Nervous (19 page)

jonquinette

The day had finally arrived and it had been a long time coming. To think that Momma and Daddy had been apart because of me, at least because of a part of me, was too much to bear. Despite what some people believe, we only get one life. Jude had ruined their life together, apparently because she felt threatened.

Daddy didn’t feel comfortable staying with me since I only had one bedroom, so I registered him at a hotel less than two blocks from my apartment. I debated about how to structure the reunion. Part of me felt it would be better for Daddy and Momma to see each other again for the first time in a public place. At least then I wouldn’t have to worry about them getting too loud. Daddy wasn’t the type and Momma was too uppity to allow complete strangers to see her arguing.

The other option was for them to do it in private so that they could really open up with each other. On the flip side, they could have ended up killing each other. I asked Marcella about it and she said that a private atmosphere would probably be better. She even offered to lend us her office. I didn’t think they were ready for that, though.

I wanted it to be someplace peaceful so I decided to take them to a park for a picnic, something we hadn’t done together since I was a child. Daddy got into town around nine o’clock on a Saturday morning but he couldn’t check in to the hotel until three in the afternoon. I took him out to breakfast at a waffle house and it was a good thing because it gave us an opportunity to get a game plan together before Momma was added to the mix.

“How’s Flower doing?” I asked him after we were seated in a booth.

He grinned at the mere mention of Flower’s name. “She’s doing great and she sends her love.”

“And I send my love back.”

“She was upset that she couldn’t come with me but I explained to her that it was more important for her to be in school and that I had no idea when I would be back.”

“Aw, well let her know that she is welcome to come see me during one of her school breaks or summer vacation. I would love to have her.”

“Wouldn’t that be too much for you to handle?” he asked.

“No, because I will take off work whenever she is coming,” I replied. “Speaking of which, who’s manning your shop while you’re gone?”

“Nobody, but it’s fine. While I hate to lose business to the competition, the townsfolk will just have to take their cars on over to Jose’s place. That’s the only downfall of running a one-person business. When you can’t be there, the business is not functioning.”

“Have you ever thought about hiring someone?”

Daddy laughed. “I don’t get enough regular business for that. I make enough to get by but just like other types of service-oriented companies, income is solely based on demand and not on recurring customers.”

“True, I guess you can never depend on people having car trouble.”

He shook his head. “Not on a schedule, that’s for sure.”

“I won’t say that I’m rich or anything, Daddy, but if you need some extra cash, I do have some savings.”

He put his hand up to wave me off. “I wouldn’t hear of it. Jonquinette, if I really get strapped, I can always go back to programming. I enjoy the repair business but I do have other skills.”

“I realize that, Daddy.” I didn’t want him to think I was implying that he couldn’t survive on his own but I also wanted him to know that he supported me for the first fifteen years of my life and for that, I owed him something. “Just don’t hesitate to ask me for something, if you need it.”

It hit me that I was sitting there talking about life as if mine were normal. There was no guarantee that I would even be around. Jude could possibly get rid of me at any second. I was intentionally beating around the bush, avoiding the matter at hand, and decided to stop it. “Daddy, what are your feelings about seeing Momma again?”

He shrugged. “Part of me is excited as I think I’ve ever been in my entire life.”

“And the other part?”

“The other part is scared to death.”

“Have you decided yet?” the waitress asked. I hadn’t even noticed her walking up to the table.

“Daddy, you know what you want?” I asked, glancing down at the menu for the first time.

“I’ll just have a buttermilk waffle with a side of country ham,” he said.

“Um, I’ll take a three-egg omelet with cheddar cheese, mushrooms, and green peppers,” I said, placing my order. “And we’ll both have orange juice. Two large, please.”

The waitress took the menus from us and said, “I’ll be right back.”

I resumed our conversation. “I can understand you being scared. I’m kind of scared about how things will go down myself.”

Daddy chuckled. “I can imagine. All I can say is the last time we saw each other, which was in the courtroom for our divorce, she looked like she wanted to kill me with her bare hands.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t have been there for you that day, in court.”

“Jonquinette, that was the last place you needed to be. I’m sorry I couldn’t have been there for you during the rest of your educational years and after.” He lowered his eyes to the table. “I feel like such a failure.”

“Daddy, you are anything but a failure. You are a kind, loving, compassionate man whose life was screwed up because of circumstances beyond your control. The bottom line is this is all my fault. All mine.”

“Jonquinette, you can’t go blaming yourself for this. This is not your fault. You have an illness and that is not something you can control.”

“Yes, but why did this have to happen to me? To our family?” I asked him, in search of answers.

Daddy didn’t respond, but a troubled expression came across his face.

“Sorry,” I said. “I can’t expect you to know the reasoning behind all of this any more than me. I just don’t understand.”

“That’s what the doctor is for, right?” Daddy asked. He grinned, I’m sure to try to reassure me. “I haven’t met this Dr. Spencer yet but she sounds like a good person.”

“She is a great person.”

“Then let’s just wait and see what happens. We’ll take this one day at a time.”

“That’s the only way to take life,” I agreed.

The waitress returned with our food and it hit the spot. We had about four hours before we were due to meet Momma at the park so I took Daddy sightseeing. Even though Atlanta was only four hours from him, he’d never actually seen the city. He’d only bypassed it on the highway going from Florida to North Carolina.

We got to the park at two o’clock on the dot. I spotted Momma’s car in the parking lot.

“She’s already here,” I told Daddy.

He searched the immediate area for her. “Where? I don’t see her.”

“I don’t see her. I just see her car.” I parked next to Momma’s Buick and cut off my ignition.

