Nobody's Dream (55 page)

“I’ve never really paid attention to it before.” Sure, sometimes there was a tension there, but he just figured it was the onset of a headache.

“Maybe if I kiss you there you will see what I mean.”

Darlin’, you can kiss me anywhere you’d like.

Just don’t scare her away by saying some asshole thing like that out loud, Denton.

“I guess in the name of science, we should give it a try.” He hoped he didn’t come across as lascivious but grinned anyway. When he saw her reluctance, he figured she planned to back away from her offer. Then she surprised him and placed her hands on his shoulders and pulled him toward her. He closed his eyes, well, the two he knew about. She kissed his forehead.

Hot damn.

His body tingled in a weird way, moving into his chest and shoulders. A memory crowded out what should have been a tender moment between him and this beautiful woman. “My mom used to kiss me there, especially when I’d had a run-in with my dad over a lost game.” Sweet to remember his mother trying to make him feel better, but Momma sure killed the moment.

She smiled at him. “Exactly. She wanted you to feel secure and loved, I am sure. Do you still feel the imprint of my lips even after the kiss?”

Damn right
. He nodded. “Yeah. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy…” His grin widened. At least his focus had returned to the girl on his lap.

“When you kissed me a few minutes ago, Lucas, a sense of well-being came over me. Thank you for that, especially after…”

She closed her eyes, and he pulled her against his chest again.

“You’ll always be safe with me, Sweet Pea.” Sitting like this with her filled something that had been missing in him, too, even if it killed him not to try to ignite something more carnal between them. So what if they never went beyond being friends? He could share moments like this—the intimacy he’d asked for—the rest of his life and still be happy.

Okay, his cock had a mind of its own. But she didn’t seem to notice. He didn’t want to ruin this moment. How many men were lucky enough to have a girl who needed him, if to provide nothing more than comfort and security?

“Lucas, I think I will be okay to go back to sleep now. You should try to sleep, too. You work so hard, and having me and my alpacas here just add to your burden.”

“I don’t require a lot of sleep, and you’re no burden at all, Sweet Pea. I like having you here. I’ve missed you something awful since I left your place.”

Not to mention the fact that I don’t want to put you down just yet.

Who knew when the walls would go back up and she’d distance herself again? “I know you have to head to Denver this weekend, but you can count on me while you’re here. I’ll sleep in the house to be close by until we know the anniversary memories have passed. I don’t want you facing those moments alone. I’ll be right outside this room on the couch.”

She stayed silent so long he wondered if she’d fallen asleep. Then he heard a sniffle.

“You okay, darlin’?” he whispered.

She nodded. “Why are you always so nice to me?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because…” She paused, and he waited. “No reason. I just have not…”

What had she started to say? He could push her and probably uncover some of those self-image issues she needed to work on, but decided she’d been through enough soul-searching for one night. He didn’t want to stir up anything else. She needed some sleep. They had years to sort things out, if she’d stick it out with him.

When she finally spoke again, her words were soft, her voice sleepy. “I am sorry that I have not been very nice to you.”

“What do you mean? You hauled my ass out of a wrecked truck, nursed me back to health twice, even agreed to become my wife.”

“But I have also been a bitch sometimes.”

He chuckled. “I knew all along it was just a defense mechanism. I saw in the way you were with Karla and others that that wasn’t the real you.”

“You’re an observer. Always watching, but not in a creepy way. Well, not once I came to know you better and did not think you were stalking me.”

He couldn’t contain his chuckle. “I earned your trust eventually. That’s the important thing.”

She nodded and remained silent for a long time. When her body became heavier, he knew she was close to falling asleep. He stood, lifting her in his arms, and she startled awake. “Shhh, darlin’. I’m just going to tuck you into bed now so you can get some rest.” He walked around the bed to the other side and placed her gently on the bottom sheet. Her legs were bare where the oversized T-shirt had ridden up, but she remedied that in a flash by grabbing the top sheet and bedspread and yanking them up to her chin.

“Good night, Lucas.”

“Night, Sweet Pea.” He bent down and, for good measure, placed another kiss on her forehead. “Sleep tight. I’ll be in the next room if you need me, and I’m going to keep the door open a crack so I’ll hear you if you have another bad dream. We’ll deal with it before it becomes full-blown.”

She nodded. “Thank you.”

He wished like hell she’d trust him enough to join her in the bed so he could hold her safe in his arms all night long, but someone as skittish as Cassie needed her space. They’d made a lot of headway in a short time.

Be patient.

He picked up his revolver from the dresser and walked out of the room, pulling the door nearly closed. How lucky was it they had found each other? Or maybe it
was
fate as she believed. Cassie needed companionship as much as he did. He hadn’t realized how lonely he was until after Angel spent those two weeks here and then left when she was ready to try and work things out again. Did Cassie feel that way after he left her place last month?

No matter how, two lonely people had found each other. Funny how life worked out sometimes. He smiled as he made up his bed on the couch. He’d better grab a few winks while he could. Good thing he was a light sleeper in case Cassie needed him again tonight.

Damn, but he liked being needed.

Luke smiled as he crawled between the blanket and the sheet.

*     *     *

As tired as she was, sleep eluded Cassie after Lucas left the room. She was not afraid he would do something while she slept. In fact, that was what had the wheels turning fastest in her mind.

I am not afraid at all.

Amazing. When was the last time she had been in such close proximity to a man and not feared being raped?

Five years.

Many cancer patients touted the five-year mark as being cured if there were no further outbreaks. Survivors. Would she ever reach a point where she put those horrific days in Peru behind her and consider herself a survivor and no longer a victim? She had survived with her life when some women were not as lucky.

