“I know.” Rein said the words, but didn’t really believe them. All that lay before his little community—his family—was an undetermined future. It was up to him to make sure they were all safe. His responsibility, because he was the one who had led the enemy to their door. “Would you call together a council meeting for tomorrow, after lunch?”
“Of course.” Woody squeezed Ellyssa’s hand once before leaving. Apparently, she and his best friend had reached an understanding.
Ellyssa hovered outside of the holey, as Woody’s shoes scraped across moist rock. The sight of her warmed his heart; her hair reflected yellow from the fluorescent bulbs, her sky-blue eyes wide with concern, her face saddened.
Rein wiped away the tears and offered her a sad smile. “Please, come in.”
Ellyssa crawled into the cramped space and sat on her heels. For a few moments, neither of them said anything as the figures danced within their glass dome. Finally, the music slowed, then stopped.
“What’s that?”
“Jordan’s music box.”
Her full lips shaped a small
O
. “It’s beautiful.”
Despite the sorrow weighing in his chest like an anchor, he grinned at the wonder on her face. “Yes, it is. It belonged to Jordan’s mother. The only thing she brought that wasn’t an essential. It’s Mozart, but he can’t remember the piece.”
“
Fantasia No. 3
.”
Rein looked up in surprise. “You’ve heard this?”
“Yes. We learned all about classical music. Hitler believed in the arts, regardless of his shortcomings. Appreciation was not allowed, though; it was just a learning tool.” She leaned closer to him. “I secretly enjoyed the music,” she said, as if the declaration betrayed her.
“I really miss him.”
“I do, too.” She twisted around, crossing her legs and resting her forearms across her thighs. Unconsciously, she wrung her hands together. “I know I am in no position to even say something like that. I barely knew him,” she said, raising her eyes to meet his, “but in a short time, I really grew to like Jordan, much like I did Mathew… and you.” A flash of red colored her cheeks. She glanced down, her blond hair falling forward, obscuring her face, fingers kneading in nervous tension. “I have never given trust so freely.”
Rein thought she’d never looked as beautiful as she did now. The nervousness, the tension, the shyness…the vulnerability. He placed a finger under her chin. “It’s not a competition of who feels worse, or who has the right to feel the way they do.”
“I know. I feel as if I have no right to be sharing your grief, though.” She flipped her hands up. “I don’t know how to explain. I don’t know how to act.” He smiled at the ease with which she dropped her robotic tone. This was the first time she had ever spoken so freely to him.
“For all I was trained in,” she continued, “for all the knowledge I have, I’m childlike emotionally. How am I supposed to comfort you?” She held his gaze, her eyes trying to tell him what her words could not. She blinked and looked away.
“You being here is helping me.” He twined his fingers around hers. Heat flowed from her touch and ignited in his heart, where only minutes ago sorrow had reigned. “I’m really glad you’re here.”
A hint of a grin tugged her lips. “Just let me know when you prefer to be alone.”
“I don’t think that’s going to happen.”
Silence wavered in the air. He enjoyed watching her, her tentative exploration of a foreign world. For a long while, there was no one else but the two of them. No missing family members, no problems. Almost like they weren’t in a cave at all, but were sharing this moment in a place free of worries.
“Ellyssa,” he muttered as he wound the music box, then handed it to her.
Her face lit up as she watched the two figurines. “It really is beautiful. We were never allowed possessions back at The Center. Possessions subtracted from training.”
“I have to tell you something, but when I’m done, you have to promise me we’ll talk about it tomorrow during the council meeting.”
She nodded while running her finger along the delicate designs of the box.
“You have to say it.”
Frowning, she glanced at him. “Say what?”
“That you promise.”
“Oh,” she chuckled lightly.
He’d never heard her do that before. The quality of her laughter was musical, like wind chimes. He couldn’t imagine coming across an emotional barrage like she had had over the last few weeks, the breaking down of years of training.
“I promise,” she said, bringing the music box closer to her face. The figures reflected in the blue of her eyes.
He interlocked her hand with his and pulled it close to his chest. Funny how she made him feel whole, just from being with him.
