Authors: Aimee Carter
I heard Knox clear his throat. “This isn’t the time to discuss it, Benjy—”
“Technically they’re engaged,” said Greyson timidly, and Benjy growled.
Satisfied they would all have something to focus on other than following me, I started the agonizing crawl through the vent, and this time I didn’t bother setting the grate back into place. Either I’d return or I wouldn’t, and the secret of how I traveled around Somerset undetected wouldn’t matter anymore.
XIX
Crimson and White
Lila sat alone in her suite, her arms crossed and expression sour, and she didn’t look the least bit surprised to see me as I dropped from the vent.
“It’s about time. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting?” she said as she stood.
I blinked. “Uh, I’m sorry?”
“Whatever. What was that shot about?”
“You mean you don’t know?” I said. “It sounded like it was coming from your room.”
“Right outside,” she said, gesturing to the door. “It’s locked, so I can’t check and see.”
“We don’t need the door.” I pointed to the ceiling. “We can get out that way.”
Lila looked up at the open grate and made a face. “You’re joking, right? I’m not crawling through that. It’s tiny. I’ll get stuck.”
“Doesn’t me being Masked mean we have the same body now?” I said impatiently. “If I can do it, so can you. Unless you’d rather go out through the locked door and face whoever’s out there.”
Lila sighed dramatically. “So I’m just as stuck as I was before you got here. Great.”
“You’re not stuck. I told you, we’re the same size—”
Without warning, the door opened, and I jumped.
Augusta.
She stared at the pair of us, standing side by side and as identical as ever. Shutting the door calmly, she said, “I see you survived. Pity. It does explain why I am hearing reports of Celia running through the manor, though.”
She glanced between us, and I saw the confusion in her eyes. She didn’t know which of us was which.
“If you’re going to kill me,” said Lila, “you’re going to have to do a better job of it.”
My brow furrowed a fraction of an inch before I could control myself, but it didn’t matter. Augusta wasn’t looking at me anymore. She focused on Lila, who glared back defiantly.
“Is that so?” said Augusta, stepping toward her. She reached out, but Lila slapped her hand away.
“Don’t touch me,” snapped Lila in the same accent I spoke with when I wasn’t imitating her. “You had your chance, and you failed.”
“Not yet I haven’t,” said Augusta, advancing on Lila, who shuffled back. “With one word, I will have a dozen guards in here to arrest you.”
“Then do it,” she said viciously. “Arrest me, send me Elsewhere, do whatever you want. But when you do, the whole world’s going to know that Augusta Hart destroyed her entire family. Your son’s dead, your daughter wants to kill you, and you had a stranger Masked as your granddaughter, who wasn’t nearly as dead as you thought.” This time Lila was the one to step forward. “Tell me, Augusta, how does it feel to know you’ve let your family fall apart? How does it feel to know Greyson will never, ever love you because of the monster you really are? How does it feel to fail?”
My blood ran cold. For all her bravado, Lila was still a Hart, and she didn’t know when to keep her mouth shut.
“I haven’t failed, not yet,” said Augusta. “Guards!”
Two guards burst into the room, and I shrank back against the wall. Lila stepped forward and held out her wrists, as if she expected them to be cuffed, but I knew better. When the guards looked to Augusta for direction, she gestured toward me.
“Arrest her.”
They advanced, and I glanced up at the ceiling. I could try to escape through the vent, but the guards stood between me and the end table I’d always used before. I was trapped.
“What?” said Lila, stunned. “But I’m Kitty. Why are you arresting her?”
“I’m not the idiot you seem to think I am,” said Augusta. “That’s why.”
Bang.
The shot echoed through the room, and I ducked and covered my head as a second one followed. Lila screamed, and I peeked between my arms.
The guards slumped to the floor, and I saw the telltale blue plumes sticking out of their necks. Tranquilizers.
Knox stood in the doorway, and this time the gun he pointed at Augusta was real. “Let her go.”
Augusta pulled Lila against her, using her as a shield, and she wielded a glowing poker from the fire. “I don’t think so,” she said, holding the poker an inch from Lila’s chin. “Put down the gun and kick it over, Lennox, or I’ll burn her pretty eyes right out of her head. Then we won’t have any trouble telling these two apart, will we?”
Lila shrieked and struggled against her, but Augusta held on tighter. My heart pounded. She had to be bluffing. She wouldn’t hurt her own granddaughter like that, would she?
Knox hesitated. At last he slowly set his gun down and stepped away, holding up his hands in surrender. “All right. You win. Now let her go.”
