Once Kissed: An O'Brien Family Novel (The O'Brien Family) (11 page)

I don’t remember falling asleep. What I do remember is Tess next to me, the smell of her hair, and how I gathered her close to keep her warm.

I also remember Joey, and the visit he paid me. He’s been a frequent guest in my head lately, one that has overstayed his welcome, all thanks to me.

Same dream. Same scenario. Same reality.

Shit.

“We got him now, O’Brien!” Joey yells.

I recognize that familiar light in his eyes, the one all rookies get at their first big arrest. The adrenaline stirs it. It’s the same light that dulls with each passing year on the force. I still have that light, too, flaring as bright as a lighthouse on the Jersey shore.

Joey leans forward, his hands clinging to the dash as the perp we’ve chased down for the last twelve blocks cuts a hard right and dashes down a cross street. Twice he’s slipped into the alleyways, trying to disappear. He’s local and knows the streets. Thing is, I know them, too. So each time Joey’s cursed, thinking we’ve lost him, I’ve kept my focus, forcing him back out where we could see him.

Our flashing strobe of blue and red smacks against his back. We’re getting closer. “Robbery suspect on the run near Stewart and Monroe,” I bark into the radio. “Officers O’Brien and Supreski in pursuit.”

I stomp on the brakes when we veer into the cross street and I catch sight of a door to an old warehouse slamming shut. “Suspect entered Old Mill Cannery at Stewart and Monroe, request backup. Suspect in black hood, dark jeans, possibly armed, repeat, possibly armed.”

“Roger that. Available units to Stewart and Monroe…”

Joey hits the ground running. “Supreski, wait.”

Joey flattens his back against the wall of the building. “Come on, he’s just a kid. We got this, O’Brien.”

I take the opposite side, leaning hard against the old brick. “Calm your shit,” I spit out. I know what he’s thinking, ’cause I’m thinking it, too. The perp’s a teen, a little guy. Probably trying to make a name for himself on the street. We’ve already cuffed his two older friends who’d held up the old mom-and-pop shop, left them with our backup, and tore after this guy.

“He’s gonna get away,” Joey snaps.

“No, we got this.” I count down with my fingers, three-two-one.

I throw open the door and find out just how wrong I am.

“Curran?
Curran!
” Tess’s arms are wrapped around mine, tugging me hard. “Are you all right?”

The hell I am. Pain twists my lungs like a clenching fist and cold sweat pours down my spine. I can’t see shit, which makes things worse. I’m drifting off into that fucking black sea, the one that threatens to pull me under and drown me.

“Curran, can you hear me?”

I clench my teeth. I don’t know where I am. But I know Tess’s voice and feel her presence. “It’s okay,” she whispers, her hand stroking my back. “It’s just a dream, you’re only dreaming.”

No, I’m not, baby.

My chest caves inward.
I
can’t breathe. I can’t fucking breathe.

“Shhhh.” Lips pass along my shoulder, pressing soft kisses. “You’re all right. I swear you are.”

I don’t think I am. In fact, I know I’m not. If I were, this pressure building wouldn’t hurt so damn bad.

“I need you to wake up, okay?” she whispers. “Wake up for me.”

Nothing makes sense; my head’s spinning from lack of air. But I can hear her. She’s my lifeline, the one I grab when the agonizing second wave hits.

Son of a bitch.

It’s like something is pulling my ribs apart, cracking my bones to rip out my lungs and leave me barren. “Curran, stay with me. Please stay with me, sweetie.”

I force the pain away and I latch on to Tess—the intimacy of her voice, the warmth of her skin, and the subtle scent of her perfume, allowing every part of her to haul me back up and out of the darkness.

Slowly, that tightening fist releases its vicious hold.

I concentrate on breathing when I drag that first gulp of air deep into my lungs, allowing those soft kisses Tess trails along the curve of my neck to soothe me. She abandons my arm to wrap both of hers carefully over my shoulders. “Shhh,” she says quietly. “It’s okay.”

Lu’s right; it sure as shit isn’t okay. But I can’t let Tess know that, not now. Instead of answering, I work to draw in more air.

In the time it takes for me to calm, the cold creeping in from the windows cools my sweat-soaked body.
Jesus.
It feels like my skin is covered in a layer of frost.

“Do you have any water?” I ask, my throat so raw I want to claw at it.

