On The Beat (Goosey Larsen Book 3) (12 page)

Antoine kept looking back towards the bench where they’d been sitting, so I took a quick second to follow his gaze myself. Tucked underneath the seat, almost out of sight back in the shadows was the nylon duffel bag I’d seen Regan carrying. He took notice of my interest and his own eyes flicked over in that direction too, a giveaway that it must have held some kind of incriminating evidence which neither one of them wanted me to see. Honestly, I didn’t even want to consider the possibilities, but figured that it had to be some perverted sex toys or maybe even gay pornography. Finally, against my better judgment, I casually strolled over to the bench and held the duffel bag up to the light. “Now which one of you ladies belongs to this here purse?”

Antoine shook his head viciously from side to side. “That shit ain’t mine, man!” His voice was high-pitched and nervous, but it still sounded honest enough to my ears.

Regan stood firm like a rock. His face was just as expressionless as before, so I took another careful look at the bag. Sure enough, it was the exact same one I’d passed off to him the night before, a name brand model like the type you might find in an airport gift shop. Jet black and well-worn from years of use, with the typical rich-dude monogram embroidered near the straps. The three initials read “DJR”, so it would have been absolutely laughable for Regan to deny that he owned it. I slowly pulled back the zipper as we locked eyes. “So this must belong to you then, Mr. Regan?”

He stared back at me impassively. “Do you have a legal reason to search that bag, Officer Larsen?” His voice was slow and calm and it was obvious he was choosing his words with a great deal of care, despite the thinly suppressed tone of rage dripping off his tongue. “If not, then you probably shouldn’t.”

It was a clever challenge. Regan had massaged his words so carefully that he’d managed to avoid admitting actual ownership of the bag, but he’d still objected to my search just in case we ever went to trial. I tried to recall some of those old legal rules which were supposed to set limits on what cops could or couldn’t do, but it was no use since my memories of basic training were mostly just a booze-fueled blur. I think there might have been some kind of amendment to the Constitution that covered these types of situations, but for the life of me I couldn’t remember which one. After another moment’s pause, I finally just shrugged my shoulders and dumped out the contents. If it turned out that my search was indeed illegal, the worst possible consequence was that the judge would simply toss out the evidence. For me, that would only cut down the amount of time I had to spend in court.

“Officer Larsen!”

I shuddered at the sound of that nasally voice. It was the familiar whine of a know-it-all college boy, and I had a sinking suspicion that my personal patrol tactics were about to be called into question. The radio on my hip crackled to life with a slight squawk of feedback as the supervisor approached, crowding into my bubble of personal space. “Control, 208 will be out with those units at Waterfront Park. We’re 04 at this time, you can cancel any additional units en route to this 20.”

I bit my lip, trying to stifle any outward signs of displeasure at the interruption. As if having to actually make an arrest wasn’t bad enough, having our most annoying supervisor staring over my shoulder was just plain misery. Corporal Snorkel had a reputation for reading over his team’s arrest reports with a red pen at the ready, and I dreaded the thought of having him stick his big nose into any of my cases. Still, I did my best to remain diplomatic about the situation as I smiled, cocking my head back just far enough to allow a moment of eye contact. “Good evening, Corporal. Really appreciate the backup from your guys here.”

The patrol rookies bristled with pride. Playing a lead role in such a hot misdemeanor case was obviously their biggest bust to date, but Burgos just looked down his nose at the kids. Judging by his haughty expression, I’d say the odds were even money that he didn’t even know his officers’ names. “What do you have, Larsen?”

I felt my eyes start to roll back, but forced myself to fight the reflex. “Looks like it’s just two trespassers, sir. Lieutenant Shivers’ orders were for me to haul in any and all miscreants tonight, so it looks like this couple is going for a ride.” It went against everything I stood for to drop a ten-cent word like “miscreant” into an actual conversation with another human being, but I had to do it. When you’re dealing with an uppity college boy like Burgos, it’s important to let him know you can speak on his level.

He nodded. “I concur.” Before I could ask him what the verb meant, he stood up on his toes and craned his pasty white neck to the side in order to take a better look behind me. “Say, now. What have you got there?”