Augusta shoved Lila away and crossed to the center of the room. Picking up the gun between her finger and thumb, she wrinkled her nose as if it were some kind of dead animal. “So unpleasant, guns. Far too violent and bloody for my taste. Now, you’re going to leave, Lennox, and you’re not going to interfere again. If you do, I won’t bother sending you Elsewhere. I will have you and your entire family publicly executed for treason. Do you understand me?”
I touched the metal handle of my own gun underneath my sweater. Augusta didn’t know I had it, but Knox did. I watched him for any signs of what I should do, but he stared straight ahead and nodded. “Of course, Augusta. You win.”
Augusta smirked and started to turn. “Of course I win. I always do. Are you listening, Lila, or do you need another lesson in how to respect—”
A second poker sliced through the air, heading straight for Augusta’s chest. Lila cried out, and for one terrible second, I thought she was going to run Augusta through. At the last moment, Augusta pivoted, and Lila missed.
And the next thing I knew, Augusta’s glowing poker cut through Lila’s stomach until it was sticking out her back.
Lila stared down at the piece of metal that speared her abdomen, her expression frozen in shock. Even Augusta looked stunned, and though it only lasted a moment, she dropped her poker as if she’d also been burned. Lila sank to the floor, and Augusta’s expression smoothed.
“I’m so sorry, dear, but you gave me no choice. You’re just like your mother.”
Knox flew across the room and knelt beside Lila. “Christ, Augusta, what did you do?”
“No matter,” she said, and despite her cold facade, her voice broke. “We have a spare.”
Knox touched the bleeding wound in Lila’s belly, and she moaned. “We have to get her to the infirmary. She’s going to die—”
“Kitty?”
Cold terror poured through me, and hoping to hell I’d imagined it, I glanced at the entrance.
Benjy stood in the doorway, and he stared at Lila, his face ashen.
“Benjy, please, it’s not me,” I said. “You have to get out of here.”
Augusta tried to smile, but it wavered. “You’re just in time, young man. Why don’t you join us?”
Benjy stepped inside, looking between Lila and me. “Is she—”
“She gave me no choice,” said Augusta, and for a moment her eyes watered before she blinked and regained her composure. Still holding Knox’s gun, she gestured toward Benjy. “You’ll cooperate, though, won’t you, Kitty? You’ll do the right thing, and you and your friend will both get to live.”
I stood there, choking on my own fear. Lila was dying because she’d fought back, and I couldn’t even find the courage to spit in Augusta’s face. I deserved my III. I deserved everything that had happened to me if I couldn’t do the one thing I had to do in order to stop this. It was Daxton all over again.
“She needs a doctor,” said Knox. He ripped off his shirt and pressed it against Lila’s wound, the poker still inside her belly. “You can’t do this, Augusta. Think about your family.”
She didn’t care about her family, though. The only person she did care about was—
“Think about Greyson,” I blurted. “They’re best friends. If you let her die, he’ll hate you, and you’ll have no one. You can’t hurt him like this, not if you want him to love you anymore.”
Augusta stiffened, and for a fraction of a second, I thought I saw her expression waver. “Very well,” she said. “I’ll give you a choice, Lennox.”
I had a clear shot now, and if I unloaded the clip, I would have a chance of hitting her. Knox was close enough that he could wrestle her gun away from her—
But if I missed, she could kill Benjy. I didn’t move.
“What choice?” said Knox hoarsely. Lila lay by his side, growing paler and paler as the blood drained out of her. His shirt was soaked now, and his hands were covered in it.
“Do not think for a moment I am not aware of the role you have played in this mess,” said Augusta. “You will remain alive because it would pain Daxton to have to tell your father you are dead, and I do not wish to hurt him. So you have a choice—things stay as they are, and Lila dies, or I kill Kitty’s little friend, and Lila gets to take a trip to the infirmary to see if she can be saved.”
My mouth dropped open. Benjy? But why—
It hit me, and I finally understood.
Augusta knew everything. She knew Celia was the leader of the Blackcoats. She knew Knox had been playing both sides, and she knew how much I trusted him. I would never have gone along with Celia if he hadn’t been there, too.
And Augusta knew I would have nothing to do with him or the Blackcoats ever again if he let Benjy die.
For a split second, Knox’s eyes met mine, and when his shoulders slumped, I knew what he was going to say.
“No!” I started to stand, but Augusta pointed her gun at me, and I stopped cold. “Please, Knox—”
“Me,” said Lila weakly. “Knox, let her kill me. He—doesn’t deserve—”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered to Lila, and he kissed her forehead before addressing Augusta. “I need Benjy’s help carrying Lila down to the infirmary. Then do it.”
“I’m afraid that isn’t an option,” said Augusta. “However, since you’ve made your decision, I will happily oblige.”
