Nothing but Smoke (Fire and Rain) (10 page)

Nicky didn’t know if he was ready for that, but shit, between the past few days of hell with his mom, and the food and wine coursing through his system, he wanted to try it.

“How about we go to your place for dessert?” Nicky was amazed those words had come from his mouth.

“My place, huh?” That cocked eyebrow was back, together with a slow smile that made Nicky’s boner go from half-hard to prepped-and-ready. “I can drive this time, right?”

Oh, shit.
Nicky swallowed against the lump in his throat. Was that a suggestion? The kind of hint Nicky thought he’d been getting all night, and maybe before that? Or was it Nicky’s nervousness making him imagine things? “Yeah, that’s fine.”

They split the check, which wasn’t as expensive as Nicky had feared it would be, and made their way out of the restaurant and into the dark parking lot. Michael opened the car door for Nicky again. This time when that hand went to Nicky’s lower back, Nicky couldn’t help but tense.

He’d been cool with guys in the park grabbing his hips sometimes, but never lower to his ass. Funny, that probably made him some kind of prude. Michael would sure think so if Nicky mentioned it.

When Michael got in his side of the car and started the engine, he looked across the front seat and tilted his head. “Is something wrong?”

“No.” Nicky couldn’t make his voice calm.

Michael threw his arm across the seat to look over his shoulder and back out of the spot. “Is it about your mom?”

Maybe Nicky should have said yes to throw Michael off track, but he wasn’t ready to start thinking about his mom quite yet. “No. Just thinking.” Okay, that was it, the lead-in that could get them talking about what was running through his head.

“Thinking about what?”

“Well…” Nicky took a deep breath. Fuck it. He’d rather know what Michael expected to happen back at his place than find out when Michael bent him over. It wasn’t even like Nicky would say no…necessarily. Heck, if Michael wanted Nicky to fuck him, it would be just as weird. Maybe weirder, because Nicky wasn’t really thinking of Michael that way.

Of course, if he tried, maybe he could think of Michael like that…

“Are you a—?” Shit, he couldn’t say
top or bottom
out loud. “I mean if we were to…would you want to…” Nicky focused on the road outside, the bridge passing by and the few boats on the canal below. “Forget about it. It’s no big deal.”

“It seems like a big deal.” Michael’s quick chuckle was only slightly louder than the road noise outside. “Am I a what?”

If Nicky got any more embarrassed, he’d burst into flames, so he went on the defensive. “Well, its seems like gay guys are all either…”
Top or bottom, top or bottom, top or bottom!
The thoughts rang through his head, but somehow the muscles of his throat seized whenever he tried to form the words. “And I just want to know which you are.”

His frustration bled into annoyance, since Nicky was pretty sure Michael knew what he was getting at and was playing stupid. “We’ve gotten together a few times now, and we’re going to your house. I don’t think it’s weird for me to want to know.”

“Know what?” Michael winked at him across the front seat. Oh yeah. He knew exactly what was making Nicky squirm.

“Fine. Don’t tell me.” Nicky crossed his leg over his opposite knee, refusing to play the blushing virgin any longer. As much as he liked Michael’s teasing, Nicky wasn’t up for being made fun of.

“Aw. Don’t pout.” Michael drew up to a parking space painted red like a
No Parking
zone, but when Nicky read the sign, it turned out to be open to parking after eight on weekdays. Despite the tight squeeze, Michael managed to parallel park the Lincoln between a truck and an old Volkswagen Beetle that Nicky was surprised was still running.

Nicky reached for the door handle, wanting to get out of this conversation and on to finding out firsthand what Michael was expecting to do, but Michael grabbed Nicky’s arm. The kiss Michael landed hit halfway between his cheek and his mouth.

“Are you asking if I like to fuck or be fucked?” Michael hooked a hand behind Nicky’s neck and massaged his tight muscles.

Nicky’s eyes were closed already, but he clamped them harder, nodding only once.

“What are you hoping I’ll say?” Michael brushed his nose across Nicky’s, in a move as sexy as it was comforting.

His pulse pounded in his ears, his dick beat in time in his shorts, and Nicky whispered the truth. “I don’t know.”

