Need Us (8 page)

“So you’re going to tell me you’re trekking through the woods at an early hour and that you don’t want to talk about it. Now in my head, I’m seeing you trek through the woods behind your stepdad’s house. The dog barking has to be Maggie; I’d know that sound anywhere. Which means you’re leaving Margret’s house.” I hear the pan slam again and then something beeps. “I can’t believe I’m going to ask this because I can’t be right.” He takes a deep breath and lets it out. “Did you fuck Paisley last night?”

“I said I didn’t want to talk about it. What part of that didn’t you understand?” I hate him and I love him. I’ve felt this way about him most of my life. Always getting into my business yet staying a good distance because he knows I need it. Fucking asshole.

He laughs in my ear and I find myself sneering. “Look, I’m not going to lie, I think you’re a fucking idiot. But a couple of days ago, I was a pretty big idiot and now my wife will barely speak to me. And it’s not because it’s my fault, no it’s because she thinks everything is her fault. I’m not going to judge you, lil bro. I’m just simply concerned about your well being.”

I sigh and make my way out of the woods to face Richard’s house. The house where my mother died, the house where I was raised. The house holds all my best and worst memories of my childhood. Luckily I only see the good stuff. I know my mom can’t hurt me anymore. “I’m fine. If you really want to know, I think she’s way more upset than I am. I kind of acted like a dick this morning.”

“What else is new? You’re always acting like a dick.” He covers the phone with something and his next words are muffled. I can only assume he is saying something to Asher. “Did you leave without giving her a happy ending? That sounds like something you would do,” he asks when he uncovers the phone.

I sit down on the front steps and hold the phone to my ear while I look down at myself. My clothes are wrinkled and a sniff of my pits confirms I need a long, hot-ass shower. “I gave her plenty of happy endings. But that’s besides the point. I just left without talking to her once. I probably made her feel cheap, which I can’t bring myself to care about.”

“Well, she did leave you at the altar. I think you making her feel like a whore is a good payback. It’s not like you actually paid her.” He chuckles and covers the phone again.

“Why do you keep doing that?” I ask when he comes back on.

“Asher is eating breakfast and he keeps asking me what I’m talking about. I told him a whore is a bad woman with no morals. He wanted to know if I was talking to Aunt Wesley or Aunt Paisley.” He chuckles again.

“That’s fucked up dude.” I scrub a hand over my face trying to clear some of the hangover. Unfortunately it doesn’t work.

“I made sure to tell him neither Wes or Paisley are whores. He’s five years old, he doesn’t understand anything I say to him.”

I shake my head. “I’m going to head into Richard’s and get a ride home. I’ll see you later.”

Regret. It’s a force inside of me I don’t want. I hate the way it makes me feel. I want to go back so badly and hold onto Paisley like the world is about to end. But then again I don’t want anything to do with her.

The door opens behind me and I turn to see Diana. She married Richard about three years ago. She’s got a kid herself but he’s seven and doesn’t like me very much. It’s probably because I don’t come around enough for him to get to know me.

“I thought you might like some of this.” She hands me a pink coffee cup with a skull and crossbones on the front. “Sorry about the cup, Richard doesn’t drink coffee so all my cups are girly.” She nudges me in the shoulder and laughs.

I sip at the drink staring off into space. “I’m sorry I don’t come to see Richard much. I think life has gotten away from me the past year.”

“Broken hearts will do that to you.” She brings her cup up to her lips and looks at me out of the corner of her eye. “Richard isn’t here this weekend. He had to fly out to New York for some business. He’ll be back Sunday evening, if you want to come to dinner.”

I nod. I liked Diana the moment I met her. She didn’t force herself into my space like some of Richard’s girlfriends. She kept her distance until I was ready to let her in.

“You might want to look into getting some cover up. I don’t know how you’re going to explain all those love bites to Richard or Margret. If they find out it was Paisley, they might get their hopes up.” She reaches over and slides her hand gently against my back. It’s soft and comforting.

I shake my head. “I don’t care if they know it was Paisley. They have no reason to get their hopes up. I made it pretty clear to her I wasn’t interested in getting back together. I was just scratching an itch.”

She laughs and I have to look at her with both eyebrows raised. “You are funny. Channing, you and that girl will get back together. It might not be today and it might not be in three months. But I know it will happen.”

“How do you know that, oh wise one.”