All the air left my lungs. Benjy stood still as a statue, and I silently willed him to run. “Please,” I begged Augusta, desperation clawing at me. “You can’t.”
“Oh yes, my darling, I can,” said Augusta. “Perhaps now you will understand just how powerless you truly are.”
Suddenly the world around me seemed to move in slow motion. Augusta aimed, and Benjy flinched, but everything was sluggish, as if time had slowed down to give me a moment to decide what to do.
My mind was made up. All I needed was that extra second. I pulled the gun from my holster and raised it. I didn’t need to know how to aim properly in order to line up the barrel with her body and pull the trigger.
And I did.
Over and over and over again, until only a faint click remained.
In the back of my mind, I heard shouts and the thunder of footsteps. I felt hands on me and tried to shake them off, but when Benjy wrapped his arms around me, I stopped, limp in his embrace, and I dropped the gun.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Knox and Greyson carry Lila toward the door, and I heard more shouts as a dozen guards rushed in. The sound of Knox’s voice filled the room as he issued orders, and the guards went from outraged to determined as they produced a stretcher seemingly out of nowhere and carried Lila away.
But the only thing I understood was Augusta’s bullet-riddled body lying in a pool of blood that slowly expanded, staining the white carpet crimson.
XX
Trust
Benjy refused to let go of me as Knox led us down to the infirmary. Greyson stayed with the handful of guards that remained in the room to deal with Augusta’s body, but there was still no sign of Celia. I couldn’t find it in me to care. Everything seemed fuzzy, and the only things anchoring me to reality were the feel of Benjy’s arms around me and the sound of Knox’s footsteps beside me.
I’d killed her. One moment she was alive and talking, and the next she was dead, all because of me. I knew I’d had no real choice. If I hadn’t, Benjy and Lila would both be dead, but that didn’t stop the guilt from hemorrhaging through me.
When we reached the infirmary, Benjy set me down in a chair and pulled up another so he could sit beside me. By the time I looked up, Knox was gone. I didn’t see where he went, but there was only one place to go: Lila’s bedside.
Benjy didn’t say a word, and I was grateful for the silence. He rubbed slow circles on my back, and I struggled to forget the image of Augusta lying dead on the carpet. Instead I tried to remember what Benjy’s face had looked like when she’d been moments away from killing him.
It didn’t help.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. He stroked my hair rhythmically, and for a moment I pretended we were back in the group home and none of this had ever happened. It was just him and me, and the Harts were in a completely different universe.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he said. “You did what you had to do. Just—in the future, don’t risk your life doing it, all right?”
I tried to smile, but my chin trembled. “I should—I should never have left you and gone with Tabs. I only went to the club because I wanted to stay with you.”
My voice cracked, and Benjy nuzzled the top of my head. “I know,” he murmured. “You did the best you could with what you had.”
I didn’t deserve him. Burying my face in his chest, I let his shirt soak up the tears leaking from my eyes. “I’m sorry for everything with Knox, too.”
Benjy snorted. “I told him if he touched you again, I’d—”
He stopped, and I knew what he was going to say. He’d kill him. It wasn’t a joke anymore, though.
“Listen, Kitty,” he said, pulling back enough to look me in the eye. “I won’t pretend to be all right with everything that’s been done to you, but I know you didn’t ask for any of it. Lila’s engaged to Knox, and you can’t—you can’t still be her and not be. So—I get that. But you don’t have to be her anymore. We’ll get to leave now, and everything will be okay. We can go someplace where no one will find us.”
My fingers tightened around his. I’d been preparing to die ever since I’d injected that drug into Daxton’s veins, and the possibility of surviving this—I’d given up hope. But in that moment, after everything that had happened that day, I let myself believe Benjy. Celia and Knox and Greyson would allow me to walk away from this, and no one would ever know that Kitty Doe hadn’t died after all. Benjy and I would find a place by the beach, and we would be happy. And neither of us would ever have to see another Hart again.
“That would be nice,” I whispered, and Benjy smiled and wrapped his arms around me once more.
A faint sound caught my attention. Four guards rolled a stretcher down the hallway, and I frowned. Who else was hurt?
As they came closer, however, I saw the black body bag lying across it, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away. The points of her shoes formed a tent at the end of the bag, and even though it hid her features, I knew exactly what was underneath the thick plastic.
Augusta, dead and full of bullets I’d put in her.
Greyson followed the stretcher, looking as pale as I felt. His hands were stained with blood.
“Greyson?” I said. Instead of answering, he winced and looked away.
Something inside me snapped. I couldn’t breathe, and what little I’d eaten in the past day threatened to come up. I pushed myself away from Benjy and stumbled down the corridor. I couldn’t take Greyson’s anger, too. Not on top of everything else.