“Yes, wait here.” She kisses my cheek and slips out of bed, pulling her nightshirt over her head. I watch her walk away, listening to her fumble around in the kitchen. The motor on her ice machine rattles as it spits out the cubes into a glass.

Clink.
Clink.

I ram my eyes shut. That sound is too similar to empty bullet shells hitting the concrete floor.
Get it together, asshole. Get it together now.

Tess hurries back in. She hands me a glass and takes a seat beside me, her fingertips stroking lightly against my back. She waits for me to down every last drop before she speaks. “Are you all right?”

“Fine. Just a nightmare—that’s all.”

She hesitates, as if trying not to upset me. “Involving your line of work?”

My sight adjusts enough to catch the worry in her face. I keep my expression neutral as I mull over what to say. My first instinct is to lie. The thing is, I’m not sure what I said or did in my sleep. For all I know, I could have told her more than I wanted her to hear.

“It’s a tough gig,” I admit.

She nods carefully and reaches for the empty glass. “Do you want some more water?”

Water is the last thing I want. It was cold like the room, and only added to the sub-zero temperature shoving its way through my bloodstream. I take a strand of her hair and run it through my fingers. It’s soft, like the rest of her. Maybe she’s what I need, then. “I’m good,” I tell her.

“I don’t think you are.” She lifts her hand and strokes the side of my temple. “I want to help you, but I’m not sure how.”

She’d put her glasses back on, the tiny square ones. I didn’t notice her do that before she went into the kitchen, but I notice them now. They’re sexy on her. Hell, everything’s sexy on her. But considering what I plan to do, they’ll only get in my way.

I pinch the stems on the sides and carefully lift the glasses off her face. Tess watches me fold them and place them on her nightstand before pegging me with an inviting look that begs me to touch her.

So I do.

I haul her to me, flipping her onto her back and taking her mouth like I own it. She squealed with surprise when I grabbed her, but those squeaks turn to whimpers when I shove my hand under her shirt and find her nipples.

A few tugs, that’s all it takes to tighten her already stiff nipples into fine points. Her moans against my mouth deepen, sounding pained, but I know better. My tongue works hers and my hand pays close attention to her breasts. I need her to be louder. Loud makes me hard, loud makes me forget, forget everything but her.

My fingers clamp down, causing her breath to hitch. She barely hangs on to our kiss.

You want me, don’t you, angel face?

I repeat the motion on the other side, inciting a small cry.

Yeah…I want you, too.

I don’t know what time it is. Don’t care, either. All I know is that I’m not done playing. I run my hand down her soft belly, feeling the muscles tense against my palm the lower I go. She knows what’s coming. Her back arches when my fingers linger over that sweet spot my tongue had licked like candy.

My turns are slow at first; I don’t want to hurt her. But as the mild dryness fades and her folds grow slicker, my movements become faster.

She pushes up on her arm, reaching for me, her cries barely allowing our kiss to continue. I jolt when she takes hold of me. Damn, I’m so hard and so ready to ram into her, but then I remember she’s not on the Pill.

I grunt, from frustration and from how fast she’s working me. Yeah, no way are we done here.

Two fingers, that’s how many slip inside, hooking just enough to find my mark. She can’t take it and finally breaks our kiss, her eyelids heavy with lust. She clenches her teeth in that sexy way that tells me she’s almost there. Her grip tightens around me, moving fast, matching the speed of my hand, her eyes begging me to join her.

She’s the first to succumb. I practically lose it when she screams with pleasure, her body convulsing and her thighs batting my hand when she comes. “That’s it, baby,” I pant. “Just like that. Give me more.”

Her lids flutter as she surrenders. But she thinks I’m telling her what I want her to do to me and falls forward—onto my lap, her lips seeking me just above her hand.

I thought I’d last longer and drag a few more screams out of her. But I don’t stand a chance against that mouth. I moan, gathering her hair as she moves up and down. Again she finishes me, causing my spine to snap back from the force.

The room fills with my loud grunts. I try to back away, to give her room. She refuses the offer, and hell, I stop trying.

With those lips of hers and that crazy suction, I’ll admit, I don’t try very hard.

She releases me, lowering herself to rest against my lap, her breaths as out of control as mine. Spots dance in my vision, and my head lolls back. Yeah, no one’s ever rocked my world like Tess.

