Authors: H Ryder
Halt at A, rein-back 4 steps, forward into working trot.
Rein-back isn't working either!
"I brought some work," I turn my head to indicate a much lugging of portfolios and laptops was accomplished with great struggle for this 'not an interview' and my expression suggests it would be rude not to at least look at my toils... "To show you what I’m up to currently," and I begin unzipping the perimeter of my portfolio case.
"I’ve seen all I need to," I look back up at him, his expression a smouldering sexual darkness, dilated pupils, looking directly into me, not at me. He must be used to being gawped at I think, at least he has the decency to break the hold he has on me, ignore it and try to carry on.
Working canter at C, immediate left 20 metre circle, medium canter.
He takes a swallow of cold tea, I’d do that too, no point wasting tea. "Come, let’s get some dinner, I’m starved." He stands and begins putting on his jacket, then I hear music: She Sells Sanctuary - The Cult, my all-time favourite song. Taking it from my jeans pocket, I look at my phone the screen remains dark, it's not mine.
It's the ringtone of my personal iPhone...but it's
his
phone that's ringing, that's spooky, I was about to get all contemptuous, then mine rings too, Bring Me Sunshine - Morecambe and Wise, my work phone. We fail to answer, paused with our phones close to our ears we just stare at each other as if in quiet understanding. Sizing each other up.
I am falling for this man already, blimey, how desperate am I? I try not to answer my own rhetorical question. Glance sideways at my phone it's work…"I have to get this, it's work..," he just nods, and swipes the answer bar on his own phone, I notice his is black too like mine.
I turn and answer...."...yes? ...hello...I Face him, he has finished his call, that was quick, and he's just looking at me,... suddenly aware I have my boss on the line, I reconnect with the conversation..."…yep, not a problem, I present a board to them tomorrow, yep. OK, see you then, bye Cherry."
HV medium canter.
Cherry my boss, is sharp featured with perfect shiny dark hair in a twenties bob, and wears her style smarter casual. Chambray shirts, ironed, and stiff raw denim clean jeans in a homage to the Margaret Howell image of the 90's, with a turned up selvedge hem and burgundy polished Gucci loafers, you know, the ones with the little tassels on the top... She doesn’t understand me, and I don’t get her. We tiptoe around each other and pretty much stay out of each other’s way. She hardly ever speaks to me, so to call me and ask for my help was very rare. A hint of guilt starts to creep over me bearing in mind where I am and what I am doing...I Look back at Daniel. Or want to be doing.
VKA collected canter.
I shake it off, and kick it under the desk with the point of my beautifully sculpted, this seasons, just delivered, had to be on the waiting list to get them, boots as if my thought were a tangible object. Such beautiful boots. Concentrate you nerk!
I look at my gold watch, yes, that'll stall him.
"Sorry Daniel, I have some work to do for tomorrow, but I’ll have time for a quick drink?" Aware how forward this sounds as soon as I’d said it, I begin rewinding my thoughts to add a caveat to the deal, only Daniel grabs his keys, a Landrover logo fob and a strange looking key sit alongside his car key, lifts my luggage easily in his strong arms and says "come on then, a drink would be great, we'll leave your bags in my car and the driver will take you home afterwards."
I don't
think
so.
A command not a question, I resist immediately, it's just my nature, shake my head, and he'll know exactly where I live, not ready for that yet, a control freak, that’s all I need. One's enough, have you met my Mum?
"That won’t be necessary Daniel, but thank you.” I try to sound grateful, but fail miserably, “I live in deepest darkest Essex, it's not just a few stops on the central line." Plus, no one tells me what to do. (
Except
of course Mum).
He pauses as if not used to being turned down, thinks better of a different response and says, “I want you to be safe.” He tells me protectively, looking at me hoping I’d cave, but of course I’m stubborn. ”OK, he'll drop you wherever you want." That's better, good boy.