“Kitty!” called Benjy, his shoes squeaking against the tiled floor as he darted after me. I didn’t stop. Instead I ducked through the nearest door and slammed it shut, enclosing myself in darkness.
In the background, machines beeped and colorful lights blinked, but everything else was black. I took a deep breath. It wasn’t my fault. Greyson had to know that. Everyone had to know that. Augusta had forced my hand. If I could go back—
If I could go back, I would have done the exact same thing. Augusta had made her choice, and so had I. As much as the consequences hurt, at least I could live with them. I would have died in more ways than one tonight if I’d let Augusta lay a finger on Benjy. Greyson was grieving for his family, and he needed time. Even if he never came around, even if he never wanted to see me again, I could only be thankful I wasn’t grieving for mine.
Slowly I calmed myself down, one breath at a time. Once my head stopped spinning, I groped around the wall and flipped on the lights, blinking against the brightness.
As soon as my eyes adjusted, my stomach dropped to my knees. This was Daxton’s room. He lay on the bed, and Celia sat in the chair beside him, her gun dangling from the tips of her fingers.
“Celia?” I said, her name catching in my throat. She didn’t acknowledge me. Instead she stared at Daxton blankly, as if she didn’t even see him. But I did.
His eyes were open.
“Daxton?” I said. He was watching Celia, but when I spoke, he focused on me.
“Lila?” he said weakly, his voice hoarse with disuse.
Lila. He thought I was Lila. But he’d been in a coma since before Lila had returned, and if he thought I was her, then—
Did he remember she was dead? Did he remember I’d been Masked? Or had he been awake longer, and did he know about Lila returning?
At last Celia stirred. “Is that you?” she said, her eyes bloodshot as they searched my face. “I saw them carrying you into the trauma ward, but I thought it might not be you, and I didn’t know for sure—”
“Can I talk to you outside?” I said shakily.
She rose and followed me out the door. The cramped hallway seemed to press down on me and make it impossible to take a deep breath. Benjy waited nearby, but when he saw Celia and me, he moved a respectful distance away. Still within earshot, but at least we would have the illusion of privacy.
“What are you doing here?” I whispered. “You were supposed to find Lila and—”
“I couldn’t.” Her lower lip trembled, and she looked seconds away from falling to pieces. “I stood there for ages trying to get a clear shot at the guards, but I couldn’t. When I stormed them, at first they didn’t shoot, but when I hit the first one with the tranquilizer, they fought back, and I had to get away.”
The gunshot. The shouting. It had been Celia after all.
“You came down here?” I said, glancing over my shoulder. Other than Benjy, we were alone in the hallway, but that wouldn’t last long.
Her face crumpled. “I was going to kill him, but he opened his eyes and said my name, and then I heard shouting, and I saw Lila and all that blood...”
“Augusta tried to kill her,” I said. “Lila was trying to protect me or get away or— I don’t know.”
Celia moaned and sank down against the wall, pulling her knees to her chest. “I thought I could take out Daxton and be back up there in time to help her. I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t know why I went to Daxton instead.”
I did. Everything Celia had done since I’d met her was angled to get revenge on her family. She had the opportunity to kill the man she thought was her brother, and thinking Lila was safe, she’d taken it. Or at least tried. Just like me, she hadn’t been able to do it, either. I found a strange sort of comfort in that.
“Augusta’s dead,” I said. “You don’t have to worry about her anymore. You should go see Lila. They’re working on her now, and—and if I were her, I’d want you there.”
I offered my hand to Celia. She hesitated, but she took it, and with effort I helped her back to her feet. When I tried to let go, she held on to me, her fingers cool against mine.
“You
are
her,” she said, her face inches from mine. “Whatever happens, if Lila survives or—or doesn’t, you’re her now.”
She let go of me. Confused, I watched her hurry past Benjy and disappear around the corner. He gave me a questioning look, and I shrugged. I had no idea what she meant, either.
I still had to deal with Daxton. I reentered his room cautiously, unsure what would be waiting for me. Had he really forgotten I’d been Masked as Lila?
He lay prone on the bed, and around him various machines beeped and hummed. When I entered, his eyes widened, and he struggled to sit up.
“Lila?” he said in the same cracked voice. “Where did your mother go?”
“She went to deal with something,” I said, looking for any signs that he knew what was happening. “She’ll be back. Do you remember what happened?”
“I was in my office,” he said, and my pulse quickened. But before I could make any excuses, his eyes clouded with confusion, and he squinted at me. “You were going on your skiing trip with Knox, weren’t you? Do tell me you didn’t put that off for me.”
