DONNA STARTED CRYING OUT in the parking lot. Becca joined her. Only Peter stayed silent and apart from the general hysteria. The more Donna cried, the more panicky the girl got, like they were feeding off each other. The girl was crying in those great hiccuppy sobs bordering on hyperventilation. I looked at Edward and raised my eyebrows, He looked blank. I finally gave him a push. He mouthed, "Which one?"
"Girl," I mouthed back.
He knelt by them. Donna had settled down on the bumper of his Hummer cradling Becca in her lap.
Edward knelt in front of them. "Let me take Becca for a little walk."
Donna blinked up at him, as if she saw him, heard him, but wasn't really understanding. He reached for Becca and started prying her from her mother's arms. Donna's arms were limp, but the girl clung to her mother, screaming.
Edward literally pried her small fingers away, and when she was free of her mother, Becca turned and clung to him, burying her face in his shoulder. He looked at me over the girl's head, and I shooed him away. He never questioned, just walked towards the sidewalk that edged the parking lot. He was rocking the girl slowly as he moved, soothing her.
Donna had covered her face with her hands, collapsing forward until her face and hands met her knees. Her sobs were full-blown almost wails. Shit. I looked at Peter. He was watching her, and the look on his was disgusted, embarrassed. I knew in that instant that he'd been the adult in more ways than just shooting his father's killer. His mother was allowed hysterics, but he wasn't. He was the one who held together in a crisis. Damned unfair, if you ask me.
"Peter, can you excuse us for a few minutes?"
He shook his head. "No."
I sighed, then shrugged. "Fine, just don't interfere." I knelt in front of Donna, touching her shaking shoulders. "Donna, Donna!" There was no response, no change. It had been a long day. I got a handful of that short thick hair and pulled her head up. It hurt, and it was meant to. "Look at me, you selfish bitch."
Peter moved forward, and I pointed a finger at him. "Don't." He settled back a step, but he didn't leave. His face was angry, watchful, and I knew that he might interfere regardless of what I said if I went much further. But I didn't have to go further. I'd shocked her. Her eyes were wide, inches from mine, her face drenched with tears. Her breathing was still coming in small chest-heaving gulps, but she was looking at me, she was listening.
I released her hair slowly, and she stayed staring at me with a horrible fascination on her face as if I were about to do something cruel, and I was. "Your little girl has just seen the worst thing she's ever seen in her life. She was calming down, taking it in stride, until you started on the hysterics. You're her mother. You're her strength, her protector. When she saw you fall apart like that, it terrified her."
"I didn't mean ... I couldn't help ... "
"I don't give a shit what you feel or how upset you are. You're the mommy. She's the child. You are going to hold yourself together until she is not around to see you fall apart, is that clear?"
She blinked at me. "I don't know if I can do that."
"You can do it. You're going to do it." I glanced up but didn't see Edward yet. Good. "You are the grownup, Donna, and you are by God going to act like it."
I could feel Peter watching us, could almost feet him storing it away for later playback. He would remember this little scene and he would think on it, you could feel it.
"Do you have children?" she asked, and I knew what was coming.
"No," I said.
"Then what right do you have to tell me how to raise mine?" She was angry now, sitting up straighter, wiping at her face with short harsh movements.
Sitting up on the bumper, she was taller than I was kneeling. I looked up into her angry eyes and told the truth. "I was eight years old when my mother died, and my father couldn't handle it. We got a phone call from a state trooper that told us she was dead. My father dropped the phone and started to wail, not cry, wail. He took me by the hand and walked the few blocks to my grandmother's house, wailing, leading me by the hand. By the time we got to my grandmother's we had a crowd of neighbors, all asking what was wrong, what was wrong. I was the one who turned to my neighbors and said, "My mommy's dead." My father was collapsed in the bosom of his family, and I was left standing alone, uncomforted, unheld, tears on my face, telling the neighbors what had happened."
Donna stared at me and there was something very close to horror on her face. "I'm sorry," she said in a voice that had grown soft and lost its anger.
"Don't be sorry for me, Donna, but be a mother to your own daughter. Hold it together. She needs you to comfort her right now. Later when you're alone, or with Ted, you can fall apart, but please, not in front of the kids. That goes for Peter, too."
