Never Me (30 page)

“Great,” I clipped out.

“No, she wasn’t.” I smiled to that and we let the subject drop.

“Anyway, you were my real first boyfriend,” I said enthusiastically as he parked the car at the hotel.

“I was?”

“Absolutely,” I said without hesitation. He seemed touched as he cupped my cheek and I leaned into his hand.

“Before we get checked in do you want to take a walk?” he asked, hopeful.

“Of course.” He let go of my cheek and as I rounded the car he pulled me into a long hug.

“God, you feel good.” His lips tickled my senses as I squeezed him tight and he brushed his lips over my jaw line and then landed a slow sweet kiss on my mouth.

“Spencer,” I felt the familiar pull of him. This was better than my daydreams. He stood holding me with his body at a distance. He put my hands on his shoulders before leaning down to take my heels off, gently removing each one and kissing my ankle sweetly as he gathered the shoes and threw them in his back seat, discarding his own and cuffing his pant sleeves.

It finally hit me that we were back where we started, the beach. I breathed in the air and a wave of excitement raced through me as he grabbed my hand and led me to the patch of sand next to the hotel leading to the sea. We walked over a small sand dune as I noticed the moon in its half-illuminated state. We heard beachgoers in the distance laughing and talking as I drank in the dark night sky and braced myself for the expanse of dark water I had held onto the memory of. I felt the pounding of my heart as the sea came into view and the sound of the waves lulled me into a hypnotic state. I literally gasped with delight at the full feeling in my chest as I gripped Spencer’s hand and we made our way to the foam. I stuck my toe in to test the water and when I felt it’s coldness I did a small shimmy.

“It’s probably going to be a little cold,” he said, a worried look on his face. He had been trying so hard. All this effort, all these amazing lengths he had gone to. I had to let him know it hadn’t gone unnoticed. I felt a trail of renewal make its way across my heart. I felt alive. I felt amazing. He was amazing and it was finally our time. To be.

“It’s perfect, Spencer. This is all so amazing. Thank you. You couldn’t have done better.”

He turned to me then and brought his lips to mine. “I can always do better for you, Nadine. I will always do better.”

We checked into our hotel room and I noticed the presence of two beds in it. He had made a reservation while I had packed at home. He noticed my look of puzzlement.

“I don’t expect anything,” he said, quickly unloading our luggage and taking a change of clothes to the bathroom.

“You’ve already seen all of me,” I reminded him as he shut the door and I got no response.

I took a fresh dress out of my suitcase and made a quick change, unhooking my bra and sliding on the halter top emerald green sundress. I let my hair down and was grateful it lay perfectly around my shoulders. I spent a few minutes on makeup and was done by the time he walked out dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt. I hadn’t braced myself for the heat in his eyes, but I reveled in it.

He made quick strides to me and took my mouth with a ferocity I can only describe as possessive. He erased every single kiss I had in the last few years, his tongue stroking mine over and over until I was so completely taken by it that I had to grip his shoulders to keep myself standing. I felt the heat in my abdomen and the flutter of my stomach. His kiss was all consuming and I felt completely touched when he pulled away from me.

Neither of us spoke as he dipped in again, stroking my lips with his tongue as I moaned and leaned my body further into him. I lifted my neck as he trailed his kiss from my lips past my chin to my neck. He paused at the nape, nipping, licking and sucking gently, and I knew then I didn’t have a chance in hell of stopping him if I didn’t break his hold now. He saved me the struggle when he pulled away first and grabbed my hand.

“I’m sorry. I had to. I had to know what it would be like to kiss you again, Nadine.”

“Don’t,” my voice was a high squeak. “Don’t apologize, Spencer. I wanted it, too. I want you,” I paused, “but I—”

“No, no analyzing. Let’s go.”

We quickly made our way out of the room and headed to the hotel restaurant. A few drinks in we found our old familiar dance of conversation. We were completely caught up two bottles of wine later and laughing hysterically at nothing at all. It was amazing. It was familiar and new and we were both still chuckling as we made our way back up to the room. It was an awkward silence as we again reached the room. He roamed my face and body and planted a soft kiss on my lips before opening the door. He undressed quickly, leaving himself in boxer briefs, and I took my clothes to the bathroom, feeling foolish for acting like a virgin on prom night.

