Regina whistled as she made them both sandwiches. Things were going to be okay. Spencer loved her and she loved him. That was all that mattered.
He’s going to want to talk.
She stilled as she realised that with him not being so busy, that would be the case. Regina’s throat got tight. “I can’t do it.”
She pushed away the fear and decided to focus on now. She would put it off as long as she could. She finished the sandwiches, grabbed some drinks then headed upstairs. In front of the partially closed door to their room, she took a deep breath before pushing it open. Regina went to the bed and looked at Spencer, sprawled on his stomach, already asleep. She placed their food and drinks on the bedside table, debating whether she should wake him up. She reached to do it, but couldn’t. Instead, she stroked her fingers along the side of his face. Spencer moaned slightly under her touch, nuzzling her hand. Regina knelt on the floor by the bed and continued to touch him. She had to talk with him. She didn’t want to lose him again. Regina made up her mind she would talk when he asked. Even if it would destroy the hard won peace she had achieved.
“I’d do anything for you, Spence,” she whispered the vow as he slept.
* * * *
“Spence, get your lazy ass down here!” Regina yelled behind her shoulder as she opened the front door. “Dakota is here. You know he’s going to rope us in to coo—” Her words stalled as she saw who was with Dakota.
Regina studied Driscoll, noticing that although he looked himself, he wouldn’t meet her eyes. Pain filled her, and she wished he hadn’t come.
“Damn right I would.” Dakota spoke, making her look at him. “Brought Dris to help too. He tried to get out of it, but I dragged him here. Now, first we unpack the vehicles, then get to making French toast magic.” Dakota clapped his hands together. “Let’s get to it.” He looked beyond her. “Spencer, good of you to show your lazy self.”
“Humph. I’m going back to bed if I have to put up with looking at your ugly mug so early in the morning.” Spencer spoke behind her, and she jumped when he placed his hand on her back.
Regina looked at Spencer and saw his confusion. She forced a smile, then glanced anywhere but at Driscoll. She went outside with the men and they unpacked the car. Spencer, Dakota and Driscoll bickered playfully back and forth. Once they had unpacked the cars, she left them to start putting together the French toast. In the main kitchen, Regina braced her hands on the kitchen island. She should have expected Driscoll would be here today. But they both had got so adept at avoiding each other, she had thought he would come up with some excuse. She knew just as much as she avoided him, he did the same to her—it was so much easier that way.
“Reggie.”
She jumped as Spencer spoke behind her. He touched her back then turned her to face him.
“Why are you so jumpy?” Spencer studied her.
Regina averted her face. “Nothing. Just thinking of all I have to do.”
“That’s not it. I thought I was imagining it, but you and Driscoll—something is going on between you two. I’ve realised that it’s been a long time since you all have been in the same room. You can’t even look at each other.” Spencer narrowed his gaze. “What is going on?”
“All you do is push. Why do you keep pushing me?” Regina jerked away. “Leave it alone, Spence. Leave me alone,” she whispered urgently. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?”
Spencer stiffened, then lowered his head. He breathed deeply. When he looked up, Regina gasped at the pain in his gaze.
“Those were the same words you said to me before we fell into the silence that almost killed us.” Spencer rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “I’m not going back to that, Regina.”
She flinched as he called her by her full name.
“Never again.” His tone went even lower. “You have to decide if you want us enough to open up to me. Talk with me, Regina. Stop pushing me away.”
Regina hugged herself, unable to say anything. Spencer sighed then turned, going back to the adjacent kitchen. Shaking, Regina sat on the stool by the island. She rubbed her hands up and down her arms. “What happened to your saying last night you’d do anything for him?”
Regina closed her eyes. Seemed like she had lied to herself. She couldn’t do the one thing he wanted—talk.
It’ll be okay. We’ll get through this.
Taking a deep breath, Regina rose and went to prepare the cornbread for the party.