“They are looking for you.”
Clouds obscured the brightness, and her face blanked. “I do not understand.”
“While we were out to get the supplies, we slept in an old barn. They came in.”
What little pink was in her face drained.
“It’s fine. They looked around and left, none the wiser. We came back here safely. I promise no one tracked us.”
She snatched her hand back. “Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
“I have to go. I am endangering you all.” She handed the box back and moved toward the curtain.
“You’re breaking your promise.”
Her head snapped around. “What?”
“You promised me we would talk about it tomorrow, during the meeting. Not now.”
“That was before—”
He placed his finger on her mouth. “No.” He pulled her back toward him and circled his arms around her. There was no way he was letting her go. “Just stay with me.”
“If I turn myself in, they will be none the wiser. The community will be safe.”
“Tomorrow, please.”
Without another word, she settled into him, her head resting on his chest. He buried his nose in her hair, inhaling her scent. Her mind reeled; he didn’t have to have psychic abilities to sense that. Her tense shoulders and the stiffness of her back told the story.
He kept hold of her, humming
Fantasia
in her ear. After a while, the stress released from her body, and she melted into him. Deep, relaxed breaths followed, and she played with his arm, running her fingers across his skin, leaving behind a trail of tingles.
As time ticked away, comfortable with her in his arms, he said his goodbyes to Jordan, promising to remember everything he’d taught him, all he had said, and promising that, no matter what, the community would survive.
28
Ellyssa rested against Rein’s chest as it rose and fell rhythmically in sleep. Sounds of padding footsteps moved quietly down the tunnel. It amazed her how well the community worked together, showing respect through tiny acts of kindness like that.
Rein would have to wake soon, although she didn’t want this time to end. She’d enjoyed spending the night in his arms. Also, he had obviously needed the extra sleep. He’d spent most of the night awake and, every once in a while, his shoulders would shudder as he let loose his grief. She’d stayed silent and let him mourn the loss of his loved one.
When he finally did fall asleep, his shoulders slumped and his head tilted to the side. His nose nudged the back of her neck, and his soft breaths sent pleasant chills across her skin.
She should’ve left when his breaths deepened, signaling sleep. She could easily have unwound herself from his grasp and slipped away in the darkness. But she didn’t want to. Her feelings for him ran too deep.
It was selfish of her to endanger the other inhabitants all because of her weakness in wanting family, of wanting Rein. Of wanting more than she’d had at The Center. She had no desire to lose all she had obtained in a few short weeks.
The conflict pushing and pulling inside Ellyssa kept her undecided. She fully understood why emotions were forbidden at The Center, how they left people weak, conflicted. She debated, overwhelmed by the sudden onslaught, as if a floodgate had been smashed, and the treacherous feelings gushed like water, rushing through her and washing away everything she had been trained to do, what she had been raised to be.
She’d have to be careful as she experienced this new life. She must tread lightly. Think clearly. Surely, it was possible. After all, these people didn’t wander around emotional wrecks. All her life, she’d learned to suppress emotions, to mask them. If she was going to openly experience sensations, she was going to have to maintain her composure and do what was right.
She pulled herself forward and twisted around to look at Rein. His tired lids opened, exposing a magnificent green. He smiled, and her heart skipped a beat.
“Good morning,” he whispered, pulling her back to him.
She didn’t struggle, but let his warmth engulf her. She wanted desperately to stay like this, but they couldn’t. She had to convince him to let her go, and lead those hunting her away from his community.
“The council will be meeting soon,” she said.
“I know.”
He nuzzled behind her ear and, for a moment, everything was forgotten. Desire flamed in her midsection, coursing to her nether regions. She bolted upright, hand flying to her mouth.
“What?” he said, concern lengthening his face.
She twisted around, her back toward the entrance. Eyes wide, her heart thrumming an ecstatic beat against her chest, she peered at him. She waited for a moment, gauging his reaction, while the alien craving dulled to a low flame, and the pounding in her chest quieted.
“Nothing,” she said into her palm.
