The girl's eyes fluttered shut. "I wish Sam was here to hold my hand."
Rucker set the lamp down and plugged it in. "I'm good at hand holdin'."
"I'd like that, Abe."
He gingerly sat down by her pillow and grasped the small, calloused hand she raised. "You just hang on to my big ol' paw and everything'll be all right, missy."
Dinah's chest tightened at the gentleness in his voice and face. She cleared her throat and smiled at Laurie. "I used to ... I call him the human tranquillzer. If you close your eyes and listen to his voice, all your worries will float away."
"He has a moose voice." Laurie observed solemnly. "If a moose could talk, he'd sound like Abe."
"Stop. I'm shy," Rucker protested.
The girl winced as a new contraction hit her. "Talk to me, Abe. I know, tell me how you and Bethesda met. I love stories about stuff like that."
Rucker's gaze rose to Dinah's. They shared a strangling look of sorrow. "I'll go put supper away," Dinah said quickly. "And clean up the kitchen. And I'll, hmmm, feed the cat and the chickens. Abe can tell you all about us."
She hurried out of the room.
***
They leaned against the back of the garden bench, kissing each other slowly and thoroughly.
He held her and she nestled her head into the crook of his neck. Rucker rested his cheek against hers, his mustache brushing her skin. Under her cool, intellectual exterior was a woman who secretly wanted to have someone rough up her smooth edges, he realized. And he was the perfect man to do the roughing.
"This is a helluva fantastic first date." he told her in a low, teasing voice.
"This isn't a date," she argued. "It's ... I don't know what it is."
"But you know what it's gonna lead to if I hang around your town a few more days."
"I have a vague idea. I make no guarantees."
But he heard a yearning tone in her protest. Rucker mustered all his restraint to keep from tilting her head back and kissing her longer, deeper, and slower than before.
"Want me to leave?" he asked.
"Would you leave if I asked you to?"
"Of course not."
She laughed, sounding resigned but not very upset. "Then I might as well not ask."
"I sure am glad you're so smart."
"There's nothing smart about this. Two people who barely know each other, who are so different—"
"Who need each other," he countered. "Who fit together like two spoons in a tray. Who knew that the first night they laid eyes on each other."
"I laid eyes on a man with a possum on his head."
Rucker sighed confidently. "I'm just perfect. I admit it." He chuckled, loving the exasperated sigh his comment provoked from her. After a second she began to laugh, too.
"I think 'unique' would be a better description, Mr. McClure." She paused, then slid one hand across his chest and patted the area over his heart. "Special." she amended softly.
***
Rucker shook off the memory of that night as Laurie's whimpering cries of pain became louder. He hadn't told her anything remotely true about his and Dinah's early courtship. He made up a story, and because he was a master storyteller, she listened and believed. Rucker smoothed a hand over the girl's damp forehead. Where was Dinah? She'd been outside for more than thirty minutes.
"Were you with Bethesda when she had y'all's baby?" Laurie asked in a weak tone.
Rucker inhaled raggedly and was glad that Laurie had her eyes shut. He was sure that his expression would puzzle and frighten her. "No, I wasn't."
"W-why? She loves you so much, and you're so s-aweet."
Rucker squeezed the girl's hand and thought bitterly,
I don't know if she loves me or not. She didn't want me to be with her.
He heard a door open elsewhere in the house. "I'll be right back, missy," he promised.
"H—hurry."
Rucker walked quickly down a hall to the kitchen. Dinah closed the door to the back porch and looked up as he stepped into the room. She frowned comically and pointed to a speck of blood on her wrist.
"I've just had my first encounter with hungry chickens. No one told me that chickens are carnivorous."
"Something's happenin' with Laurie," he told her. "Come on. I'm no good at this. I watched my dog have puppies once, and I nearly fainted."
Dinah threw her wool poncho on a chair, then ran to the kitchen sink and began scrubbing her hands. She smiled. "But you're a grown man now."
"Hell, I was thirty-two
then
."
The look she gave him was both amused and reassuring. "Go help Laurle sit up. Let her brace her back against you. I'll be there in a second."
