One Bright Morning (43 page)

“
Aw, Maggie, I didn’t mean
to be crabby. It just drives me crazy when you talk about leaving
me,” he confessed.

Maggie tried to smother the gasp of raw
pleasure that Jubal’s confession evoked. She was afraid he would
take the look of glorious relief in her eyes amiss. In her heart of
hearts, she was virtually positive that her honor would make her
return to that poor farm, but she was ever so pleased to know that
he’d miss her. She’d miss him for sure. In fact, the thought of
living another fifty or so years alone on that miserable farm
without him was so painful she couldn’t even bear to think about it
right now. At least she’d have Annie. She held that thought close
to her heart.

“
Thank you, Jubal,” she said
at last. “I’ll miss you something awful.”

God damn
it
, thought Jubal. He didn’t dare say
anything for fear he’d holler her right off the wagon.

Maggie was not reassured at the glare he
shot her. It was so full of angry frustration that she was afraid
for a moment that he was going to begin yelling at her again. She
knew, because her aunt had drilled it into her, that it was bad to
make people mad, so she decided it would be best not to say
anything else for a while.

Jubal came to that same conclusion on his
own. His own emotions were confusing the hell out of him. At the
moment, he was so frustrated that all he wanted to do was kick
something. He hoped he’d have everything all figured out by
tonight.

They rode along in silence for a while, with
only the slow crunching of the wheels and the clop-clop of the
mules to keep their tumbled thoughts company. Maggie squinted into
the dry countryside and knew that tomorrow, on her way back to
Jubal’s ranch, she’d be able to see all of this. She tried to
concentrate on that happy thought and not on the roiling emotions
she felt and the unpleasant decisions she knew she’d have to make
once this terrible feud was resolved.

Finally, in order to ease the tension that
had begun to weave its wicked, thorny web around them in the dusty
warmth of the morning, Jubal said, “When we get to El Paso, I’ll
check us into the hotel and then go to the post office while you
freshen up. Then I’ll take you to Garza’s. We can buy most of the
things you’ll need to pretty-up the patio there.”

He looked over at Maggie, hoping those
promises would perk her up. She’d stopped sighing, but now she was
staring straight ahead of her, and she didn’t look happy.

“
Will that be all right,
Maggie?”

Maggie smiled at him with love shining in
her eyes. She’d miss him so darned much, she just wanted to burst
into tears. She wouldn’t do it, of course. He’d hate that.

“
That would be just fine,
Jubal. Thank you.” He was so nice to her.

Her answer and the way it was given eased
his mood a good deal, and he smiled. “Fine. That’s fine.” Then he
felt better.

As soon as they got to El Paso, Jubal was as
good as his word. He checked them into the same wonderful hotel
they’d stayed in before. This time, since they were alone, he
registered them as Mr. and Mrs. Jubal Green. He didn’t ask for
Maggie’s permission. Besides, he figured, he might just as well get
used to it now as wait until they were officially married. The
practice surely couldn’t hurt.

Maggie was a little shocked. “We’re sharing
the same room, Jubal?”

He frowned at her. “Shoot, Maggie, we’ve
been sharing the same room for two weeks now.”

“
But nobody knows about
that, Jubal.” Her face flushed up delightfully.

He grinned at her. “The hell they don’t. I
got a blistering lecture from Beula just yesterday.”

Maggie’s mouth dropped open and her color
deepened. “Oh, my land,” she whispered. “Oh, my land. Oh, my God,
I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life.”

“
It’s all right, Maggie.”
Jubal took her gently by the shoulders. “Beula doesn’t mind. She
understands.”

“
How on earth can Beula
understand when even I don’t understand?” cried Maggie. “We’re not
married. We’re not even promised! I’m so ashamed of
myself.”

Jubal didn’t like the shimmer he saw in her
eyes. It worried him. That shimmer looked perilously close to tears
to him. He was also irritated by her words.

“
What do you mean, you’re
ashamed of yourself, Maggie? Just what does that mean? You’re
ashamed to be with me? Is that it? I’m not good enough for you?
Just what is it you’re ashamed of, anyway?”

