Nina's Got a Secret (7 page)

“She and Chrissy are with the live-in nanny.”

“You have a live-in nanny? You have really crossed over to the white side.”

“Val, I've spent the last eight years bustin' my ass, tryin' to take care of that child. I'm gonna enjoy being spoiled for the first time in my life.”

“I ain't mad at cha, baby. How are you handlin' your new role as stepmother?”

“It's fine so far. I don't really have to deal with Chrissy that much; the nanny has a strong background in dealin' with children who have autism. Larry made sure of that. When she isn't around, Larry's usually there dealin' with Chrissy.”

“So when are you going to dive in and ‘deal' with her? You can't be married to the man and not interact with his child. Besides, based on what you've told me, Chrissy sounds like a sweet child.”

“Come live with us and I'll pay you to be her personal nanny. That way you can ‘deal' with her anytime you want,” Nina suggested in a sarcastic tone.

“Don't tempt me; I may take you up on the offer. Did I ever tell you about my little brother that had autism?”

“You never told me you had a brother with autism.”

“I don't talk about him because he died when he was ten years old from pneumonia. My mother and I really took it hard. My mom worked two jobs so I used to be his babysitter most of the time. I probably spent more time with him than she did.”

“I'm sorry to hear that. I never knew.”

“It's okay; I can handle it. The question is, can you handle it?”

“I don't know; it's too early to tell. I don't want to talk about that right now. Let's talk about something more interesting. What's goin' on with you and Tyrone? The last time I called you, it sounded like he was tearin' that ass up.”

“Girl, he was puttin' it on me. He was givin' me my punishment.”

“What?”

“He was punishin' me because I'd made him mad.”

“So sex was your punishment?”

“Yeah, child; he gave me some punishment dick.”

“What did you do to earn ‘punishment dick?'” asked Nina with a chuckle.

“I was supposed to meet him for lunch, and I was thirty minutes late. That made him mad. But the thing that really pissed him off was the fact that it was the third time in one month I was late for lunch. Girl, he'd ordered my food because he thought I was on my way. He was sittin' there lookin' like a damn fool as he waited for me.”

“What did he do when you finally arrived?”

“You gotta understand Tyrone. He has an ego that's as big as this damn car. He waited until I walked up and then told me he was leavin'. After he told me off, he got up and left.”

“He left you sitting there?”

“He damn sure did.”

“What did you do?”

“I was so embarrassed that I ate my cold food. Girl, I ain't gonna lie, I waited to try to let him cool off some before I went home.”

“I gotta meet this Tyrone. He sounds like he has your ass in check.”

“Whatever! Anyway, I waited as long as I could and then I went home.”

“Was he yellin' when you got home?”

“Girl, he was still yellin'. I tried to argue back, but he told me to shut up.”

“He told you to shut up?” Nina asked rhetorically. “What did you do?”

“What do you think I did? I shut the hell up.”

“I'll be damned,” Nina said.

“I know. This shit is crazy. After he put me in check, he started givin' me my punishment.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, girlfriend. Whenever I piss him off, he punishes me with that big dick. Girl, he walked over to me and said,
‘I'm gonna punish your ass.'
He grabbed me by the arm and threw me on the bed face first. The next thing I knew, he was pulling my jeans off.”

“That doesn't sound like punishment; that sounds like rape.”

“When you called, did I sound like someone who was protestin'? Shiiiiit—it's clear you ain't never had no punishment dick.”

“I guess not,” Nina replied in a regretful tone.

“It's clear you haven't. I'm tellin' you, the best time to have sex with your man is when he's pissed off with you. When Tyrone's mad, his stroke is a little faster and his dick seems to get a little longer and harder. He was even growling and shit while he was punishin' me.”

“Growling?”

“Like a damn hungry wolf. He was going ‘grrrrr' and telling me to apologize.”

“Did you apologize?”

“Hell no, I ain't apologize! I ain't stupid. If I would've apologized, he would've stopped strokin'.”