She looks into my eyes, her way of saying you better listen to what I’m saying or I’ll beat you up. “Because neither of you moved on in the past year. She hasn’t looked at another man since the day she met you. I know I wasn’t here then, but I’ve heard the stories from Margret and Richard. Not to mention Henry, who had a front row seat to it all.”

I sigh and shake my head. “That’s not proof.”

“Oh dear boy. It’s all the proof you need. Neither of you will ever be happy without the other. You can’t even bring yourself to sleep with anyone else, not even for one night. You don’t need all the time in the world to understand that.” She pats my back and stands up. “Besides, she only stayed away because she saw what you did to that church. She couldn’t bring herself to hurt you any more than she already had. But where your destruction was on the outside, hers was just as bad on the inside.”

I don’t know what to do with that information. It doesn’t excuse the fact she humiliated me in front of both our families. She could have talked to me beforehand, and she didn’t because she was scared. That I don’t understand at all. Why would she be afraid to talk to me about it? I would never hurt her and I wouldn’t leave her just because she didn’t want to get married. I thought she wanted it, that’s why it was happening. Yet I was left to pick up the pieces.

Maybe I’m just meant to be miserable for the rest of my life.

Rachel

I stare down at the little stick. I can’t seem to look away or blink. One little plus sign and my entire life gets turned around. I can no longer drink any alcohol or take a puff off of one of Channing’s joints. Not that he smokes much but sometimes he needs to actually sleep and he doesn’t like sleeping pills.

Seriously, don’t tell anyone I told you that.

At least this time around I don’t have to worry about telling my parents because I was a dumb teenager and had sex before I was married. Though I’m not really in a strong relationship right now because I’m a fucking idiot.

Asher will be happy. He’s been asking for a little brother for months now. Court and I have been trying to have another kid for years but it never seemed the right time. His school was in the way or he was always traveling. I think I forgot to take my birth control during the weeks I was living in a fog of my own despair.

Hell, it took me a month to realize I hadn’t had a period. I mean, who doesn’t pay attention to that? How clueless am I? It makes me wonder what else I’ve overlooked because I couldn’t live with what I’d done. This poor baby is going to be brought into a world where their Daddy doesn’t love their Mommy.

I reach for my phone on the bathroom counter. It sits next to the pregnancy test. I want to call Court and tell him but I’m afraid he will be upset about it. I mean, what if he wants a divorce after everything that’s happened? I know he’s been generally nice to me since it all happened, but Court is a great guy. Besides, we have to put on a front for Asher.

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with him. I was in too much shock to tell Paisley and Wesley not to get the guys involved. I just couldn’t open my mouth and tell them who the baby’s father was. I remember just sitting there freaking out in my head. I knew though, deep in my soul, that Court wouldn’t abandon me. I always thought he was an asshole but in reality, he has the best heart out of all of us. He’s also been through the most and had to live with a whole hell of a lot more sadness. Besides, he loved Annabella Gage, you’d have to have a seriously amazing heart to do that. I know I couldn’t overlook her faults.

I remember hearing his voice while I was in the bathroom at Paisley’s, crying because of the mess I’d gotten myself into. When Wesley told me it was him, my beating heart went into overdrive. I swear I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Then they made me go out there, in front of my brother, my then boyfriend Kellan, Channing and Court. I called him Pierce then, like everyone else. But ever since I fell in love with him, Court was the only thing that sounded right.

Paisley was getting ready to explain it in a speech none of us wanted to hear, so Wesley just blurted it out. I remember the sound of the glass dropping in the kitchen, where Court was standing. I knew he knew. I didn’t have to explain it to him. He could feel it like I could. Not that there was a chance Kellan was the father. We always used condoms and none of them ever broke.

Then I had to explain in front of everyone because Royal was about to beat the shit out of Kellan. Drama seems to follow me wherever I go. Royal still hit Court and spit in his face. He also gave him hell for a while. I didn’t really blame him; I mean he’s always been protective of me. Add in the fact the “enemy” knocked me up, it’s a wonder Court is even alive today.

This time around things should be way different. I can tell him without everyone looking at me. In private, there’s so much more you can say, you don’t have to hide behind walls when it’s just you and him. If anything is left between us, I know it’s his understanding of that. We don’t have to be other people when it’s us.

The phone rings twice before he answers. “What’s up, G? I have to run an errand, but after that you want to grab some lunch?”

It confuses me that he doesn’t seem mad about this whole situation anymore. He seems to be fine with it, at least when he talks to me. It’s kind of driving me crazy. “Umm maybe. I have to tell you something.”

