Nicole Jordan (41 page)

Grieving, Aurora remained totally still. Nicholas’s vulnerability was infinitely more powerful than his anger. There was such bleakness in his face, she wanted to weep.

She sat up slowly, drawing her skirts down over her naked limbs. She was trembling.

“Nicholas…I am sorry,” she whispered.

His dark eyes met hers. “I know.”

Reaching for her, he cupped her face in his palms. He stood looking down at her for a long moment before slowly bending. When his lips brushed hers, heartbreakingly gentle, anguish clawed inside her.

Then he stepped back and drew a shuddering breath, as if fighting for control. His voice had no inflection when he spoke. “I intend to sail with the tide tomorrow night. If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

He turned and went to the window. A moment later, the shadows covered him and there was silence.

Aurora pressed her knuckles to her mouth and bit down hard. The pain was so raw, she felt as if a knife had sliced through her heart.

He was truly gone. She had sent him away.

Aurora covered her face with her hands and wept.

Chapter Twenty-four

Aurora stared blindly at Lady March’s supper invitation. The countess begged Aurora to attend their private family gathering that evening, although it would entail bending the strict rules of mourning. She would be performing an act of Christian mercy, Lady March wrote, to help ease Geoffrey’s reentry into society.

It would also permit them to show their support for Aurora during this trying period in her life, until her sham of a marriage was dissolved. Apparently the countess still wanted Aurora as her daughter.

Numbly Aurora set down the invitation and glanced at the ormolu clock on the mantel. Seven o’clock. The engagement was for eight. She should bestir herself to dress, and yet she didn’t know if she could bear to see Geoffrey and his mother this evening. If she could find the willpower to feign a cheerful facade when her heart was breaking. In a few hours Nicholas would set sail without her.

A fresh wave of bleakness washed over her, leaving her cold, empty.

Despairing, she picked up the journal and turned to a well-worn page—the death of Desiree’s prince.

My tears fall on your pale face as the lifeblood drains from your once powerful body. In desperation, I kiss your waxen lips, willing you to live. But my efforts are futile. Hopeless.

You open your eyes, your dark gaze so full of pain and
tenderness.
No tears,
you whisper hoarsely.
Your tears are torment.

But what of my torment? My heart is ripping from my chest. Dear God, I cannot bear it.

Your trembling hand, so weak now, rises to caress my face.
Be free, my beautiful Desiree.

With your last breath, you give me the freedom I yearned for. But merciful heaven, that price is far, far too dear….

Aurora swallowed the burning ache of her own tears. Desiree had realized too late that freedom was nothing compared to love—

A quiet rap on her bedchamber door interrupted her dark thoughts.

“Miss Kendrick has called again,” Danby informed her through the door.

“Please tell her I am indisposed,” Aurora responded, closing the journal. She could not face Raven just now.

A few moments later, the knock was repeated, only this time much louder.

“Aurora?” Raven called out urgently. “I must speak with you.”

With a resigned sigh, Aurora bid entrance. It would take more stamina than she possessed just now to fight Raven’s determined assault.

Entering the bedchamber, the younger woman shut the door behind her and stood for a moment. Aurora was sitting before the empty hearth, feeling as cold as a winter’s day, even though the July evening was quite pleasant.

“Are you really unwell,” Raven asked, “or are you merely avoiding me because you know what I will say?”

“I have the headache,” Aurora replied, not quite a lie. “But yes”—she smiled faintly—“I would rather avoid this conversation.”

Undeterred, Raven moved across the room to stand directly before Aurora. “Nicholas is leaving tonight, do you realize that?”

“Yes, I know.”

“And you just mean to let him go?”

“Raven…it is for the best. England is my home. I belong here. And I must stay for Geoffrey’s sake.”

“My brother said that you mean to have your marriage annulled so you can wed Lord March. Is that true?”

“Yes.”

Raven’s blue eyes narrowed unhappily. “You are making a grave mistake, Aurora. You should go with Nicholas. He loves you.”

