle this now. There wasn’t time and so she would have to leave for the surgery feeling confused and anxious.
“I think we need to have a chat, you know, about where we go from here but I’m in a hurry now. I’ll speak to you tonight.”
Jacob strode across the kitchen and wrapped her in his arms. “Oh, poor Mary you are out of sorts aren’t you? Look, I’ll make a point of getting back early tonight, we can sit and have a nice drink and I’ll get us a curry, or maybe a pizza and we can just have a night in, the two of us. I’ve been insensitive haven’t I? You’re still upset about Jane and I didn’t realise, I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s not that – well yes it is. Oh Jacob, yes of course I’m upset about Jane but there’s more to it than that and I need for us to have a talk and sort things out.”
He kissed the top of her head. “Look, you’re not well and this is not the time for all this. We’ll talk tonight, I’ll try not to be late – okay?”
There was no choice but to nod her head, and so Mary grabbed her keys and dashed from the house out of her depth and knocked off balance. For the first time that she could ever remember she dreaded the day at work and the long hours until she could give this problem the time and consideration that it needed. She buckled herself into the little car and turned into the road.
She could smell cooking even before she eased herself out of the car. Mary had struggled through the day. Keeping busy and throwing herself into work had helped. Whenever the stack of problems threatened to bury her she found something else to do, another task to occupy her hands and mind. Once on the journey home though all the problems swarmed in and wouldn’t be beaten back.
So, she would work through the list calmly. First she would make the call to her mum. What tone that would take was yet to be decided. It was essential to convince her that there was no need for worry otherwise there would be phone calls every day and visits and drama, it would be suffocating and difficult. She knew that her parents meant well but since Bill died they seemed to have felt the need to slot back into the place they occupied before she was married. Gradually over time things had improved but it didn’t take much, a dose of flu or a breakdown with the car and they were back fussing and advising.
The situation that she was in now was so far outside anything that she could ever discuss with them that it was vital that their worries were allayed, and quickly. She couldn’t lie but there must be a way to convince them that all was well. She sighed because of course all was not well, all was very far from well. Tension and stress wore her out and right now she was completely drained.
The rich smell of roasting meat was wonderful. She felt a pang of envy for the family next door who would be sitting down to dinner together, all normal and calm in their world. As she unlocked her own door it was obvious though that someone was cooking in her kitchen.
Of course it would be Jacob. She hung her coat in the cupboard under the stairs and leaned around the kitchen doorway. The table was laid, a vase of flowers was in the centre and a bottle of red wine stood opened to breathe beside them. Jacob turned. “Hi, there. Roast chicken, I hope that’s okay. Oh you look better, that’s brilliant.” He had crossed the room and thrown his arms around her. She raised her face to his and he kissed her deeply on the lips. There was no other choice but to submit, his lips warm and soft on hers and his arms firm felt so very good.
“I thought you were going to the gym?”
“Well I was but you looked so very sad and unwell this morning I thought that it would be far better for me to look after my favourite lady than my abs.” He grinned down at her, “Here let me pour you some wine and you sit down here and talk to me while I finish scraping the carrots.”
He bustled back and forth checking the oven, shuffling pans and warming plates and as she sipped at the glass of red Mary felt the tension leave her shoulders and neck and her insides untied themselves for the first time for days. “You’re good at this Jacob, I hadn’t realised.”
“Yes, well my mum insisted, ‘Just because you’re a boy,’ she used to say ‘it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to look after yourself properly.’”
“Well she did a good job.”
“Huh, yes with me and my brother but Lyndsey can’t boil an egg without burning it, mind you that’s not totally Mum’s fault. Lyndsey’s very bright and just hasn’t got room for ordinary everyday things like eating.” He grinned at her.
“Were you happy at home?” He stopped his busyness and turned to her. “It was okay, there were some problems now and again. I suppose all families have things, it’s never all sweetness and light, is it?”
“Oh I’m sorry I shouldn’t have asked, I didn’t mean to pry.”
“No, it’s fine. Mostly it’s okay now, now I’m away, you know.” She let it drop. He served up the meal and they clicked back into the easiness of the previous weeks. The wine and warmth and his kind attention soothed the edges and hid the worries and, tired as she was, Mary let them drift away. As they were deciding whether or not they wanted coffee the phone rang. She let the machine answer and her mother’s voice drifted through and inveigled itself into the relaxed atmosphere of the kitchen.
“Mary, you didn’t ring me. I’ve been waiting. I’ve even missed my programme waiting for you to call. I do need you to tell me what’s been going on with that Jane and all this talk of you having a toy boy. Mary, are you there, Mary?”
She felt the heat in her cheeks and the sickness back in her gut as she raised her eyes to his and saw the question in his face and behind the puzzlement again that flash of annoyance.
Trapped by a flush of indecision Mary glanced into the hall. Her mother had obviously replaced the phone after leaving her rather hysterical message. She turned to find Jacob, eyes lowered playing with the edge of the paper napkin.
Thoughts tumbled and rolled through her mind. Would it be best to make a joke now or perhaps simply tut and leave it? Words refused to collect in any sort of order. “Jacob.” That was it, just his name and he didn’t respond. “I…” it was hopeless she gave up.
Now he shifted on the chair, raised his eyes to hers. She couldn’t read his expression, was he upset, amused, or was he angry? Impossible to tell.
The moments ticked by, she wanted to take some action to break the silence and move things along. The happy mood was lost. She couldn’t make out what had replaced it but there was a threat in the air, something unfathomable and deeply uncomfortable. As she tensed her fingers on the table top ready to push the chair back he laid his hand on top of hers.
