Dear God, what was I thinking?
I opened my eyes and found the cabbie staring at me in the rearview mirror. “You okay, miss?”
No. I wasn’t anywhere near okay. My life was out of control. This situation with Grady was messing with my head. I shouldn’t be entertaining thoughts like this— about Cougar of all people. The man who was dating Miss Almost New Jersey.
“Lover’s quarrel?” he asked, and I blinked.
“Huh?”
He gave me a knowing smile. “It’ll be okay. I see lots of folks in this line of work. That guy back there’s crazy about you. I bet the phone will be ringing when you walk in the door.”
Well, it was, but it wasn’t Cougar on the other end. I stared down at my mother-in-law’s number on the caller ID and waited for the answering machine to pick up.
“Denise, it’s me—” Elizabeth’s cool voice began, and I picked up the receiver.
“Hold on a sec.” I removed my shoes and accepted a towel from Mrs. Angelino. “Okay. What can I do for you, Elizabeth?”
“I’m calling about the wedding.”
“Wedding?” I paused toweling my hair.
“My niece … in Baltimore? I asked you a month ago if Abby could go with me.”
“Oh, yeah.” I barely remembered the conversation. “When is it again?”
I caught the trace of exasperation in Elizabeth’s voice. “Tomorrow night. Are you still going to let her go? We’ll probably stay at my sister’s overnight.”
“She can go if she wants to. I don’t have a problem with it.”
“I spoke with her earlier. She wants to go, but I told her we’d have to see what you said.”
“Elizabeth, what happens between Grady and me doesn’t have to affect your relationship with Abby. I know you love her. She loves you. I don’t intend to keep her from you.”
“Well, I didn’t think you would, but then I called this evening and found out you’d left her with strangers. Is there some reason you didn’t ask me to babysit?”
I bristled at her tone, but lowered my voice so Tori and Mrs. Angelino wouldn’t hear. “They’re not strangers to me. I tried to call you first, but I couldn’t reach you.” I peeked in at Abby, who was sleeping soundly. “Now, what time do you want to pick her up tomorrow?”
“Four.”
“Fine. I’ll have her ready.” I hung up and went to talk to Mrs. Angelino and Tori. They assured me all had gone well. Tori tried to refuse her pay, but I insisted and asked them if they wanted to spend the night, since it was so late. After I got Mrs. Angelino settled in the guest room and Tori on the couch, I went upstairs to grab a shower. Afterward, I pulled on a robe and flopped
across the bed to paint my fingernails.
When the phone rang, I glanced at the caller ID and snatched it up. “Hey, you.”
“And the Academy Award goes to …” Cougar laughed. “You were amazing! Where did you get the fake blood?”
“Abby was a vampire last Halloween. I saw the capsules in my makeup bag and thought I’d get creative.”
“It worked. How could Massey not buy that? You even had me freaked out.”
I thought about the kiss. I wanted to ask him about it, but I didn’t know what to say.
“What did Massey do?”
“He mentioned his wife and said that maybe he could help us. He told me about the drug. I’m supposed to meet him day after tomorrow.”
I leaned back against the pillows. “Doesn’t it make you a little sad, that this time we’re busting someone who’s actually trying to
help
people?”
“A dealer’s a dealer, whether he’s selling drugs or the cure. You gotta realize … he’s killing people, too.”
I blew on my nails. “People who are already killing themselves.”
“That doesn’t make it okay.”
“I know it doesn’t, but don’t you feel somewhat sorry for him?”
“Sure. Your performance this evening brought that home for me. I thought about you, and how it would kill
me to watch someone I love destroy herself like that.”
We lapsed into silence. I felt as nervous as a teenager talking to the captain of the football team and cursed myself for reading more into his words than he intended. But that was the second time tonight I’d heard him mention “love” and me in the same sentence. Make-believe or not, it made me jumpy. I smeared my thumb polish twice, and finally put the nail polish away.
Cougar cleared his throat. “I guess I’d better let you—oh, wait! I knew there was something else I was supposed to tell you. I ran into Bill’s wife at the station. She’s throwing Bill a surprise birthday party tomorrow night at the Sizzler and wanted me to pass the word.”
I laughed. “He’ll kill her.” Bill didn’t like surprises, but maybe his latest wife hadn’t figured that out yet.
