“Something’s wrong with you, Denise. Something is missing inside. You talk about my affair with Maria being empty and cold, but empty and cold was what I felt every night in bed with my own wife.”
My palm cracked against his cheek like a gunshot. Grady released me and staggered backward, bumping against the refrigerator. Throwing my purse strap over my shoulder, I stalked down the hall. When Grady didn’t follow, I pressed my back against the wall and tried to calm myself. If Cougar saw me cry, he’d kill Grady.
I took a couple of deep breaths before I stuck my head through the living room entranceway. Cougar shot me a relieved look from the sofa.
“You ready?” I asked, as steadily as I could manage.
I walked away without waiting on a reply. Cougar caught up with me when I started down the steps.
“Are you okay?” he asked, and I nodded.
“Man, it’s like the White House in there. And Grady’s mother … that dame’s a piece of work.”
In spite of my mood—in spite of everything—I smiled. Cougar had to be the only man under seventy who said words like “dame.”
Encouraged, Cougar jogged beside me down the walkway. “I haven’t had my grammar corrected since
sophomore English. High so-ci-e-ty. No wonder Grady’s such a tool.” He jostled my shoulder and grinned. “I can see why you were the black sheep of the family.”
He tried to make me laugh on the way back, but I kept replaying Grady’s words in my head.
His words about our cold, empty marriage knifed me. If that was true, why hadn’t I felt it?
Something’s wrong with you
, he’d said.
I couldn’t deny that. But he couldn’t tell me I didn’t feel. Every time I looked at my daughter, I felt love.
No squad cars sat in the parking lot. No one hung around the apartment. It made me feel like they’d given up hope. As I unlocked the door, that stupid voice was in my head again, telling me how dismal Abby’s chances were now.
We’re closing in on the twenty-four-hour mark now, and we know what that means, don’t we, boys and girls … The odds are now 88 percent (or was it 89?) against Abby ever coming home
.
I clamped my hand over my mouth as I staggered through the door, trying to muffle my sob, but there it was, and there was another …
I fell to my knees on the living room floor. Cougar dropped beside me, taking me in his arms. I clung to him.
“Baby, don’t,” he begged. “It’s okay. We’re going to find her, I swear.”
Though I knew that wasn’t what he intended, I cried
harder when I realized he was no longer promising me we’d find her alive.
I’m not sure how long we sat there like that, but when Cougar tried to stand, I clutched his hand and begged him not to leave me.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
He scooped me up and carried me to the bedroom. Placing me on the bed, he removed our shoes and coats and crawled in beside me. I rested my head on his chest and cried until I felt as cold and empty as Grady had accused me of being.
But that wasn’t exactly true. I was filled with rage, filled with frustration … filled with pain and desperation. I don’t know why I started kissing Cougar, other than maybe—just for a little while—I didn’t want to think. I didn’t want to feel so alone.
I turned my face into his neck, brushing feverish little kisses against his skin. He groaned, and his arm tightened around me. Brazenly, I crawled on top of him and kissed his mouth in earnest. It was a kiss of desperation, need, and maybe even anger, but he responded to it. As my hands wound in his thick hair, tugging him closer, deeper, his fingers dug into my hips, practically lifting me off the ground. His tongue met mine thrust for thrust, feeding the dark feverish desire that had taken possession of me.
But then he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back.
“Um, no, Necie,” he gasped. “What are you doing?”
“Make love to me,” I begged. “I need you.”
“What? He sounded shocked. “Baby, no. This isn’t what you need.”
“It’s exactly what I need. Please. Don’t you want me?”
“Of course, I want you, but—”
“Then stop talking,” I said, and leaned to kiss him again.
I felt him fighting himself, and knowing that he wanted me made me more desperate for him than ever. He turned his face away again, and I kissed his throat.
“Necie, stop,” he said forcefully, his breath ragged. “I won’t hurt you. I won’t take advantage of you. You’re tired, scared—”
I felt absurdly near tears and unjustifiably angry when I said, “You’re right. I
am
tired, and I
am
scared and I can’t sleep and I can’t breathe. I’m not asking for commitment. It doesn’t have to mean anything. All I’m asking you for is tonight, for you to help me shut out all these voices in my head. Just for a little while, let me feel something besides fear.”
