Authors: Charmanie Saquea
Lani started to breakdown. She had been so strong, but I could tell she had finally reached her breaking point.
I took her into my arms. “It’s okay Ma, she’s in a better place. She’s up there watching over us and laughing because we’re down here doing all this crying,” I said. I could just imagine her up there laughing and talking shit because everybody was down here crying. Especially me, she was probably up there calling me a little bitch and clowning me.
“I want her down here. What am I supposed to do without my best friend, hell, my only friend?” Lani cried.
“Shhh, she’ll always be in our hearts. You know we’ll never forget her little feisty self.”
“What about MJ and Romell? They need their mother. I know Romell is too young to understand right now, but this is going to stick with MJ.”
“They have us Ma. They’ll be fine.”
“I didn’t even get to tell her I’m pregnant.” She cried some more.
I was about to say something before I saw the doctors rushing into Mykell’s room.
What the fuck is wrong now?
I couldn’t believe it. I refused to believe it. She couldn’t be gone, nah, she was not gone. Just the thought of her being gone had me losing it. My bullet wounds didn’t compare to the pain I was feeling in my heart. Doctors and nurses came running in the room. I remembered the first time I laid eyes on her the day I came home from prison. I knew then I had to have her. Her smile, her laugh, the certain faces she would make, just everything about her seemed so perfect and now she was gone.
What was I supposed to tell our sons when they asked about her? Especially Romell, he was too little too understand that shit. She would never get to see him grow up and be a man. It just couldn’t be real.
I was supposed to make her my wife. We were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together. Yeah, I messed with a couple of females here and there, but I knew Neicey was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I still had the ring I gave to her when I proposed. What nigga you know would go get a damn tattoo of a female’s name if he didn’t love her or plan to be with her forever. I remembered the first time I told her I loved her.
We were running around the house like two big ass kids. She was trying to run away from me because I kept tickling her.
“Mykell why you gotta play so much,” she said, throwing one of the couch pillows at me.
“See, that’s why you in trouble now,” I said as I launched towards her. She tried to run but I was too fast for her. I grabbed her, threw her on the couch, and started tickling her.
“Kell, stoooooop! You about to make me pee on myself,” she laughed uncontrollably.
“You done playing now?”
“Yessssss let me go,” she laughed with tears in her eyes.
“Alright, I’m done. I don’t want the baby to cry,” I said letting her up.
“Asshole,” she said.
“I love you too,” I said getting up.
“You what?” she said giving me the side eye.
“I love you girl.”
She looked like she was shocked. “You shouldn’t say things you don’t mean,” she fussed.
“I never do.”
“So you love me?” she asked.
“Yes, I, Mykell, love you, Reneice.”
That was one day of many that I will never forget. She was always so happy and always smiling. Now all that was gone and I had nothing but memories.
I kept trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I actually shot the woman I loved. I knew she was going to be alright because her ass was too stubborn to die. I’d just give her a little time for things to cool off. Those bullets weren’t meant for her, they were meant for that bitch ass Mykell, but before I knew what was happening she jumped in front of him.
I knew fucking with Rhakya’s ass would get me into some shit. She was always getting somebody into something. She had been doing that since we were little. She would always do some conniving shit then I would have to go save her ass. I was really fucking happy she was dead. That made my life so much easier.
I kept looking through my phone at all the crazy pictures I had of Neicey. She was always doing something to be the center of attention. I laughed when I came to a picture of her and Lani. They were like two peas in a pod. I remembered the day I made the promise to her that I would do anything to protect her.
It was the night after our mom’s funeral. I was up because I couldn’t sleep when I heard Neicey scream.
I ran to her room to find her breathing hard and sweating.
“What’s wrong, Ladybug?” I asked.
“I’m scared,” she said just above a whisper.
“Scared of what?”
“I don’t know, I just feel like somebody is coming to get me and take me where mommy is,” she said crying.
I took her into my arms and rocked her. “Ladybug, listen to me. As long as I have breath is my body, I will never let anything happen to you, or anybody hurt you. I’m here to protect you.”
“You promise?” she asked.
“I promise.”
I stayed in there with her until she fell asleep.
Now I felt like I failed her. I promised her that I would protect her and I couldn’t even do that. I knew I should have put a bullet in that nigga’s head a long ass time ago. I told her to leave him alone but I thought I was doing the right thing by letting her make her own decisions. The one time I should have put my foot down; I didn’t and look what happened.
I looked up when I heard Lani coming towards me. Even through a crisis, she still was the most beautiful person I’d ever seen besides my sister and my mother.
“How’s he holding up?”
“He’s not. He’s going crazy and cussing everybody out,” she said.
“I’ll go in and check on him in a minute, I just can’t look at him right now.”
She got quiet. “You know this isn’t your fault. I know you feel like you were supposed to protect her, but nobody knew this was going to happen.”
“Lani, what type of man am I when I can’t even protect my family?” I asked.
“You’re a great man that would do
anything
to protect his family. This was out of your control.”
I just laid my head in her lap. I was so lucky to have a good woman on my side. She was so caring and understanding. She knew just what to say and when to say it. I didn’t know what I would do without her.