Old Lady (Iron Disciples Book 2) (16 page)

“But how can I feel good about myself?”

“Well… you can try doing something for someone else. If you’re
going to give gifts do it anonymously, otherwise that kind of defeats the
purpose. There are several soup kitchens that operate in the area as well as
homeless shelters that could use a helping hand. Do those kinds of things and
pretty soon you’ll start feeling better and more human.”

I don’t know what to say.

“I’d also like you to see your doctor for a check- up and
just to get some blood work as well.”

“I’m pretty healthy doc.”

“I don’t like your color Morgan. It’s probably due to the
amount of alcohol you’ve been ingesting and the lack of sleep, but let’s just
make sure none of your problems are due to some physical malady.”

“Um…okay. I’ll get a checkup soon as I can get in.”

“Great. And in the meantime, why not set an appointment
with my receptionist for next week sometime and we’ll see how much more human
you have become.”

I thank him and walk out. That was not what I expected
from a visit to a shrink, but then again, I’m not really sure what I expected.

Several Days Later at Medical Doctor’s Office…

I’ve had my blood drawn and given a urine sample. Now I’m
back at my doctor’s office wasting time waiting for him to show up. I am just
about to just march on out of here when he finally walks in.

“Good afternoon Morgan, thanks for your patience. I seem
to be running late quite a lot lately.”

I start to say something about him never being on time
but I bite my lip; on account of the new me and all.

“No problem doctor,” I force myself to say with a smile.

“So how have you been feeling lately?”

“Rough doctor, pretty rough.”

“Any nausea and vomiting?”

“Well yeah, but I’ve kinda been drinking lately. Been
under a ton of stress lately.”

“Any unusual cravings?” He asks.

“I don’t know…I guess I’ve been having the munchies
lately but half the time I end up feeling too sick to eat much; why?”

“You’re pregnant Morgan.”

Suddenly the world stops spinning, and my head begins
turning a hundred miles an hour. My heart begins hammering painfully in my
chest. This cannot be fucking happening. The last thing in this godforsaken
world that I need is a child. Now fucking way!

“Judging by your reaction Ms. Swift, this is not only
unexpected news, but unwelcome news as well. Am I right?”

“Right on the fucking money doc.”

“Then I guess we should talk options then. You’re 5 weeks
along.”

“Five weeks? Just five weeks?”

“Positive. What’s the deal about five weeks Morgan?”

Truth be told, I have been feeling… off for longer than
that. In fact I even suspected I was pregnant two months ago but the home kit
said otherwise. The weird thing is I have had some pregnancy symptoms ongoing
since then. Which is why I’m wondering just how accurate the date is that he’s
giving me. I should probably bring it up but I just don’t feel like it. Food
for thought for the next visit.

“So what are my options?”

“The normal ones. You can get an abortion, have the child
and give it up for-”

“Alright alright, I know the drill. How long do I have to
make a decision? You know, how late is too late for an abortion?”

“In California you can still have an abortion at
twenty-four weeks.”

“Holy shit!”

“Well put. Just because it can be done that late doesn’t
necessarily mean it’s a good idea. The later you do it the harder it is on your
body so the sooner you can make your decision the better.”

“Yeah…I’m pretty sure what my decision is going to be.
You got a number for a clinic that does abortions?”

He hands me a flyer with a few names and numbers. “I
recommend Dr. Henley. Fourth one down on that list.”

“Thanks doc.”

“And if you decide to keep the baby, you need to start
thinking about prenatal appointments and eating for two now. I realize you
haven’t been doing those things but it’s not too late. I wouldn’t worry that
you have harmed the fetus yet.”

“So my drinking like a fish is not gonna give it Downs
Syndrome then?”

“Well it can certainly contribute to a lower birth weight
and you may not carry to full term if you continue to drink like you have
been.”

“Yeah…I’m not going to be drinking any time soon. It’s
been pretty rough on my body these last couple weeks.”

“Well good luck with your decision Morgan. If you decide
to keep the baby feel free to contact me for numbers of some good
pediatricians.”

“Thanks doc.” I reply as I walk out.

Of all the things I need right now in my life, a baby
ain’t one of them. When I begin thinking about it there really is only one
choice here; an abortion. No fucking way I’m gonna carry a baby to full term
just to give it up. The thirty minute cab ride back to the hotel doesn’t give
me any insight into my problem. By the time reach my door I’m feeling slightly
nauseated again. At least I’ve only got roughly seven more weeks to decide.

I collapse back on the bed, overcome with emotion. How
can I have gotten pregnant? I thought we were being safe. Finally I just curl
up in a fetal position and just let it all out. First comes waves of fear and
anxiety followed by the tears. At some point I fell asleep because what happens
next is way too bizarre for reality.

“Mom, I’m home.”

My eyes fly open with a start. Who the hell
just said that? I look around the room. I’m home now, but home has changed.
It’s much…homier. They’re pictures on the walls, and on the dressers. The room
has a definite soft, feminine touch to it; not all like I remember my room used
to be. It’s gotta be a dream.

“Mom are you home?”

There’s that voice again. I could swear I
have never heard that voice before, but it’s so familiar. And here’s the
bizarre thing. Along with that voice comes a warm fuzzy feeling in my heart
towards the owner of the voice. By my guess it’s a female, maybe ten or eleven
years old. I close my eyes again and a sudden picture swims into my vision.
It’s a girl alright and I know instinctively that she is ten years old and she
is mine. Alexa is her name; Alexa Andrea Swift. With the sudden knowledge that I
have a child comes waves of feelings for her; intense feelings of love and I
know in my heart that I would do anything for her to keep her safe. She is
clearly the most important person in my life even though I cannot seem to
remember any of our life together. I know that she has been in my life since
her birth but I just can’t remember a thing.