“You're a damn nympho.”

“You can call me what you want; but I'm a satisfied nympho . . . at least in the bedroom. Nina, I can't lie. A lot of times I intentionally do stuff to make him mad.”

“So you were late to lunch on purpose?”

“Girl, I was in the parking lot on the phone with my girlfriend the entire time.”

Nina laughed and drove toward the Del Monte Shopping Center. She drove slowly down Del Monte Drive so that Val could see the beautiful scenery. The pristine California coast was a much prettier sight than the shores of Lake Pontchartrain that aligned New Orleans.

“So what does Tyrone do for a living?”

“He doesn't do enough; that's probably my only complaint. But he's a beast in the sheets. I can't lie.”

“That's all y'all have to go on, good sex?”

“Spoken like someone who ain't gettin' none. I realize your sex life is in the dumps; that's why I decided to let you listen to us that day when you called. I try to let you live vicariously through me.”

“No, you're just a little freak. You were probably turned on, knowing that I was listening.”

“I sure was and so were you. That's why yo ass took so long to hang up. Don't forget who you're talkin' to; I know about that little freak in you, Nina.”

“Vee, it's been so long since that freak came out. I don't know if she still lives in me.”

“That's because you don't have a thug like the one I got. Tyrone's been wearin' my ass out since he came home from prison.”

“You'd better hope no one was wearin' his ass out while he was locked up.”

“No, baby, no one has touched my man! Don't even go there,” Val shouted as she rolled her eyes and neck in true ghetto fashion. “Someone sounds a little jealous.”

“I
am
jealous; I can't lie. If it wasn't for my toy, I wouldn't have had an orgasm since I started dealing with Larry.”

“That's a damn shame. I feel for you, girlfriend, but I can't say that I understand. Tyrone has been puttin' that
thug dick
on me.”

“What do you call it?”

“You heard me. I call it that
thug dick
. Nina, he gives it to me rough, just the way I like it. You know what else he does?”

“What's that?”

“Giiiiiirl, he likes to talk shit while we have sex.”

“What does he say?”

“Nina, he'll be hittin' it from the back and start askin' me kinky stuff like, ‘
You want me to give you three more inches of this dick
?' Girl, think about it. What would you do if your man was already pounding the coochie, and then he asks you if you wanted three more inches of dick . . . as if the first seven inches weren't enough?”

“The first seven inches?” Nina asked in astonishment.

“That's right, girlfriend. I said the first seven inches; you do the math. Anyway, Nina, I ain't lying. I have an orgasm every time he does that. Another thing he does while we have sex that I love is the way he eats the coochie. While he's eatin' me, he'll look up at me and say kinky stuff like, ‘
Umm-hmmm, I'ma eat this pussy like it's some watermelon.
'”

“Watermelon?”

“Bitch, you heard me!” Val screamed and put her arms in the
air like a boxer who'd just won the title belt. “He be callin' my pussy wa-ta-me-lon! Doesn't that turn you on?”

“I'm convinced, yo ass is sho nuff crazy!”

“Whatever! He'll say sumthin' like, ‘
I'ma stay right here until you cum for big daddy.'
But my favorite thing he says while he's eatin' me is,
‘Give me my juice.'
”

“What?” Nina asked.

“Check this out. He makes me get in the doggy style position and then he'll start eatin' me from behind and smackin' my ass. Then he'll start to say,
‘Give me my juice! Give me my juice!'
I'm tellin' you, Nina; I'm sleepin' with a damn porn star.”

“He sounds kinky.”

“Baby, he is extra kinky, and I love it! When he starts talkin' kinky to me, I lose my damn mind. I'll do anything he tells me to. There were a few times when I was out of coochie juice, and I considered puttin' on a robe and drivin' to the corner store to get him some orange juice, cranberry juice, pickle juice, pig feet juice, and any other kind of juice I could find.”

