“Wait?” Disbelief sparked his tone. “For what?”
Aggravated by my circumstances, angry that he was getting close to figuring out the twisted puzzle of my life, I sighed. “He just wants me to be… older, I guess.”
“What about what you want?”
I’m working on it.
I shrugged, not sure how to answer. I wanted to change the subject. “Anyway, I haven’t found anyone worth spending that kind of time with.”
“You will,” he said.
When we reached the townhouse I paused at the bottom of the stairs.
He stopped. “What is it? Aren’t you freezing?”
I haven’t been cold all night.
I laid on my bed like a bottle of soda, shaken and ready to pop.
The grin on my face wouldn’t leave, no matter how I tried to remind myself how horrible Colin had been. Once.
That was forever ago.
Mother’s voice trickled down the stairs. So did Colin’s. His bedroom was above mine, I heard his movements in soft, teasing shifts overhead, wispy sounds beckoning to me. I rose and opened my bedroom door.
“Darling, you don’t have to cover up for me. We’re like family.”
What was Mother doing? I crept out into the hall so I could hear better.
“Mmm, I’d like to see you in this. Why haven’t you worn it?”
“I will. One of these days.”
“That would be appropriate. You wouldn’t want to hurt my feelings now, after all the trouble I went to replacing your wardrobe.”
I cringed. Mother somehow believed whatever she said was okay to say, present company be damned.
“I just had to thank you for the marvelous job you did with Ash today. I haven’t seen her this happy in years.”
Oh no
. I nearly crumpled against the wall.
“I’m glad she enjoyed herself.”
“Oh, she enjoyed herself. You’re wonderful with her.”
With her? Like I’m a two year old in need of entertaining.
I stormed into my bedroom and slammed the door. Then cringed. I shouldn’t have done that. Knowing Mother, she’d be knocking on my door to see what was wrong.
When the knock never came, I cracked open the door and listened. Nothing. And no sound overhead.
Wrapping my pink robe around me, I tied the sash and crept to the music room. My body shook with irritation that would only leave me with the melodic playing of the piano.
I shut the double doors and crossed the wood floor to my sleek friend, awaiting me by the window. I smiled, bunched nerves uncoiling as I approached her.
I sat, and my fingers rested on the keys, anger shifting to anticipation as I began to play.
Colin’s melody. Feelings collided inside of me, questions surfaced.
Fantasies danced with reality. The end of the tune was coming, and I didn’t want it to… As long as I played the song, his face, his eyes, his smile stayed present in my mind, even as conflict twined with the pleasant images. I played the song over and over, in higher octaves, then lower for more drama. Finally, my fingers laid to rest on the ending chords.
“That was amazing.” Colin’s voice.
My eyes flashed. My quickened breath echoed off the mahogany walls. The melody still sung in my head, mixing now with the sound of his rapid breathing, stirring me. He moved around the piano. “It hurts you when you play that song.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I think of things that will never be.”
“You can have anything you want, Ashlyn.”
I shook my head, eyes pinching closed. “No.”
“That can’t be possible.”
More than anything, I wanted someone to understand what was inside me. The bench rocked. Heat pressed into my side. He was sitting next to me, I felt his eyes beg me to look at him. I did.
Frightened my face might give away my heart, my hands barely moved away from the keys.
His hand shot out and stopped me. “Play it again.”
I looked at his hand, wrapped around my right wrist, and he let go. I placed my hands back on the keys. When I struck the first note, he closed his eyes.
My arm brushed his and as it did, my body moved to the swells of the music, the melody reaching inside of me. Each note, each chord and progression pierced deep, opening places that hadn’t flickered with sensation so overpowering before.
Out the corner of my eye, his head turned. He watched me play.
Did he know this song was his? My body writhed, fingers demanded, fighting the message of the tune. Tiny beads of sweat budded at my hairline, in the hollow of my throat where my heart beat. Playing the song was bitter. Sweet. Torture.
Colin wrapped his hands around mine. He squeezed. My breath caught. I savored the strong feel of his fingers cuffing my hands. His eyes shifted to my mouth, then to my eyes. His body inched toward mine.
A cough startled us.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Colin whipped around. Mother stood in the doorway dressed in a black with a sheer robe barely tied at the waist. Remnants of surprise vanished from her face, replaced by wary amusement.