“I…I’m not certain what Nicholas feels is love.”

“I think it is.” Raven fished in her reticule and withdrew a folded piece of vellum. “He asked me to give you this.”

Opening the note, Aurora read feverishly.

Aurora, I realize you feel you must honor your obligation to March, but I cannot relinquish you to him without making certain you understand my true feelings. Last night you said I would forget you in time. I won’t.

It is curious. I never understood my father, how a man could be so obsessed with a woman, letting his heart overcome his head. Certainly I never believed it could happen to me. I never wanted to find a love like that—a heart-deep passion. The kind that overwhelms you and makes you lose control. But I had no choice. Not once I met you.

I realize now that what my father believed was true. When you find your true mate, then second best isn’t enough.

You are my heart, Aurora. You always will be.

Aurora felt her own heart twist in her chest. Nicholas truly loved her, she could doubt it no longer. He could never have made such a tender, intimate confession merely to win a conquest.

“Nicholas loves you, Aurora,” Raven said with quiet fervency. “He has risked his
life
to be with you. What more proof do you need?”

It was true; Nicholas had risked capture and death to pursue her.

Gathering her control, Aurora clasped her hands together. “I cannot leave Geoffrey, Raven. He needs me to stand by him. He is too badly injured to face the future alone.”

“He is not alone. He has family, friends, not to mention wealth and title—Oh, how I wish I could make you stop worrying about everyone but yourself.” Raven gave her a beseeching look. “I cannot believe you would simply throw away this chance for true love.”

Aurora winced at the unwavering intensity of her friend’s gaze. “I thought you were the one who didn’t believe in love.”

“I believe in it. I just don’t want it for myself. But you and Nicholas are different. You were meant for each other; even I can see that.”

“Geoffrey is not the only reason I intend to remain, Raven. I have other responsibilities…to you, for one. I made a promise to see you safely settled.”

“Which you have done admirably,” Raven insisted. Taking a deep breath, she sat down in the other wing chair before the hearth. “You need not worry about me, Aurora. I didn’t want to tell you yet, but…I have received an extremely advantageous proposal of marriage.”

Aurora stared. “From whom?”

“The Duke of Halford. I am considering accepting.”

“You
cannot
be serious.”

“I knew you would not approve. But this should be my decision, Aurora. I am the one who must live with the consequences.”

Aurora felt herself shudder. “Raven, you cannot wed Halford. He is controlling and dictatorial and cold—”

“He is not as bad as you think, not once you come to know him. He is reserved, true, and certainly a bit arrogant. And he likes having his way. But what lord does not? I believe I can manage him.”

Reaching out earnestly, Aurora took her hand. “Raven, I understand this desire of yours to marry a title—you feel you must fulfill your mother’s wishes. But I cannot help believing you would be far happier if you were to marry for love.”

Just as earnestly, Raven leaned forward. “Do you love Lord March?”

“Yes, of course I do. I have loved him all my life.”

“And do you love Nicholas?”

Aurora looked away, not wanting to face the answer to that question. Her love for Geoffrey had been sweet and tender, not this anguished yearning. What she felt for Nicholas was so complex…so disturbing…so painful…

“I know I am not experienced in matters of the heart,” Raven said, “but I can’t believe you are indifferent to my brother. I’ve seen the way you look at him. If that isn’t love, then what is it?”

Passion,
Aurora wanted to reply—yet even as she had the thought, Desiree’s observation in the journal came back to her with poignant force.
Passion of the flesh can beget passion of the heart. I am living proof….

Passion could lead to love, Aurora acknowledged despairingly. It had happened to Desiree. It had happened to her as well.

The ache in her heart welled up to clutch at her throat. She had trouble speaking when she replied, “Whatever I feel for Nicholas cannot be allowed to matter.”

Impatiently Raven rose from her chair and began to pace the room. “What does Lord March think of all this? Does the man have no heart? How could he demand such a sacrifice from you?”

“He doesn’t know about my relationship with Nicholas. Yesterday I told him only that I’d heard my husband was still alive.”

