“What kind of future can we have?” She almost choked on her question. “My future is with Steve.”
His hand stilled. Her words rang through the silence between them.
“Not anymore,” Tyler said at length. He stared into her eyes, and she watched fascinated as the gold flecks danced among the chocolaty depths of his irises. “It’s time to face the facts. Steve is wrong for you. You and I belong together. We’ve both known it for a very long time. We love each other. Together we’re better than we are apart. I’m a better person with you. I’m more whole.”
She was too. Even with the weight of her guilt pressing on her shoulders, she felt more alive, more invigorated this morning than she had in two years.
Surely that told her something?
She shook her head. “You make it sound so straightforward, but it’s not just the two of us anymore. Steve is as much a part of of this twisted mess as we are.”
“What we share has nothing to do with Steve.” Tyler’s jawline tensed as he spoke, belying his words.
“You fucked his fiancé. Of course it has something to do with him.”
A muscle worked in his cheek. His eyes clouded over. The guilt weighed just as heavily on him as it did on her.
“I swear to you, my sweet, I never meant for anything to happen while you and Steve were engaged. I… I wanted to wait until after Fuck, Katie. I couldn’t hold back. When you kissed me on the cliffs, I couldn’t stop. His voice broke. I couldn’t.” He shook his head. “I’d waited so long to have you again I just Jesus, Katie, you’re all I’ve ever wanted.”
He moved his hand, dragging it up her leg. War raged in his eyes, self-hatred battling desire. She could identify she loathed herself for what she’d done.
It did not stop the warm flesh of Tyler’s palm singeing the skin on her thigh.
“You’re all I’ve ever wanted…” His hand reached the apex of her thighs and he stopped and groaned.
She knew he’d found her ready. Hot liquid coated his fingers. God, how was it possible she could feel such guilt about Steve and still want Tyler so badly she thought she might explode? How could it be?
“Tyler,” she said on a moan as he grazed her swollen nub. “We shouldn’t do this. Last night maybe. This morning no.”
“I know. We should stop.” His gaze was focused on his hand as he flipped the towel aside.
“We need to think about Steve.” She couldn’t help it. She followed his gaze as she inched herself lower in the chair.
“We will, my sweet, I promise.”
The sight of him touching her, of her moisture glistening on his fingers She choked on a moan, and a fresh rush of heat filled her core.
“Jesus, Katie.” He dropped his head between her legs, clamped his mouth over her exposed clit and kissed her.
Instinctively she sank even lower in the seat, spread her legs wider and hooked a foot over his shoulder. He took the opportunity to kiss her more deeply. The growth of his overnight beard scraped against the tender skin of her inner thigh while his tongue lapped at her lips, making love to her.
He licked her, from her hot, wet center, up over her lips and around her clit, then back down again. All the while Steve stood like a tower in her mind, watching every movement. Tyler kissed her until she was a gasping wreck on the chair. Steve grimaced with distaste, and she hated herself a little more. It didn’t stop her breath from coming in uneven bursts or her chest from burning with lack of air. Steve glowered at her as Tyler seduced her with his mouth. The torment and the guilt were excruciating. She couldn’t contain them, couldn’t contain her response. Even as her orgasm overwhelmed her, she began to weep.
She climaxed with an intensity that left her winded, choking her violent sobs.
Tyler lifted her from the chair and stroked her hair protectively, but she pushed against him, hard. It was his fault. If he’d never left, she’d never be in this predicament. If he’d never returned, she wouldn’t be the cheating bitch he’d turned her into. The force of their combined weight sent him spiraling onto the bed and she went with him.
Goddamn, she hated him for what he’d made her do but not quite as much as she hated herself.
No sooner had she hit the bed, than she straightened, turned and laid into Tyler. Acid tears burned her cheeks as she punched his arm and his chest repeatedly, all her anger and self-loathing coming out in the blows. “Fuck you, Tyler. We should not be doing this.”
He tensed, accepting the attack. Perhaps he viewed it as penance.
“I hate you!” she screamed as she punched him. “I hate myself.”
