Nothing Matters (Family Matters Book 1) (10 page)

I just give Nathan a five minute version, though I could continue all day when I'm in the moment and he applauds when I finish.  I smile, he looks so proud of me and says he's genuinely impressed, had no idea of my talent.  We play around for a little while, I try to teach him some notes but he has no concept.

We eat some lunch and go to the beach, heading up the coast a bit where I know it's more secluded, but where the waves won't be too big for him.  We both wear wetsuits.  His board is just basic, he says he and Ben share it, though neither of them have used it in a long time.

It feels great to be in the water, great to be with him.  As I watch him paddle out and attempt to stand up, my heart just swells.  He keeps trying, determined to stand and is ultimately rewarded, which gives us both a buzz.  I realize I love him so much, that meeting him has been the best thing to happen to me, that I can never imagine breaking up with him, and that one day we really could get married and have a family.  I get a sense that he will always want me, always protect me, always love me.  We are in the water for over an hour, then he says his legs are getting wobbly, so we go and sit in the sand.

"You did great," I compliment him.  "I must be a really good teacher!"

"You didn't consider that it's because I'm an awesome athlete?" he jibes back.

We take off our wetsuits, I have my bikini underneath, he has his swimming shorts and we go back into the waves, it's cold, bracing, but we hug each other, dunk our heads under, come up kissing, tasting the salt on each other's lips.  We both shiver, but do it again, bodies entwined.

"You're so amazing," he says.

"You are," I say, a classic response.  We both laugh, kiss, touch.

"You know I love you more than anything," he says, his tone serious.

"I know," I say lightly.  I swipe my finger across the tip of his nose, cling around his neck.  He burrows into my neck, his salty tongue flicking.

"Oh Nathan," I moan.

"Oh Magdala," he moans and we both laugh.

"You know what?"  I say, "Can we have a piano too?"  He looks at me confused.  "At the house with the dog and the horse?  Can I have a piano?"

"You can have every fucking thing you want," he says smiling and he kisses and bites at my lip and we wander out a bit deeper and we hold each other and kiss, laughing at the absurdity of it all, with the waves crashing into us.

NATHAN

Now that I've met her family, Magdala wants to take me to visit her Grandad's ranch, out Malibu way.  She never really gave me much information on it, other than he had horses and I knew she had lived there for a time when she was younger.  I guess I had envisioned a sort of dude ranch, perhaps her Grandad in a cowboy hat, I don't know.

What I didn't imagine was security gates and fences like Fort Knox, a mansion befit a Hollywood celebrity and basically a race track and stables.  Apparently her Grandad bred and trained racehorses.  He did have the cowboy hat though.  My Mom would have a fit if she saw a place like this.

We go out early because I have work at two o'clock, so we are there by nine, and Magdala gives me a tour of the house, which is old and grand, then she leads me to the stables where her Grandad is working.  You can see he dotes on her, he picks her up and swings her around.  He's a big guy, like her Dad, and when he tips his hat he has the same hair as her Dad, the same eyes.  It's like Cassian and her Dad are clones of him.  He shakes my hand and casts his eyes over me, but he's smiling and polite.  Magdala takes me to the horse she's going to ride, Sierra, a big grey, and one of the workers brings out a horse for me, a big, slow one, Mandy.  Magdala had laughed in disbelief when I said I'd never ridden a horse, never even touched one.  Well, I'd said, living in the middle of L.A. where are you supposed to come across horses?  She gets me into some boots, a helmet, and I am assisted up into the saddle.  She gives me basic directions on how to work the reins and then we are off.  I'm not scared, but it's a little bit daunting being on a 500 kilogram horse, not knowing what to expect.  That's why I am in awe of Magdala, the way she is at ease, the way she gallops off, she is magnificent, she's so confident.  I wonder if there is anything the girl can't do. 

Later she teaches me how to take off the saddle and brush down the horse.  You can tell she loves it.  That makes me love her more.  There's something special about watching someone doing a task that they love, it's the same way she is when she plays the piano, the same way when she surfs.  She makes ordinary things look amazing, like you wish you could be doing it too.  We clean up and meet her Grandad for some lunch out on a big verandah.  His housekeeper brings out plates of food, taco wraps, empanadas and salad.  My appetite is huge and the food delicious.  I'm really in my element, wish I didn't have to go to work.  Then cream cakes and pastries are brought out, and I'm in heaven.  I only ever get cream cakes at my Nan's, must be a grandparent thing.  Mum refuses to buy cream unless it's someone's birthday.  She thinks it's too indulgent.  I'll probably pay for it later, but I eat three.

