Off the Record (22 page)

‘OK. Will you come into the hotel with me now? We could have tea.’

She shook her head, coming to a halt under the shade of a large cypress tree on the edge of the manor lawn. ‘I don’t think that would be a good idea. I used to go to school with half the staff in there.’

‘I thought you didn’t care about them.’

‘I don’t, but I’m not prepared to give them a story to sell to a rival paper,’ she countered. ‘Anyway, I’ve promised to visit a friend, then I have to get back. Mum’s leaving soon.’

‘So … when?’

‘Come to dinner at the vicarage tonight.’

‘You can cook?’

‘No, but I can defrost something from my mother’s freezer. She’s an ace cook.’

‘Sounds good. Is seven OK?’

‘All right. I’ll see you then.’ She turned to go.

‘Kate?’

‘Yes?’

He was silent for a while, looking down into her eyes. She drew in a sharp breath when his cool fingers traced a path from her temple to her chin. ‘Your bruises have gone.’

‘Yes. I’m fit to be seen out in public again.’

‘I’m sorry you were hurt.’

‘So am I, Paul,’ she said quietly, wondering whether they were talking about the same hurts. ‘I’ll be more careful in future.’

She wondered if … hoped … was frightened … that he was going to kiss her, but he stepped back, breaking the invisible chains that had been pulling her close to him again.

‘Good idea. I’ll see you later.’

Chapter Twenty-six

Kate felt shaky and dry-mouthed when she let Paul into the vicarage at seven that evening. His sombre expression didn’t help. With a determined lift of her chin she smiled and invited him in. She deftly avoided the kiss he aimed at her cheek by turning and leading the way into the kitchen.
I do not want to be kissed like I’m already his sister!
She’d set the table in the kitchen.

‘I thought this would be warmer than the dining room,’ she explained. ‘It’s also more private, being at the back of the house. No opportunity for passing paparazzi to see us.’

He stood in the kitchen doorway, his hands in his pockets, and nodded. ‘I guess you’re learning. It’s a damned shame you have to, though.’

Kate sighed. ‘I’ve had to learn some particularly unpleasant lessons lately. I don’t know how you and your dad stand it.’

‘I don’t know what to tell you, Kate. I guess you adapt. You accept some stuff, and learn to avoid the rest where you can.’

‘You’d better sit down. Do you want some wine?’

‘Yeah, sure.’ He moved into the room, shucking off his jacket and hanging it over the back of his chair before sitting down.

‘I’ve only got red, I’m afraid.’ She poured two glasses from the bottle she’d opened earlier.

‘I’m sorry, I should have thought to bring some.’

She avoided touching him by placing his glass on the table in front of him. ‘It doesn’t matter. I don’t drink much, anyway. Here you go. Cheers.’

‘Cheers,’ he responded, picking it up and taking a sip. ‘Mmm. It’s good.’

‘Dinner’s nearly ready. It’s just a casserole and some fresh bread.’

‘Sounds good,’ he nodded sitting down. ‘So are you going to sit and talk to me while we wait, or do I have to get a crick in my neck looking up at you?’

Kate gave a reluctant smile. She sank into the chair opposite him.

‘Did your mom get off OK? Dad wasn’t happy about her going.’

‘Yes. She’s not gone far – about 20 miles away – but it feels like she’s gone to the moon. She’s not supposed to have any contact with the outside world except for dire emergencies.’

‘Sounds like she’s being locked up in jail.’

She shook her head. ‘No, it’s a Christian centre – very nice place. I’ve been there myself on youth weekends and things when I was a teenager. It’s just that the purpose of being on retreat is to cut yourself off from everything so that you can commune with God.’ She took another sip of her wine. ‘And right now, I think that Mum and God need to have a good long chat.’

‘So she’ll come back, having checked with the big guy, knowing exactly what she’s going to do with her life?’

Kate smiled. ‘If she’s lucky. But somehow, I don’t think it’s going to be that easy.’

The ping of the oven timer broke the silence between them, and Kate busied herself serving the food. Conversation turned to the tour and news from the crew, and they enjoyed a companionable meal.

But under the surface, Kate felt sick with nerves. It was becoming harder and harder to remind herself why she needed to keep things light and friendly, to see Paul in a
brotherly
light, when her whole being wanted to throw herself into his arms.

Which was stupid in the extreme. Hadn’t she learned her lesson?
Keep it light. He’s almost family, remember?

What made it worse was that she had no idea how Paul felt. He was going out of his way to be charming and friendly, but she sensed that he was also holding himself apart.

Just sitting down for a simple meal with him was reminding her of the night he’d met her outside her office. Then, she’d determined not to become just another notch on his bedpost – one of many women who had thrown themselves at him. She’d heard rumours, and of course the conversation she’d overheard in the ladies that night in the Italian restaurant had reinforced her impression of him as a playboy.