Skiing. The fist wrapped around my heart relaxed. Was it possible? Did Daxton really not remember any of it?
“Knox—” I cleared my throat. “Knox and I decided to put it off until you’re better.”
“You shouldn’t have done that,” he said in a kind voice that caught me off guard. “I’m just fine.”
And so, it seemed, was I. At least for now.
The doctors confirmed it: Daxton didn’t remember a thing that had happened in the past six weeks. He didn’t remember who I was or how he’d come to be in the coma in the first place. He easily accepted a story about poisoned food, and when I left his room, I breathed a little easier. This changed nothing about what had happened that day, but at least it meant as long as I was careful, my neck wouldn’t be fitted with a noose anytime soon.
Midnight came and went before Knox emerged from the area where doctors were still treating Lila. He’d been covered with Lila’s blood earlier, but he wore a clean pair of white scrubs now.
“She’ll survive,” he said. “It was close, but she’ll be okay.”
“Good,” I said, my voice rough from the nap I’d managed to catch curled up against Benjy. His chest was warm, and I could hear his heart beating as I rested my head against him. I didn’t want to move.
“Kitty,” said Knox. “About what happened in the room...”
I tensed. I wanted to tell him it was all right, that I understood why he’d chosen Lila’s life over Benjy’s, but I couldn’t. Because to me, there was no contest between them. Then again, there likely wasn’t any contest between them for Knox, either.
“She would have killed Benjy no matter what I’d decided,” said Knox. “You have to understand that. I thought you were going to go after Augusta, but when it became clear you weren’t—”
“You decided to give me some incentive?” I said, too drained to put much bite behind it. “If he’d died—”
“But I didn’t,” said Benjy, holding me tighter. “I’m fine.”
Knox cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. That’s all I wanted to say. I don’t expect you to understand, but Lila...”
I looked away. If our positions had been reversed, if it had been Benjy bleeding to death and Lila whom Augusta threatened to kill, I would have done the same. That didn’t mean I would forgive Knox anytime soon though.
I took a deep breath. “Did Celia tell you—”
“About Daxton?” Knox nodded. “She’s having Lila moved to the bunker. We have doctors there, and once she’s healed...” He managed a self-deprecating smile. “It wasn’t exactly how I’d planned on keeping my word, but at least she’ll be free to do what she wants. So will Celia.”
“So they’re really disappearing?” I said. My insides constricted. “I mean, that’s good for Lila. She’ll get to be happy. But Celia—”
“It’s the perfect opportunity for her to disappear and lead the Blackcoats full-time,” he said. “She hates this life, and she wants to spend more time with Lila now that she has her back. It’s for the best.”
You’re her now.
Suddenly Celia’s words made sense. I hugged Benjy. “No. I’m not staying. I did my part, and Lila’s still alive. You don’t need me anymore.”
Knox grimaced. “I’m sorry, Kitty. I wish you could go, too, but for now, we have a fantastic opportunity. Everyone in Lila’s hospital room thought she was you. Everyone thinks you’re her. Lila doesn’t want to do this, but you—”
“You’re going to make me stay.” It wasn’t a question, and I felt Benjy tense beside me. “Knox—”
“I promise you—I promise both of you that I will fix this.” He crouched in front of us. “It kills me to do this when we’ve asked so much of you already, but we need you. The Blackcoats need you. The people need you. Once it’s done, you have my word that you’ll be Kitty Doe again, and you’ll be free to do whatever you want on the Harts’ dime for the rest of your life.”
I let out a shaky breath. I didn’t care about how Benjy and I would pay for our perfect life together—I just wanted it to happen. I didn’t want to be Lila anymore.
But I wanted to help those people, too. Everyone who had heard me speak in New York, everyone who had been branded and oppressed, whose entire lives had been dictated by one test while others were able to coast by, receiving their marks because of the family they’d been born into and education lower ranks couldn’t afford—it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to the people, and it wasn’t fair to society.
I’d believed everything I’d said in my speech. I was one person, a III in a world that thought people like me were worthless. I could make a difference with this face, though. I would have a purpose. I couldn’t walk away from it now, no matter how badly I wanted to.
“No one’s going to kill me when it’s over?” I said. “What happens if Daxton finds out? What happens if he remembers?”
“You’ll be safe,” said Knox. He set a hand on my knee, and beside me, Benjy huffed. “I promise no one will touch you. Not Daxton, not Celia, no one. They’ll have to kill me first.”
“Me, too,” said Benjy. I didn’t see the look he must have been giving Knox, but Knox removed his hand from my knee and straightened. “She’s my girlfriend, and I’ll protect her.”