“Mom?”

Her voice is tinged with worry.

“Mom’s here honey, in my bedroom.” I call
out. Weird, but that just felt like the most natural thing in the world;
calling out to her like that; calling myself mom.

Seconds later she’s in the room and in my
arms. She smells good; familiar. At the same time all my senses are opened up
and nothing is holding back. The moment she’s in my arms I feel this heady rush
of love like I have never experienced before. She’s the world to me…as strange
as that sounds to me right now.

“How was camp?” I ask her. I’m not sure how I
knew to ask that, but I do. I also know I have missed her terribly. This was
the first time she has been away from me for more than a sleepover at a
friend’s house.

“Mom!”

“Oh sorry.” I realize I am still hugging her
fiercely with both arms.

“Geeze mom. I was only gone like, four days.
You’d think I’d been away all summer which is what I wish would have happened!
Camp Grendle would have been a million times better.”

“Yes, but you’re only ten years old and I’m
not ready to trust you to some strangers for that long.”

“All the other girls were only ten too and their
mom’s trusted the camp counselors, why couldn’t you?”

“Alexa I don’t want to talk about this
anymore. We’ve been over this a million times, as you’re so fond of saying. I
promise I’ll take you camping in Yosemite next month. You’ll love it.”

“Fine…bribe me with Yosemite.”

She starts to walk away but I grab her once
more and pull her close, savoring her smell, the feel of her in my arms, and
the intense feelings of love not only do I have for her but I can feel the love
she also has for me in her heart and I have to say, it’s the greatest thing in
the world.

I wake from my dream with a start! Abruptly all those
warm fuzzies I was experiencing are suddenly ripped from my chest! It feels
like my soul has been torn out at the same. Now all I’ve got is this all too
familiar, painful hollow feeling in my chest. I want that back; the warm
fuzzies. I have to get it back! That was my daughter. Well, my daughter in the
future. The one I won’t have should I get an abortion. I know I’m not ready to
be a mother, but maybe in 8 months I can get ready. I don’t have a choice here.
I am not willing to give up what I was feeling with my daughter in my arms.
Without a doubt, for those few minutes she was the most precious thing in my
universe and I would have done anything to keep her safe, and keeping her safe
starts with me not getting an abortion. It begins with me going to the store to
get pre-natal vitamins. I also have to call Dr. Henley to get a referral for a
good pediatrician and a good OBGYN as well.

I look around the bed I have been camped out on for over
a week, drinking like a fish and eating shit. That has to stop! Alexa is
growing in my belly right now and I’m not gonna fuck her life up by being
selfish and drowning my feelings in a bottle.

“Shit!” I need to get Cade on the phone and tell him he’s
gonna be a father. He has the right to know; or does he? In my dream I was a
single mother; I just knew it. Is the universe trying to tell me that my
daughter needs to grow up away from the club and everyone in it? No…I believe
Cade is a good person and he’ll do the right thing. He’s not like the other
brothers, except for Shooter maybe. I grab my phone to call Cade, when a more
urgent thought strikes me. I have to call my aunt. I want her to know I am
finally going to have a baby and she’s going to be a…well a grandmother so to
speak. I just hope to god she will know me and be lucid for the call.

I dial her number and her caregiver answers the phone.

“Hi, this is Morgan, who am I speaking to?”

“Hello Ms. Swift, my name is Lucille. I’m your aunt’s new
caregiver.”

“What happened to the last one?”

“Oh she’s still here. She just needed to cut back on her
hours. It has been difficult here lately. Sadly your aunt has not been lucid
since you called last and she has been very…abrasive to her caregivers.”

I can feel my heart begin to sink into my shoes. It seems
there will be very little chance of me being able to communicate with her, but
I have to try.

“Do you think you can get her to come to the phone? I’m
pregnant and I just wanted to break the news to her. In fact, just in case I can’t
get through to her, if you and her other helpers could try to communicate that
to her I would be very grateful. If you do manage to get through to her please
have her call me immediately. Oh, and tell her that my baby’s name is Alexa.”

“I’ll…we’ll do our best Ms. Swift. Your aunt just
wandered into the living room so I’m going to give her the phone. Good luck.”

I wait for a couple seconds then I address my aunt.

“Auntie, it’s me, Morgan.”

“Who?” She asks.

“It’s your daughter Morgan. I just wanted to tell you
some wonderful news.”

“There is no good news. That’s why I stopped watching
television. There’s nothing but calamity and pestilence. Drought and famine
have seized the land and the time is ripe for the anti-Christ to be born into
the world.”

Oh shit, this is bad; the anti-Christ? She’s never been
very religious, so I have no idea where this is coming from. One of her
caregivers must be reading her the bible or something.

“Auntie, I just wanted to tell you I am having a baby
girl. Her name is Alexa.”

“Why the hell would you want to bring a baby into this
world? Satan is on the loose and he’ll surely steal the child’s soul. Do you
want to send a baby to hell young lady? I thought not!”

Oh man…I can see why that other lady needed a break. I’d
last all of about ten minutes then I’d be running for the door. But I have to
try one more time.

“Auntie, this is me Morgan. You remember me right?”

“Are you in the scriptures young lady? Do you fear for
your mortal soul?”

“Auntie I just wanted to tell you I’m having a baby.” I
try one last time.

Maybe I should have taken her advice when we last talked.
She told me to not call her ever again. Now this conversation today is gonna be
etched in my memory for good. I’m about to try again when the phone
disconnects. I sit for a minute pondering calling her back when she calls me.