“Yeah, I know, but hey, it’s free food, and it’s not Fat Daddy’s.”
“Hey, you admitted it was good.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, it was good. That whole night was pretty good.”
There he went again. My cheeks burned when I remembered our snowball fight. Maybe I’d have the snow dream again. That was probably as close as I’d ever dare get to him again.
“What time are we supposed to be there tomorrow?” I asked, and was mortified to hear the squeak in my voice.
“Six.”
“I’ll see you there.” I started to hang up when I heard him call my name. “Yeah?”
“My birthday’s in a couple months. Will you wear the silver gown to my party? That was just… hot.”
“That would look real sharp at the Sizzler.”
He laughed and I said, “Good night, Cougar.”
“Well, we don’t have to have it at the Sizzler. There’s always my apart—”
“Good
night
, Cougar.” I hung up and stared at the phone. Then I laughed. “Get a grip,” I muttered. That was typical Cougar. He talked to me like that all the time. I had to stop taking it personally. I had to stop thinking of him.
But I thought of nothing else while I drifted off to sleep.
The next afternoon, I kissed Abby good-bye and went back inside to finish loading the dishwasher. Then I started getting ready, because I had to stop by the gun shop before they closed at five thirty to pick up Bill’s present. I’d ordered the antique Colt .38 for him a few weeks ago, but hadn’t had time to pick it up yet.
I slipped on my funeral dress, flats, and $18 stockings and headed for the mall. The owner of the gun shop already had the Colt in a gift box for me, so I had some time to kill before heading to the Sizzler. I thought about going early to see if Bill’s wife, Ellen, needed help decorating, but I’d gotten the distinct impression she
didn’t like me much. I opted for a little window-shopping instead.
A swingy red dress in a display case caught my eye. I liked it enough that I went inside for a closer look, but then walked back out when I saw the price tag. I wandered past Bath & Body Works and Spencer’s and drew up short when I caught my reflection in the mirrored wall.
Wow, I wasn’t looking too hot tonight. The funeral dress had been so named for a reason. It was plain, dull, and dowdy—the kind of thing I’d worn to keep Grady from pitching a jealous fit when I went somewhere without him.
I’d stopped by to see Milano on my way to work. I’d signed the papers and he promised me he’d take care of things. I didn’t have to worry about what Grady thought anymore. On impulse, I hurried back to the store with the red dress. I paid for it and a pair of matching red pumps, then slipped it all on in the dressing room. I stuffed my funeral dress and flats into the bag and left.
A lady hawking Merle Norman called to me when I headed toward the mall exit. “Free makeover?”
I glanced at my watch. “What can you do in ten minutes?”
Eight minutes later, I was on my way with ruby lips and smoky eyes and a bag of cosmetics I’d probably never use again. I hardly recognized myself and wasn’t sure if
that was a good or bad thing.
My cell started ringing the moment I walked inside the Sizzler. I grabbed it out of my purse and glanced down at Elizabeth’s cell number.
“Davidson party,” I said to the girl behind the register. She pointed me toward the banquet room. I nodded my thanks and answered the phone.
“I hope you’re happy,” she shrieked, and I pulled the phone back from my ear. “How could you do this to him?”
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“Grady told me he was served with divorce papers. He’s devastated.”
Whoa, Milano moved fast. I never dreamed he’d get the papers out today. I missed part of what Elizabeth was yelling at me while I processed this.
“—that you’re asking for supervised visitation. How dare you! You know he’d never hurt Abby.”
“I don’t think he’d hurt her on purpose, but he’s been drinking so much lately—”
“I don’t want to hear that,” she snapped.
“Whether you want to hear it or not, it’s true.” I leaned against the wall and nodded as someone from the office passed by.
I heard a sobbing sound in the background, and my grip tightened on the phone. “Elizabeth,” I said, as calmly as I could force myself, “where’s Abby?”
“She’s right here.”
I exploded. “What do you mean, she’s right there?”
“She needs to know all these things you’re slandering her father with aren’t true.”
“Which part, Elizabeth? The drinking, the abuse, the other woman? Put my daughter on the line.”
“You won’t blame all of this on him. You’re a horrible mother, Necie. You’ve neglected your family over and over again for your job. If you think you can take her from us, you’re sadly mistaken.”
“Put my daughter on the line NOW.”