“Look, I know in your crazy uncontrollable head you think you did something wrong, but you didn’t. I know you inside and out Rach. You’d never do that to me unless you were drugged. I don’t know why you can’t see that. You’re the smartest person I know.” I hear a door shut and his breathing pick up. I can only guess he’s jogging down the stairs at our house. “I love you. I love you so much it hurts and I’ll wait forever for you to figure it out, babe. Just know I’m never leaving you and you aren’t leaving me.”

I close my eyes to stop the tears building up in them. I don’t want them to fall because I’m tired of crying and I don’t want him to hear them. He wouldn’t understand. “I’m pregnant,” I whisper when he takes a breath between words.

I can feel him stop and I can hear that his breathing has. “Wh-what?”

“I’m pregnant,” I repeat, stronger now.

“How…are you sure?” I can imagine his eyebrows pinched together in disbelief. My poor Court.

I nod but then I remember he can’t see me. “Yes. I took three tests. They all came back positive. I’m further along now then when I found out about Asher. I haven’t been paying attention to my periods.”

There is silence and that’s when I start crying. I knew he wouldn’t be happy about it. I knew it wouldn’t solve all my problems, but I was hoping. I was hoping so hard that everything would turn out great.

“G, stop crying.”

“No. You aren’t happy about this. It’s not the answer to all my problems like I wanted it to be.” I cry hard while holding the phone to my ear. I know I’m probably crying over the whole thing and it’s probably going to electrocute me. I deserve it.

I hear him sigh; I hate it when he does that. “G, baby. I’m so fucking happy about this. You can’t even begin to understand. I just know you aren’t in the right place in your head and that makes everything harder on me. But if you weren’t difficult, you wouldn’t be you. And I love you and only you.”

“I don’t deserve you. I love you too.” And I do. If I had Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Channing Tatum and Brad Pitt standing next to Court, I’d pick him every time. No one else in this world can compare to him.

Ever.

“No Rachel, I don’t deserve you.” I hear him open his car door and then his voice gets muffled but I can still hear what he’s saying. “Rach just found out she’s pregnant. I need to head over there instead of going to Van’s.”

There’s another voice but I can’t tell who it is. Most likely it’s Channing, since those two are usually thick as thieves. Most days I can’t pull them apart. I love it though; brothers should always be a huge part of your life. Well, any sibling really, since I only have a brother, it’s the first thing I thought of.

“G, Channing and I are coming over. Don’t tell your parents yet; I want to be there. In fact, I’m gonna call Ma and get her over there too.” He laughs but I assume it’s at something Channing said. Court has such a great laugh. “I love you, G. This is a good thing. I’ll see you in a bit.”

I find myself smiling but I’m not sure why. “Okay. See you soon. Oh and I love you too.”

Ten minutes after our call I descend downstairs to find Lily sitting in the living room with Mom and Dad. Dad used to work all the time but in the past five years he’s slowed down. He won’t talk about it but I think he’s got arthritis in his hands. I see him massaging them and he has some serious painkillers in his medicine cabinet.

Lily stands up when I enter the room and crosses over to me. “Congratulations! I’m so excited!” Then she hugs me tight with one hand on my flat belly.

When she pulls away I look at her confused. “How did you know?”

She rolls her eyes and leads me over to the couch to sit next to Mom. “The last time Courtney called me to come over here, nine months later we had Asher. I’m not an idiot.”

Then my little boy comes running out of the kitchen with a huge glass of milk. “Asher Pierce! Stop running in the house and with a drink!” I stand up and grab him around the waist before he smacks right into the table.

“Sorry Mommy, I just got so excited!” Then he does a little dance. I’m guessing he learned that one from Wesley. The poor boy has no rhythm. “I’m gonna be a big brother!”

I chuckle at him and smooth a hand over his head. “Yeah you are. Let’s hope it’s a girl this time.” Then I wink at him.

He scrunches up his nose at me. “No, I want a brother. That way we can sneak around behind your back like Dad and Uncle Channing. And we can be the best of friends like them too!”

“What do you mean they sneak around behind my back?” I raise both my eyebrows at him and his cheeks turn red.

“Oops. I wasn’t supposed to tell you that. Don’t tell Dad, okay? I don’t want him to be mad at me.” Then he gives me the puppy dog eyes he thinks work so well. “They only sneak beer when I’m supposed to be asleep and you aren’t home. They don’t give me any no matter how much I ask.”