Maggie’s surprise at Jubal’s suggestion
smothered her embarrassment in an instant. “Not good enough for me?
What are you talking about, Jubal Green? You’re a rich Texas
rancher. I’m just poor Indiana trash who was lucky enough to marry
a good man who loved me and gave me a farm in the Territory and a
precious baby. I’m the one who’s not good enough for you!”

“
What
?” Jubal’s bellow made Maggie flinch. “What the hell are you
talking about? What in holy hell does that mean, you were lucky
enough to be married to a good man who gave you that dratted farm,
anyway? I’m really sick of hearing about how wonderful Kenny was,
Maggie. He’s dead, damn it.”

“
I know he’s dead, Jubal.”
At the thought of her sweet, dead husband, a painful ache started
throbbing in her heart.

“
Well, then, quit telling me
about him! I’m really tired of it.”

Maggie wanted to wipe away the treacherous
tears that burned her eyes, but she wasn’t able to because Jubal
still held her by the shoulders and she couldn’t lift her arms.

“
Stop squishing my
shoulders, Jubal! And I’m sorry. I didn’t know you
minded.”

Jubal squeezed his eyes shut in frustration.
“Will you stop apologizing to me every other second, damn it,
Maggie?” He was yelling again.

Maggie finally just gave up. She didn’t
understand any of this. She found her emotions so unsettling that
she forgot all about her aunt’s admonitions and was hollering when
she said, “I’m sorry, Jubal. I’m sorry I’m sorry. I can’t help it.
I can’t help missing Kenny, either. He’s the first person on the
face of the earth besides my mother who ever loved me. He’s the
first person on the face of the earth besides my mother who ever
cared whether I was happy or not. And I don’t even remember my
mother half the time!

“
Kenny’s the first person
who ever told me I was worth more than—than a slave. Him, and then
Mr. Blue Gully, when I was nursing you. Those are the only two
people on the face of the earth who ever said I did anything right,
Jubal. I can’t help it if I miss Kenny. I’m sorry if you don’t like
it, but I can’t help it!”

Maggie gulped down a big breath of air. “He
loved me, Jubal,” she choked out. Then she couldn’t say anything
else, because her words couldn’t swim out past the tears that had
dammed up behind her anger.

Jubal stared down at her while her words
lashed at him and he suddenly understood Maggie Bright. His hands
slid down from her shoulders and around her back, and he pulled her
to his chest. His little Maggie.

Jubal wasn’t a fanciful man, but all at once
his mind’s eye painted a vivid picture of what Maggie’s life must
have been like before Kenny Bright married her. Her aunt and uncle
resented the care of her and used her as an unpaid maid. He could
imagine a sweet-tempered little Maggie trying in vain to win a
smile or a nod from either one of them, working herself to a
frazzle in the attempt, only to be rebuffed time and time again.
Small wonder she apologized for everything. She’d probably grown up
apologizing for living. No wonder Kenny Bright had been transformed
into a saint by her.

Kenny loved her. Her words lacerated Jubal’s
heart. Kenny loved her. That one fact, all by itself, was enough to
bind Maggie to him forever.

“
He isn’t the only one,
Maggie,” he said in a gruff whisper.

“
Yes, he was,
Jubal.”

“
No, Maggie. He
wasn’t.”

Jubal took a deep breath, expelled it before
he could use it, then swore viciously at himself, called himself
every kind of coward, and berated himself for a fool. When he was
through doing that, he sucked in another huge breath and said,
before he could lose his courage again, “I love you, Maggie. Kenny
Bright wasn’t the only one. I love you, too.”

Maggie didn’t hear him. She was so upset
that she could only shake her head miserably against his chest and
run through the catalogue of her sins, sins her aunt had drummed
into her head until Maggie sometimes wondered why the good Lord let
her live, she was so awful.

Jubal wondered why she was shaking her head
and wondered if she’d heard him. So he said it a little louder.
“Kenny wasn’t the only one, Maggie. I love you, too.”

She heard his voice only dimly through the
litany of her many failings that she was reciting to herself. His
words penetrated her misery very slowly. In fact, she was so busy
telling herself how unlovable she was that at first she was sure
she hadn’t heard him correctly.