She glanced at him, standing there, watching us, and she flushed, embarrassed at last. She nodded her head too rapidly, then visibly straightened. You could actually see her gathering herself. She took my hands, squeezing them. "I am sorry for your loss, and I apologize for today. I'm not very good around violence. If it's an accident, a cut, no matter the blood, I'm fine, honestly, but I just can't abide violence."
I drew my hands gently from hers. I wasn't sure I believed her, but I said, "I'm glad to know that, Donna. I'll go get ... Ted and Becca."
She nodded. "Thank you."
I stood, nodding. I walked across the gravel in the direction Edward had gone. I liked Donna less now, but I knew now that Edward had to get away from this family. Donna wasn't good around violence. Jesus, if she only knew who, what, she'd taken to her bed. She'd have had hysterics for the rest of her life.
Edward had walked down the sidewalk to stand in front of one of the many small houses. They all had gardens in front, well tended, well planned. It reminded me of California where every inch of yard is used for something because land is such a premium. Albuquerque didn't look nearly as crowded and yet the yards were crowded.
Edward was still holding Becca, but she was looking at something that he was pointing at, and there was a smile on her face that showed from two houses away. A tension I hadn't realized I was carrying eased from my back and shoulders. When she turned so that her face was full to me, I saw a sprig of lilac tucked into one of her braids. The pale lavender flower didn't match the yellow ribbons and dress, but hey, it was cute as hell.
Her smile faltered around the edges when she saw me. There was a very good chance that I wouldn't be one of Becca's favorite people. I'd probably scared her. Oh, well.
Edward put her down, and they walked towards me. She was smiling up at him, swinging his arm a little. He smiled down at her, and it looked real. Even to me it looked real. You might have really believed he was Becca's adored and adoring father. How the hell were we going to get him out of their lives without screwing Becca over? Peter would be pleased if Ted went poof, and Donna ... She was a grown-up. Becca wasn't. Shit.
Edward smiled at me and said in his cheerful Ted voice, "How are things?"
"Just dandy," I said.
He raised eyebrows, and for a split second his eyes flinched going from cynical to cheerful so fast it made me dizzy.
"Donna and Peter are waiting for us."
Edward turned so that the girl was between us. She glanced up at me, and her gaze was questioning, thoughtful. "You beat up that bad man," she said.
"Yes, I did," I said.
"I didn't know girls could do that."
That made my teeth hurt. "Girls can do anything they want to do, including protect themselves and beat up bad guys."
"Ted said that you hurt that man because he said bad things to me."
I glanced at Edward, but his face was all open and cheerful for the child and gave me nothing.
"That's right," I said.
"Ted says that you'd hurt someone to protect me just like he would."
I met her big brown eyes, and nodded. "Yes, I would."
She smiled then and it was beautiful, like sunshine breaking through clouds. She reached out her free hand to me, and I took it. Edward and I walked back to the parking lot, holding the child's hands while she half-walked, half-danced between us. She believed in Ted, and Ted had told her that she could believe in me, so she did. The odd thing was that I would hurt someone to protect her. I would kill to keep her safe. I looked across at Edward and for just a moment he looked back at me from the mask. We stared at each other over the child, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to get us all out of the mess that he had made.
Becca said, "Swing me."
Edward counted out, "One, two, three," and swung her up and out, forcing me to swing her other arm. We moved across the parking lot, swinging Becca between us while she gave that joyous, full-throated laugh.
We sat her down laughing in front of her mother. Donna was composed and smiling. I was proud of her. Becca looked up at me, shining. "Mommy says I'm too big to swing now, but you're strong, aren't you?"
I smiled at her, but I looked at Edward when I said, "Yes, I am."
DONNA AND EDWARD DID a tender but decorous good-bye. Peter rolled his eyes and scowled as if they'd done a lot more than a semi-chaste kiss. He'd have had a cow if he could have seen them smooching earlier at the airport. Becca kissed Edward on the cheek, giggling. Peter ignored it all and got in the car as soon as he could as if afraid "Ted" might try to hug him, too.
Edward waved until the car turned onto Lomos and out of sight, then he turned to me. All he did was look at me, but it was enough.
"Let's get in the car and get some air conditioning going before I grill you about what the hell is going on," I said.
He unlocked the car. We got inside. He started the engine and the air conditioner, though the air hadn't had time to cool yet. We sat in the expensive hum of his engine with the hot air blowing on us, and silence filled the car.
