Only Through Love: A Cane River Romance Novella (5 page)

            “What?”
He felt like she’d missed his meaning completely. These kids weren’t victims.
They were criminals. It was true some were born into the worst kind of
circumstances but they were still criminals, at least in a legal sense. Somehow
in the conversation, they’d managed to switch sides of the argument and now had
completely wandered from the point he’d been trying to make.

            “Nothing.
Just that you’re typical of so many guys I know. You get everything handed to
you and people who don’t get the same silver spoon at birth are just lazy or
don’t make good decisions.”

            “No,
that’s not what I was trying―”

            “My
daddy says if you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty. I never really thought
about that saying until something bad happened to me and then it seemed like
the whole world just assumed I’d been wallowing with pigs.” Her eyes glinted
with tears. “Maybe I didn’t even know I was in the pigpen. I guess that makes
me stupid. But taking responsibility doesn’t change anything, does it? I’m
standing here admitting I was completely naïve and it makes not a bit of
difference.”

            A
single tear rolled down her cheek and he felt his heart drop. “I’m sorry. I
didn’t know that―”

            She
swiped at her face and shifted the box. “Never mind,” she mumbled. “I shouldn’t
have said anything.” She didn’t look him in the eye. “I’ll let Alice know that
you need more books.” And with that, she turned and left his office.

            Austin
stood there for several minutes, searching the conversation for some clue as to
what had gone wrong. She didn’t like him and that had been clear from the very
beginning. But somewhere the little shots across the bow had turned into a
full-blown disagreement rooted in a misunderstanding he still couldn’t quite
grasp.

            Sinking
into his chair, he dropped his head in his hands. He managed to get through his
day by letting everyone else do the talking. By some miracle, his boss seemed
to think he did a good job and the kids liked him well enough. Sometimes they
even made good decisions after going to counseling. Deep down, he really didn’t
have any idea what he was doing and until today, he’d kept it a secret.

            Charlie
had known from the moment she clapped eyes on him that he was a fraud. And now,
after he opened his mouth and blurted out his frustrations, she thought he was
arrogant and entitled, too.

            Sitting
up, he slowly stacked the books in a pile to the left of his papers. He would
have to apologize. She probably wouldn’t want to hear it but he would try
anyway. Somehow she got the idea that he believed he was better than everybody
else. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Give a little love to a child and
you get a great deal back.

― Ruskin       

            Charlie
stepped into By the Book and slowly stripped off her sweatshirt, trying not to
think of how the station attendant had laughed in her face when she’d asked for
a gallon of gas. It was better to sell the car but then someone might start
asking questions she couldn’t answer.

            The
rain was tapering off but the walk from the back parking lot to the front of
the store was still long enough to get a little bit wetter. Drops clung to the
ends of her hair and her shoes made squishing sounds as she hung up the
sweatshirt on an old iron coat rack. It sagged on the hook, the pocket heavy
with the small packet of PopTarts she’d bought at the store. It wasn’t the kind
of food she ate but it was cheap and she hadn’t eaten anything since early that
morning. She’d have the Poptarts for lunch and a cup of ramen noodles for
dinner. She tried not to think about breakfast.

            “How
did it go?” Alice stood up, a sleeping Aurora cradled in her arms. The little
girl must have spit up on herself because she sported a new gray shirt with an
embroidered black raven and the word “nevermore”.

            “Great.”
Except for the part where they called each other names, she started crying and
then stomped out. She turned and walked around the desk, not meeting Alice’s
gaze. “He says he needs more books.”

            “Wonderful!
Did he say how many? Two boxes? Three? We should order multiples of the most
popular. We can have them here by next week. What did Cora say? I wasn’t sure
if the director would be interested in another project. They already have so
much to handle down there, but Gideon thought it was a good idea and said it
couldn’t hurt to ask.” Alice was so excited she wasn’t hardly pausing for
breath. “Did he like your selections? Tell him that he can pick out books, too.
He really seems like he reads everything, from turn of the century to modern.
Do you guys like the same books? I bet you do. You two are so
similar
.”

            Charlie
turned around. “We’re not, actually. Not at all. And I think it would be better
if you told him all of this. There’s no reason for me to be part of this
project.”

            For
the first time, Alice seemed to notice her swollen eyes. “What happened,
sha
?
Did you two have a misunderstanding?”

            Trying
to understand Austin was the very least of her worries. Charlie stared down at the
desk and wished for the thousandth time that Alice wasn’t married to Paul, and
that Paul didn’t own ScreenStop, and that Charlie hadn’t written a virus that
almost wiped out his company. Alice had been one of her closest friends. She
missed talking to her and sharing everything that was in her heart. She was so
tired of being alone, of trying to figure everything out by herself. Her car
was out of gas, there was no food in her fridge, she couldn’t find a second
job, and her rent was due. She couldn’t ask Alice, or anyone else, for help.
They would ask questions she didn’t want to answer. She couldn’t change what
had happened. There was nothing to do but keep going.