But she had to admit that over the past few weeks that had been blown out of the water. Paul had been a lot more focused on work than she’d expected. She knew he wasn’t a womaniser. He was a dedicated businessman, a top producer, and he’d written a number of hit songs for other artists.

She wouldn’t have known if she hadn’t been with Johnson when he’d heard that one of Paul’s songs had just reached number one in the States. When she’d asked Paul about it, he’d shrugged it off.

‘I like to write, and other guys like to sing my stuff.’

‘Why don’t you do it yourself?’

‘Because my dad got all the singing genes in the family. I can’t hold a note. Trust me. You don’t want to hear me sing.’

 ‘What will you do after the tour?’ she asked suddenly.

He shrugged, finishing the last bite of his meal and placing his fork carefully on the plate.

‘Same as I did before, I guess. I’ve got a few projects waiting for some attention. But I’ll probably take a break first and wind down. Go hiking maybe, or find a quiet beach and work on my tan.’ He looked at her, his beautiful mouth slanted in a half smile. ‘Wanna come along?’

Kate felt her jaw go slack. ‘You’re joking aren’t you? We’d end up killing each other.’

He was silent, watching her with those clear blue eyes. Kate wanted to scream with frustration. Because she was tempted. Oh, how she was tempted! But hadn’t she just been reminding herself that this wasn’t a good idea? And who could say how quickly he’d change his mind and go cold on her again?

‘Scared, Katie?’

Since seeing her mother off, she’d been feeling vulnerable. Everything seemed to be changing. If her mother resigned her living, which Kate was now sure was the right thing to do, then she would be leaving this house – the only family home Kate could remember.

And if their parents got married, which after Johnson’s visit today was becoming a very real possibility, she and Paul would become step-brother and sister. It didn’t matter how tempted she might be, she needed to keep her feelings about Paul in perspective.

‘Maybe, but one of us has to be sensible. It’s a nice idea, but in reality?’ she responded, her green gaze steady.

Paul sighed. ‘Reality, huh? I guess it catches up with us all eventually.’

She laughed, rubbing a finger across her temple where the bruises had finally faded, remembering his gentle touch. ‘Yes, and sometimes when you least expect it, it runs up and smacks you in the face.’

‘Not funny,’ he said, reaching across the table and cupping the side of her face in his large, warm hand. ‘That nut could have killed you.’

Kate was arrested by his anguished expression. ‘Don’t be silly. Why would you think that? It was an accident.’

‘Seeing as how the person who hurt you didn’t hang around to explain, I don’t think we can take that for granted.’

‘But I wasn’t badly hurt, just stunned,’ she argued. ‘My dignity suffered more than anything. Why are you so upset about it?’

He sat back, cutting himself off from her both physically and emotionally. ‘Trust me, Kate, I know what I’m talking about. You should be upset. You should be scared spitless. Just being part of the JBB circus makes you a target.’

‘Now that’s just ridiculous! I’m there to do a job, and I’ll see it through to the end. Stop trying to put me off.’

She’d thought he cared when he’d turned up at her hotel room at midnight to make sure she was all right after the accident. But that had gone sour too. Why did it always end up like this? Why did he have to be such a prophet of doom? Didn’t he realise how much he was scaring her – not for herself, but for her mother’s sake?

‘That is not what I am trying to do!’ he yelled, his temper matching her own. ‘You don’t understand! I’m trying to protect you, dammit.’ His raised voice brought Kate up short.

‘So what is this all about?’ she asked, trying to stay calm. ‘You say I don’t understand. So make me understand, Paul. Tell me, please.’

He got up and turned towards the window. Kate could see his face in the reflection as he stared sightlessly out into the darkness. He looked so alone. She waited, wanting to go to him. Whatever demons were haunting him, she felt instinctively that until he talked about them they would continue to fester and threaten him. She remained seated, her teeth worrying her bottom lip, arms held firmly around her own waist in order to stop herself from reaching out to him.

‘I’ve grown up in the public eye. Not because I’m special, but because my dad is a rock star and my mom was a model. It was part of my life. It was normality to me.’

He hadn’t turned round, but she could see him now watching her in the reflection. His image was slightly distorted by the natural ripples in the old, handmade glass. To Kate, seeing him like this, it seemed as though he was standing inside a force field, isolated from her and everything else in the world.

‘You soon learn that people want to get close to you, to use you. They don’t care who you are in here,’ he laid a hand over his heart. ‘Or in here,’ and touched a finger to his temple. ‘They just want to be seen with the rock star’s kid, or to sell their lies and distortions to make a quick buck and have their fifteen minutes of fame.’

‘Including women, who want to say they’ve been to bed with you.’

‘Yeah.’ He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. ‘I guess that was a cheap shot the other day, huh?’