“Really? But I’d have thought…” Michael pulled back, his head tipped like he was confused and needed to read the real answer from Nicky’s face. Then, all at once, Michael sealed his mouth to Nicky’s, lips hot and wet and insistent. He plunged his tongue into Nicky’s mouth, licking and nipping and biting on Nicky’s bottom lip. “You are so fucking hot. You know that?”

Simple as the phrase was, Nicky’s insides melted. If that was how Michael sounded—all growly and desperate—when he was about to fuck, then Nicky could take it. He could take anything to feel as wanted as he did right then. A gorgeous creature, sexy and as free as anything.

“If you want to bottom, I’ll make it good for you. I swear.” Michael roamed his hand down Nicky’s back, hovering at that dip right above his Nicky’s ass. “I mean—I’m versatile. I’d let you do me sometime if you wanted, but I have to admit, I’d really love to…”

Because it was dark in the car, and the street was empty, and Nicky was drunk on red wine and the taste of Michael’s kisses, Nicky shifted farther into Michael’s arms. He arched his back so the top curve of his ass drifted under Michael’s hand. In between kisses, Nicky murmured, “Yeah. Me too.”

Michael reached farther, so his fingers wrapped the underside of Nicky’s butt cheek. The touch was incredibly intimate. More personal somehow than when a guy had his hand or mouth on Nicky’s dick. Michael squeezed, growling his appreciation.

“How long do you have?” Michael took the keys out of the ignition and cracked open the car door. The interior light flooded the cabin.

Nicky looked at the screen of his phone. “Shit.”

“Oh fuck, tell me you don’t have to go soon.” Michael sounded just as horny as Nicky felt. But between the light and the fact that there was only another half hour until his mom’s home health aide needed to go home, Nicky flinched like he’d been doused in cold water.

“Yeah.” Nicky gave his dick a quick rub. “I should have checked my phone. I knew Saundra could only stay two and a half hours, but…” How could Nicky explain he’d been having too much fun to think about time, and his responsibilities, and his life outside the world he was building with Michael?

“That’s okay.” Nicky would have expected Michael to be angry or at least annoyed, but Michael’s expression was pure kindness. “You asked me to dinner and that’s what we did. It’s fine.” Michael sounded like he was trying to get a handle on things, switch gears back to normal.

“I…” There were a lot of things Nicky wanted say. Like he’d had a great time or how he really, really hoped this meant they were moving toward dating. Heck, he may have said something about wanting to have sex, but the timer on his phone went off.

The last thing Nicky needed was to piss off Saundra by showing up late.

“Call me later. If you want.” Michael got out of the car so fast Nicky couldn’t read his expression. But the message was loud and clear. Michael was his to call. Like a boyfriend.

Nicky swallowed, trying to slow the racing of his heart.

“Good night.” Michael handed him the keys.

Chapter Eight

“Are you okay?” His mother peered up at him, her forehead creased, though Nicky couldn’t tell if it was because she was trying not to cough or because she was worried.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Nicky set the pile of folded boxes in the corner alcove. They looked wrong there, intruding as they were on his mom’s sanctuary. Fitfully, Nicky tucked them under his arm and used the handhold to drag them back out into the hallway.

She wasn’t expected to be at All Saints until evening the next day. Nicky could leave the cardboard reminders next to the staircase for the night.

“You don’t seem fine.” His mother coughed, and Nicky was worried she’d try to get up to follow him, so he rushed into the living room to make sure she stayed on the couch.

“There’s just a lot to do.” He wiped the sweat off his forehead. The chilled sheen under his clothes had more to do with his emotional state than the exercise he’d gotten hauling cardboard out of the back of the Lincoln. His brain ran a mile a minute, one second thinking he should convince his mom to stay, and another wondering if he should have gotten her a different doctor when she’d first received her diagnosis.

He couldn’t even look at his mom, because Nicky was sure his eyes would betray his mixture of depression and panic. He dropped into the chair next to the couch, hand on his knee to stop it from bouncing.

“You should go out, Nicky. Take a break.”

Nicky shook his head. He couldn’t leave her alone. “I’m fine.”