He flinched as she landed a blow to his stomach. “I hate what we’ve done to Steve,” he wheezed, “but doing this is right. We belong together.” He watched as the fight drained out of her, then turned as her attack lost strength. He gathered her in his arms, trapping her fists between them. “Walk away, Katie, if makes you feel better. Get off this bed and leave the room.” He paused, drawing in a shaky breath.
“It won’t improve the situation,” he warned, “and I promise you it won’t make you want me less.”
Want him less? Christ, burning in the flames of hell wouldn’t make her want him less. She tore free of his embrace. Tears streamed from her eyes. Remorse suffocated her. Still she straddled him. Positioned herself above his dick and had the presence of mind to grab a condom.
Tyler’s chest heaved as he watched her. His eyes were steady, sad and black with desire. “I love you. You and I were meant to be together. Understand that will never change.”
“I’m marrying your best friend.” His cock touched her still throbbing folds and shudders of desire, guilt and shame racked her body.
“I love you, Katie.” In one swift move he surged up, filling her. “And you love me.”
The remorse and the tension and the need were all too much.
Orgasm was the only means of release. She came immediately, convulsing around his pounding cock. Shockwaves rolled through her.
She was a worm. An unprincipled, moral-less worm.
It took less than a minute and Tyler joined her, crying out her name as he climaxed inside her.
For a long time they lay silent. Only the sound of her guilty weeping filled the air. Then Tyler withdrew and held Katie close.
“I need to tell Steve,” she whispered, looking at his face. The anger was gone. All that was left was the relentless guilt. “I won’t cheat on him again. I can’t. It would destroy him.”
He nodded. Her shame shadowed his eyes. “I know, Katie. We both need to speak to Steve.”
“Not together.” When she told Steve the truth she’d do it alone and face the consequences alone, however terrible.
“No,” he agreed. “I’m meeting him this morning. I’ll speak to him then.”
Katie jerked away from him. “You can’t!” She drew in a ragged breath. “It has to be me.”
Tyler shook his head. “I came home for this. I knew when I stepped on the plane all my actions might lead to this confrontation. I’m challenging my best friend for you, and he needs to understand why.
This is my battle, my responsibility, and I will deal with it.” His voice brooked no argument.
“I cheated on my fiancé. I betrayed him. How do you think he’s going to respond if you tell him? It has to come from me.”
Tyler laughed cynically. “You think that’ll hurt him less?”
Nausea rose fast in her throat. “I don’t think anything could hurt him less than his future wife sleeping with his closest mate.” She closed her eyes and despised herself. Even the tears had stopped. She was too guilty to cry.
When she opened her eyes again, Tyler’s face was white. “I am going to speak to him, Katie, and I’m going to tell him the truth. He needs to know why I came home.”
After a couple minutes of silence she nodded. Her stomach became more queasy by the second. “Do what you have to do, Tyler, but don’t tell him about about…” She looked down at her naked body. “About this.
that’s my cross to bear.”
Tyler frowned. “Everything else is fair game. At the very least Steve deserves to know why you’re leaving him, and he needs to hear it from me.”
“What?” Her shocked question rang through the room.
“I said he needs to hear it from me.”
“Tyler I’m not leaving Steve. Well, not yet anyway.” Not until she’d determined whether she wanted to leave him. Yes, she loved Tyler. She couldn’t keep her damn hands off him, but she loved Steve too he’d helped make her dreams come true.
She and Tyler had screwed him over when they kept their history from him and he wasn’t happy. How would he respond to their infidelity?
How the fuck did she think he’d respond? She was naive and stupid to assume he’d still want to marry her. He’d kick her out so fast her head would spin.
The second Steve found out about Tyler, their relationship would come to a grinding halt.
For the briefest time, Katie considered not telling him. If she swept the truth under the carpet, Steve would never get hurt. He never needed to know that she’d betrayed him. They could go ahead and get married and live the future they’d planned for the last two months.
The idea flashed by so quickly it astounded Katie that she’d been able to think so much in such a short time.
It was unquestionable. Of course she’d tell him.
“You’re not leaving him?” Tyler’s face was filled with disbelief and anger. “You slept with me and told me you love me, but you’re not leaving him?”
“Tyler, look at my life. It’s different from what it once was. Steve is my future. He has been since I agreed to marry him.” Although she rather thought she’d just fucked that up irreparably.