"Are you counting to ten?" he asked.
"Try a thousand and you'll be closer."
"Ask. I know you want to."
"Okay, we'll skip the tirade about you dragging Donna and her kids into your mess and go straight to who the hell is Riker and why did he send goons to warn you off?"
"First, it was Donna's mess, and she dragged me into it."
My disbelief must have shown on my face because he continued, "She and her friends are a part of an amateur archeology society that tries to preserve Native American sites in the area. Are you familiar with how an archaeological dig is done?"
"A little. I know they use string and tags to mark where an object is found, take pictures, drawings, sort of like you do for a dead body before you move it."
"Trust you to come up with the perfect analogy," he said, but he was smiling. "I've gone with Donna on weekends with the kids. They use freaking toothbrushes and tiny paint brushes to gently clean the dirt away, or dental picks."
"I know you have a point," I said.
"Pot hunters find a site that is already being explored, or sometimes one that hasn't been found, and they bring in bulldozers and backhoes to take out as much as possible in the least amount of time."
I gaped at him. "But that destroys more than they can possibly take out, and if you move an object before its site is recorded, it loses a lot of its historical value. I mean the dirt it's found in can help date it. What is found near an object can tell all sorts of things to a trained eye."
"Pot hunters don't care about history. They take what they find and sell it to private collectors or dealers who aren't too particular about how an object was found. A site that Donna was volunteering on was raided."
"She asked you to look into it," I said.
"You underestimate her. She and her psychic friends thought they could reason with Riker, since they were pretty sure it was his people behind it."
I sighed. "I don't underestimate her, Edward."
"She and her friends didn't understand what a bad man Riker is. Some of the really big pot hunters hire bodyguards, goon squads, to help take care of the bleeding hearts, and even the local law. Riker is suspected of having been behind the deaths of two local cops. It's one of the reasons that things went en smoothly in the restaurant. All the local cops know that Riker's a suspected top killer, not personally, but of hiring it done."
I smiled, not a pleasant smile. "I wonder how many traffic tickets he and his men have acquired since it happened."
"Enough that his lawyer filed a harassment suit. There is no proof that Hiker's people were involved, just the fact that the cops were killed at a dig that had been partially bulldozed, and an eye witness that saw a car with a partial plate that might have been one of his trucks."
"Is the witness still among the living?" I asked.
"My, you do catch on quick."
"I take it that's a no."
"He's missing," Edward said.
"So why come after Donna and her kids?"
"Because the kids were with her when she and her group formed a protest line protecting a site that was on private land that Riker had gotten permission to bulldoze. She was their spokesperson."
"Stupid, she should not have taken the kids."
"Like I said, Donna didn't understand how bad a man Riker was."
"And what happened?"
"Her group was manhandled, abused, beaten. They fled. Donna had a black eye."
"And what did Ted do about this?" I was watching his face, arms crossed over my stomach. All I could see was his profile, but it was enough. He hadn't liked it, that Donna had gotten hurt. Maybe it was just that she belonged to him, a male pride thing, or maybe ... maybe it was more.
"Donna asked me to have a talk with the men."
"I take it that would be the two men that you put in the hospital. I seem to remember you asking Harold if two guys were still in the hospital."
Edward nodded. "Yeah."
"Only two in the hospital, and none in a grave. You must be slipping."
"I couldn't kill anyone without Donna knowing, so I made an example of two of his men."
"Let me guess. One of them would be the man who gave Donna the black eye."
Edward smiled happily. "Tom."
"And the other one?"
"He pushed Peter and threatened to break his arm."
I shook my head. The air had begun to cool, and it raised goose bumps even through my jacket, or maybe it wasn't the cold. "The second guy has a broken arm now?"
"Among other things," Edward said.
"Edward, look at me."
He turned and gave me his cool blue gaze.
"Truth, do you care for this family? Would you kill to protect them?"
"I'd kill to amuse myself, Anita."
I shook my head, and leaned close to him, close enough to study his face, to try and make him give up his secrets. "No jokes, Edward, tell me the truth, Are you serious about Donna?"
"You asked me if I loved her and I said, no."
I shook my head again. "Dammit, don't keep evading the answer. I don't think you do love her. I don't think you're capable of it, but you feel something. I don't know exactly what, but something. Do you feel something for this family, for all of them?"
