Nature Mage (27 page)

“I reckon,” Gaspi said.

Taurnil grunted, staring out of the window.

“What’s the matter, Taurn?” Emea asked. “You don’t seem yourself.”

Taurnil was quiet for a moment. “I’ve got the tournament coming up in a few days. It’s all I can think about. Sorry if I’m a bit…weird.”

“I thought you were looking forward to it,” Gaspi responded.

“I was - I mean, I am. But Kristos beat me again today, and I want to win. I just can’t seem to get the better of him.”

Lydia let out a rich laugh. “You’ve only been a guard for a couple of months, and you want to win?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” Taurnil answered gruffly.

Lydia’s mouth hung open for a second, before she closed it deliberately and turned to Emea. “Emea, I think I will go back to the dorm. Are you coming?” She was already gathering her things before Emea could reply. Lydia left in a bustle, her normal unruffled calm conspicuously absent. Emea trailed behind, throwing an exasperated look at Taurnil as she went.

“Are you an idiot?” Gaspi said, fixing Taurnil with a perplexed stare. “What’s got into you?”

Taurnil flushed bright red. “Well, she…she was…” he blustered aimlessly.

“She wasn’t doing anything,” Gaspi said.

Taurnil folded his arms angrily, trying to think of a retort. “Damnit!” he said after a few moments, unfolding his arms “I AM an idiot!”

Gaspi couldn’t help laughing. “We all are sometimes, mate, though it’s normally me and not you. What’s got you so riled? Surely not just the competition?”

Taurnil let out a long breath. “Well, it’s partly the competition. I don’t know why, but I just feel like I have to get good really fast.”

“Why?” Gaspi asked.

“It’s just a feeling I’ve got. And, I dunno...I’ve never really been the best at anything, and that’s always been fine, but I just need to be the best at this. I know it doesn’t make sense, but that’s how I feel.”

Gaspi put a hand on his friend’s arm. “Fair enough, Taurn. I’ve never seen you like this, but if it means that much to you that’s good enough for me.”

Taurnil nodded gratefully, and still looked distracted. He opened his mouth to speak again, but nothing came out. Gaspi waited.

“And…” Taurnil began, searching for words that didn’t seem to want to come out of his mouth, “it’s not just that.” His eyes were fixed on the floor.

After a prolonged silence, Gaspi felt forced to prompt his friend. “What else is it?” he asked, as patiently as possible.

“It’s Lydia,” Taurnil said, braving an embarrassed glance at his friend.

“What about Lydia?” Gaspi asked, though he was pretty sure he knew the answer.

“Well…I like her,” Taurnil said despondently, as if that explained everything. The two boys had never talked about this kind of thing, but Gaspi didn’t think now was the time to get uncomfortable.

“So? Why’s that such a bad thing?” Gaspi asked, trying to sound like this was a normal conversation.

“I just can’t seem to help it,” Taurnil responded. “Every time I’m around her my stomach ties in knots, and I don’t know what to say. Do you know what I mean?”

Gaspi laughed and grimaced in that order. “Of course I know,” he said. “I still feel like that with Emmy half the time. I’m waiting for it to settle down! But Taurn, I don’t get what the problem is. So you like her. That’s a good thing...right?”

Taurnil’s face fell even further. “How can it be a good thing? She’ll never be interested in me, and I’ll never be able to relax around her. It’ll just go on and on.”

“Why wouldn’t she be interested in you?” Gaspi asked, nonplussed.

“Because I’m not…you know…magical, like you all are.”

“Are you being serious?” Gaspi asked. “Taurn, I don’t think she thinks that way. Has she said anything like that to you?”

“Said anything?” Taurnil looked surprised. “Well, of course not. We’ve not really spoken at all. I’ve avoided her like the plague for the last few weeks. I don’t really know her at all.”

“Well, okay, that’s true about the last few weeks,” Gaspi said, “but didn’t you get time on the road to get to know her a bit?”

“I suppose,” Taurnil said. “It did seem easier then, but now it’s different. You’re all off learning about magic, and I spend all day with the guards getting beaten up.”

Gaspi laughed. “Yeah you’d better start winning soon or you’ll be one big bruise.” Taurnil smiled despite himself. “But seriously, Taurn, maybe that’s exactly what you need – to spend a bit of time together; get used to each other.”

Taurnil looked like he was considering the thought. “Yeah, maybe,” he said, with a slight smile. “That might work. So you seriously don’t think she cares that I’m not magical?”