I looked back down at the empty bag in my hands, then turned back around to follow his gaze. The contents were much less sensational than I’d imagined, just three big bundles which were wrapped up in several layers of cellophane plastic. Sitting there in the dim light, they looked like nothing more than a few lumpy white bricks. Sheer garbage, if you ask me.

Burgos pushed me aside in order to grab one of them, then held his arm out to literally dangle the brick in front of Regan’s face. “Now what in the world could this be?” He asked the question in his usual smug, over-educated manner, almost as if he secretly knew the answer but wanted to see if Mr. Regan was stupid enough to lie to him.

Duke didn’t bite, though. I’ll give that rich bastard his due, the man was no dummy. He knew exactly when to keep his lips zipped, a strategy that’s personally gotten me dozens of ass-chewings. These days, I almost automatically revert to mute mode whenever I get called to the carpet over some piddling little violation of policy.

Burgos reached into his hip pocket and flicked out a folding knife. The move was smooth and practiced, no doubt the result of hundreds of lonely hours spent hanging out inside the Team Two substation. He flipped the blade over in his chubby little hand, then jabbed it down through several layers of plastic. It sunk in deep, clean up to the handle, and when he pulled it back out it was covered in a fine white powder. Burgos held the knife up to the light, giving it a careful examination. “Larsen…” he whispered, “I’ll give you one guess what this shit is!”

I’d been watching Regan from the corner of my eye, and I caught the briefest look of desperation flash across his face. He returned my stare, clearly following the conversation with an interest that was much stronger than just simple curiosity. I rolled my eyes once again, but with more feeling this time. Burgos’ condescending tone was quickly sapping what little motivation I’d managed to bring to work that evening. “I’ll bite. What is it?”

Burgos jabbed his knife down into the wrapped package, then pulled open up the duffel to set the dusty brick back inside. That done, he methodically patted his hands clean on the legs of his uniform pants and lowered his head, as if anybody really cared what he could have had to say. “Washing powder” he whispered.

I was floored. I mean, absolutely floored! It took a long moment for me to fully comprehend all the repercussions of my arrests. My mind raced, trying to process the fact that what I’d thought was just a couple of queers making out in a dark, romantic setting was actually a pair of vandals about to strike. I just stood there with my jaw hanging down, unable to speak, and when I’d finally regained some semblance of composure I turned to look at Duke Regan. The guy seemed nearly as surprised as I did, and maybe even more so! Clearly, the thought of getting caught hadn’t even crossed his mind as he’d been planning the immature prank. I turned to look over at his boyfriend next, although Antoine just appeared confused. The patrol rookies released their death grips on his arms just long enough to give each other one more victory high-five.

Burgos clapped me hard on the back. The chubby little guy didn’t have much force to put behind the open-handed blow, but it was just enough of an impact to bring my mind crashing back down to earth. “Great arrest, Larsen!” he shrieked. “Do you realize that you just cracked open a high-profile vandalism ring? I mean, this is probably the biggest case that my squad has had all year!”

It was high praise coming from such a stuffy supervisor, and the only thing I could think to do was grin. “Thanks, Corporal.” I quickly began plotting out all the possible consequences of my heroic actions, scheming on how to get the most mileage out of the situation. In a sudden flash of inspiration, I chose to paint myself as a team player by sharing the credit. “But to tell you the truth, sir, I couldn’t have done it without your guys here. These two fellas really came through in the clutch.”

The rookies blushed with pride, and Burgos was forced to toss them a grudging nod of acknowledgement. “Well done, children.” Turning back to me, he said, “You know, the Chief called me at home this afternoon. He was furious about last night’s soapstorm, and he made me promise that I’d catch the perpetrators. Apparently it costs the city several thousand dollars to clean and re-fit the fountain’s water jets every time some prankster pulls this lame stunt. I can’t wait to call him back tomorrow morning and let him know that you’ve already taken care of the problem.”

I couldn’t hold back a smile, and my cheeks felt as if they were about to pop. I did, however, manage to hold myself back from spilling the beans to Burgos that his law enforcement mentor was out running around the Market disguised as a distant elvish cousin from the Emerald Isle. I was definitely in need of someone to sing my praises, but I’d much prefer to have any compliments come during business hours when the Chief would be back on his meds. “I’d appreciate that, Corporal—I really would. This mess is sure to be a lot of paperwork to work through, but it’ll be worth it. It’s always nice knowing that you’ve made the city just a little bit safer.”