He reached over and pulled her hand away. Electricity coursed through her from his touch.
“Did I do something wrong?”
She shook her head. “No. We should…” She grabbed the music box and handed it to him, hoping to distract him. “Um…we should go to the meeting. I am sure it has started.”
He set the box down and scooted closer to her. “Ellyssa?” he said, his voice pleading. “What’s wrong?” He brushed a piece of hair back behind her ear. Warmth trailed behind his finger.
She inhaled, her heart pounding. Releasing the pent-up air, she stared at him, taking in the golden bursts around his pupils.
“You have to understand. This,” she motioned between them, “is new to me. The feelings I am receiving from your touch are…beyond my ability.”
Unable to form the correct words to describe the experience, she stopped and looked down. She felt his eyes on her, raking over her. Judging her? She wanted to leap into his head, to know what he was thinking.
He reached over and lifted her chin, and when her eyes met his, she realized she didn’t need to read his mind. His expression said everything. None of it was judgmental. His eyes held caring, understanding, and something more…desire?…need?…love? It was all so foreign, especially having grown up with nothing but hatred and anger available to her.
“It’s new to me, too,” he said. “Although different, you aren’t experiencing this alone.”
She gazed at him for a long while, chewing on her bottom lip, wondering how his lips would feel upon hers. How he tasted. Never had she wanted to know what a kiss felt like, how to initiate such a thing.
What if he rejected her?
Rejection? Her heart skipped from light and fluttering to heavy and stone-like.
“We should be going,” she said, averting her eyes.
She crawled from the space into the empty passageway. Rein popped out, holding the music box. He grasped her hand and led her down the corridor toward the back.
“I thought the meeting hall was the other way,” she said, pulling free of his grip.
He stopped and turned toward her. “It is. I want to put this up.” He held out the box. “Is that okay?”
She nodded as he reached for her hand again. Entwining her fingers around his, she cherished the feel of his skin against hers, not knowing how long such things would last.
They followed the set of holeys away from Jordan’s and turned down another passageway. More quarters lay before her, all looking exactly the same, holes carved out of rock.
He walked to the very end and lifted a red sheet. Squatting, he yanked out a knapsack and a ragged square of an old blanket. He wrapped the box in the blanket and placed it inside the knapsack, then cinched the bag tight and draped it over his shoulder.
“Let’s go,” he said, capturing her hand again.
Eric and Brenda looked up from where they sat, at the ends of the rectangular table, when Ellyssa and Rein crossed the threshold. Worry lined each of their faces. A quick glance around confirmed that Mathew wasn’t present, much to Ellyssa’s dismay, and neither was Jason. Both absences, her fault.
Woody caught her attention with a flick of his head. He smiled when she met his eyes, but when his gaze dropped down to her and Rein’s hands, a small line formed between his brows. His smile faltered for the briefest of seconds, then was replaced with an even wider, albeit forced, one. Crossing his arms across his chest, he looked away and pretended to pick a thread off the sleeve of his shirt.
Unsure what Woody’s reaction meant, Ellyssa’s eyes moved from him and traveled over the solemn faces. Rein pulled her to the empty chairs next to Woody. Councilmembers’ stares followed. Rein squeezed her hand, but it didn’t alleviate the uncomfortable pressure surrounding her.
Ellyssa wanted to know what they were thinking. What they believed had happened last night. Did they blame her? That had been Rein’s and Mathew’s first inclination. Why should they be any different? Unlike Rein, the doctor, or even Woody, they barely knew her. Why shouldn’t they place fault on her?
Ellyssa’s head lowered, unwilling to look at the others. She concentrated, hard, zeroing on Brenda. The older woman’s mind opened to her like a blooming flower. Within the din of the other’s thoughts, Ellyssa was able to glean that Brenda knew Jason was hurt, and speculations were floating around the community.
She shifted to Eric, who thought Jason had gotten off too easy, if what Mathew had said was true. Then the static and buzz broke her concentration and incapacitated her ability to read. She raised her wall.
“No one is blaming you for anything, hon,” said Eric as if he knew she was snooping.