He pursed his lips, fighting to keep his rage in check. “I’m home, Katie. You don’t have to marry him. You have a choice.”
Did he think she was marrying Steve because she couldn’t have Tyler? “I always had a choice. Just because you weren’t part of my choice when I accepted his proposal doesn’t mean there was no other option. I could have said no.”
“Christ, Katie. What are you doing?” Tyler dragged a hand over his mouth. “I’m back. I’m not going to get sick. We can get married and have a future.”
“And just ignore my present? And the two years between now and when you left?” She was desperate, unresolved. She had to choose between two men, and she didn’t have a clue how to decide.
Her heart and body had no doubt. They chose Tyler, hands down.
Her head and her conscience chose Steve. How could she desert him?
The desperation made her edgy. She stood and paced the length of the room.
“You can’t just barge back into my life and expect me to fall at your feet. To wipe out the last years and carry on with you as though there was never a hitch. You can’t expect me to do that to Steve, can you?
Can you?” Her voice rose, and she forced herself to take a deep, calming breath.
It didn’t help.
Tyler’s voice rose too. “How can you possibly consider a future with a man you’re not in love with?”
“I do love him, and I considered it in great detail. You know what, Ty? It seemed like a damn good option. It seemed like a safe, secure future. Like a future that wouldn’t get up and walk out on me. Like a future I could live in very happily.”
Tyler stared at her with obvious disbelief. “Are you honestly saying after last night you’re still thinking about marrying Steve?”
She returned his incredulous gaze. “Of course I’m thinking about it.
It’s the only thing I’ve thought about since you got here. You’re back, and I’m marrying someone else.”
Tyler pushed himself off the bed. Her gaze fell on his chest, on the tension that radiated through him. She had to plant her feet firmly on the floor so as not to throw herself at his nude form.
He stood beside the mattress shaking with anger. “You spent last night in my arms. You made love to me. And now you’re talking about spending the rest of your life with him?” His voice was tight, controlled.
He was beautiful. The way he stood, wearing nothing but his contained fury, took her breath away. “You’re expecting me to give up my future based on one night of sex?”
“Strangers have sex. We made love.”
“What do you want from me, Tyler?” He demanded too much. She struggled under the pressure. “Do you want me to change my life? To cater to your whims and needs because you’re not going to develop Huntington’s? You want me to break the heart of a man I love dearly because you’re okay and you want to start living again?” She pressed a finger against one eye and a thumb against the other, trying to make sense of things. “You think it’s okay to ruin Steve’s life because we’ve found each other again? Do you? Well, I don’t. I made a commitment to him. I can’t just back out now because you’re home. I can’t.”
“What do you think?” he asked bitterly. “That Steve’s going to want to stay with you after you slept with another man? You might not want to hurt him, Katie, but you re too late. You already have. We both have.”
Shame stabbed maliciously at her chest, and she lost her breath.
She pressed her hand against her heart and gave a strangled cry. Her knees gave way and she sat heavily on the bed, trembling.
How could Steve ever forgive her for cheating on him?
Tyler dragged his hand through his hair again. “I need to take a shower.”
“If you’re trying to wash away your guilt, don’t bother,” she said resentfully. “It won’t help. I just tried.”
His eyes flashed. “I can’t wash off the guilt, Katie. Water can’t reach the places where it’s lodged.” He turned, faced the wall for a minute, then looked back at her. “Steve may be my best friend, but that doesn’t mean he can have the only woman I’ve ever loved. I’m taking a shower to wash away the scent of our lovemaking. The last thing Steve needs is to meet me smelling of you.”
And with that he stalked into the bathroom.
He might not smell like Katie anymore, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t branded across his skin. He couldn’t take a goddamn step without thinking about her. What the fuck was she thinking, considering staying with Steve after last night? Any satisfaction he’d gotten from their lovemaking was lost in Katie’s uncertainty and in the dread that sat like a rock in the pit of his stomach.
He parked his bike and checked the lot for Steve’s car. Why, of all the places he could have looked for his friend, did he have to choose the one beach drenched in childhood memories? They’d spent countless early mornings surfing at Maroubra. Christ, Steve had not only taught him to surf he’d been the one to pick him up whenever a wave knocked him down.