Pewter Angels (42 page)

Why?

Henry visualized Gary and his friend Jane holding hands and praying and wondered if he would ever be able to do that with a girl. And yet, every now and then he saw Mr. and Mrs. Engelmann in the back storage room, holding hands with their heads bowed, praying and offering up their day to God. Maybe if his mom and dad had prayed like that, his dad would never have done what he did. Henry knew his mom prayed a lot and had strong faith, but he never saw them hold hands and pray together. Henry now wished they did, or at least would start.

Maybe then, things wouldn’t have …

“Well, it sure was good
working for you again this summer, Mr. Engelmann. I’m sorry it’ll only be part-time again next week.”

“You were a big help to us, Henry. It does concern Anna and I that you didn’t take a few days off to enjoy your summer holidays.”

“But Mr. Engelmann, working here is like a holiday. I enjoy it so much; it doesn’t even seem like work!”

“My, my, Henry, it’s good of you to feel that way.”

“We’re really going to miss Gary’s help making deliveries, Mr.

Engelmann. I noticed it today already—the other two delivery boys had trouble keeping up.”

“Yes, Mr. Peters phoned me yesterday and wanted to know if his son could work here on Saturdays. I told him to send George along after school this week sometime and I would talk to him about it. I’m also going to hire Mr. Fellinger to deliver the groceries during the week. He is retired and has a car, which makes deliveries easier to do during the wintertime.”

“Good idea, Mr. Engelmann. I can still help after school and I’m glad Mrs. Schmidt can work every day now.”

“Yes, yes, she’s a big help, especially when Anna isn’t feeling well enough to come down.”

“That reminds me, Mr. Engelmann. Gary told me last night that he’s going into the priesthood and said he’d told Mrs. Engelmann too.”

“Anna mentioned it to me. Gary is a fine young man and if he is truly called, he will make a good servant for the Lord. Anna was impressed by how Gary listens to God in the silence of the chapel. He has learned the secret of communicating with his Maker.”

“Yeah, isn’t that something. I was sure surprised to hear Gary talk like that … it seemed more grown-up, more serious, more to do with what he wanted to do with his life rather than the games we used to play. Things are changing between me and Gary. Even things with Timmy seem to be changing. We don’t seem to talk as much about when we were kids … it’s more serious somehow, more to do with the future.”

“Yes, Henry, you and your friends are growing up into fine young men and making new beginnings; you’re changing. Life is like that, we are always moving ahead. First it’s elementary school and then high school and soon university or perhaps employment. With each new beginning we leave the old behind.

What you are feeling, Henry, is the uneasiness of the separation between what was and the uncertainty of the future. But slowly you will know what God’s plan is for you.”

“Yeah. Gary’s kinda getting a handle on it.”

“And so will you. The Lord has blessed you with many talents and gifts. Your job is to use them to the fullest in ways that best serve others and God.”

Henry smiled. “That’s some responsibility, Mr. Engelmann.”

“Yes it is. Many people don’t even realize that they are here to work for the Lord and make the world a better place. But if you pray, meditate and listen in silence like your friend Gary does, the Lord will reveal to you exactly where and how and in what capacity you can do your best to serve Him.” And after just a momentary pause, Mr. Engelmann added, “Actually, Henry, it’s a wonderful journey of discovering how you can best live out God’s will for you.”

T
he end of the summer
, Jenny was ready for Grade 10 and was looking forward to it. By her second week back to school, her friends and some of her teachers had encouraged her to run for the student representative council, and she decided to do that. She also joined the English club and spent a lot of time in the library, putting away books and talking to the librarian. She loved reading. To be surrounded by books was like being surrounded by flowers; both were filled with beauty, wonder and mystery.

The most daring thing she considered doing was in late September; Jenny decided to try out for cheer-leading and was thrilled when Miss Lake put her on the squad. When Jenny put on the cheer-leading outfit with its short skirt and tight white sweater, her long, slender legs, small waist and shapely figure were the envy of every girl in the locker room. She was lucky not to have any stretch marks and had lost all the baby weight— in fact, she bore no outward sign of having been pregnant at all.

Jenny had always been pretty, but her eyes now sparkled with an inner glow; she had matured and she was stunning.

Yet Jenny didn’t think of herself as being any different from the other girls. She began to join in the teasing laughter of her friends and relax into her naturally exuberant self, goofing around with them in the locker room, pulling faces and making jokes. In the seclusion of the girls’ only change room, she could be herself.

But when she left the locker room, it was a different story. Jenny couldn’t help but be aware of her looks when the cheer-leading squad ran out onto the field. Unlike some of the other girls, Jenny had no need to pad her bra with tissues. And her heart-shaped face, surrounded by glimmering wheat-gold hair, featured in many boys’ fantasies.

When the boys headed for football tryouts burst through the back door on their way to the practice field and saw Jenny, pandemonium broke loose.