“If it takes every dime—”
I gritted my teeth. “If you don’t put my daughter on the line this instant, I’m going to call the state police and have an APB put out on your ass for kidnapping.”
For a moment, I thought she’d hung up on me, then I heard Abby’s timid voice say, “Mama?”
She sounded so frightened. I swiped at a tear and tried to keep my voice steady. “Hey, baby. Listen, your grandma’s upset right now. I don’t want you to pay any attention to what she’s saying—”
“She says you’re trying to take me away from her and Daddy forever and ever. You wouldn’t do that, would you, Mama?”
I swallowed over the lump in my throat. Furious, helpless tears streamed down my cheeks. How could she do this in front of that child? “No, baby. I wouldn’t do that. Like I said, Grandma’s upset. She doesn’t know
what she’s saying. Your daddy and I love you. We’ll—”
“She doesn’t want to talk to you anymore,” Elizabeth interrupted.
Anger bubbled inside me, hot and black. “You listen to me and listen good. If Abby’s not home in three hours, I’m calling the police.”
“See, Abby,” she said. “It’s started already. Your mother says you can’t stay for the wedding—”
“You bitch!” I snarled. “Are you out of your mind?”
“Go ahead, curse me all you like. Just more for me to tell the judge.”
“Get her home and get her home now. You have three hours.” I clicked the phone shut and leaned against the wall, stunned by what had just happened.
I didn’t know what to do. Maybe I should call the police now—but no, that would only frighten Abby worse. She had three hours to get her back and then—
And then what?
I covered my face and sobbed.
“Are you okay?” someone asked, and I could only nod. People were staring. I headed toward the restroom, needing a few minutes to compose myself before I tried to drive.
I kept my head down, and just when I thought I was going to make it to the restroom without being caught by someone I knew, the men’s room door swung open and Cougar stepped into the hallway.
His smile vanished with one look at my face. I ducked my head and pushed past him into the ladies’ room. To my horror, he followed.
“What are you doing?” I shrieked, glancing behind me to see if anyone else was inside. Both stall doors hung open.
Cougar acted like he didn’t hear me. “What’s wrong?”
“Everything,” I whispered, and twisted away from him to stare at my reflection in the mirror. I looked washed-out and pale, except for the reddened tip of my nose and the black smudges beneath my eyes. Yanking a paper towel from the dispenser, I tried to do some damage control and only succeeded in smearing the mascara further.
“Damn it!” I cried.
Cougar ripped off another sheet, dampened it, and caught my chin in his hand. Too miserable to protest, I stood there like a child while he cleaned my face. “There,” he said, and tossed the soiled paper towel in the trash. “Now talk to me. What’s the matter? You and Grady fighting?”
“Please, Cougar … not now. I don’t feel like talking.”
He gave me a crooked grin. “Then how about dancing?”
I couldn’t return his smile. “I’ve got to go.”
“Go? You just got here.” A tear-dampened twig of hair stuck to my jaw, and I shivered when he brushed it away with his thumb. His blue eyes darkened, and my
breath caught in my throat when he leaned toward me.
The restroom door burst open, and we jerked apart. The giggling pair who entered fell silent when they saw us. I didn’t know one of the women, but the smirk on the other’s face made my stomach lurch. I swallowed hard and stared at Andrea Jacobs, Kimberly’s best friend.
“Are we interrupting something?” she asked.
“No.” I hurried around them and yanked open the door. I’d explain things to Bill later.
Cougar followed on my heels. He darted around me to block my exit.
“Necie, talk to me. What’s wrong?” he said.
I forced a smile. “Look, I’m fine. I was upset but now I’m over it. Go back to the party. You’re in enough trouble already.”
He shot me a perplexed look. “In trouble with whom?”
“Kimberly. Andrea will tell her …” I flushed, and finished lamely, “Who knows what Andrea will tell her.”
“About what?” He looked genuinely confused, and I was beginning to feel stupid.
“Never mind.”
“Oh!” Cougar smiled. “I get it. You thought she’d be jealous. You don’t have to worry about Kim.”
My ears burned. What he really meant was Kim didn’t have to worry about me. Duh. It
was
stupid, to imagine the leggy redhead spending even a moment being jealous of me. Whatever. I didn’t need this right
now. I was worried sick about my little girl.
I shoved the gift box at Cougar. “I’ve really got to go. Will you give this to Bill when he gets here?”