“I was about to say,” he said, “I know it’s been years but I would hope that I could still recognize Meredith.”

“Oh, you’ll recognize her.” I giggled. “Momma hasn’t really changed a bit. She’s just as glamorous as ever. Never a hair out of place.”

“Even though Meredith was always a bit too materialistic for me, I have to give it to her. She always, always looked good. There was never a day that I wasn’t proud to have her on my arm.”

“Aw, Daddy, are you saying that Momma was your showpiece?”

He blushed. “I wouldn’t go as far as to say all that, but I’d rather have a pretty woman on my arm than an ugly one any day.”

“I bet Flower’s mother is pretty,” I said. “You can tell that by looking at her daughter.”

Daddy shrugged as he undid his seat belt. “Allison looks okay. She’s not Meredith, though. My one and only true love.”

I glanced over at Daddy and prayed he didn’t have hopes of actually getting back together with Momma. Forgiveness was one thing; falling back into the groove like nothing ever happened was something totally different.

I took my seat belt off and got out of the car, meeting Daddy in the back by the trunk. I unlocked it and took out the picnic basket and blanket. Daddy took the basket from me and we headed down a path toward the shelter area where Momma was supposed to meet us. When we got within seventy yards of it, we saw her sitting on the top of one of the four wooden picnic tables. She had on a casual velvet pantsuit and her hair was pinned up.

I yelled out, “Momma! We’re here!”

She didn’t turn around at first. She seemed hesitant, like she was almost scared to face Daddy. I could hear him let out a heavy sigh from beside of me and then he became so quiet that I wasn’t even sure he was breathing.

Then he whispered, “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. You think we could arrange for us to go to separate therapy sessions? I’m not backing out of helping you, believe me, but I’m getting a bad feeling here.”

I reached over and touched him on the arm. He was trembling. “It’s okay, Daddy. Part of living life is facing our fears. Marcella taught me that.”

He put his hand on top of mine. “I guess you’re right. Let’s go ahead and get this over with, then.”

As we approached Momma, she still didn’t turn around.

Daddy stopped dead in his tracks. “Listen, do me a favor. Go feel out the situation for me.”

“Feel out the situation?”

“Yeah, see if she still feels like seeing me. If she doesn’t even want to turn around, I don’t want to put her on the spot. Or myself for that matter.”

“Daddy, this has to happen and it is what it is. But, if it’ll make you more comfortable, I’ll go make sure the coast is clear.”

“Thanks, Jonquinette.”

Daddy leaned against the nearest tree he could find, probably to prevent himself from falling, and I went on to Momma.

“Hey, Momma,” I said, after I got right beside the table where she was sitting.

She glimpsed nervously at me. “Hey, sweetheart.”

“Why wouldn’t you turn around?” I asked.

She shrugged. “I guess I’m just trying to prolong the inevitable.”

“Daddy’s over there standing by a tree because he doesn’t think you want to be bothered with him.”

“It’s not that. It’s just that it’s been ages since I’ve seen him.” She moved a piece of hair that had fallen and placed it behind her ear. “What if he thinks I’ve aged badly?”

“Momma, you haven’t aged at all.”

She laughed. “Honey, we’ve all aged. Some of us just age better than others.”

“Well, consider yourself one of those then, because you look exactly the same to me.”

“That’s because you see me all the time. It’s like when a grandmother doesn’t see her grandchildren for a few months and when she sees them, they look completely different from the last time.”

I found myself getting agitated. Why was I having a discussion with my mother about her looks when this was about something ten times more serious?

“Momma, I’m not trying to be nasty or anything, but Daddy isn’t here to see whether or not you still look fly. He’s here because I asked him to come and help me get cured. Nothing more, nothing less.”

She glared at me with disdain. “You just don’t get it.”

“No, Momma,
you
just don’t get it. All my life everything has been about you. What Meredith thinks. What Meredith wants. Well, today and the next several months, or however long it takes, will be all about me and why this is happening to me.”

She suddenly got loud with me. “Are you implying that this is somehow my fault? Your mental issue has nothing to do with me.”

“It might not have anything to do with you or it might have everything to do with you, but I’m not trying to place guilt. I’m trying to be normal for once in my life.”

Neither one of us saw Daddy approaching until he was right on top of us.

“Meredith, hello,” he said uneasily.

She finally turned to look at him. Then she turned away from him and stared out into the woods. “Hello, Henry.”

He inched his way even closer and sat the picnic basket down on the table. “How are things?”

“Things are okay,” she said, still not making eye contact. “How are things with you?”

“Okay.”

“So I hear you have a daughter.”

“Yes, her name’s Flower. She’s six.”

“Six. Wow!” Momma must have figured out that her body language was ridiculous. She got down off the table and turned around so that they were face-to-face. “Time has been good to you, Henry. You’ve gotten more character with age.”

Daddy blushed. “Time has been extremely good to you, Meredith.”

“Why, thanks.”

I laid the blanket over the next table and said, “I’ll just use the blanket as a tablecloth instead of someplace to sit. We can have lunch under the shelter since it looks a bit overcast.”

“That’s fine,” they both said in unison. Then they made eye contact and broke out in laughter.

“I didn’t cook,” I confessed. “I’m not even that good at making sandwiches so I took the easy way out. I had my favorite deli prepare a scrumptious selection for us.” I started pulling items out of the basket and putting them on top of the blanket. “Let’s see. We have an array of fresh fruit: strawberries, grapes, and assorted melons. Then we have some panini sandwiches with roasted chicken, peppers, and chipolte mayo along with macaroni salad and freshly baked oatmeal raisin cookies.”