“There she is,” they howled. “Hey, blondie! Hey, gorgeous! Hey, sexy! Come and be my baby doll.” Some hooted and whistled. A couple even dared to run right up to her and ask for a date. Miss Lake and Mr. Murray, the football coach, had trouble controlling the boys, but after much hollering and threats of detention, they finally moved on.

Red-faced and hot with embarrassment, Jenny held her pom-poms protectively in front of herself and looked straight ahead at Miss Lake.

“Well, have you decided on our first routine, Miss Lake?” Jenny asked, trying to draw the attention back to cheer-leading instruction. What more could she do? She couldn’t help how she looked. All she could do was try to handle it as humbly as possible. And it was her grace and sincerity that saved her from the malice of the other girls. Jenny never thought herself better than other girls, and her peers recognized that and accepted her because of it.

But no matter how much Jenny tried to ignore the attention she drew, she couldn’t stop it from happening. There was always some sort of scene whenever she went onto the field or the basketball court. Some guys only came to see Jenny and had no interest in football or basketball whatsoever.

Jenny could have had any guy she wanted. She was chased by almost every male athlete in the school. And word had gotten out. Guys from other schools would even drive to Springview High over the noon hour with hopes of seeing Jenny and asking her out. But she demurred at their advances and declined their invitations.

There was only one boy who had caught her eye.

Arriving late for lunch at the school cafeteria one day, Jenny scanned the area for a seat, ignoring offers from guys to sit on their laps. She eventually found a place to sit.

“Hi, is this chair saved for anyone?”

James only needed a quick glance—he was already half standing when he quickly replied, “I bought and paid for that chair just for you.”

Jenny smiled and pink tinged her cheeks. “Well, does that mean I have to pay rent?” she responded coyly.

Before waiting for a reply, Jenny sat down and began unwrapping the wax paper from her sandwich. James Hamilton, duly impressed by both her beauty and her witty retort, was, for once, speechless. He dropped back onto his seat, leaned back and crossed his arms while he took Jenny in.

Meanwhile, Jenny shot a furtive glance at the boy sitting across from her. She knew of him—he was different from the other students. She didn’t know his name, only what other students called him: “Slick James,” “Mr. Big Business” and “the Prez.” Going by the first nickname she assumed his name might be James.

“I’m Jenny. And you are…?” Jenny dared to ask, trying to break the ice and his stare.

While every other boy in school had taken notice of Jenny, James was usually too busy with ideas of how to take over the world to bother with girls. He had never laid eyes on Jenny before and although he was not one to ever be at a loss for words, he was nevertheless finding it difficult to believe that such a gorgeous (and clever and bold) girl was sitting across from him.

Jenny looked at him, wondering why he wasn’t answering. Before James could think of something clever to say, Jenny repeated, “Excuse me, perhaps you didn’t hear me in all this chattering and noise. I’m Jenny, do you have a name?”

“Yes, of course, it’s just that I am so taken by you that …” A bit thrown off his game, James stammered.

Jenny glanced down, her face reddening … he wasn’t flirting or flattering her. He seemed sincere, yet perhaps a bit nervous. She didn’t know how to respond. She took a bite of her sandwich hoping he would say something before she swallowed her food.

Finally, clearing his throat and suddenly readjusting himself so that he leaned not away, but towards Jenny, James looked her in the eye and replied with his customary confidence and straightforwardness. “Look, I’m sorry for staring and not answering, but you’re really very pretty, and I have to be honest, I
am
taken by you … sorry, my name is James. James Hamilton.”

And the moment James stuck out his hand, it reminded Jenny of what Henry had done when she’d first met him, too. She liked it then and she liked that now. She slowly reached out and wondered if he would grab it like Henry had. Instead, James half stood up and took hold of her hand ever so gently.

“I’m very pleased to meet you Jenny. And I suppose you have a last name too?”

“It’s Sarsky. Jenny Sarsky. I’m pleased to meet you too, James.”

James was different, that was obvious. He seemed mature and sort of refined. Jenny liked his jet black hair and the way he combed it straight back. It had a sheen to it just like Henry’s.
Brylcreem for sure
. He looked athletic, ruddy complexioned with a square jaw, and yet his dress didn’t match that of the typical jock—or the typical student for that matter.

“Can I get you a drink? I see you don’t have one and I was just going to get one myself.”

“That’s okay, thanks. I usually have a drink of water from the fountain after I eat.”

“Please, let me buy you an orange juice or something, you must be pretty thirsty… it’s no trouble.”

Jenny looked up at him. He was standing and his dark eyes almost pleaded for her to say yes. He reminded her so much of Henry she couldn’t turn him down.

“Sure, okay. That would be nice.”

“Great, I’ll be right back.”

James walked quickly over to the counter with the drinks. As Jenny watched him walk away, she couldn’t get over his attire: a heavily starched white shirt with two buttons open below his collar, black dress slacks, and what looked like Italian shoes similar to what her dad wore. He looked like a businessman or one of those suave Italian lovers she read about in romance novels. He was definitely interesting.