I don’t think Burgos realized I was being sarcastic, because he gave me a thoughtful look. “Paperwork? Forget about that.” He snapped his fingers and the patrol kids stepped forward in unison. I swear, it was almost like watching Pavlov’s dogs in action. “Boys, run these two prisoners down to 75 for Officer Larsen here. He’ll need the booking process completed ASAP, as well as an incident report for vandalism. Go ahead and start putting the court packages together and I’ll send him along forthwith to wrap everything up.”

Even if I’d been inclined to protest, and believe you me, I most certainly was not, the two boot rookies had already whisked Antoine and Regan off towards their cruisers. Burgos held a finger to his lips as he raised his walkie-talkie once more. “208 to Control: Go ahead and stack those pending calls until third watch checks 08. 230 and 231 will be en route to 75 to process two 39s for 714.” Once the dispatcher had processed that calculus equation, Burgos clipped his radio back onto his belt with an air of finality. “There you go, young man. This way you’ll be able to get back out on the beat even quicker.”

The unexpected gesture was so kind that I just didn’t have the heart to tell Burgos there was no way in hell I’d be checking back in service from this one. My original master plan had called for me to sit in the break room watching cable television as I scribbled out the reports but now, thanks to his assistance, I’d be able to relax and enjoy the programming without having to worry about hand cramps. “Hey, thanks Corporal! I really appreciate it.” I thought back to the advice Big Jim had given me on how to reclaim my tarnished reputation. “And I’d really appreciate your putting in a good word to the Chief. It seems like those kinds of things really go a long way around here.”

He nodded. “I can certainly appreciate that sentiment. Believe it or not, there was a time in my own career when I faced some dire straits, and reaching out for a helping hand really made all the difference.” I shuddered at his indirect mention of the Great Hot Tub Caper, and I did my best to block out all the indecent images which sprang to mind.

He went right on rambling without any kind of encouragement from my end. “Take my squad as an example, Larsen. They’re all just kids, every one of them less than a year out of college. I absolutely love working with educated officers but it’s a fact, rookies simply know nothing about how the world works.” He paused for another moment before going on, and instantly my ears began to tingle. The slight hesitation was a warning signal, a dead giveaway that the Good Idea Fairy had just fluttered in to land on his shoulder. “You know…I could really use a proven, experienced officer in my squad. What would you say if I asked the Chief to bring you over to Team Two? I’ll bet I could get the transfer order cut in no time, and we could really clean house out here if I had a second wily veteran to work with.”

It took me a second of wondering what other wily veteran Burgos meant before I realized that he must have been referring to himself. No matter how condescendingly he’d made the offer, though, it deserved some serious consideration. Sure, making the jump back to uniform patrol was a step up from walking the beat, but it was still a far cry from my cushy old detective spot. And the thought of working for a supervisor like Burgos was all it took to make up my mind. The micromanagement I’d face on a daily basis would be absolutely unbearable, even if I did get a take-home patrol car back. What really sealed the deal, though, was the fact that I’d have to go back to go back to rotating shifts after so many years of being on a set schedule. Nope, a perpetual state of jet lag just wasn’t in my best interests, no matter how badly I wanted that transfer.

I found it a struggle to keep from laughing in Burgos’ face, but I did my best to stay professional and let him down gently. “Corporal, I’m really touched. Thank you! But as much as I appreciate the gesture, I think that Lt. Cobb’s still fighting a back room battle to pull me up into Central. Office politics and all, you know? Those kinds of moves take time. And as much as I’d love to work down here where all the action is, I just couldn’t stab my old boss in the back like that.”

It must have been the right thing to say. Burgos bit his lip as he considered my infallible logic, then nodded in agreement. “Loyal to a fault, huh? I like that, Larsen. You just don’t see that trait much anymore.” He slapped me on the back once again with another limp-wristed blow. “Okay, I’ll leave well enough alone for now. Remember, though, you’ve always got a place down here in case your top choice doesn’t work out.” It should have made for a pretty good concession speech, but coming from the mouth of a kid nearly ten years younger than me, the whole thing just sounded pompous.