He turned to leave, then hesitated. "Dee?"
"Yes?"
The anger inside him wouldn't let the thought rest. "I wish to God I'd been with you when Katie was born."
The understanding and sorrow that flooded her eyes shook him to the core. "My darling, I wanted you there more than you can ever imagine."
A little stunned, he simply nodded.
***
Samuel Chase Jr.. was born that evening just after ten o'clock. Both mother and son fared well, and by eleven young Sam was cleaned, fed, and wrapped in a blue baby blanket that had belonged to several generations of the family.
Dinah and Rucker left him asleep by his mother's side. They walked wearily to the kitchen and slumped at the table. Dinah put her head on her folded hands.
Abruptly she felt Rucker's strong, supple fingers on the back of her neck. "Good work, gal," he murmured. "I was a great coach, but you were a star quarterback."
His touch produced incredible sensations in her tired muscles. "We make a terrific team," she agreed groggily, then chuckled. "Even if you did keep saying
shove
instead of push."
He laughed too. "Push didn't do the trick. Not tough enough."
"Wasn't it wonderful?"
Rucker laughed again. "Different from puppies." His laughter trailed off and his voice became serious. "Yeah. Even when you know all the biology about it, it still seems like a miracle—that little life growin' from the love two people share."
"When I held Katie the first time, right after she was born, I kept thinking, 'Rucker and I are together inside this tiny person. Nothing can ever change that. We created a new life that will always hold a part of us.' It
was
a miracle, because I felt so close to you even though you were thousands of miles away."
She shut her eyes in a grimace of remorse as his fingers quivered against her skin. She sensed all his anguish and unanswered questions. Both she and he were silent for a few seconds. His voice came to her, low and troubled. "Did you hurt as bad as Laurle did?"
"I've forgotten how much. Mother Nature has a way of erasing the memory. But yes, it hurt."
"You didn't have any painkillers?"
"No."
"A doctor?"
"In the Suradoran jungle? No. A midwife. An Indian woman who'd been trained in nursing."
Rucker's voice became tense. "Wasn't that a risky way to have our baby?"
"I didn't have any choice."
She heard his harsh intake of breath. "Because of Valdivia?"
"Yes."
Rucker withdrew his hand. "So you always let him tell you what's best?" he asked in disgust.
Dinah struggled for a moment. What else could she say? "Yes."
"That's a helluva cowardly way to live. I'm not sure which I hate worse—you bein' a traitor to your country or bein' a slave to a man like Valdivia."
Dinah flinched. Their momentary truce had left her open and vulnerable to his attack. She was so tired. So tired of the fear, the loneliness, the worrying about Katie, the hurting for Rucker, the hurting for herself. so tired of the stomach-wrenching frustration from hiding the truth. She couldn't take anymore of Rucker's painful insinuations, deserved or not.
She raised her head, heedless of the big tears that slipped down her cheeks. His harsh gaze was on her. "I know you like being cruel to me," she said brokenly. "And I understand why. But please, for just a little while, stop trying to make me hurt worse than I already do. It's too much right now."
She stood, swayed a little, then went to the sink and splashed water on her face. Her whole body ached with fatigue. Dinah put her elbows on the sink's edges and leaned gratefully on the support, her head bowed.
To her horror, new tears insisted on finding their way to the surface. She bit her lower lip and dug both hands into her hair in a vain attempt to control the tremors that ran through her. She heard him rise and step close beside her.
"Dinah."
"N-no. Don't say anything else right now!"
"Dee."
"No!"
"Dammit, woman."
He grabbed her harshly by the shoulders, then turned her toward him. Dinah saw the torment in his face and put her hands against his chest defensively. He cursed and jerked her to him.
Rucker slid one hand around her waist. The other cupped her head and pulled it to his shoulder. Amazed, Dinah stood stiffly within his embrace, her eyes wide. Then she groaned softly and sagged against him, unable to resist the warmth and strength she had craved for so many months.
"Words aren't very safe between you and me right now," he told her gruffly. "So let's just be quiet."
"That would be wonderful."