Turning, Raven stared. “He doesn’t know Nick is here in England?”

“I…I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t deliver that kind of blow. And I was afraid of exposing Nicholas. I thought it better to wait until he was safely away.”

“Forgive me for such bluntness, Aurora, but the Earl of March may not want a wife who has had a marriage annulled. He may not want to bring such a stain to his family name.”

“Geoffrey isn’t concerned about his family consequence. He’s only determined to shield me from scandal. He is the one who proposed helping me gain an annulment. He wants me to have the protection of his name once I sever my marriage to a criminal.”

“But if you tell him how you feel, that Nicholas is no criminal…”

Aurora squeezed her eyes shut, struggling against the rising anguish inside her. She couldn’t tell Geoffrey that she loved another man. She couldn’t hurt him that way. If he desired her for his wife, then she had no choice but to honor his wishes. She owed him that much loyalty.

“Shouldn’t he be allowed to decide for himself?” Raven asked. “You should tell him the truth, Aurora. At least about your relationship with Nicholas. It would be unfair not to. And it could make all the difference.”

“I cannot tell him anything,” Aurora whispered. “Not until Nicholas is gone.”

“But by then it may be too late! Aurora, don’t you see—”

Another polite rap sounded on the door, causing Raven to break off her impassioned plea.

When wearily Aurora bid entrance, the door opened a crack to reveal Danby’s grave face. “There is a gentleman to see you, my lady. A Captain Richard Gerrod. He says it is urgent that he speak to you about your husband.”

Aurora felt the color drain from her face. Dear God. Captain Gerrod was the naval officer who had apprehended Nicholas in the Caribbean. By now he would know his former prisoner was still alive. Did he realize Nicholas was in England? But why else would Gerrod have come to call on her if not to seek out Nicholas?

For the space of a dozen heartbeats, Aurora could not make a sound. It was left to Raven to answer Danby.

“Please tell the captain her ladyship will be down in a moment.”

“As you wish,” the elderly butler responded before withdrawing.

Still in shock, Aurora turned to stare at Raven. The younger woman looked pale and only marginally more composed than Aurora herself felt.

“You must speak to him, Aurora. Pretend to be taken completely by surprise when you learn your husband is still alive.”

“How do you even know who Gerrod is?” Aurora asked in bewilderment.

“Nicholas warned me this morning when he came to say farewell.”

“
Nicholas
warned you?”

“He knows Gerrod is searching for him. Why else would he consider it imperative to sail this evening?”

Aurora raised a hand to her temple. Last night when Nicholas had made love to her, he’d known he was in mortal danger, and yet he hadn’t even hinted at it. Damn him…

“He never said a word,” she murmured, torn between fear and anger at his keeping such a revelation to himself.

“Possibly because he didn’t want you to worry,” Raven said quickly. “I suspect he wanted you to make the decision whether to accompany him without any further duress.”

Duress? Fear suddenly winning out over anger, Aurora rose to her feet. “I have to warn Nicholas—”

“No!” Raven objected. “I tell you, he already knows he is being pursued. If you want to protect him, you would do better to try to throw Gerrod off the scent. We should devise a plan, Aurora.”

Aurora drew a shuddering breath, trying to gain control of her panic. Raven was right. If she wished to help Nicholas, she would have to fool the captain into believing she knew nothing about her husband’s whereabouts.

Her blood had turned to ice in her veins by the time Aurora descended the stairs to the parlor where Gerrod awaited her.

“Captain,” she said coldly, pausing in the doorway. “I am amazed that you have the gall to call upon me after what you did. I trust you have a good reason for being here?”

His expression was stern to the point of grimness as he searched her face. “I am seeking your husband, my lady.”

“My husband is dead, sir,” Aurora retorted frigidly, “as you very well know. You were the one who sent him to his death.”

“Then you have not heard the news?” Gerrod asked skeptically.

“What news?”

“Nicholas Sabine is still very much alive.”