I choke back a laugh. “Well next time, you tell them I’m going to spank them and send them to time out. You should be asleep when they are drinking. It sets a bad example.”

“No it doesn’t. Dad told me if I touch a beer before I’m twenty-one he’ll lock me in my room until I’m fifty. I’ll only get to eat bologna sandwiches and drink water. That’s a long time Mommy and I don’t like bologna sandwiches.” He grins at me and sets his glass down on the table. “He also told me I wasn’t aloud to touch a girl until I’m thirty-five unless I want to sit down and tell her parents we’re physically active. He told Uncle Channing he had to tell your parents about me and it was the scariest thing ever. But I don’t know what physically active means.” His eyes squint at me and he taps his finger on his chin. “Is that what happens when you close the door to your room and you make all those ‘oohhhh’ and ‘ahhhh’ noises?”

My parents, plus Lily, burst out laughing. Leave it to my parents to think this is funny. “I think Daddy is going to be in a lot of trouble when he gets here.” I pull him into my lap and stick my nose in his hair. “I love you so much little man.”

“I love you too Mommy. To the sun and back!” When the front door opens he scrambles down off my lap and races out of the room. We can hear his excited chatter in the hallway and all I can do is roll my eyes.

Channing, Court and Asher come into the room. I give a tentative smile to Court while Asher runs back over to the table. “I guess everyone knows, since Asher does,” Channing says, taking a seat next to Lily. She pulls him into a side hug and ruffs up his hair.

“While their news is exciting, we have to wait nine months. You on the other hand have a lovely hickey on the side of your neck.” She squints her eyes at him and I realize that’s where Asher got it from. Plus, he looks just like her when he does it. “You want to tell me where you got that from?”

“He got physically active with Aunt Paisley last night,” Asher states calm as day from his side of the table.

Six heads turn his way. “And how did you know that?” I cough out, staring at him wide eyed.

He takes a big gulp of his milk and looks at me. “I saw them kissing in the hallway. Aunt Paisley had her legs around Uncle Channing and they were bumping into the wall.”

I have to cover my mouth because it would be totally wrong to laugh right now. I look at Channing to see his cheeks are bright red. Lily smacks him on the back of the head while staring wide eyed at Asher.

Court can’t hold his laughter in anymore and it bursts out past his lips making me go into hysterics. “I don’t see what’s so funny. I don’t think Asher is old enough to be seeing that kind of thing,” my mom says, glaring at me.

I calm myself down. “Well there isn’t anything we can do about it now. He has seen what he’s seen. And it’s not like Court and I are quiet about it.” I look at Channing and grin. “At least we do it behind locked doors.”

Court walks over and slaps Channing on the back. “And when it’s time for the birds and the bees talk, Channing gets to tell Asher. Seems fair.”

“Yeah, I have no idea what to say right now.” Channing looks down at the table and shakes his head.

Then my dad chuckles and ruffles Asher’s hair. “I think it’s going to be fine. Asher was born into a family who gossips far too much and we all live on top of each other. It was bound to happen. Between Rachel, Channing and Royal, it’s a wonder Michele and I haven’t walked in on them before. And I think Channing was probably too focused to think about locking a door.”

“Or going into a room and locking the door. Really, doing it in a hallway?” Court smirks at Channing, who turns even redder.

I glare at Channing and cross my arms over my chest. “Wait until I tell Royal. I remember him telling you to stay away from her. And at his own wedding too.”

Channing sighs and looks up at the ceiling. He’s probably praying for a new family. I don’t blame him, we are all quite weird.

Everything calms down a bit as we eat breakfast. When we’re all done, I clear the dishes away and Court follows me into the kitchen. When I stack the plates in the sink he wraps his arms around my stomach and starts kissing my neck. “You look so fucking beautiful today.” His hands start going north and I purse my lips. “Let’s go upstairs.”

I push his hands back down. “No. I’m not ready for that right now. Hell, it’s only been three days since I told you. And while me being pregnant is happy news, I don’t want to rush anything.”

Court growls but I ignore it. I’ve gotten used to the growls by now and they haven’t ever scared me. He’s a teddy bear and teddy bears don’t bite. “I can see where you think that.” He backs away from me and I turn around. “Channing and I are going over to Van’s. But I’ll be back later. I’ve decided if you’re going to live here, I’m going to live here. There’s no need for us not to be together.”