She crossed to the piano, her eyes narrowing even though a faint smile slit her lips. “That was lovely, darling. But why did you stop?”
Her eyes slid down to the keys, to Colin’s hands clutching mine. “I see.”
I broke free of Colin’s grasp and stood.
“You don’t like her music, Colin?”
Colin joined me. “I think it’s outstanding. It just—she looked unhappy when she was playing.” His careful gaze swept my face. “Like it hurt. I wondered—”
“And yet you asked her to play it again.”
Colin swallowed. “Yes.” He glanced at me, apology in his eyes.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that if it—”
“That’s just silly, isn’t it Ashlyn?” Mother drove on. “She’s a composer. Her pieces are just creations. Like an actor playing a part.
It’s not her.”
How little Mother knew me. I caught a glimpse of confusion, maybe irritation, on Colin’s face at Mother’s comment.
“Anyway,” Mother glossed over the topic. “I could use your help for a moment if you don’t mind.”
“Sure,” Colin said.
I passed Mother and caught her perfume—freshly applied. This time of night?
In my bedroom, I closed the door, but was curious what Mother was doing—what she needed Colin for. When their voices grew soft enough that I was sure they were both far away, I opened the door and crept out. I heard Mother’s voice from her bedroom down the hall. Mother and Daddy had had their own bedrooms ever since I could remember. I never thought anything of it until I’d had Felicity over and she’d told me it was weird. What would Colin think?
Tip-toeing, I followed their discussion until I was outside Mother’s bedroom.
“You like the painting?” Mother asked him.
When she’d had my painting commissioned, she’d also had one done of her. It had hung out in the main entry up until last year. Then she’d had it moved into her bedroom. Now, it hung over her massive four poster bed.
“It’s nice,” Colin sounded respectfully neutral.
“Thank you. I’m dreadfully tired. But I want help moving this desk.
I’d like it right under the window so that when I’m sitting here, I can look out. Can you manage that for me, dear boy? Usually, Charles helps me. But he’s late tonight and I simply haven’t the energy to wait up for him. I want it ready tomorrow morning.”
Mother had occasionally asked Stuart to help her with odd jobs like this. Still, it had been years since she’d approached Stuart wearing only her negligee. Uncertainty twisted my stomach.
I heard tinkering, sliding, and finally a heavy thud.
“Thank you.”
“No problem.”
“Where are you going?” Mother’s voice dropped to a low purr.
I so wanted to peek around the corner and see what was going on.
Afraid Colin would come out and discover me, I ran silently back to my bedroom and stood behind the partially closed door.
“I guess this is goodnight.” Mother’s tone had sharpened.
“Yes, it is,” Colin said. “Goodnight.”
His footsteps sounded on the stairs going up. I couldn’t believe Mother had actually come onto him. Did she think he would respond to her advance? The idea thrust my stomach into a roll of disgust.
Mother’s door closed with a slam.
<> <> <>
When Eddy dropped Colin and me off at Chatham the next day, I was surprised to find Danicka Fiore and her skeletal peeps clinging to the curb. The minute our car pulled up, she snapped to attention, posing. Her friends mimicked her plastic stance.
Did Colin like über skinny girls? Covertly, I watched him out the corner of my eye and my stomach took a slug when his gaze lit on the frail bunch. I let out a snort, bringing his attention to me.
A wave of stupidity nearly drowned me. I wasn’t doing much to earn his respect. His eyes narrowed, studying me briefly, before Eddy opened the door. Colin waited for me to get out.
The second my feet hit the sidewalk, Danicka sauntered over, flipping her long, straight hair in a practiced, smooth move. “Hey, Ash.
What’s up?”
Danicka’s attempts to chat grated on my self esteem. I ignored her, something I’d never done before, deeming her attention god-like before now.
She continued talking behind me and I turned. “I’m Danicka.”
She and her friends surrounded Colin like starved cats around a bowl of cream.
What a joke.
But deep down, I figured he was like every other male. Why wouldn’t the sight of beautiful prep school girls in uniform be a turn on?
He smiled, his dimples flashing, and he gave Danicka a nod. No hello. Just a nod, before he said, “Excuse me,” and broke through them, his eyes on me.
My cheeks flushed with heat, and, inwardly, I cheered.
How does
that feel, Danicka?