Her Grandad talks to me, just general stuff, school, sport, family.  It's just casual conversation and there's a worker out in the garden on a ride on mower and I comment that I'd have fun on that, that I need that to do my Nan's lawns.  I tell him Nan has an old motor mower which takes about twenty pulls to get started.  Her Grandad laughs and says that Jakey and Cassian wouldn't even know what a motor mower looked like, insinuating that they have never done any manual labour.  I decide I really like him.  What's not to - beautiful house, great food, swimming pool, which we go in after her Grandad heads back to work.  She has found a bikini to wear and she gives me a pair of swim shorts, and we swim and play around until I tell her we better be headed home.  We track down her Grandad and say goodbye and thank him and he tells us to come again, anytime.

"So," Magdala says, "do you think horses are your thing?"

"I could make them my thing," I grin back.  "How come you can ride so good?"

"I told you we lived here when I was little," she says, "we rode everyday."

"You've had a neat childhood," I say, but it's not in envy.

"I know I'm lucky," she says, "I have the best family."

"You do," I say.

"Your family is cool too," she says, and adds, "plus they're not broken."

"Broken?" I ask.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure you're the only person I know who still lives with their Mom and Dad."

"Really?" I say, in disbelief.  Tom's and Jose's parents are together, same with Kara and Stevie's.  Luke and Dane both live with their Moms, but Luke's remarried.  I don't think of it as odd.

"Yeah, so you're lucky too," she smiles.  And I know she means it.  Magdala gets on with her stepmother but she hasn't really told me that much about her real mother, other than that she lives in Hawaii, works at a university and is married to a German professor, who is also called Ben.

"I'm lucky to have met you," I say.

"No, I am."

"No, I am." And we play that silly game.  But I know I'm right.  I can't imagine not having this girl in my life.  I know my life changed the day I met her.

MAGDALA

I learnt that Dad talked to Jakey and told him he needed to apologize to Nathan.  Jakey admitted he'd been out of line, he blamed the alcohol that night and he said he'd had an argument with Lily, the girl he'd been seeing, and that he shouldn't have taken it out on Nathan.  He said that Dad had told him family comes first, no matter what, so if he didn't like something he had to suck it up, not cause any aggro.  Jakey, never one to be sentimental, then said Nathan's only saving grace was that he was a Clippers supporter, and that his sister baked good cake.

It felt like my relationship with Nathan just zoomed on right ahead, like there was no stopping it.  We'd started out being madly attracted to each other, and within six weeks it had developed so that it was a combination of friendship and humor and all things physical.  We had met each other's families, apart from my mother, and we had hopes for the future.  And it made no bit of difference that we came from different parts of town, that our backgrounds were supposedly incompatible.

Cassian and I hadn't been brought up to believe that because we lived in Beverly we were better than anyone who didn't live there.  Cash can still remember when me, him and Dad used to live in a small two bedroom apartment.  I didn't have any memory of that, of sharing a bedroom with him, or staying at Aunt Kate's house with Jakey and Raff.  I only remembered living at the ranch, and thinking those were the best days, horse riding, swimming, tennis, learning the piano, going to step classes at Aunt Kate's gym.

When Grandad use to take the horses to the beach it was usually Jakey and I who went with him.  And that's when I use to watch the surfers.  I use to be mesmerized by them, longing to have a go.  Grandad said that Trey use to surf, but it was news to me.  Dad had never taken us surfing, and I'd never seen a surfboard at home.  I begged Dad to teach me.  He said I was too little.  Still I begged.  He said he hadn't surfed in years, that he'd probably forgotten how to.  I pleaded.  He said I needed to learn gymnastics first, that I had to have body awareness, flexibility, balance before I could surf.  I agreed, anything to get out out of having to play tennis with Cash all day.