Nina nearly jumped the curb as she laughed at Val. Val may have been joking, but the truth of the matter was that Nina really was living vicariously through her friend. The entire time Val described her sexual encounters, Nina sat there trying to visualize the scene, to include the size and girth of Tyrone's penis and tongue.

“So tell me, are you still rationing the coochie to Larry?”

“Unfortunately, I am. I'm so horny I had to buy a new toy.”

“What do you mean,
unfortunately
? You're choosing to ration the coochie. If yo ass is horny, that's yo fault.”

“I don't want to ration it, but I can't get in the mood with him. We've been married for nearly a month, and we've had sex twice. The second time we did it, I was so drunk, I barely remember
what happened. I went to the sex shop last week and bought a vibrator to keep me company.”

“What do you call it?”

“Excuse me?”

“What do you call your vibrator? You gotta name it. I have a name for all three of my toys.”

“Val, you have three sex toys?”

“You're damn right! I would've had four by now if I didn't have to help Tyrone pay his probation officer. Child, I love my toys so much that I'm thinkin' about puttin' them in my will.”

“Stop it!” Nina shouted.

“I'm serious! I don't have any kids, so I'm thinkin' about leavin' what few worldly possessions I have to my vibrators; they've earned it.”

“Val, please stop; you're killin' me!”

“I'm serious. I keep 'em locked in a case inside of a cabinet in my bedroom so they won't get damaged or stolen. Nina, I'm gonna tell you somethin' I haven't told anybody.”

“What?”

“You can't repeat this.”

“What?”

“Nina, you can't tell anyone.”

“Val, you're starting to scare me. What's wrong?”

“Nina, I mean this with all of my heart. If someone should break into my house and steal everything, I wouldn't care what they took as long as they didn't touch my vibrators. I swear; if my vibrators came up missin', I'd have to go on a manhunt.”

“Girl, you scared the hell out of me!” Nina shouted and slapped Val on the arm. “I thought you were about to say something serious, and you're still talking about your damn vibrators. It's not that serious.”

“Yes, it's that serious. Have you ever seen people nailing photos of lost kids on poles and hanging photos on the walls in Wal-Mart when a child is abducted?”

“Yes.”

“If someone stole my vibrators, I'd start walkin' up and down the streets of New Orleans passin' out flyers and shit with pictures of my vibrators on them.”

“Stop it! You're making my side hurt!” Nina screamed.

“I'm not playin'. Underneath the picture would be a caption that said,
‘Have you seen this vibrator?'
My phone number would be at the bottom of the page next to a picture of me cryin'.”

“What if that doesn't work?”

“I don't know what I'd do. I'd probably start a support group for women who've lost their vibrators.”

“I probably shouldn't ask because you're gonna say somethin' silly, but I'ma ask anyway. What would you call the group?”

“I was thinkin' 'bout that. I don't know. I'd probably call the group somethin' like—B.B.O.D.”

“What in the hell does that mean?”

“Bring Back Our Dicks! We'd even have a website called bringbackourdicks.com.”

“Your ass should've been a comedian. No, I take that back; you need to see a damn psychiatrist.”

“Nina, I think you're right. I take this shit seriously.”

“I can see that. You said you had names for your toys.”

“You're damn right! I call my little silver bullet vibrator Sneaky.”

“Why?”

“Giiiiiiirl, that little thing makes my orgasms sneak up on me. I have another vibrator that's about six inches long. The tip of it kind of curves and moves around and around and the damn thing glows in the dark. When I cut off the lights, it looks like one of
those swords they use to fight with in those
Star Wars
movies. I call that one Thumper because it makes me quiver.”

“What about the third one?”

“Ooooh, child! Now the third one is special. It doesn't vibrate; it's just a big ass dildo. I bought that one around two years ago after Tyrone went to jail. I keep it in a special case.”

“No, you don't.”

“Yes, I do. When I open up that case, sparks and shit start flyin': I swear, it's like a bright light comes shinin' out. It's like somethin' out of a movie.”

“If it's that special, I'm sure it's got a crazy name.”

“I call that one Meat.”