His face was blank, and I couldn't read it. He just stared at me. I wanted to slap him, to scream and rant until I broke through his mask into whatever lay underneath. I'd always been on sure ground with Edward, always known where he stood, even when he was planning to hurt me. But now suddenly, I wasn't sure about anything.
"My God, you do care for them." I slumped back in my seat, weak. I couldn't have been more astonished if he'd sprouted a second head. That would have been weird, but not this weird.
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, Edward, you care for them, all of them."
He looked away. Edward, the stone cold killer, looked away. He couldn't or wouldn't meet my gaze. He put the car in gear and forced me to buckle my seat belt.
I let him pull out of the parking lot in silence, but when we were sitting at the stop sign waiting for the traffic to clear on Lomos, I had to say something. "What are you going to do?"
"I don't know," he said. "I don't love Donna."
"But," I said.
He turned slowly onto the main street. "She's a mess. She believes in every new age bandwagon that comes along. She's got a good head for business, but she trusts everyone. She's useless around violence. You saw her today." He was concentrating very hard on the driving, hands gripping the wheel tight enough for his knuckles to be white. "Becca is just like her, trusting, sweet, but ... tougher, I think. Both the kids are tougher than Donna."
"They've had to be," I said, and couldn't keep the disapproval out of my voice.
"I know, I know," he said. "I know Donna, everything about her. I've heard every detail from cradle to the present."
"Did it bore you?" I asked.
"Some of it," he said carefully.
"But not all of it," I said.
"No, not all of it."
"Are you saying that you do love Donna?" I had to ask.
"No, no, I'm not saying that."
I was staring so hard at his face that we could have been driving on the far side of the moon for all the attention I gave the scenery. Nothing mattered more right that second than Edward's face, his voice. "Then what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that sometimes when you play a part too long, you can get sucked into that part I and it becomes more real than it was meant to be." I saw something on his face that I had never seen before, anguish, uncertainty.
"Are you saying that you are going to marry Donna? You're going to be a husband and a father? PTA meetings, and the whole nine yards?"
"No, I'm not saying that. You know I can't marry her. I can't live with her and two kids and hide what I am twenty-four hours a day. That good an actor I'm not."
"Then what are you saying?" I asked.
"I'm saying ... I'm saying that part of me, a small part of me, wishes I could."
I stared at him opened-mouthed. Edward, assassin extraordinaire, the undead's perfect predator, wished he could have not a family, but this family. A trusting new age widow, her sullen teenage son, and a little girl that made Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm look jaded, and Edward wanted them.
When I trusted myself to be coherent, I said, "What are you going to do?"
"I don't know."
I couldn't think of anything helpful to say, so I resorted to humor, my shield of last resort. "Just please tell me they don't have a dog and a picket fence."
He smiled. "No fence, but a dog, two dogs."
"What kind of dogs?" I asked.
He smiled and glanced at me, wanting to see my reaction. "Maltese. Their names are Peeka and Boo."
"Oh, shit, Edward, you're joking me."
"Donna wants the dogs included in the engagement pictures."
I stared at him, and the look on my face seemed to amuse him. He laughed. "I'm glad you're here, Anita, because I don't know a single other person who I'd have admitted this to."
"Do you realize that your personal life is now more complicated than mine is?" I said.
"Now I know I'm in trouble," he said. And we left it on a lighter note, on a joke, because we were more comfortable that way. But Edward had confided in me about a personal problem. In his way he'd come to me for help about it. And being who I was, I'd try to help him. I thought we would solve the mutilations and murders, eventually. I mean violence and death were our specialties. I was not nearly so optimistic about the personal stuff.
Edward did not belong in a world with a woman who had a pair of toy dogs named Peeka and Boo. Edward was not now, nor ever would be, that cutesy. Donna was. It wouldn't work. It just wouldn't work. But for the very first time I realized that if Edward didn't have a heart to lose, that he wished he had one to give. But I was reminded of the scene in
The Wizard of Oz
where Dorothy and the Scarecrow bang on the Tin Man's chest and hear the rolling echo. The tinsmith had forgotten to put in a heart. Edward had carved his own heart out of his body and left it on a floor somewhere years ago. I'd known that. I just never knew that Edward regretted the loss. And I think until Donna Parnell came along, he hadn't known it either.