He didn’t say anything. I felt the tension humming from his body.
I slipped off my shirt and reached behind me to unfasten my bra. After tossing it onto the floor, I took his hand and brought it to my mouth.
“Please,” I said, and sucked gently on his finger. “Please, Jason, don’t deny me this. I’m not drugged this
time. I know what I want.”
He groaned, and I knew I’d won. I took his hands and placed them on my bare breasts.
He growled my name as he stroked them. I leaned to brush one hard nipple across his mouth. He nuzzled it, licked it … then he took it in his mouth and sucked hard. I cried out, my back arching as he devoured me. He flipped me onto my back and rained kisses on my chest. His knee slid between my legs, forcing my thighs open. His erection throbbed through the thin denim of my pants. His tongue invaded my mouth while he tugged at my zipper. Hot with anticipation, I had my first orgasm before he’d even gotten me out of my jeans.
He left a trail of fiery kisses from my breasts down my stomach. I lifted my hips to help him slide off my jeans. His fingers slipped inside the edge of my panties, and he groaned when he found me wet. Wanting.
I nearly ripped his shirt off him and tore at his zipper. Never had I felt anything so primal, so powerful. I craved his body like a drug, resenting even the few seconds it took him to put on protection.
Then we were both naked, our bodies hot and slick as they slid against each other.
“Necie, are you sure?” he gasped, and in response, I guided him inside me.
He pounded into me, knowing somehow that’s what I needed. Then he rolled me over.
Sweat sheened our bodies, and my headboard banged against the wall as I rode him. He begged me to slow down, but I couldn’t as I careened toward the most explosive orgasm of my life.
“Say my name,” he begged hoarsely.
“Jason,” I murmured. “Jason.” I nearly sobbed as the tension inside me wound tighter and tighter. Suddenly, white light exploded behind my eyes like a migraine, blinding me as my insides seemed to shatter in a liquid release. “Jason!” I screamed.
Delicious waves of sensation slammed into me. I was so dazed I barely felt it as he pumped faster and faster beneath me. Then he cried out and rose halfway off the bed with his climax.
For several minutes, I couldn’t move. I rested my head in my arms, holding myself up with the help of the headboard. I was sucking wind like a dying fish, and Cougar didn’t sound much better beneath me.
My legs trembled so badly I barely had the strength to climb off him. Exhausted, I rolled onto my side away from him. Cougar rolled onto his side, too, and pulled me against him. His heart beat against my back like a jackhammer.
His lovemaking accomplished what I’d hoped it would. I slumped against him, too tired and too spent to think about anything. Just before I drifted off, I noticed that my breathing matched the rhythm of his.
I jolted awake a few hours later, my mouth open wide in a soundless scream. Caught up in the remnants of a nightmare I couldn’t remember, I pushed Cougar away and sat up. He never stirred. Moonlight glowed silver though the window, and I felt a stir of panic while I gazed at his handsome face.
What had I done?
I felt so ashamed. My daughter was out there somewhere—needing me, and where was I? I was so weak. So weak and stupid.
I jumped up and quietly grabbed a change of clothes out of my closet. Moving down the hall, I shut the bathroom door behind me and snatched a towel from the rack to wedge in the crack between the door and the floor to muffle the sound of my shower.
Hot water beat against my back, and tears streamed down my face while I wondered what I was going to do next. I was tired of waiting for someone else to find Abby. I was going to have to do it myself.
After locking the apartment door behind me, I called a cab and waited in the parking lot. When it got there, I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go. I contemplated visiting Barnes, or visiting his lawyer, but I figured that anything he was going to do, he’d be doing it already. I only wished he would call and tell me if he knew anything.
I asked the cabbie to drop me at headquarters. I
killed some time in the cafeteria, eating breakfast out of a vending machine and drinking bitter coffee, then I went to find Bill.
He was a notorious early bird, but I still had to wait around another hour before he arrived. His eyebrows shot up when he stepped off the elevator and saw me sitting in the reception area.
“Necie! Any word on Abby?”
“No. Can I talk to you in your office?”