It takes her a long moment before she lifts her chin and speaks. “Is this—” She swallows hard and wipes her mouth with her fingertips. “Is this going to happen again?” she manages.

I brush her hair away from her face. “Oh, hell yeah,” I tell her.

She laughs when I do, but then her features soften with that look girls get after I’ve been with them. I hook my arms under hers and yank her to me, tucking the covers around us. “We’re about to have the ‘Are you my boyfriend?’ chat, aren’t we?” Her hesitancy tells me we are. And damn it all, whatever happened to just having fun?

“This isn’t something I do,” she says quietly.

“That’s what you said last time.”

Her hand smacks against my chest and I laugh. It doesn’t hurt, and she’s not trying to hurt me, but she is letting me know I’m bugging her.

“And I meant it last time,” she insists.

She rolls onto her belly and reaches for her little glasses. I’m guessing she doesn’t want to miss anything my face might give away. She doesn’t realize that talks like this kick my expression into neutral, and that’s how it’ll stay.

She wrinkles her nose, in that cute way of hers. “Like I was saying, it’s not like me to—well, I don’t usually have…”

“Hot, crazy, animalistic sex?” I offer.

Her shoulders slump. “If you must know, yes.”

“When was the last time you messed around—and don’t tell me back in college with me, because I know that’s not true.”

Her hand pauses in the middle of pushing back her wild hair. “How do you know?”

“Because you’re sexy, and not a nun, and yeah, all kinds of hot.” I shrug. “I figure at least a couple of guys, and maybe some women have tried to bang you.”

It’s a compliment, but for some reason she doesn’t seem to take it that way. “You think women have hit on me?” I nod. “Why?” She gasps at the way I’m smirking. “Because I dress borderline masculine? Is that what you think?”

“Some chicks like that shit,” I agree.

“Christ, Curran,” she says, shaking her head. She passes her hand along her pillow, as if debating what to say. When she finally speaks, her tone shifts, like she’s embarrassed about what she has to tell me. “I was seeing someone about a year ago. Howard was pleasant—”

“Pleasant? Well, with a name like Howard I’d expect no less.”

She shifts her body to lie beside me, gathering the bedcovers around us and trying uselessly to hide her small smile. What can I say? I’m hilarious.

“Don’t be mean,” she says. “Howard was a nice man.”

“How was he in bed?” She shuts her mouth tight, which tells me good ol’ Howard was either
really
“pleasant” or really not that good.

“He was…acceptable.”

“Ouch.” I grimace on behalf of the poor bastard.

“What? I’m not trying to insult him.”

“Babe. When you describe sex with a guy, he wants to hear shit like ‘beast in bed,’ ‘he owned my vagina,’ or ‘I couldn’t walk for a week from the magic of his rock-hard co—’ ” Her widening eyes tell me I should stop right there. “You hear what I’m sayin’, right? ‘Acceptable’ and ‘pleasant’ would shrink some serious balls.”
That said, thanks for the favor, Howie, ’cause you made me look that much better.

Tess rests her head against my shoulder, drawing circles with her fingertips along my chest. “To be honest, that’s one of the reasons I ended our relationship. We didn’t connect like I wanted to.” She hesitates, like she doesn’t want to say anything more, but then bites out more than I expect. “For some reason, this isn’t the case with you. You’re sexually freeing.” Her hand stops moving. “But I’m sure you’ve heard that before.”

“No,” I confess. “Mostly, I hear the examples I just mentioned.”

I meant it to be funny, but this time Tess isn’t laughing. Her voice develops that hint of sadness it usually carries, and it bothers me more than it should. “I know you’re used to getting a lot of attention from women,” she says. “And I know you have a lot of experience. But my experiences are few, as are the men I’ve cared for.” She sighs. “I don’t want to be used, Curran. And I won’t be.”

“I’m not trying to use you,” I tell her truthfully.

“Then don’t,” she says. Her warm breath teases my skin as she thinks things through. “I’m not asking you for a commitment, only honesty. The reason I’m clean is because aside from my time with you, I’ve been really careful.” She lifts her head. “If you want to be with someone else, that’s your right. I don’t need details, or names, or anything. I just need you to tell me.”

My fingers stroke her lower back. “You won’t be mad if I’m with someone else?”