Then he said it yet again.

“
I love you, Maggie. I tried
to get over it, but I couldn’t. I love you so much I can hardly
stand it. I love you so much it hurts.”

She pulled away from him a little bit and
noticed the big wet spot on his shirt. She brushed her hand over it
as if to wipe it dry. Her hand, of course, had no effect at all on
his shirt, so she used it to swipe at her wet cheeks.

“
You—you what?” she
whispered. She was still sure she couldn’t have heard him
right.

But Jubal didn’t want her looking at him
right now. This was hard enough without having her stare at him
while he made such a difficult confession. He yanked her to his
chest again and put his big hand over her head to hold her
there.

Maggie didn’t mind. Her arms went around him
and she squeezed him tight.

“
At first I didn’t know what
was wrong with me,” he said. His voice was hoarse and he had to
keep clearing his throat. “I figured it was just because I was
gunshot and weak. I thought it would go away, this funny feeling
about you. But it didn’t, Maggie. It was while we were eating in
the restaurant downstairs that I finally figured it
out.”

He stopped talking. But Maggie wanted to
hear it again. She wanted to be sure he’d said what she thought
he’d said.

“
What—” She had to clear her
throat, too. “What did you figure out, Jubal?”

Her head was tucked neatly under his chin,
but he drew it back a little bit so he could look down at her. He
thought she was teasing him. When his critical glance took in her
tear-stained face, swollen eyes, and expression of utter
incredulity, he decided she wasn’t teasing. He hugged her tight
again.

“
I figured out that it
wasn’t just being gunshot and weak and sick. It was
love.”

In spite of her recent fit of anger and
tears, Maggie couldn’t help giggling a little bit.

“
You mean loving me was like
being sick?” Her voice was shaky.

Jubal’s brow began to furrow. “It’s not
funny, Maggie,” he announced. “I’ve never been in love before. I
didn’t know what it felt like until now.”

Maggie’s heart soared like the proverbial
eagle. She tightened her arms around him so hard that Jubal
grunted. Then, out of deference for her beloved and because she
didn’t want to annoy him, she tried not to laugh. She wanted to
shout and sing and holler. He was in love with her. Jubal Green
loved her, Maggie Bright.

“
Do—do you really mean it,
Jubal?” she asked in a quivery voice. She realized that was the
wrong thing to ask when he scowled at her.

“
I’m sorry, Jubal. I didn’t
mean to doubt you.” Then Maggie remembered how much he hated her to
apologize, and she blurted out, “I didn’t mean that. I’m not sorry.
I’m—oh, I don’t know what I am. I’m happy! That’s what I am. I’m
happy, Jubal Green. I’m happy.”

And she burst into tears again.

Jubal sighed and hugged her hard. He’d never
understand women as long as he lived.

He did, however, know what to do with a
woman when one was in his arms, particularly when the woman in his
arms was Maggie. Her breasts were crushed against him and driving
him crazy. She was such a perfect little armful. He decided that
now that they had the issue of who loved whom out of the way, it
was time to offer a little demonstration.

Maggie slowly became aware that the way he
was holding him had undergone a subtle change. Instead of holding
her tight, like he wanted to comfort her, his hands began to make
delicious swirling caresses on her back and down her arms. He
reached up and slid his fingers through her hair, loosening all the
pins. His fingers sent tingling shivers ricocheting from her scalp
to her toes. He pulled her hairpins out one by one and laid them on
the bedside table.

“
I love your hair down,
Maggie.” Then he remembered something that had been shimmering in
the recesses of his consciousness for a month or more. “I remember
seeing you standing by the window brushing your hair when I was so
sick. I thought you were an angel.”

Maggie’s laugh was a little watery. She used
Jubal’s shirt to wipe her cheeks. It was already sopping wet; she
didn’t suppose it mattered much now.

“
I remember you asked me if
I was an angel, Jubal,” she whispered. Her smile was terribly
tender as she unbuttoned his shirt.

“
What did you answer me when
I asked you that?”

Jubal was working on her shirtwaist buttons
while she unfastened his shirt. His chest went all over goose bumps
with the feel of her hands on his flesh.