They needed each other on an elemental level that sought solace and understanding through touch. Dinah put both arms around his back and held him tightly, loving the heat and hardness of his big body. She felt muscles contract under his soft plaid shirt as her hands stroked him from shoulder to hip.
She wanted to tantalize his senses until he realized that they still shared the same life force; the same goals, the same dreams. She wanted to reeducate him, body and soul.
Dinah slid her hands down his thighs and pulled his pelvis snuggly against her, finding the hard ridge she had expected. She heard his breathing rasp against her ear. Her knees turned weak as pleasure flared from every inch of contact.
Suddenly he twisted her sideways, reached underneath her legs with one muscular arm, and lifted her off the floor. She looked into his eyes and saw the heavy-lidded hunger of a man who'd slept alone for many months. He hadn't soothed his needs with another woman; she didn't have to ask to know that such consolation would have been contrary to everything that was loving and loyal in his nature.
She returned his hunger with equal measure. Dinah tilted her head up and caught his mouth desperately, making him groan with surprise. She slid her tongue into his damp heat, tasting him wantonly and teasing without restraint.
He made a thick sound of torment and surrendered. his tongue gliding over hers and penetrating the responsive intimacy she offered. Dinah arched against him, her breasts so hot and full that the contact with his broad chest was nearly painful.
"Just let me," she murmured raggedly, nuzzling his mustache. "Just let me have a chance."
His chest rose and fell harshly. Rucker raked her with a dark look full of need and conflict. Silently he turned and carried her into the living room.
The fire burned low there, barely keeping the dark night at bay beyond the room's windows. Rucker sat down, still holding her, in an overstuffed chair near the crackling embers. Dinah studied the harsh shadows playing on his face and hoped that they were only the fire's illusion. She put her arms around his neck and began to pull his head toward hers.
"No." He bit the word off curtly. Rucker angled his legs so that her rump settled between them. Dinah's feet hung over the chair's fat armrest. He withdrew his arm from under her and tugged her arms from around his neck. Rucker covered her hands with a grip that was almost fierce.
"No more," he ordered.
Dinah looked up into his hooded eyes and realized sadly that the harshness had been real. "I won't hurt you," she whispered.
"The hell you won't." His breathing was rough, his body taut with resistance. "This is one barrier I won't let down. I'm doin' my best not to let you rip me apart again."
Her body went slack as desire faded. Dinah wearily pulled her hands away. "Then what are we doing in the same chair?"
"Playin' by my rules, for once. If you want to sleep, then sleep. That's all. I'll listen in case Laurie needs us."
Dinah took several steadying breaths. Wasn't it enough for the moment to be this close to him? And even his reluctant intimacy was a good sign. Slowly she rested her head against his shoulder. To her amazement, exhaustion overwhelmed her as if she'd pushed a button.
Life would soon be good again. She was back with her husband, and his bitter words didn't hurt too much because he curled his arm around her shoulders. He even let one bristly cheek lay against her forehead.
"Love you," she murmured, just before her breathing slowed and her hands relaxed into her lap. Her last second of awareness centered on the movement of Rucker's lips as he formed a silent, secret response.
Six
Sam Chase Sr., a lanky, friendly faced redhead, arrived home at dawn and was thoroughly stunned to find his wife in bed with their new son at her breast. His work-scarred hands fumbled nervously as Rucker handed him the baby.
After Sam Senior nearly dropped Sam Junior, Rucker took the infant back and offered some man-to-man instructions on "baby wrangling."
"Put one hand under his head and one hand under his butt," Rucker explained solemnly. "And don't get the two ends confused. That's all there is to it."
Dinah cornered him in the kitchen a few minutes later. "I see that you've become an expert," she noted, smiling.
"Well, I rocked Sam Junior half the night. I earned my credentials."
Dinah studied Rucker's pensive expression and distracted gaze. "What are you thinking?" she asked softly.
He raised his hands in supplication and nodded vaguely toward the Chase's bedroom. "Holding the baby. Made me think of Katie. I felt paternal. Protective. Strong." He paused, frowning. "And impatient. Let's hit the road."
She nodded, her eyes shining. "You're a father now. Once you see Katie, you'll understand the feeling even more."