Passion and Propriety (Hearts of Honour Book 1) (46 page)

“I’m afraid of being
lost,” she said, and her voice caught. “Not that I’d be truly
lost, and God might even allow me to watch over you. But I want to be
with
you. I want to be a mother to our babe. I want us to live here until we’re both old and grey and our children’s grandchildren are running up and down the corridors terrorising the staff.”

“I want that, too.” William laughed though the sound was ragged. “I want that very
much.”

“Then you must find the faith to make it possible.” She grabbed hold of the front of his shirt. “I can’t do this without you, William, and I don’t want to waste another day being angry and afraid . . . being apart.”

“Neither do I, my love. Neither do I.” Holding his wife close, William wished with all his heart he was a man of faith rather than one of action.

Chapter 36

Fulfilment

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”

Woken by her husband’s greeting, Hannah stretched, knowing full well how much he enjoyed watching her . . . even when she was clothed. Opening her eyes, she smiled to find him sitting on the edge of the bed, bearing a breakfast tray. Three heavenly days had passed since she was last ill; however, soothing her still-irascible stomach with tea and toast before rising was a precaution she continued to take.
 

The days since they’d discovered she was with child had been bittersweet. William’s solicitousness was without fault, but he couldn’t hide his apprehension. Hannah hoped his mood would lighten now she was finally over the worst of the inaccurately named morning
sickness.

“Merry Christmas, my love.” She rubbed her hand along her husband’s arm. He hadn’t changed out of his nightclothes, sparking the hope she could entice him to rejoin her once she had broken her fast.

“My love,” he murmured. Putting the tray aside, he leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead. “I like hearing you call me that.”

“I like being able to say it.” She wound her arms around his neck and joined their mouths in a tender kiss. “I love you,” she added when he pulled back far enough to meet her serious gaze.

A flash of pain twisted his features before he quickly composed them. “I love you, too, darling wife. Now eat up before that delicate constitution of yours decides to rebel.”

Hannah huffed. She’d never considered herself
delicate
but could hardly argue the point after the previous few months. Making short work of her breakfast, she excused herself to visit their newly installed and more conveniently located bathroom.

Turning back, she pointed a finger at him. “Don’t move.”

Despite raising an eyebrow at her peremptory tone, William awaited her return as requested. Hoping to take advantage of his relaxed mood, she removed her robe and climbed onto the bed.

“Sweetheart?” William’s eyes widened when she straddled his lap and began raining kisses upon his face and neck. “Not that I’m complaining, but what exactly are you doing?”

“Making up for a lot
of lost time,” she murmured against his lips, her fingers weaving patterns in his overlong hair. He was due for a haircut but had wisely waited until she was up to giving him one, knowing how much she enjoyed doing so.

“What about your condition?”

The fact he stubbornly avoided any direct reference to their child could have spoiled the moment, but Hannah steeled herself not to reveal her lingering hurt. Sitting back, she cupped his face.

“The
baby
and I are fine,” she said. “I consulted with Grace, and she said it’s perfectly acceptable for us to resume intimate relations . . . as long as you don’t get too
adventurous and start tossing me around the room,” she added with a wink.

William sputtered before giving way to laughter as she had hoped.

“No wonder Miss Daniels looked at me askance on her way out. You made me sound like a raging beast.”

“Hardly.” Hannah was relieved he’d not baulked at her suggestion. “I merely informed her
why
I was keen to resume our conjugal relations, though she was rather impressed by my tales of your stamina, prowess, and sheer ingenuity.”

Groaning, William rested his forehead against hers. “Please, tell me you jest. However am I to face Miss Daniels in public?”

“Of course I’m joking.” Hannah crossed her fingers at the white lie. She’d thoroughly enjoyed educating her best friend to the potential joys of matrimony, but had no desire to embarrass her husband with the knowledge. Grace had turned her back on the possibility of marriage due to her less-than-ideal circumstances. Neither did she have any intention of giving a man the power to prevent her practising her profession. Still, Hannah had hopes she could entice her friend to at least consider the possibility of finding love.

“So, do I get my Christmas wish?” Hannah asked as she slipped the buttons free on William’s nightshirt and slid her fingers beneath the cloth. Sighing with pleasure at the feel of his bare skin, she looked up to see him watching her.

“As long as you’re certain it won’t harm you in any way.” He stroked his hand from her back to rest against the noticeable swell of her belly. It was the first time he’d done such a thing, and the breath caught in Hannah’s throat.

“You’re not put off by my changing shape?”

“Your shape is perfect,” he whispered, soothing the lip she’d been worrying between her teeth with a gentle kiss. “You’ll always be beautiful to me, Hannah, no matter what.”

“Even when my belly is big and round?” She tried to keep her tone light but couldn’t hide her anxiety.