But had she really
lived
since then?

Hardly.

She existed. She awakened each day. Sometimes she poured what was left of her heart into a piece in the studio, losing whole days and nights before coming up for air. Well, that was before she had the alpacas. They kept her in the moment more because she had to see that they were fed and had water and companionship. Being responsible for other creatures helped keep her from suffering days of depression that used to hit so hard sometimes, especially in the winter months. Winter reminded her of the attack even more so than the actual anniversary because it had been winter that July in the Andes.

A double whammy. Not only did the anniversary of the actual date of the rape hit her, but visceral memories of escaping from the bar and trying to make it home that frigid July night came during the winter months here in Colorado, as well, because that was the season in which she had been raped.

Lucky her.

She sighed. Through the slit in the door, she saw Luke cross the room with an afghan and pillow. She hated that she had put him out of yet another bed and further disrupted his life. They could not continue like this for very long. This was unfair to him. She needed to decide what to do.

Where could she possibly go if she left here? Her heart was in the mountains. After the gallery opening, she should visit the real-estate office. But she knew most rentals were short-term ones for rich vacationers. She should call her landlady, see if there was any hope there.

Her eyelids drooped before she willed them open again. The threat of returning night terrors caused fear to settle into her belly again.

“I don’t want you facing those moments alone.”

Knowing Lucas would hear if she had another nightmare and awaken her, Cassie decided to trust him and allow herself to give in to sleep. She closed her eyes. Just for a moment…

The smell of bread baking awakened her. Sun streamed through the slits in the heavy curtains. Morning. She had slept through the night. No more terrors.

Incredible.

She smiled and tossed the covers off. After showering and dressing, she sought out Lucas in the kitchen. He sat at the table reading from what appeared to be a horse magazine.

He looked up and smiled. “Mornin’, Sweet Pea. Hungry?”

“Famished.” She realized she truly was hungry for the first time in days. Maybe longer. “The sourdough smells fantastic.”

“Thanks. I use my momma’s starter.”

“Starter?”

He explained the complex process of making sourdough and how the baker had to keep feeding the base so the fermentation process did not die. The fact that the loaf of bread they were eating was somehow connected with loaves his mother made years or even decades ago fascinated Cassie.

“I would love to have a cup of your starter when I go…” She realized she had neither a place to live nor a clue when she would be able to leave, so she finished the sentence differently than she had expected. “…when I go to Kitty’s shower on Sunday. I will give her a bread machine, too.” She shrugged at his confused expression. “Not the typical baby shower gift, but I know how much she enjoys baking for Adam. This will save her time and allow her to make something better for them, but still let her enjoy doing that while she’s busy with the babies.”

Cassie had never understood Kitty’s need to do little things like bake for Adam until she had taken care of Lucas while he recovered from his accident. Cooking a pot of soup or making special dishes from her homeland and sharing them with him gave her great joy. He appreciated everything she did so much, even things she would have done anyway with or without him.

Lucas stood and came toward her as if to hug her. On instinct, she took a step back, and he stopped a few feet away rather than invade her personal space. Why did she regret that she had stopped him short of hugging her? It probably was wise to keep some space between them. She was not thinking clearly.

“You’re welcome to the starter any time, too.”

She nodded, but the thought saddened her for some reason. Would she ever get back into the mountains? She had intended to put half of the proceeds from her gallery exhibition into a fund for those left homeless by these random, devastating wildfires but never dreamed she would be among those burned out of her home.

They prepared breakfast in silence, he making his beloved bacon and eggs and she a fruit plate, yogurt, and whole-grain cereal. Both enjoyed the fresh-baked bread, though.

After eating her fill, she set down her spoon. “Will you be working with O’Keeffe today?”

“Sure will. I usually take care of the others first and then work with her when things quiet down.”

“Would you mind if I joined you?”

“Hey, you have to earn your keep, remember?” His teasing grin told her he was joking, and she returned the smile.

“It does not seem like I am repaying you for anything when I love doing it. She calls to me somehow.”

He sobered. “Join the club. They all do in some way, but she’s especially haunting. I guess because she hasn’t let her guard down yet. Speaking of which, thank you for trusting me last night. I know how scary that must have been, but I’m glad I could be there for you when you were ready.”

“Me, too.” She had fought those night terrors alone for so long. She glanced down, embarrassed for some reason. She was not used to asking anyone to do anything for her, but had become very beholden to this man.

My dear friend, Lucas.

And her husband.

In name alone.

He stood and picked up his dishes while she did the same with hers. “Let’s head out to the barn and start, then. I’ll bet they’re wondering what we’re up to this morning.”

She realized how late this must be for him to set about doing his chores. Lucas promised to stay inside the house after her episode last night in case she had another, and he had done just that.

A man of his word. She reached out to squeeze his arm and almost pulled back before willing herself to take the chance and make this contact. “Thank you, Lucas.”

“What for?”

“For being a man with integrity. Being who you are.”

“Who else would I be?”

She smiled. “You are not like other men.” At his puzzled expression, she wished she could convey what she meant, but words failed her.

He grinned sheepishly. “Let’s go before you swell my head again.”

She did not understand his reference, but he walked across the room, grabbed his Stetson from the hook by the door, and held the door open for her to walk through.

In many ways, he reminded her of
Papá
. Or Eduardo. Both had been raised to respect women, as well, but Lucas did so in a way that did not make her feel patronized or subjugated. Both her father and brother believed women had their place and those women who did not conform left themselves vulnerable to being hurt.

If they had any idea how badly…

But Cassie did not want to conform. She also did not want to be around men.

Except perhaps for one.

What was she going to do about this man she had married?

Chapter Twenty