“Well, here you are, Jenny. I brought you a glass as well.”

“Thank you, James,” Jenny said, as he handed her a bottle of orange juice. “Actually I prefer to drink it from the bottle, but thanks anyway.”

Jenny took a sip of juice while James returned to his place across the table from her. When he sat down, Jenny asked, “So what grade are you in?”

“Eleven, just one more year after this and I’m out of here. My dad wants me to go to college and take business administration, but I would sooner join my father’s executive staff and learn about it on the job. It’s all I think about. I see so many ways I could improve what’s going on there.”

James dark eyes darted and flashed as he spoke about his business plans. Once again, she saw a bit of Henry and the way his eyes lit up when thinking of ways to improve Mr. Engelmann’s store.

“Oh my gosh, James, you remind me so much of someone I knew. He was so excited about improving a business as well.”

Jenny was amazed and delighted to have met someone with interests similar to Henry’s. By the time the noon hour was over, Jenny had agreed to go out with him to a movie on Saturday night. She’d thought he was joking when he said he would pick her up in a limo, but she would later learn that he was dead serious.

As they walked back to their respective classrooms after lunch, Jenny heard many teasing remarks directed towards her new friend.

“Hey, look who’s coming: it’s the Prez.”

“What business deal are you making today, man? He’s probably selling something to the blond …”

The comments didn’t faze James in the least. In fact, Jenny thought that he rather enjoyed the teasing.

“Someday, Jenny, these guys are all gonna work for me,” he said, looking straight ahead.

“Boy, you sure are confident, James.”

“You have to be, Jen. I always know exactly what I want and I always get exactly what I want. I’m telling you now, I’m going to be a successful executive by the time I’m twenty-five. It’s all I think about. I even dream about it. My dad gets a kick out of the way I think, but he has to agree—if you live your dream, you’re sure to realize it.”

Jenny had never heard anyone talk that way before. Henry was ambitious too, but in a different sort of way, it seemed to her. While Henry was driven by a desire to help out, more bent on serving others and making the world a better place, James’ seemed motivated by a desire to get to the top, take over his dad’s business and build an empire. Over time, Jenny would learn that there were far more differences between James and Henry despite her initial impressions.

Within that first hour of meeting, Jenny saw that James’ crisp appearance reflected a razor sharp mind. She had to admit, James definitely made an impression on her.

In the weeks that followed
, James and Jenny quickly became an item. They were the talk of the school. When they walked down the hall, students would stop and stare, they made such a dazzling couple. It was almost as if cameras should flash or people should ask for their autographs while a black limousine waited outside the school to pick them up at the end of the day. In fact, if Jenny let James have his way, he would have arranged for a limo to pick them up from school on occasion; it would have felt just right to James, the Prez himself, but Jenny was far too modest to draw so much attention to herself.

Although James had definitely caught Jenny’s eye and tugged at her heart, he still was no match for Henry. There had been a special connection—a spiritual connection—she and Henry had shared. Jenny still felt it, through and through to the core of her being, even though she couldn’t explain it. But, unlike Henry, James was someone here, in the flesh, she could actually talk to—not some far-off memory. James was a start, and she was thankful he had come along to fill the void and help heal her broken heart.

On the twenty-fourth
of every month, Jenny held a private celebration in her mind for her little girl. She read books on child development in the library so she would know what Camilla would be up to. At nearly five months old, Jenny was certain Camilla could now roll over and was perhaps even crawling. Jenny imagined what it would be like to be called Mommy or tickle Camilla’s tummy and hear her laugh.

With Christmas coming in a couple of months, thoughts and memories flooded Jenny’s mind more than they usually did. She would love to see her baby and give her a Christmas gift. She wished the rules weren’t so stringent and she could know who had adopted Camilla, and visit them and her daughter. Sometimes the loss was too great to bear, and she cried herself soundlessly to sleep. She had asked the social worker about it, but she had made it clear that the identity of the adoptive parents could not be revealed.

Just thinking about Christmas reminded her of the special gift she had sent to Henry almost a year ago. That he hadn’t responded still pulsed like a dull ache within her. Her guardian angel had let her down. Neither the angel she had sent nor the one she prayed to each night had resulted in an answer that would appease her longing heart.

She wondered how Henry was doing and if he still cared for her as much as she cared for him, or if he ever even thought of her at all. Sometimes Jenny was certain that Henry should be told she had given birth to Camilla. He’d been so concerned that night at the park. And, oh, how often she wished Camilla was Henry’s child.

Jenny’s only consolation was reading and re-reading the fence-post notes she had received from Henry. She smiled as she thought about the game they had played, each trying to outdo the other with loving thoughts. “
If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever,
” was a thought she wished she could send to Henry now. If only she were back in Regina she would attach a note with that sentiment to her fence-post with an elastic like they used to. The wish lifted her spirits. She was very glad she hadn’t destroyed the notes the previous January—they were such a comfort now.