“Sure,” he said. He held the door for me and pulled out a chair with his foot as he passed by.
“There’s been no news. That’s why I’m here. I need your help.”
“Anything.”
“I need to see the Barnes surveillance tapes.”
Bill frowned. “Why?”
Steeling myself, I said, “I have reason to believe that Maria Barnes is involved in Abby’s kidnapping.”
Instead of the surprise I expected, Bill merely grimaced.
“Because of the affair?” he asked.
I almost asked how he knew, but then I realized … Bill had been in charge of the surveillance operation. Of course, he knew.
“I wanted to tell you,” he said.
Ignoring the stab of betrayal, I said, “She’s out to get me. She’s the one who drugged me, and she’s the person who burned down my house.”
My cell rang, and I glanced at the caller ID. It was Cougar. I shut the phone off.
“I know the tapes better than anyone, Necie. I haven’t seen the guy.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
The phone rang, and he motioned for me to wait.
“Daniels, how—” His eyes widened. “You’re kidding! What happened? You’re sure it’s him?” He scribbled something on a Post-it. “When you get a positive ID, I want to know.”
He hung up and stared into space for a moment. Then he looked at me.
“There’s been an explosion at the prison. Frank Barnes is dead.”
CHAPTER
15
M
y vision swam, and it took effort to focus on him. “What?”
“Some crude explosive device in his cell, rigged to the light switch.”
I pressed my hand to my mouth, a dizzying wave of emotions flashing over me.
“He said the bodies were burned pretty badly, but they seem confident that it’s Barnes and his cell mate.”
The news left me reeling, unsure of what to feel, other than scared. How would Maria react? Now nothing stood between us.
I sat in Bill’s office for a few more minutes, struggling to compose myself while simultaneously trying to look normal.
This time it was Bill’s phone that rang. When he glanced at it and said, “The wife,” I excused myself and
walked into the hall.
I took a detour to the ladies room and splashed my face, trying to clear my head.
I’d been counting on Barnes’ help, his ability to influence Maria …
Now what was I going to do?
Moving toward the elevator, a familiar, husky laugh stopped me in my tracks. I turned my head in slow motion to see Cougar standing in Kim’s office. He hugged her, then smacked a kiss on her cheek.
Wow. At least it had taken Grady four years to cheat on me.
A lump rose in my throat, and I hated myself for caring. Dropping my head, I hurried for the elevator.
My heart sank when he called out my name. I jabbed the elevator button, pretending I didn’t hear him.
“Necie!” he called again, closer this time. I didn’t turn around.
Damn, damn, damn. I punctuated each curse with a jab of the down arrow. Maybe I should just throw myself out the nearest window.
“Hey.” He caught my arm and forced me to look at him. Everything about him looked a little sharper in the fluorescent light—the damp brown hair darkened almost black from his shower, the shadows in his eyes … I could smell my soap on his skin, and the sensual rush I felt at the sight of him horrified me. Sleeping with him
had been a mistake. Letting this go any farther would be a disaster.
“What?” I asked briskly.
His tentative smile dissolved into a frown. He tucked a sheaf of papers under his left arm, and hooked his right through mine. “Let’s talk,” he said, and dragged me down the hall without waiting on a reply.
“Hey!” I said, yanking free. “I’ve got to go. Why don’t you go talk to Kim?”
Cougar pushed me into an empty office and shut the door behind him. He regarded me quizzically. “Is that what this is about? You’re
jealous?”
“Don’t be stupid. I am not,” I snapped.
He grinned. “Are, too.”
I wasn’t about to get into a schoolyard argument with him. Poking my finger at his chest, I said, “Look, my daughter’s missing. You’re not even a blip on my radar right now. Is that clear?”
His smile faded, and his eyes glittered like blue diamonds. “Crystal. I guess I should’ve gotten that message when I woke up and found you gone.” He yanked the papers from beneath his arm and slapped them on the desk. “For the record, since I’m not a bastard like Grady, all I was getting from Kim were more DMV records.”
I felt stupid, and sorry for being so short-tempered with him. I caught his arm when he grabbed the doorknob.
“Cougar …”
He grimaced. “So we’re back to Cougar now?”
“What?”