Gaspi looked at his friend‘s simple, honest face, shaped right now in such an expression of earnest hopefulness that it pulled on every one of his heartstrings. “I don’t know, Taurn,” he answered. “I don’t think she’s like that - but you should ask her, not me.”

Taurnil grunted in what might have been agreement, and looked away. “And I can’t dance, either,” the large boy muttered.

“What?” Gaspi asked.

“Never mind,” Taurnil said, staring thoughtfully out of the window for a minute. He turned to his friend. “Thanks, Gasp,” he said, suddenly serious and without self-consciousness. “You’ve helped me out.”

“Anytime, mate,” Gaspi responded. “There’s just one thing you’re going to have to do, though.”

“What’s that?” Taurnil asked.

“Say sorry to Lydia.”

The next few days passed in a blur. Taurnil was kept busy preparing for the tournament, which meant that he didn’t get a chance to talk to Lydia. The young magicians were also practicing hard: the Test they had learned about on their first day at college was scheduled for only a couple of days after Taurnil’s tournament. Gaspi and Lydia enthusiastically poured their energy into practicing every last bit of magic they knew how to perform. Both of them had a reasonable grasp of the lessons they’d been studying, and with Gaspi’s block in place they were of about equal strength, so they tested each other rigorously whenever they got a chance.

It was not the same for Emea. Her friends were running headlong towards the day she dreaded. They went about their days with a kind of feverish excitement, never stopping to think that they might fail. But for Emea the days dragged by interminably, the passing of minutes and hours weighed down by the certainty that this would be the end of the road for her. Despite her initial success in probing injuries, she had been unable to heal more than the most minor of cuts and scrapes. She could just about summon a force strike and fling it at a shield, but by the time it reached the target it was so pathetic it barely evoked a change of colour; to her great embarrassment the darkest colour she had got out of the shield was a light straw-yellow! She was better at neuromancy, tuning in to another being’s thoughts, and even influencing those thoughts a bit, but would that be part of the Test? It certainly didn’t seem easy to measure. However she looked at it, she just couldn’t see herself passing the Test. Then she’d have to leave the college, and Gaspi and Lydia would go on to great things without her.

Emea didn’t want to puncture Gaspi and Lydia’s happiness, so she put on the necessary smiles when they were expected, but in her heart she just felt sad and lonely. Not wanting to bring Gaspi down, she hadn’t talked to him about it, and when he asked how she felt she lied through her teeth, swearing everything was fine. On the afternoon before Taurnil’s tournament Gaspi was playing football, and Lydia was nowhere to be seen, so Emmy took the chance to visit Jonn, who was not on duty until the evening. She felt a little shy about dropping in on Jonn on her own, but Jonn was like a father to all of them in some ways. She felt safe with him, and she desperately needed to talk to someone.

She found him in the barracks, polishing his armour. His face brightened as he caught sight of her. “Emmy!” he said warmly. “What brings you down here to see me?”

“Oh, nothing much,” she said, not willing to spill her guts just yet. “I just thought I’d visit. Am I in the way?”

“Of course not!” he said, with a warm smile. “And you’re always welcome to visit me.” He glanced up at the ceiling. “Do you want to take a walk on the wall?”

“That sounds nice,” Emea answered, and, taking his offered arm, she walked with him out of the barracks. They went up the steps past the guards on duty at the gatehouse, and soon were strolling slowly along the broad path built into the top of the city wall. You could see for miles from the wall; a breathtaking view of distant, rocky mountains rising sharply from the plain. Jonn led her to a spot where you could sit on one of the raised benches of stone set into the top of the wall. He waited for her to sit, then took his place next to her. Placing his hands on his knees, elbows facing outwards, he drew in and released a deep breath as he took in the scenery. It was a contented sound. Emea struggled to relax, but the snarl of emotions inside her refused to be unwound.

Suddenly self-conscious, she tried to make conversation. “So, are you enjoying being a guard?” She wanted to kick herself for such a stupid question.

Jonn didn’t seem to think it was a stupid question. “Enjoying? Well, yes; I suppose I’d have to say I am. I feel like I belong, I’ve got something to keep me occupied, and I’ve lost most of my fat belly, which is saying something!” he said playfully. “So yes, I’m enjoying it,” he concluded, then looked at her shrewdly. “Are you enjoying being a magician?”

Emea let out a bitter laugh. “I’d have to be one to enjoy it,” she said, and burst into tears.

Jonn put his arm around her. “Come on Emmy,” he said, patting her awkwardly. “What’s the matter?”