"Thank you." I smile, but this is my real, happy smile which my Mum tells me is exactly the same as my disarming one, but it feels different on the inside I tell her. I’m glad he doesn’t want me wandering about in the dark on my own, he has no idea about my life clearly, but that’s for another day!
It seemed to me I’d been sitting with Daniel for a short time, but it is gone 6pm now and outside the sky is already darkening to black rapidly, and faint twinkly glimpses of stars are beginning to appear in the darkened blue. The air smells of crisp cold, autumn leaves and Daniel blimey he smells so good, I just want to kiss his neck and breathe him in.
Down the centre line at a counter canter.
Daniel rakes his hair, nice, and his watch strap comes undone, and he snaps it back in place, it doesn't close with the correct volume or tone of click for my liking, something's not right. Daniel is frowning and retrying it.
“You need to take that to Baby Chris” I tell him helpfully, “in Hatton Garden.”
“You know Baby Chris?” he asks surprised. Blimey, there's something other than denim we have in common.
“Only through Blossom, yes.” I look at my own watch, I wonder...?
“Yes, it needs fixing before I lose it.” He closes it again hoping it had healed itself, but of course it hasn't. “I'll call Blossom tomorrow.” Get on that waiting list, good luck. “Let's go!”
"I’ll have one drink then I have to go." I try not to sound sharp, but it’s my protective side warning me not to get involved with something I don't understand. I’m only really comfortable when I know how something works, and Daniel was working me in a way that I have no experience of. I have to get away as soon as is polite, to take stock and control of my head I tell myself in a not too convincing way.
"Your life must be very busy, if you have to celebrate your new job with only one drink,” he says, sliding his phone and Rolex into his back pocket, “do you have a boyfriend?" An odd question
I think suddenly, a come on? He has a charming face, warm and intelligent, I begin to imagine...then shut that thought down immediately, I have animals to feed and I’m a long way from home.
Boyfriend?
Bloody hell.
"No!" I answer a little too emphatically, "I have horses and cats, that even with their own habits of self-gathered supplementary feeding require me to feed them again, it doesn’t count unless it comes in a bowl!" I explain with a giggle.
HC working trot.
“
Horses
eh? Very nice.” He seems sincere, but you can never quite tell. Never know what to expect when I tell someone I have horses, stupid comments often follow. But what nobody understands, is that horses are the things little girls love the most, and when they grow up they just add boys and clothes to that list, well
real
girls do. In my view.
We jump into his car, the driver puts all my bags in the boot, I feel oddly comfortable with this man, his straight forward confident demeanour, manly stride, sensual soft mouth. Stop it Tharie!! I say thank you to the glass partition between us and the driver, but he either can't hear me or is pretending not to, I wonder if it's how he is trained. Then I decide it was the driver Daniel was talking to on the phone just now. Was it a foregone conclusion I would say yes? I hate that. I stop thinking about it. He merely nods his head and pulls out into the non-existent traffic. Outside, it's still and deserted. The air super chilled.
'Into my heart, the air that kills
From yon far country blows
What are those blue remembered hills?
What spires, what farms are those?'
We don't speak, we just sit there in awkward silence, two people who have things they want to say but neither of them says it. The air crackles with an atmosphere, I’d love to bite his earlobe, what is wrong with me? I choose not to answer my own question, preferring only the simple ones this time of night
'Happy highways where I went, and shall not come again' Housman. There's my brain, quoting literature to gain control. It's not working.
My phone buzzes, thank goodness.
Note to self, hug that person whoever it is as a thank you later.
PF: “Drink?” I appear to be a popular choice for drinking companion tonight.
TC: “Sorry babes, can't” keep the conversation short, it’s rude.
PF: “You’re stalling” she’s good.
TC: “In the east end still, heading home for an early night” hope that satisfies.
PF: “We’ll talk about how rubbish you are at keeping something from me another time!” Busted.
TC: “Do you have special powers?” Bet she has a cape too.
PF: “And an outfit!” Bingo.
TC: “Call you tomorrow honey” naturally.