‘As cheap as they can get,’ she nodded, accepting his wry expression as an apology of sorts.

‘I had some bad moments growing up, but I’m smart. I learned to protect myself from the users. But sometimes you just don’t know what to expect, y’know?’

‘What do you mean?’

He was silent. Kate thought he had had enough, and was going to stop talking. But then he turned slowly and returned to the table and sat down. He took a sip of his wine and put the glass down again carefully before looking her straight in the eye.

‘When I was eighteen I was attacked by a woman who had been stalking my dad.’ He ignored her gasp. ‘She’d been prevented from getting anywhere near him, what with restraining orders, and the best security team money can buy keeping Dad safe. And she got mad about that. Man, did she get mad.’ He shook his head. ‘I’d just started college. I was enjoying my independence, hanging out with other kids, learning how to be Paul instead of Johnson or Lola’s kid. Then one day I was walking on stage to perform with my band at college and she was there with a knife. No warning, no reason.’

‘Oh, dear God!’ Kate groaned, leaning her elbows on the table and burying her face in her hands.

‘I was lucky. One of my friends saw the knife and yelled a warning. Someone else jumped her from behind and they got the knife away from her. It took four of us to hold her down until the cops came.’ She looked up as he shook his head. ‘She was totally crazy, y’know? She’d been making Dad’s life hell for months. He nearly quit the music business over it. He bought himself a ranch in Montana, miles from anywhere. But she even found him there. That’s when he got the restraining orders and increased his security team. She backed off. They figured they’d stopped her. But she just decided if she couldn’t have my dad, she would punish him by killing me.’

‘What happened to her?’

‘She should have gone to jail,’ he snarled. ‘But her own family had plenty of money and they got her a clever lawyer who convinced the judge she was sick. She escaped jail by agreeing to check into hospital and have treatment. Dad’s a soft touch – he agreed. Everyone else wanted to throw the book at her.’

Kate got up and went to him, running a tender hand down his ramrod-straight back, and then up again to rest on his shoulder. She could feel the tension radiating from him. She wasn’t surprised. Even having heard a little of the story before, she was stunned.

What did it cost you, Paul? What scars has she left on you?

‘So she got help,’ she said softly. ‘Did you?’

He looked up at her, a wry smile softening his handsome face. ‘Is psychoanalysis another of your varied talents, Miss Armstrong?’

She surveyed him with narrowed eyes. ‘No. But it doesn’t take a genius to see that you’re still suffering, nor do I need to have letters after my name to recognise that you’ve avoided going on stage since. You keep yourself safe by keeping everyone else at a distance.’

‘God help me, I don’t want to put you at a distance, Kate.’ He stood up and pulled her close, capturing her face in his warm hands and kissing her hard.

Kate fought a brief but intense battle with herself – her head told her to stop this now, while her heart insisted that this is where she wanted, needed to be. She melted under his sensual onslaught, sighing with pleasure when he deepened the kiss, forgetting everything but the power of her feelings for this man. Her hands crept around his neck, fingers tangled in the soft hair there. She pressed her body closer, feeling his hardness against her soft belly. It wasn’t enough. After weeks of frustration, nothing but the feel of him inside her would be enough.

‘Don’t stop. Please don’t stop,’ she whispered against his lips.

‘I don’t think I can,’ he groaned. ‘I want you so much.’

‘Then love me, Paul. Show me. I need you.’

They didn’t even make it up the stairs. Kate pulled him into the lounge, where they undressed each other in the darkness before they fell onto the sofa. They learned the feel of each other, touching, tasting, kissing. His hands on her breasts made her sigh and reach for him. Her caresses drove him wild.

He pulled away from her touch. ‘If you carry on doing that, I won’t last. I want to be inside you, to come with you. But first …’ he kissed her. ‘I want to taste you,’ he said, sliding to the floor and opening her legs.

Kate lay back, her head spinning, her heart thumping. He nuzzled her inner thighs, stroking her calves, his warm breath teasing her. Then his mouth reached her most secret place and she cried out as his tongue found her. She held on to his silky hair as he loved her, driving her to the heavens. When his finger slipped inside her moist heat, she cried out, her whole body singing. He held her, lapping and stroking her to a climax.

She went over the edge. ‘Paul, oh, Paul, yes! Inside me, I need you inside me, please!’

He didn’t need any more encouragement. He surged up, and in to her, kissing her, letting her taste herself on his lips as she sobbed out her joy. Kate wrapped her legs around his waist, urging him deeper, until there was no space between them. They began to move together. She stroked down his back, his thighs, and up again, feeling the tension growing inside her again. He kissed her, nipping and sucking as his hands held her hips tight against him. They moved faster and faster, urging each other on. Kate heard him groan as the world spun out of control and they came together.