Emea gulped a few times, trying to get control of her runaway tears. She wiped her face on her sleeve. “I’m terrible at magic, Jonn,” she said, fighting to stop her chin from wobbling. “Gaspi and Lydia can do everything, and Gaspi is still partially blocked! But everything I do is a weak, useless version of what they can do.”

“Everything?” Jonn asked.

“Well, almost everything. Miss Emelda says I am good at using magic as a probe to explore wounds, and I’m okay at neuromancy. But you should see my force strike! It wouldn’t hurt an ant!”

“Well, it sounds like Miss Emelda sees something in you,” Jonn said comfortingly, “and the other stuff will come with time, won’t it?”

“But I don’t have time,” Emea said, panic entering her voice. “The Test is coming up, and if I don’t pass it I’ll have to leave!”

“Ah, yes,” Jonn said. “The Test. Has anyone told you what’s in it, yet?”

Emea’s forehead wrinkled. “No…but it’s bound to include a test of strength, don’t you think?”

“Maybe. Have you spoken to Gaspi about this? Maybe he could help you,” Jonn suggested.

“I don’t want to bother him with it,” Emea insisted. “Besides, if I have to leave the college, then he’ll be too busy with his studies to spend much time with me. I may as well get used to it.”

Jonn looked genuinely surprised. “Emmy, I can’t believe you’d think that. Do you think Gaspi would love you less if you weren’t a magician? Do you love Taurnil less because he’s not magical?”

“No, of course not,” she said, going red in the face.

“Then maybe you should trust Gaspi a bit more, eh?” Jonn said.

Emea sniffed and nodded, wiping her face with her sleeve again. “You’re right. I should probably talk to him.”

“Good girl!” Jonn said. “And as for the Test, you’ll just have to do your best, and let the teachers see your strengths.” Emea nodded again, burying her head a little further into Jonn’s chest. She didn’t feel any more confident about the Test but her fear of being rejected by Gaspi had lifted, taking some of the burden away. She would talk to him that night. After a while she leaned away from Jonn, and they went back to the barracks.

“Thanks, Jonn,” she said, grateful for the safety he provided for her.

“Any time, Emmy,” Jonn said. “And try not to worry about the Test. Whatever happens, things will work out. You’ll see.” Emea even managed a genuine smile as she left him, making her way back up to the college.

After dinner she asked Gaspi to take a walk with her, and began to share her feelings with him. Gaspi stared at her in amazement when she explained her fear of losing him if she had to leave the college. With blazing eyes, he took her by the shoulders and held her gaze. “Emmy - I’d never abandon you like that! What does it matter if you’re not living here with me in the college? And besides,” he added with a shake of his head, “you’re not going to fail the Test.”

Emea kissed him warmly. “Thank you, Gaspi,” she said, smiling sweetly. “I should have known it wouldn’t make a difference to you, and I’m glad we’ve talked...but for what it’s worth, I really think I might fail this Test.”

“But why?” Gaspi asked, puzzled by her insistence.

“I’m just not very strong,” she answered. “And that makes me nervous, and when I’m nervous it’s even worse. This is so cruel, Gaspi. All I want is to be a Healer, and now I’ve had a taste of it I can’t imagine living without it.”

“Well...why don’t you practice a bit more with me and Lydia over the new couple of days, and see if you can get a bit of confidence up?”

“Okay, Gasp,” she said, not sounding much more hopeful. “I’ll give it a go.”

Chapter 20

On the day of the tournament the sky was overcast; sodden grey clouds loomed overhead, heavy with the threat of rain. But nothing could dampen the excitement of the students, who had been given the afternoon off so they could go and watch the fighting. Gaspi knew Taurnil hadn’t apologised to Lydia yet and was worried she might not come along, but his fears were proved unfounded when she turned up with Emmy at midday, and the three friends made their way down through the city to the barracks.

As they neared the barracks, they found themselves surrounded by crowds of city folk also heading to the tournament. Apparently, it was quite popular! There were numerous magicians there too, some in colourful robes, but many more in brown. Gaspi recognised some of them from the refectory, where older students could eat if they chose to, though many didn’t. The more garishly dressed magicians stood out amongst the more modestly dressed citizenry of Helioport, but the city dwellers were so used to magic-users that they jostled and pushed against them, as they did anyone else, in the rush for a good seat. The tournament itself was being held in a large open practice area surrounded by many dozens of benches already half-filled with spectators. They squeezed their way through to the front and found a bench they could all fit on. Lydia slid in first, followed by Emea, and Gaspi sat on the end. Gaspi glanced up at the lowering sky, wondering if they’d cancel the tournament if it rained.