“Toy boy?”
“Not my words Jacob, never my words. I haven’t spoken to my mum about you, not at all. Jane called her and poked her nose into my business and my mum has overreacted. I haven’t said anything to anyone about us, well not about how we are, how we’ve been, you know.”
“How have we been Mary? Tell me, in your opinion, how have we been?”
“Well, you know the erm, the sex and the closeness all of that.”
“You know everything was alright before you told Jane about us. It was lovely, I thought you were happy and we were good together.”
“Yes, we were, it was lovely, it really was and I didn’t mean to tell Jane. It just came out, I never meant to talk about you to her but well, I suppose I just wanted to share how I felt with my friend. I think that but anyway I see now it was silly.”
“Is it still lovely Mary, do you still think it’s good?”
“Well, I was upset you know, with Jane’s reaction.”
“Yes, but what do you think, do you think it’s still lovely?” His face had hardened and the grip on her hand was tight, painful. She fought back a flicker of fear and took a deep breath.
“I like you such a lot Jacob. I have done since the first time we met, that silly day in the road.” She tried to drag her hand away but he moved his own to trap it more firmly against the table top. The delicate bones of her fingers ground under his grip. “I didn’t expect this thing to happen and I was so happy, I couldn’t believe it but then…” He tipped his head to one side, narrowed his eyes but didn’t speak. She needed him to speak, the better to read his mood and judge how to continue. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so physically threatened. It was a gut instinct fed by his stillness, the dead stare of his eyes and the pain of his grip on her hand. From somewhere she summoned up bravery to speak honestly to him.
“I think maybe Jacob I have made a mistake, well that we have. I didn’t think enough about the differences between us, the age thing of course but really everything, I was swept along and lost control. We are in such different places in our lives, aren’t we? You are so young. You have such a lot of stuff still to do. I don’t think I’m right for you just now. This relationship, maybe it’ll hold you back you know, stop you doing things you should do. I didn’t feel so comfortable with your friends the other day. I felt old and I was worried about what they would think of me, if they knew and – oh Jacob I just think maybe this is wrong, for you, for us.” She shook her head as she finished speaking and tried again to pull her hand away. The tension in her muscles was screaming and panic was creeping in.
His face creased with anguish and great tears ballooned on the bottom lids of his eyes ready to overflow and run across his cheeks. “I thought you liked me Mary, I really thought you did. I thought you were different, genuine. You in your pretty blouses with your shining hair, your sweetness, but now I see I’m just a joke to you, fuel for gossip, a toy boy!”
“No, no, I told you I never said that, they weren’t my words.” As he raised his hand to brush away the moisture on his face she leapt up from the table. Her instinct was to go to him, to wrap her arms around him and rock him like the child she had never had. Her heart urged her to comfort him but, the tension of the last few minutes, the violence that pulsed in the air between them held her back and she stood looking down at him as he angrily dried his cheek.
“You’re all the same aren’t you? Always the same, gossiping and twittering like caged budgies. Talking behind our backs and laughing at us. I thought you were different, I thought you were nicer but you’re not. You, you Mary, you’re just the same as all the others.” The outburst was shocking, she raised a hand to still the words, to quiet the escalating level of his voice. His face was flushed with fury, his nostrils flaring. She stepped around the table and held out her arms palms upwards, entreating, begging for peace.
“Jacob, there’s no need for you to be upset. I told you, I didn’t mean to talk about you but I shared my thoughts with my friend.”
“Why, why? I thought I was your friend. You care more about bloody Jane than you do about me. I thought what we had, what we did was special and now I find that you’re just like all the rest. Like my mother, Lyndsey, all of you.”
She didn’t understand where the fury had come from and was shocked and afraid, and out of her depth in the face of such passion. As she leaned to him he raised his hand, she saw the threat but didn’t believe it. The possibility of physical attack was ludicrous, so far off her radar that she continued to approach him. He flung his arm towards her, the power of his shoulders behind the swipe and as his hand connected with her cheek she was flung sideways away from him to collide with the kitchen cabinet which struck her at the waist winding her and sending her into a heap on the tiles.
“See, see what you did, see what you did? Are you happy now that you made me do that? Mary, how could you?” Before she had time to catch her breath and fully register the enormity of what had happened he stalked across the tiles and dragged her to her feet. His hand moved to her head, fisting in her hair and pulling her face towards his. She thought that he would kiss her and closed her eyes. Instead he hissed at her, “You let me down, you are a disappointment, that’s what you are.” Before she had a chance to speak or squirm from his grasp he lashed out again backhanding across her face. Her ears rang and flashes of light exploded behind her eyes and then suddenly it was over. He released his grip on her hair and let her drop to the floor where she sat sobbing in confusion. He swung away and grabbed his jacket and backpack storming from the room which descended into surreal quiet, the clock ticking happily and the kettle beginning to hum.
Afterwards when she tried to replay what had happened her brain refused to form the pictures. As she sat on the settee with a cold cloth on her face to reduce the swelling and to minimise any bruising she was unable to piece it together. All she could remember was the sudden yelling, the sound of his hand as it swiped at her face and the scream that seemed to come from somewhere far away but which left her throat raw. The moments before she heard the slam of the door and the rattle of the little metal gate at the end of the drive were so unspeakable that as she sat alone and shaking in the quiet dimness of her living room her mind refused to let her see them.