“Especially then,” William said, slipping the sleeve from her shoulder. “In the meantime—if you’re sure
it’s safe—I shall very much enjoy taking advantage of the changes occurring in
other
parts of your anatomy.”

Waggling his eyebrows, he lifted his hands to cup her swollen breasts. Hannah was torn between laughter and indignation, but in the end, passion overwhelmed both. It had been too long, and at his gentle but arousing touch, her insecurities, inhibitions, and clothing fell by the wayside . . . as did William’s. It was only when her hunger for her husband had been sated, and he’d reached the limit of his control, that she considered the implications of their changed circumstance.

“William,” she whispered, holding tight to his shoulders when she felt him preparing to pull away. “There’s no need for you to withdraw.” Meeting his darkened gaze, she watched understanding dawn in his eyes. For a moment he stilled. Then, groaning, he buried his face in the curve of her neck and abandoned himself to the dictates of his body. Hannah, already well satisfied by his attentions, was surprised when her body responded to the passionate culmination of their lovemaking in kind. Swept along by the pleasure-filled waves, she couldn’t think of a better way to begin the first of what she desperately hoped would be many Christmases they would spend together.

“Hannah, how lovely to see you up and about . . . and looking a little less green around the gills?”

Her father’s uncertainty was understandable, and she was pleased to reassure him she was feeling better.

“It’s lovely to be able to attend a service after such a long absence. The church has never looked so good. And what’s this I hear about a new bell tower?” she asked while returning the many smiles and nods of greeting sent her way.

“Your husband is a very generous man.” Her father spread his hands helplessly, though Hannah knew he must be secretly thrilled at the prospect and by his burgeoning congregation. The church was packed to overflowing.

“Where’s Mrs Weatherby?” she asked, taking note of the lack of musical accompaniment. The elderly lady had come out of retirement to replace Hannah as the church organist, but her fingers were arthritic and pained her in the cold.

“Indisposed, I’m afraid, until the winter is passed. I don’t suppose
you
would consider playing?”

“I’d love to,” Hannah’s tone was hesitant, as it wasn’t the done thing for a viscountess to perform such a task.

“And so you shall,” William said.

“You wouldn’t mind? Eyebrows will be raised.”

He shrugged. “As long as you promise to come and sit beside me during the sermon, I don’t care what people do with their eyebrows. I have some very fond memories of hearing you play the church organ.”

If it wasn’t for their location, Hannah would have responded to the heated look in his eyes in a demonstrative manner, but she limited herself to squeezing his arm.

“Excellent,” her father declared, either oblivious to the sudden tension or wisely choosing to pretend ignorance.

While leading the congregation in the carols, Hannah reflected on the previous nine months, her twenty-seventh birthday heralding changes she’d never expected. Nursing William back to health had saved them both—him from an untimely death and her from a life spent alone. If only she felt more confident about the future. William never said as much, but it was obvious his faith—or lack
thereof—had not wavered, and he held grave doubts about her surviving the birth of their child.

Hannah’s belly grew at a rapid rate, as did the frequency of William’s dark moods.

“Quite aside from all else, you’re a large man. It’s to be expected you would have a good-sized child,” Miss Daniels said, attempting to assure him during one of her weekly visits. “Hannah’s a healthy young woman and in excellent shape for childbearing. I don’t foresee any problems, well, other than . . .”

“Other than the life-threatening curse hanging over her head?” William finished for her. “I see you continue to share my lack of optimism.”

Miss Daniels grimaced but made no attempt to contradict him.

“I’m normally quite pragmatic,” she said. “Or I try to be. I was raised to believe in all manner of mysteries before going to live with my father, not that his high status made him any less intrigued by strange occurrences than the average commoner. If an oddity can’t be explained in a logical manner, I don’t normally rush to accept it, but it’s hard to deny the existence of the Blackthorn Curse when the evidence is so compelling.”

William couldn’t argue. “You’re not convinced Hannah’s father has the right of it? That the curse is broken, and there’s no need for apprehension?”

Miss Daniels waggled her head before replying. “I want
to believe, but I’m afraid my faith has taken something of a battering over the years, and it wasn’t overly strong to begin with,” she said with a wry smile.

William could relate, on several levels.

“My motto is to hope for the best but be prepared for anything.” She gave his arm a pat. “And that worry is a useless exercise, so let’s try not to overindulge, shall we? You’ve done everything the vicar has asked of you and more. I’m sure Hannah and the babe will be fine.”

William tried to take comfort from her assurances, though he doubted anything would completely silence his fears. Being cooped inside the house for the following two weeks due to persistent snowfalls didn’t help matters, though he didn’t mind too much, as he wasn’t comfortable being away from Hannah for long on those days when the weather permitted him to ride out over the estate. Returning home after visiting one of the mines Loring was working tirelessly to improve, William felt more like an old man than one in his prime. The cold played havoc on his right leg and left arm, rendering both next to useless and adding to his feelings of powerlessness.