* * * *
All through the day, Regina rethought whether it would be okay. Spencer avoided her, and she cursed herself for causing him to. By the time the party finished, Regina was relieved. Wearily, she turned off the lights and went to go upstairs. Spencer had gone to bed already. She walked to the bedroom—each step feeling like lead—knowing Spencer would be there. She feared he would want to talk, then in turned feared he wouldn’t. She couldn’t decide which she hated more—his need to talk or the silence.
Regina pushed open the door then stumbled to a stop, staring at the empty bed. She pivoted on her heels and went to the guest room. The door was open and it was dark inside except for the night light. She could make out Spencer facing the door. His eyes were closed, but she could tell he wasn’t asleep. His body was too tense, as if he was waiting. Spencer opened his eyes and stared at her. Regina opened her mouth then thought better of saying anything. She turned and left, returning to her room. Like an automaton, she got ready for bed. When she was done, she slipped into the cold bed and cursed herself again for driving a wedge between them. Yesterday, he’d said for the first time in a long time that he loved her, and tonight, he was again sleeping in the guest room.
With his actions, Spencer had clearly shown he wasn’t going to let go that he wanted to talk. Regina knew that talking to him might change something between them, but even with best intentions, she didn’t know if she would actually be able to do it. Regina clenched her fist, frustration welling up inside her. They were at an impasse and even now, although she longed to go to him and spill everything about what he wanted to hear, she couldn’t. She wanted to open up to him but found when it came time to do so she shut down.
Damn you, Spencer. Stubborn bastard. I can be stubborn too. This isn’t going to happen.
Regina started to think on how she could get him back where he belonged—in their bed.
Spencer watched her go, surprised that she hadn’t said anything. He had been prepared to resist whatever she wanted to say to convince him to come back to her bed.
“Damn it, I should have stuck to the plan.” Spencer was angry at himself for moving forward with the physical part of their relationship. He’d come back so they could work on the other parts, but being around Regina made him want. Denying himself had been hard before, but having tasted her again, it was going to be impossible. He had to do this. Usually, Regina and he talked about everything without barriers. Yet the one time they’d needed it most, the words hadn’t come. Spencer tried to think of a way to get her to talk to him.
* * * *
The next day when he returned home from work on time, he was still thinking of what to do. Opening the door for the kitchen, he was surprised there was no music playing. Even at her most upset, Regina would play something usually from one of her angry music CDs. He automatically went to enter the alarm, and realised it was off. He turned and surprise filled him.
“Hey, Dris.” Spencer came over to the island and placed his bag on the stool next to where his brother was sitting. He looked between his brother and Regina curiously. She was avoiding looking at either of them.
“I have some work to do.” Regina walked out of the room.
Spencer frowned at her retreating back.
“The only thing that kept her from bolting before was her being a good hostess.” Driscoll laughed ruefully.
“You’re family, and she doesn’t need to act like a hostess.” Spencer glanced at Driscoll. “Regina invited you over?” Yesterday they hadn’t been able to keep far enough away from each other—now he came home and Driscoll was here with Regina. He was confused on what was going on with them.
“Nope.” He shrugged. “Dakota was supposed to come do her a favour, but couldn’t make it, so he sent me.” Driscoll narrowed his eyes. “I think Kota played me to get me here. We’re going to have some words.”
“What is going on between you and Reggie?”
Driscoll stood and walked away and Spencer followed, determined to find out what was happening. Driscoll opened the front door and went out, but Spencer grabbed his arm before he could cross the porch to go down the steps.
“Tell me, Dris. Why are my wife and brother acting so strangely? Why can’t you all look at each other?” Spencer took a step closer. “How long has this been going on?”
“A lot of things changed, Spencer. You just never noticed. Think about it, and you’ll figure out how long and why.” Driscoll sounded tired. He shrugged him off and went to walk away.
“Just tell me.” Spencer grabbed him again.
Driscoll glanced at his hand, then his face. “Let go.”
