My Only One (20 page)

Alec smiled as he stood apart from them, hands in the pockets of his slacks. A sadness gripped his heart, and he felt like crying out in frustration and loss. His time with Abby was going to be severely limited by the number of public appointments. Looking down at his highly polished black shoes, he surrendered to his larger responsibility, to
glasnost,
to a world moving toward peace. Like the rest of the Soviet people, Alec realized that personal needs would have to be sacrificed for the betterment of his country.

Lifting his head, he absorbed Abby’s glowing features into his heart. How beautiful she looked in her business suit. Her luxurious red hair was tamed into a chignon at the nape of her slender neck, but beneath the conservative business appearance he was able to see the molten, responsive women inside those clothes. His body responded hotly to what he saw.

Alec assimilated another truth. He was falling in love with Abby. There was no mistake about it: he loved her. Last night, watching her wrestle with the monumental decision, he’d cried inwardly for her.

Alec knew he could never tell Abby how he felt about her. It would only make their inevitable parting just that much more wrenching. He didn’t want to be the one to put Abby’s passion for life, her verve and fire, to the ultimate test.

Chapter Eleven

A
BBY STIRRED IN
Alec’s arms. Automatically, he held her a little more tightly against him, her hair a wonderful silken carpet across his shoulder and chest. The bedroom window was open, the light blue sheer curtains moving briefly as the June dawn began to light the sky. The odor of freshly mowed lawn from the night before and the fragrance of honeysuckle blooming along the apartment wall filled the room. He lay there, absorbing Abby’s warm, yielding length against him and tried to brand it into his memory, his senses. Glancing at the clock on the bedstand, he realized that in three more hours he’d be gone, out of her life forever.

Unconsciously, he ran his fingers slowly up and down her shoulder and upper arm. When he became aware that his breathing was synchronized with hers, he smiled. How well they complemented each other. The warmth of her as a woman, the perfume of her skin, all evoked powerful emotions within him. He would never be able to lie like this with her again.

His brows knit into a scowl as he studied the pale blue ceiling in the dawn light. Colonel Surin had made it clear that Alec’s mission to the U.N. had been an unusual one, and that Alec should not expect any special favors upon his return. That mean that he’d be shipped out to the
Udaloy
shortly after his arrival in Moscow. That didn’t bother Alec, because his love of the sea had been a constant, despite the harsh life aboard Soviet naval vessels.

Picking up a strand of Abby’s hair, Alec studied it in the burgeoning light and marveled at its beauty, the color a combination of copper, crimson and gold. Her hair reflected the many facets of Abby to him. She was such an impulsive, spontaneous creature, given to the moment. Making love to her late last night had been like scorching summer heat that had melted them into one. His body thrummed with awakening memory of her passion, her commitment to him.

The strand of hair curled gently around his fingers. Abby had done the same thing with his heart: curled herself gently around him. How was he going to live without her? Without her winsome smile, those freckled cheeks blanketed with blush, and her childlike laughter?

It hurt to breathe. It hurt to feel. The woman in his arms, whose heart was as large as the world for those things she deemed important, was going to be lost to him.

Abby stirred briefly, but remained asleep. Alec eased up on his elbow and gently brushed several strands of hair away from her cheek. How beautiful in sleep she was, he mused, grazing her skin. There was such a fierce fire of life in Abby. She was a modern-day Joan of Arc, a member of a small but vocal group who wanted something better for the children of the world. A smile tugged softly at his mouth as he leaned down and kissed her temple.

When had he fallen in love with Abby? Alec didn’t know, didn’t care. It had happened, and that was what was important. As he looked at her, he thought of the Polaroid photos of Abby that Tim had given him several days ago. Alec knew Tim was no stranger to being at sea; he’d commanded an eighty-two-foot Coast Guard cutter out of San Pedro, California. Long days at sea created homesickness for loved ones, and Tim knew that better than most, so he’d given Alec the precious gift of the photos. Tim was more than a liaison in Alec’s eyes. He was a friend. A good friend.

Whispering her name, Alec watched Abby slowly stir and awaken. He placed a series of warming, welcoming kisses upon her cheek and finally, on her lips. His heart burst with joy as her mouth opened beneath his and shared her heart with him. There was such trust between them, Alec marveled as he felt Abby’s arm slowly lift and then slide around his neck and pull him down upon her.

The dawn light dissolved in the gentle exploration Alec initiated with Abby. Each touch, each kiss, became more important, more necessary to remember and place in the vaults of his heart than ever before. Her glorious blue eyes shimmered with tears as he made slow, exquisite love with her until they fell exhausted and sated into each other’s arms afterward.

Abby snuggled close to Alec, weak with pleasure. His arms, strong and protective, came around her, and she sighed. The words
I love you
threatened to tear from her. She struggled to hold them back because she knew it would do nothing but make their parting even more difficult. Instead, she told him, “All my life I’ve believed in meeting head-on whatever was thrown at me. But this morning, I’m a coward, Alec. I didn’t want last night to end. And I didn’t want today to begin.”

“I understand,” he rasped, pressing her head against his chest and tunneling his fingers through her silky mass of hair. “And you’ve never been a coward, Abby. Not ever.” He kissed her hair and inhaled the musky, sweet fragrance that was only Abby. “We’re allowed to be frightened and scared right now. To deny it would deny what we’ve become to each other over the past few months.”

Abby nodded. How simple, how realistic Alec could become when necessary. “Is that your Russian heritage, the stoic acceptance of the future, speaking?”