            “No,
sorry, Miss Alice. He just rubs me the wrong way.” She looked up and tried to
smile. “And the rain always makes me sad. Just feeling emotional, I guess.”

            Alice
seemed like she was going to ask another question but instead she walked
forward and placed sleeping Aurora in Charlie’s arms. “Babies should be
classified as antidepressants. Sit down. Hold her for a while. Try not to think
about anything.” She pressed a kiss to Aurora’s forehead and the baby let out a
sigh in her sleep. “When I feel overwhelmed, I focus on one thing, like her
little ear. It’s miraculous, when you really spend the time to look at it. So
perfectly formed, every little bit. I’ll get you a cup of coffee.” She waved a
hand. “Go. Sit.”

            She
started to say that sitting with Aurora wasn’t going to change anything, but
she realized how weary she felt. Having a quiet break sounded pretty nice,
actually. Alice walked to the back of the store where they kept the coffee
maker and Charlie headed for the old red armchair by the front window.
Carefully settling in, she adjusted the blanket so Aurora’s little socks were
covered. The baby felt warm and substantial in her arms. After a few minutes, the
smell of fresh coffee wafted toward her. The rain had slowed but the sidewalk
was still clear of pedestrian and further past the grass covered banks, she
could see Cane River flowing by. The ache in her chest started to ease. It
suddenly occurred to Charlie how long it had been since she’d hugged anyone. Or
even touched anyone. She tightened her arms around Aurora. The bookstore was
silent except for the soft sound of the rain outside and Alice’s footsteps near
the back of store.

            Charlie
let her gaze wander along the wooden benches, dark with rain. Her heart rate
slowed. She still didn’t have enough money for gas or anything in her fridge,
but Alice was right. Babies made everything better. She leaned down and inhaled
deeply.
Strawberries.
 Her stomach let out a growl and she remembered
the package of PopTarts in her sweatshirt pocket. She was too relaxed to move
but eventually the gnawing hunger convinced her to wiggle out of the comfortable
red chair, cross to where her sweatshirt hung, and retrieve the silver packet
single-handedly.

            As
she lowered herself back in the chair, Aurora let out a sigh and Charlie froze.
If it was a question of eating lunch or waking the baby, she’d just go hungry,
but after a while the little girl settled back into a deep sleep. It took a few
minutes and a bit of contorting but she eventually opened the foil package. She
had eaten PopTarts a few times in her life, mostly while traveling with
friends. It wasn’t the kind of food she craved. At the store, it seemed the two
cheapest choices were salty junk food or sweet junk food. Maybe apples and
pears would cost less in the summer. She didn’t know. She’d never bothered to
notice. Her whole life she’d walked into a grocery store and bought whatever
she wanted, not really looking at the final tally.

            The
first sweet pastry went fast and although it was dense, her stomach still felt hollow.
She nibbled the next. Dinner was hours away. An image of the gas gauge popped
into her mind. It was a newer car but even with good mileage she probably only
had a few trips home and back left in the tank. If only she’d rented an
apartment closer to bookstore, but the Cane River Riverwalk area was premium
real estate. Austin must have a nice salary to pay for the spacious rooms above
By the Book. The apartments anywhere within walking distance were out of her
budget. Actually, her current apartment was out of her budget, even across the
river near the industrial area and as dingy as it was.

            She
stared down at the half-eaten pastry. The chemical smell of the cherry filling
made her stomach turn.

            “Oh,
sha
, that’s the look I get on my face when I eat junk food, too.” Ruby
was standing a few feet away, her eyes twinkling with laughter. “It all sounds
so good and then after a few bites, I realize my mama had it right. We need to
stick to the food our people cook. Jambalaya, gumbo, meat pies, greens,
biscuits and gravy, the like.”

            Charlie’s
stomach rumbled in response but she couldn’t help but smile. Bix Beaulieu was
the other employee of By the Book, and where Bix went, usually Ruby went, too.
Not that she was a clingy wife. Not at all. After they both lost their spouses
and found new love with each other, those two eighty-year-olds were even more
independent than ever. “If I could carry some home cooked gumbo in my pocket, I
would,” she said.

            “Well,
cook it up at home and bring it in some Tupperware.
C’est tout.
”

            “If
I knew how.” Charlie shrugged, smiling. It was more complicated than that, of
course.