He wanted me and I clearly wanted him. Everything inside me was telling me to go to him, let him ravage me, get it over with. It was going to happen, there was no doubt. Still I hesitated, putting on a t-shirt and boy cut underwear. I walked out to greet him as he pulled the cork on another bottle of wine. We sat with the sliding glass door open, listening to the ocean waves on the patio and talking until we both drifted off in separate beds.

I woke up before him and watched him sleeping from the opposite bed. It was still surreal he was so close to me. I had spent so many days and nights dreaming of him, missing him, lusting for him. I wanted to kiss his dark lashes and was completely tempted to do so. I thought about undressing and getting in bed with him. I thought about his smile at the restaurant last night and how when I spoke he really listened, unlike the number of dates I had who only pretended to be interested. He opened his eyes slowly and met mine as he gave me a slow, sleepy smile. I was toast.

“Hey you,” he whispered, his dimples making my heart pick up pace quickly.

“Hey back,” I said, admiring the strength of his frame, my mouth watering at the thought of him inside me. I made the decision then. “I need to run an errand.”

“Really? Okay, I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”

“I need to do it alone. Can I borrow your car?”

He looked alarmed and quickly sat up. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I just need to run an errand.” I couldn’t think of one damn good alibi and I listened to them daily. Damn this man could shake me to the core.

“Okay, I’ll wait for you here. Breakfast?”

“It’s noon, Spencer.”

He looked at the clock shocked. “So it is.” He smiled at me and I returned it. I hadn’t slept this late in as long as I could remember. I was guessing the same for him. “You are still a lousy lay,” he chuckled as he rid the space between us and leaned over and kissed my forehead.

When I returned from my running around that included shopping, a quick wax, and pedicure, he took me for a late lunch and we spent the rest of the day at the beach. We braved the waves together one by one and spent a majority of the time teeth chattering. It wasn’t the same and it never would be. Those memories we held so dearly were all immaculately kept intact, but we were making new memories and it felt just as good.

We had no one but each other to entertain, we weren’t chaperoned. We were free to be Spencer and Nadine and it was in itself the most beautiful day I had ever had. He and I were trying to become an us.

We slow danced at a seedy bar near our hotel. I hoped the look in my eyes matched the one in his. We were desperate for each other’s touch. When I’d had enough with the pleasantries of long sinful thought filled kisses and the way his hands gently grazed me in places I knew he was longing to touch, I grabbed his hand and we walked in silence back to the hotel.

I left him standing next to the bed, a longing in his eyes and his curiosity piqued.

“I’ll be right back.” I turned away from him with a smile on my face. Tonight the only man I have ever really trusted would get all of me.

I am a horrible man. I am so ruined by this woman. I can no longer hear my own thoughts. All I want to do is make love to her. All I can think about is my tongue in her mouth, her gasps being as sweet as I remembered them. The throbbing in my pants is controlling me completely. I took a shot from the mini bar and knew the damn two ounce bottle would probably cost me forty times its worth, but I didn’t give a damn. I needed to feel numb, I was in pain. I couldn’t stop touching her. She was already flowing through my veins as she had been years earlier, it was like a sickness. I needed to touch her, to see the pools of aqua blue in her eyes while I made her moan and call out to me. I was losing the battle with my body.

I already knew that she would be worth the trip, worth the change. She was everything I thought she would be: strong, brilliant, and even more self-assured, which was new. I didn’t need to figure her out, I already knew her. I knew she wouldn’t be the exact same person and I was fine with that. I didn’t expect her to be so … perfect. I had no idea how I got lucky enough to find her single, but she was. No woman had ever compared to Nadine. She challenged me and I loved it. She called me on my shit, and I craved that now. I could also totally see why a man who wasn’t strong enough to deal with a woman like her would have to tap out. She had one hell of a mouth on her and I would never get enough of it. Her whit, her beauty, her career, had to have intimidated the hell out of most men. I chuckled again as I thought of how she might have handled some of those situations. There was no way I was letting her slip away. I was determined my need for her wouldn’t ruin this, either. I wouldn’t push sex. I would wait as long as she wanted.

The bathroom door opened as I downed another shot. I held my breath as she entered the room wearing nothing but a pink teddy. Pink. Teddy.

“I want you to be my last, Spencer.” Her eyes were glossy. I knew she was scared, but I couldn’t move. It was one thing to see and want a devastatingly beautiful woman. It was another to have her make it clear to you that she wanted you back.

This woman had just made my life worth living … again.