The softness of the tone made Spencer automatically let go. Driscoll only used it rarely, and when he did, Spencer heeded it. Driscoll left, and this time Spencer didn’t stop him. He crossed his arms over his chest, watching Driscoll get in his Escalade then drive away. Spencer watched his taillights as they disappeared, then he re-entered the house. He heard the TV playing in the living room and went in. Regina glanced up at him briefly. She pointed the control at the TV, then rose, coming to him. She handed him the remote before leaving. Spencer stared after her, but when he heard the music start to play, he focused on the TV. He stood and watched the music video for
Mirrors
, the song by Justin Timberlake she’d been listening to the day they’d first made love after he returned home.
The words of the song and message in the video sunk in, and Spencer got what she was saying. He turned off the TV and went to the kitchen expecting to see her there. She wasn’t, but there was a covered plate waiting for him on the counter. He pulled off the cover and put it in microwave. As he waited, Spencer wondered how they would figure this out. The microwave beeped, and he took out the food. He grabbed a drink and placed them both on the counter and sat. He ate, not really tasting the food. After he’d finished, he washed his dishes then closed up the house for the night. Regina didn’t come to join him, and he felt her absence profoundly. On the landing, he looked towards the partially open door of their room. Spencer turned away and went to the room he was staying in. He pushed open the door and stared at the space where the bed should have been. Frowning, it dawned on him why Driscoll had been here—Regina had had him remove his bed. He turned and went back out into the hall, then checked all the other guest rooms and found the same thing. The beds had all been removed.
Spencer threw his head back and laughed. He had to give it to his wife. She was too smart for his own good. He’d have never thought to remove the beds so he had no place to sleep. Spencer returned to the guestroom and went to the adjacent bath to take a shower. He frowned when he realised the room had been stripped of towels, soap and washcloths as well as his personal things. Although he’d been sleeping with Regina, he’d kept his things in here. A suspicion formed, and he checked the closet as well as the dresser, and they, too, were empty. He laughed again, because Regina was thorough.
Spencer went back into the hall and to their room. He entered, and she looked up from her e-reader.
“I see you took all the beds but this one out of the house.” Spencer leaned against the doorjamb.
“Yep. If you’re going to sleep in a bed, it’ll be here with me. Or, if you prefer, the floor in any of the rooms. The couch in the living room might work too.” She shrugged. “It’s up to you.”
Although the gesture was flippant, Spencer saw her unease. She wanted him here in bed with her, but she wasn’t going to come right out and ask. He straightened and moved to the bed, where he sat by her leg and stared at her.
“What am I going to do with you, Reggie?” Spencer reached out and tucked one of her hair behind her ear.
“Keep calling me Reggie. Don’t call me Regina. I hate when you call me that.” She touched his hand, holding it against the side of her face. “Don’t let me go. Don’t give up on us, Spence.” She closed her eyes then opened them, misery showing in her gaze. “Give me some time.”
Spencer leant forward, putting his forehead on hers. She slid her hand into his hair at the base of his skull. Spencer inhaled. Smelling her familiar scent, he felt at home. She was his home and he wanted to be here. For Regina to even ask for time was step in the right direction—she hadn’t done that before, she’d just shut down, pushing him away without leaving a sliver of hope they could talk. They were silent for a long time, and Spencer eventually sat up, then kissed her gently on the lips.
“I’ll give you time.”
She sagged, and the tension left her. Spencer cupped her cheek, rubbing his finger along the corner of her mouth.
“But the longer we wait won’t make it easier, Reggie.” Spencer kissed the tip of her nose. “We love each other, but not talking almost destroyed the life we built together. It’s eating slowly away at your soul.”
She opened her mouth and he pressed his finger over her lips.
“No. Let me say this. Then I’ll give you time.” Spencer gazed into her green eyes. “You’ve changed, Reggie. In ways that aren’t better. You’ve cut off pieces of yourself.” He paused, thinking of what Driscoll and Lila had told him. “To paraphrase what two wise people recently told me, you’re existing, but not truly living. Like these people want for me, I want you to live again. Not just go through the motions.”
Regina drew in a deep breath, then bit her lip. “I haven’t been doing that. Have I?”
He was silent, having already said his piece. He kissed her gently, then stood. He went towards the bathroom.
“Who were these wise people?”
“Dris and Lila.”
“Again with this Lila. What is she, some wise old woman or something?”