On my ninth birthday he bought me my first surfboard, and for me that was it.  We had moved off the ranch by then and were close to the beach, so we all got enrolled in lessons.  Jakey, Cash and Raff only lasted two months, but I kept it going.  Dad even bought himself a new board and started up again and he would take me to the beach whenever he had time.  Cash use to come too, but Cash only cared about tennis.  Dad entered me in surf competitions and sometimes I would do all right and place in the top three.  But that wasn't the real appeal for me, winning certificates or medals.  I just loved to be on the waves.  In a way that's how Cash and I are so similar.  Cash loved tennis, but he was never hung up about whether he won a match or tournament, even though he won quite a few and had a shelf full of trophies.  He said he just loved to hit balls, loved the satisfaction of controlling the ball with his racket, of hitting a perfect shot.  If you got a point for it, then it was a bonus.  I knew what he meant, because for me there was no better feeling than riding the perfect wave, or riding perfectly on any wave.

Nathan and I ended up going surfing a few times.  I loved that he wanted to share things with me, even though it wasn't his passion.  He didn't have an ego, didn't resent that I was better than him and he let me coach him.  And seeing him stand on the board and make a ride made me so proud of him.  Everything in our relationship was just about the little things, there were no dramas, no major conflicts, no worries.  Our love was pure, simple, uncomplicated, true.  And for me nothing mattered more than that

Chapter 4

NATHAN

Friday's game is against Lincoln High, and it should be a good one.  It's the last game in the league, and West really need the win and having the home advantage, we should.  Magdala says she has piano recital practice, so she says she'll meet me there, that she might be a little late.  She says she'll text me when she arrives.  Tom picks me up which works out because then Magdala will give me a ride later.

I'm a little anxious when I haven't heard from Magdala at the start of the game, but then she texts to say she's finally on her way.  I relax a little, every so often check my phone, but I know traffic can be a bitch at this time.

It’s coming up to half time, and now I'm stressing.  Tom tries to reassure me that it will just be the traffic, but I worry she might have had an accident.  I tell him I'll go outside and check, maybe she can't get a park. I'm just about to leave my seat, when an announcement comes over the speaker system.

"Ladies and gentlemen, could I have your attention please.  Due to an incident, I have had a request that you avoid the carpark at this time.  I repeat, please avoid the carpark at this time.  Police and emergency services are at the scene, so please -"

I take off down the stands.  "Nate," I hear Tom call, followed by his footsteps.  I can feel adrenaline kicking in, my heart is thumping, I just know something is wrong.  Tom and Dane are right behind me.  Security is blocking the doors.  "My girlfriend," I plead, pushing my way through, "my girlfriend."  Already I'm trying to ring her, but her phone goes straight to voicemail.

We get through.  There are police cars and an ambulance.  I feel like I'm hyperventilating.

Tom and Dane are talking, but I don't hear what they're saying. 

"Magdala's car," I gasp, "need to find her car." I don't want to find her car.  Finding it will mean the worst.  We take off at a semi run, eyes darting.  Is it here?  Teal green Honda CRV.  Where is it?  We can see the police tape, officers milling about, people crowded.  We keep moving, and then, a feeling of utter devastation - we see her car and we sprint.  Please be in it, I pray, please be sitting in it.  But from thirty meters away I can see its empty.  I reach the car, lean on it, look inside, as if she might miraculously be curled up on the backseat.

The three of us look at each other.  "Oh man," Dane says, "fuck this."

Tom is the calmest.  "Let's go talk to the cops," he says, leading the way, but I jog past him, I need to be first.  I approach an officer, security tells us to back away, I demand to talk to a cop, my girlfriend is missing, I say.  The officer takes notice of me, and I tell him about Magdala's car.  He talks on his walkie-talkie and within seconds another two officers arrive.  Tom does most of the talking, he's so calm, my thoughts are all over the place.  Dane has his arm on my shoulder.  The officers are writing stuff down.  Tom nudges me for a photo of Magdala.  I scroll through my phone, there are hundreds of her, of us.  They take photos of my photos.  They walk with us over to Magdala's car, still writing notes.  More walkie-talkie.  I hear one of them say Trey Strauss, that's Magdala's dad.  We walk back towards the main hub of activity, the crime scene, and it's then that I  ask the cop if I should ring Cassian, because it suddenly seems imperative that I ring him.

"Just hold off a bit," he says, surprisingly gentle, "we're ringing her parents."

I feel I can ask him now, I feel my thoughts regathering, "Is she going to be okay?"

"They're taking her to the hospital now," he puts his arm on my shoulder.  I feel like I'm going to break down, like I'm going to start sobbing.

"What happened to her?" I say, my voice quivering, and it dawns on me, What has happened to Magdala?  Has she been beaten?  Attacked? God forbid, raped? 