He could feel his mother’s concern pouring off her, her gaze on his cheek as Nicky tried to focus on the sitcom reruns. “You could invite a friend over. I don’t need you hovering over me.”

She sounded as irritable as Nicky felt.

“Maybe.” No way would he invite Cody or any of the guys from the station. The only person Nicky wanted to see was the one man he shouldn’t invite to his home. But, dammit, now that Nicky had thought about seeing Michael, Nicky wanted it so badly he felt it in his teeth. “I guess I could give
someone
a call.”

My boyfriend,
his mind offered.
My boyfriend, who I’m crazy about and who’s been calling me every night asking when we can get together.

He couldn’t say those things to his mom, and he didn’t know why they popped into his head uninvited.

“You do that.” His mother twisted on the couch, her eyelids fluttering like Nicky’s stress was draining her energy. Nicky excused himself from the room and went upstairs to dial Michael’s number with trembling fingers.

“Hey, sexy. What’s up?”

Nicky rubbed the back of his neck. “Um…is your car still in the shop?”

There was noise in the background, like Michael was doing something in his apartment. “Yep. But I finally sucked it up and got a rental, why?”

“Any chance you’d be willing to come to my place?”

In the time it took Michael to answer, Nicky thought of a hundred ways this could go wrong. Even Michael saying no would hurt, since Nicky felt so brittle. He listened for a scoff that would mean Michael was offended.

In the end, Michael let out a long exhalation. “Nicky, I’m not trying to be contrary, but does your mom know you’re gay?”

“No,” Nicky said without reservation. He wasn’t going to tell her. And for sure, not tonight, right when she was heading to the hospice center the next day. “She’s sick, man.” Nicky shouldn’t have to explain, but he did anyway. “And religious, and—”

“So if I came over, what would happen?” Michael didn’t sound distrustful so much as cautious. “We’d tell your mom I’m a friend of yours and then we’d go make out in your bedroom?”

“No…well, maybe.” Nicky threw off his sweatshirt, suddenly too hot. The plan sounded ridiculous, and even juvenile. At the same time, Nicky needed not to be alone. “Though I guess if all you want is to fuck me, you may have to wait until I can get away.”

Michael was silent on the other end for so long that Nicky wasn’t sure whether he was still on the line.
Fuck.
Maybe Nicky had screwed up. If this was only sex, he could handle that…maybe. But Nicky needed something more in his life. At least right now.

“You want me to come over?” Michael’s voice was quiet. Less strident than normal.

“Yeah.” Nicky thought about offering food, or a blowjob, or even more if that’s what it would take, but he didn’t want to have to make deals or negotiations. Maybe it was too much to ask, but Nicky wanted Michael to come over just because Nicky wanted him to. “If you could.”

This time, Michael’s sigh was undeniable. Rife with frustration, perhaps, but also signaling that he was about to give in. “Fine. I’ve got a few things I have to wrap up here, but I should be over in around an hour.”

Michael chopped the steamed broccoli with more force than he probably should have, and by the time he was done scrubbing the cutting board, he might have removed a layer of bamboo.

God, what in the hell was he doing?

With Mark, Michael had never been in this situation. Mark’s paranoia about anyone suspecting he was gay meant Michael didn’t meet any of Mark’s family or friends.

After slicing the tofu and scooping the brown rice out of his rice cooker, Michael shook tamari and a few other seasonings over the casserole dish. Crap, he was even cooking for Nicky. This whole thing would crash and burn if Nicky woke up and realized he wasn’t that gay after all.

Michael scrubbed down the counters and popped the sponge in the washing machine. He was in it now, and there was no turning back. Worst-case scenario, Michael would feel like an idiot and he and Nicky would go back to meeting in secret. Best-case scenario?

His imagination didn’t stretch that far.

After fastening the lid on the baking dish, Michael gathered his backpack, keys and wallet. With a reluctant twitch of his lips, he went to the bathroom and grabbed his toothbrush and a few supplies. He had no reason to think he’d sleep over. Nicky hadn’t invited him, and Michael couldn’t guess where he’d sleep, but on the off chance Nicky’s house was bigger than Michael imagined, it was best to plan ahead.