            “My
word, if Alice hasn’t taught you to cook gumbo, somethin’ isn’t right with the
world.” Ruby swung around, hands on hips. Alice was nowhere in sight, probably
fixing Charlie’s cup of coffee. Ruby turned her outrage back toward Charlie.
“That’s it. You’re coming home with us tonight. I don’t have the fixins for
gumbo, but I can make us some blackened catfish. Bix just caught a mess of ‘em
and they’re already in the ice box, all clean. Won’t take us but a minute to fry
‘em up. ”

            Charlie
opened her mouth to explain that she already knew how to cook. Not a lot, but
enough to make her mama happy. When she was thirteen, her mama had despaired
over all the time Charlie spent gaming so they’d compromised.  She’d learned to
cook Creole food and her mama would stop worrying that she’d end up without any
useful skills. “No, Miss Ruby, you don’t have to―”     

            “After
that, we’ll whip up some fresh beignets and have coffee. I’d make my famous
bread pudding with vanilla peach sauce but I don’t think we got the time.” She
looked at a delicate silver watch on her wrist. “Yep, that’s settled. You know
where we live? Right down on Emile Street. Good thing, too, since Bix can’t
drive anymore and he can’t come pick you up.”

            Charlie
remembered the day the DMV finally rescinded Bix’s license. The whole city of
Natchitoches seemed to give a sigh of relief. Bix had been driving by memory
for years and his old green Cadillac had been the end of more flower planters
and mailboxes than a person could count.  Charlie thought of trying one more
time to explain that she didn’t need cooking lessons but then she thought of
the ramen noodles she was going to cook for dinner. “Sure, I remember. What
time should I be there?”

            “Just
come on over when you close up the shop.” Ruby leaned down and peeked at
Aurora. “Sleeping like an angel.”

            “Can
you believe I get paid for this? There’s not a better job anywhere.”

            “I
bet you miss it something fierce when you go off to college. And aren’t you
leavin’ here pretty soon?”

            “Actually,
I―”

            “Hi,
Ruby,” Alice said, walking up next to them, a steaming mug in her hand. “You
want some coffee? Made it just now.”

            “Sure
thing. I never turn down a cup before four in the afternoon. After four, it
gives me terrible heart burn. Poor Bix says I keep him awake, moaning in my
sleep.”

            Alice
tugged over a little table and set the mug carefully down next to Charlie’s
free hand. “You want me to take her now?”

            Charlie
looked down at the soft, warm bundle. “If it’s okay, I’d like to hold her a
little longer. I’ll be real careful.” She shifted Aurora as far to the left as
she could and took a sip, demonstrating how she’d drink over the little table.

            “That’s
my smart girl,” Alice said and headed back for another cup. Charlie took
another sip, letting the hot liquid sit on her tongue.
Smart girl.
Her
whole life she’d thought she was smarter than the average person, basing her
assessment on grades and how fast she could read through a fat fantasy novel.
Now she knew there were all kinds of smart and Charlie was definitely not the
kind that kept you from failing at life.

            “You
were saying something about going back to school,” Ruby said.

            Charlie
coughed, nearly swallowing wrong. “Oh, I’m actually not―”

            The
front door opened and the little brass bell tinkled as Gideon and Henry Becket
walked through. Ruby rushed forward to give them both a hug and Charlie waved from
her spot in the armchair. She was only prolonging the inevitable but she really
didn’t want to have that conversation right now. Alice was intuitive, but she
also didn’t pry. Ruby would ferret out a secret faster than grass through a
goose.

            Henry
smiled over Ruby’s head as she was hugged. When it was Gideon’s turn for a
squeeze, his usual stern expression softened and Charlie almost laughed at how
short Ruby seemed. She’d met Gideon a when he’d arrived in town and she would
have bet her laptop that he wasn’t the marrying type. He was hands down the
most handsome man in Natchitoches but came with a permanent scowl, fifteen
years in prison and a conversational style best described as “terse”.  Henry
Byrne, on the other hand, seemed blessed with enough social skills for both of
them. She didn’t spend a lot of time socializing but when she did, she always
seemed to know what to say.

            Charlie
never would have figured those two would fall in love. Maybe it was because
they were both Cane River historians. Maybe it was because they attended Isle
Brevelles, the little historical Catholic church which was part of the Cane
River Creole National Historical Park. Whatever it was, those two had fallen so
hard and so fast, that it was difficult for Charlie to remember a time before they
weren’t together. 

            “Charlie,
did ya hear what I said?” Ruby asked.

             “No,
Ma’am. I’m sorry. What was it?”

            “Ruby
was inviting us to dinner tonight. She says y’all are cooking.” Henry’s green
eyes held a question, as if she wanted Charlie’s permission before accepting.