"It's too early to say," the cop says steadily, "but she's being taken care of.  You boys wait here and we'll get some details from you." 

I feel like my legs are going to give way, and I lower myself into a squat position.  It all seems so surreal.  Dane is texting, Tom too. 

"You okay?" Tom asks, squatting beside me.

I nod.  A woman cop comes over.  We stand up.  She says they've gotten in touch with Magdala's parents. We start to give her our details.  My phone rings.  The screen says Cassian.  I show it to Tom and Dane. I gulp, I don't know how I'm going to handle this.

"Cash?" My voice cracks.

"What's happening?" he asks.  He knows.

"We're with the cops," I turn away from the others, "we're still at school."

"Have you seen her?  Is she okay?"

"No, they'd already taken her to hospital.  Cash, I don't even know what happened, they haven't said anything."  I'm crying now.  Crying and shaking.  Who knew I would cry so easily?  Not me.

"Okay, I'll see you at the hospital," he says and rings off.

I try to compose myself, control my tears.  Tom's hand is on my shoulder now.  It's comforting.  But I'm still shaking.  Dane's giving his details now, and then my phone rings again.  Not a contact.  Is it Magdala's Dad I wonder.

"Hello?" Weak, hesitant.

"Nate?" It's Jakey and his voice is demanding.  "What the fuck's going on? What fucking happened?"

"I dunno," I say and I'm intimidated all of a sudden. "She's been taken to hospital."

"I fucking know that," he retorts.  "Where the hell were you?  Why weren't you fucking well with her?"

And right then, right at that moment I believe that this is my fault.  "Why the fuck weren't you looking after her?"  I can't even muster a response.  I feel the anger, the disdain in his voice, and I start to say something, but he dismisses me with a "Later man."

Tom drives me and Dane to the hospital.  I text Cassian when we are in the carpark asking where he is, and he texts back: ER.  None of us are familiar with the hospital layout and it takes us a while to get to the right place - it's a good distraction, but frustrating.  When we tell reception who we are looking for, the guy directs us to a separate waiting room.  He buzzes to open the door.  Cassian, Jakey and Raff, their Mom and stepdad are all there.  I don't see Magdala's parents.  We go towards Cassian, he approaches me, with a bro hug and knuckle bump, and does the same to Tom and Dane, even though they've only met once before. Jakey eventually does the same, but I barely look at him, there's a fire in his eyes.

"Dad's in with the doctors now," Cassian explains.  "How did it happen?"  I feel reassured by Cassian, he's not judging or threatening.  I run the story by him, well our side of it, Tom interjecting at various points.  Jakey looks like hell.

"When was the last time she texted you?" he fires at me.  I search my phone.

"Seven oh two," I say.  "She said she was on her way."

"And you fucking didn't go and look for her?" His voice is scathing again, "it would only take her ten, maybe fifteen minutes from Briarwood."

I shrug, I don't know what to say, but he's right.  It would have only taken her fifteen minutes tops.  Why hadn't I gone out to check?  Jakey's glaring at me.  He's obviously forgotten that we were basketball buddies, that we're both mad Clippers supporters. Cassian puts a hand on Jakey's chest, guides him away, "Let's not do this," he says quietly.  "Back off Jakey, it's not Nate's fault."

But he's said it.  He's said what everyone is now thinking - that it is my fault.  Jakey turns away.

Cassian takes me aside, "Don't listen to him Nate, he's upset." 

I almost feel dizzy, light headed and I sit down, my whole mind confused.  Jakey's mother brings me a cup of water and pats my back, whispers kind words.  I appreciate it.  Tom and Dane are talking to Cassian and Raff, Jakey's pacing. 

It seems like eternity, but it's probably only ten minutes later that Magdala's Dad appears.  I leap up to my feet, Tom and Dane on either side of me.  Her Dad comes over to us, greets me with a handshake and a hug.  You can see the stress on his face, you can see the anguish in his eyes.  We all crowd him, almost as if he's a celebrity and we all want his autograph.

He tries to sound light hearted. "Well she's kicking up a real fuss in there," he says,  "but they're getting a pediatrician to come in who shouldn't be too far away."

"Is she going to be all right Dad?" Cassian says, and I see the fear in his eyes, and it makes me realize how much he loves his baby sister.