Colin soon climbed the stairs beside me. I felt comforted, having him next to me, even though I shouldn’t have.
He opened one of the heavy wooden doors to school and I swooshed inside with the other girls. Colin got stuck holding the door open, a smile on his face for every lash-batting female who passed him.
Felicity joined me inside the school main entrance. “Wow, he’s holding the door open?”
“Yeah,” I snickered, “he’s a real Prince Charming. He totally brushed Danicka and the skeletons off though.”
“Snaps for him.” Felicity continued to glance over her shoulder.
“She’s not giving up.”
I stopped, and was bumped, nudged and nearly run over by girls on their way to class. Sure enough, Danicka stood poised in the open door, one leg artfully bent at the knee, her hands behind her arched back while she flirted with Colin.
A flash of fire shot up my spine. I gripped the straps of my book bag until I couldn’t feel my fingers anymore and started toward my first class. Another day of not being able to concentrate. Another day of Colin’s dimpled smile like a searchlight flashing in my head, over and over taking my thoughts from academics to him and his song. Another day of doodling the notes of his song in my margins.
Lunch came and Felicity and I stayed in the lunchroom. I kept my eye on the opening, wondering if Colin would come looking for me, but he remained stationed down by the main entrance of the school.
I confirmed with a peek.
“I have got to stop spying on him,” I blew out, after peering around the corner, spotting him sitting reading the New York Times in one of the main hall chairs.
Felicity giggled next to me, then stole a peek for herself. “I don’t know, Ash. He’s really hot. I can see why you’ve got a crush on him.”
Eyes wide, I glared at her. “I do not have a crush. He’s annoying, just like the rest of them.”
“Annoying like a luscious itch that has to be scratched,” Felicity swooned. “Crap, he’s looking. Oh, no. I think he saw me.”
Just what I didn’t need. I started down the hall at a half-jog, Felicity laughing at my heels. We rounded a corner, nearly bumping into Danicka and the skeletons.
“I’ve been looking for you,” Danicka said.
“Me?”
“What’s your cell number? I want to invite you to a party I’m having this weekend at Ninety-Nine. You’ve heard of it, right?”
Who hadn’t? For being seen by anyone who was someone important, Ninety-Nine was the current place for five-star hooking up. Or so I’d heard. “Yeah.”
“It’s gonna rock. What’s your number?” She held out her diamond-encased cell phone.
If I gave her my number Daddy would blow a fuse. He’d make me delete her later, after a thorough background check, and he’d wonder what I was doing even talking to someone as celebutante as Danicka.
I recited my phone number.
“K. Cool. I’ll text you later.” She swung away, hips swaying in unison with her runway friends as they strolled down the hall.
“She never stays here for lunch,” I mumbled.
Felicity shrugged. “Guess she’s decided to have Colin for lunch.”
An image of Danicka seducing Colin flashed in my head, causing surges of jealousy to vibrate through me. I wanted to slap myself for caring, for being jealous, for having him suddenly in my life—a distraction so overwhelming, five minutes didn’t go by that his name didn’t whisper into my consciousness.
“Your Dad’s going to pee his pants,” Felicity whispered, laughed.
“Yeah.” He’d do more than that if he found out about Danicka’s party. But going would be the gutsiest thing I’d ever done.
<> <> <>
Danicka texted me on the drive home. I angled my cell phone screen so Colin, if he was looking, and I was sure he wasn’t, wouldn’t be able to read it.
so this sat, 99 @10 u kno where it is?
Ya
cool. will colin b coming?
The real reason she was inviting me.
um yeah.
cooool he’s soooo hot.
I grinned. I couldn’t wait to see her face when I walked into her party—alone.
i’ll leave ur name with Carlos – the doorman. K? cu then.
I deleted the thread of texts. Daddy regularly asked to see my phone—an irritation that sent injustice screaming through my head.
I sighed.
The days before Friday dragged. I couldn’t stop thinking about how fun it was going to be alone at Ninety-Nine. I imagined dancing with hot guys, being the center of attention in the center of the dance floor. I stopped talking to Felicity about it, because she kept reminding me Daddy would blow an artery. I didn’t care. I wondered if she was jealous, and I felt bad. We both knew Danicka would never invite her to one of her parties, and Felicity didn’t have Colin as bait.