The late bit before chapter one, last Thursday
: 17thoctober2013, 6.20pm pub
Close by we draw up outside an old bar, it has a very narrow front frosted window and dark stairs leading underground into the bar. The kind I like with sticky carpets a live rock band with some talent on the 'Fender' and smelling of whiskey and dominoes. Strange I think that he likes this type of place he seems so straight and tight, his tattoos another contradiction, glad he wasn't the clean neon wine bar type, I ask the barkeep for a double ‘Jack’ straight up. I turn to ask Daniel what he wants, fully intending to demonstrate how I’m a bit different from his norm dates, dates? No! And pay too, he says "Gary, that’s two of those please, add them to the tab." I decide protesting would be a waste of time, clearly this man is used to paying, likes it, and no questions are ever asked about it, my sense of ‘me’ takes a step back, it’s in disorder, but it’s fun...for now.
“I pay Tharie, that’s just the way it is.” That told
me
didn't it? He must read my expression, but I didn’t offer an expression. He read my mind? Spooky, hope he likes Housman, and the rest of it up there, it's a bit messy. He'd better not touch anything!
Sliding sideways into a cracked leather bench seat with a table between us, the sounds of a classic Jam cover fills the air, I approve. “When you work for me you'll have to get used to doing as I say.” He smiles at me as if his comment is perfectly acceptable.
I can’t stop myself giving him an answer, well I have my ways too. “
Good luck
with that.” I toast him with my drink and my best smirk, only my
Mum
can tell me what to do, aren't we all the same? Perfectly normal, our heavy glass tumblers in front of us as a defence, what did I need to defend myself against? I breathe, pretend I didn’t hear him say that, and what if he did? He'll only be my boss right? We begin a pleasant conversation about denim, and how we both got into this world of indigo. “What about you Daniel, do you have a girlfriend?” I regret the question as soon as I ask it, bloody alcohol, two slurps only left now, and I’m feeling warm inside, and my ears feel numb, that's the tell.
He pauses his drink on his way to those lips, “not currently, no.” He smiles at me, those haunting beautiful eyes, searing right through me. He takes a slow provocative sip.
Bloody hell.
I take another sip, I can chat about denim all day so stick to the indigo stuff, I love it, but strangely denim isn't what I want to talk about, which isn’t like me at all.
I've got to get out of here. Need tea.
And soon
.
I look at the face of my father's old gold watch, far too big for me but when he died it suddenly felt like the most important thing to do was to wear it. I have to twist my wrist to move the face round, I haven’t had the strap altered to fit me, instead its loose links spin round like jewellery. It’s an odd layered design of rotating faces with many protruding knobs and adjusting’s, if only I knew what they are all for. Perhaps Blossom could answer that, why haven't I shown him this before? It is gone 7pm! The boys will be tapping their hooves wondering where I am. How did we talk for so long, saying nothing?
My phone buzzes, thank you, I tell the universe. One must be polite to the universe after all.
JG: “Tharie, you coming home tonight, just drove past your place and the boys look hungry, and the Haybars are empty?” she is so brilliant.
TC: “Thanks Jinni, I am coming home, just be a bit late” I now feel even guiltier, my horses are my life.
JG: “That’s what I thought, so I just gave them more hay and left” see?
TC: “Thanks honey” I need to get home, what was I thinking coming out?
Now what? Daniel, yes.
"Daniel. Thank you for the opportunity to work on Milk&Honey, I’d appreciate a little time to digest our talk and what this move would mean for my career, can I give you my answer tomorrow, I need to think about it?" I muster the courage to speak the words I have rehearsed in my head over and over, not really meaning them, I want to spend more time with this man. How could I conceivably work alongside him? And, just as importantly, how could I not? God I fancy him, my body is actually willing him to touch even a small part of me. I'm surprised if he can't tell. I stand up to go and tip my glass, my last dreg of warm copper liquid spills across the table in a narrow river and almost trickles onto Daniels lap but he shoots up and it misses him.