"Oh Cash," he says, "she's been raped.  And stabbed."  And it's like everyone gasps in unison, and then is mute.  Cash embraces his father, who has tears rolling down his face and they both stand there.  When they release, Jakey's mother hugs Trey, tears flowing too, "Our poor baby girl."

"They'll tell us more when the specialist sees her," he says. 

I feel like I can't take it in.  I feel like I can't breathe.  I need to sit down again, my elbows resting on my knees, my hands covering my face, trying to comprehend, "She's been raped and stabbed."

Tom says he'll take me home, but I need to stay.  I couldn't possibly abandon Magdala.  But I send Tom and Dane off, and tell them I'll get Mom to pick me up.  Right at this moment I need her more than anything.  I go off into a corner, and call our home line because I don't know if Mom will have her mobile next to the bed.  You know how parents are, they always forget where their phones are.  Dad answers, with the panicked voice of someone who isn't expecting a call after he's already gone to bed.

"Dad?" That cracking voice again.  "Is Mom there?"

"What's wrong Nate?" he asks, the voice frightened, knowing it can only be bad news.

"Get Mom please." Begging.

There's a muffle of sounds, I hear Dad say my name.  Mom sounds amazingly alert seeing she's just been woken seconds ago.  "Nate, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Magdala's in hospital.  Can you come and get me?"

"What's happened?  Has there been an accident?  Are you okay?"  A tonne of questions.

"She's been raped," my voice low, quiet.

I hear Mom gasp and say, "Oh my god."

Mom arrives in twenty minutes, which means she must have flown out the door.  I almost expect to see that she's in her pajamas, but she's wearing tights and a hoodie, as if she was going to the gym.  She gets introduced to everyone and she politely chats to Jakey's mother and stepfather.  I don't listen, now I'm pacing, hoping, praying that Magdala's Dad will reappear with more news.

He returns and like the first time, we crowd him.  He says the pediatrician has seen Magdala, that she has calmed down, that they have stitched up two stab wounds, one in her neck, one in her thigh, that luckily they were not too deep.  They have taken samples, of what I don't know, and she is now sedated and sleeping.  He says we should all go home, that she is settled for the night.  Cassian asks if he can see her, Jakey and Raff too, and her father says, "Just Cash tonight," and I so badly want to see her, but know not to ask, family first.

In the car I go through the whole scenario again with Mom.  Tom and Dane are still texting me.  When I'm in bed I text Cassian: did u see her?  How is she?

And he texts back:  she was asleep, she didn't look good. 

And I have the worst night of tossing and turning, wondering how everything has turned into a nightmare.

MAGDALA

I was so uncooperative at the ER department, that they had to call in a specialist pediatrician to work with me.  I verbally abused and squealed when any of the doctors even tried to touch me, there was no way a young Asian doctor, male or female, or the older, bald doctor with a hook nose was going to examine me down there, and I'd clenched my thighs so tight together as if they were held by super glue.  Nurses were telling me to shush, saying they needed to stop the bleeding, needed samples, evidence.  But I curled myself up as small as I could and wouldn't let anyone touch me.

So they sent Dr Julie Surridge, later I was told they got her to come in specially to tend to me, and that's when I felt I might be all right.  Dr Surridge's voice calmed me, she soothed me, she told me we could do this together.  She stroked my hair, and patted my shoulder and before I knew it I'd pried my legs open a fraction, and the evidence was gathered.  She'd shooed the police away, telling them I needed rest, questioning could wait.

When I woke up the next morning, Dr Surridge was there again.  I couldn't see out of one eye, it was swollen and closed up, and I remembered how he punched me in the face.  I remembered a skull ring on one of his fingers.  I remembered him kicking me, around my belly and my back.  He was wearing old Nike boots, white with red laces.  His jeans had been dirty, ripped, pale denim, his t-shirt might have had California or Cali fornication written on it.

He'd wolf whistled as I approached the van he was leaning against, and I'd smiled at him.  I looked hot, I knew I did, I'd wanted to - for Nathan.  He had longish blond hair, the beginnings of a mustache, numerous piercings in both ears. 

"Whoa, looking hot!" he'd said as I passed by, "looking sexy!"

I'd tilted my head at him, a girl with all the confidence in the world, but I held tighter to my phone, just in case.  "Wanna drink?" he said, moving, taking a can of beer from the front seat and holding it up to me.  I shook my head, thought I was still walking, but maybe I had stopped.  His arm hooked through mine, he swung me around, I tightened the grip on my phone.