He chuckled and caressed her damp cheek. “I’m sure it is. My people have suffered so badly in our history that we know how to suffer in eloquent, anguished silence.”

Abby raised up one arm and dissolved beneath Alec’s dark brown eyes which were alive with warmth for her alone. “I wish I had a little of your graceful acceptance.” She sat up and the pink floral sheet settled around her hips. “My American generation has had more given to them than any other. What I’m discovering is, I can’t handle defeat or setbacks like the older generations can.”

“Perhaps the parents of this country overindulged you as children.”

With a sad smile, Abby agreed. “We had everything handed to us on a silver platter and like thieves, we greedily took everything and ran away with it. We weren’t taught to share, to leave a little on that platter for someone else. Many of my generation don’t know hardship, Alec. We didn’t have wars or face the same deprivation and challenges our parents did which fostered internal courage and the strength with which to face adversity. We just don’t have the strength of past generations, and that worries me. I’m having trouble handling your leaving.”

“Our parting is a hardship,” Alec whispered. Sliding his hand down her arm, he smiled over at her. “I’m betting that your red hair has given you a genetic courage that your parents passed on to you.”

“Well,” she quavered, “I’m going to need every ounce of strength I can find.”

Whispering her name, Alec pulled her back into his arms. The tears in her eyes tore at him. How badly he wanted to tell Abby of his growing love for her, of the dreams he had of a future with her that could never be. As she settled beside him, he gently splayed his hands across her softly rounded belly. Abby would be a wonderful mother, and more than anything, Alec wanted her to have his children.

But they were dreams, broken dreams that were half formed by the wishful thinking of a heart that until this moment, had been barren. Alec struggled with the realization that those dreams would never come true. Drawing in a ragged breath, he kissed her deeply, feeling her fiery response, her passion coupled with desperation. The hours were falling away, dissolving beneath the harsh reality that he had to get up, shower and dress. He drowned one last time in the beauty, the fire and passion of the woman he loved more than life itself—because she had become his life. The Russian poet Baratynsky had been right about love being a sweet poison, but he was also poignantly correct about love opening Alec’s soul. Alec would never be sorry for loving Abby because she had touched his soul and brought life to him.

* * *

A
BBY SWALLOWED HARD AND
slowed her pace down the apartment sidewalk. Tim stood waiting by the government car at the curb next to her apartment, his face somber. Alec stood dressed in a dark blue business suit, his arm around her shoulders. The parting was worse than Abby could ever have imagined. She had worn sandals, a short-sleeved cotton blouse of pale lavender and a matching skirt that hung down to her ankles. The June morning was alive with the singing of birds, the sky a pale blue and cloudless. Everything around them shouted of life, of growth, from the colorful petunias bordering the apartment building behind them, to the leaves on the trees along the boulevard.

“Here,” Abby whispered to Alec, pulling a gift from the large pocket of her skirt. “This is for you….”

Touched, Alec opened the small white box. Inside was an antique gold-heart locket on a chain. He glanced down at Abby: her lower lip trembled, and she was fighting back the tears. The sight ripped him apart. “What is this?” he asked, holding the chain suspended between them.

“It was my grandmother’s, Alec. A long time ago in my country, when a woman wanted to give her heart to a man, she would cut a small lock of her hair and put it inside the locket and give it to him. It’s a keepsake, a wonderful way of always having something of the person you…like…near you.” She gestured toward the gift. “There’s a strand of my hair in there along with a picture of me on one side of the heart and a picture of you on the other. It’s old-fashioned, but I like a lot of things from the past.”

Alec carefully opened the locket. There was a color picture of Abby smiling and a small lock of her red hair, carefully curled on the other side on top of his photo. His voice was strained. “I’ll cherish your gift as I cherish you,” he said, then he swept her uncompromisingly into his arms.

“Oh, Alec,” Abby cried softly, clinging to him, never wanting to let him go.

Words were useless. Alec knew time was draining away from them minute by anguished minute. He eased away from her enough to put the locket in the breast pocket of his coat. Gripping Abby by the shoulders, he winced as tears flowed unchecked down her drawn cheeks. Her eyes were marred with such agony that he drew in a broken breath.

“
Moya edinstvenaya,
my only one. You’ll always be that to me. Never forget that.” He leaned down and kissed her fiercely, giving her his fire, his life, his essence as a parting memory to hold forever in her heart. Tearing his mouth from hers, Alec spun around, blindly heading for the car.

Abby stood on the sidewalk, watching Tim open the door for Alec and then, as the Coast Guard car drove away, she watched Alec’s profile disappear from view.

“Abby?”

It was Susan. Abby trembled as she slowly turned to face her best friend. There was such sympathy in Susan’s eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” Susan whispered, and she came forward, throwing her arms around Abby, holding her tightly. “So sorry….”

* * *

“W
HERE ARE YOU GOING NOW
?” Susan wanted to know as she entered Abby’s apartment and looked at the suitcases strewn around the living room floor.

Abby looked up and gave her a strained smile. “Alaska. It’s July—time for me to whale-watch in the Bering Sea again. According to my scientist friends in Baja, most of the humpbacks and gray whales left with their calves by early March, so I need to get to Anchorage to work with Captain Stratman aboard the
Argonaut
again.”

Susan leaned against the doorjamb. Across the hall, the door to her apartment was open and laughter from Courtney and Tim drifted out. Abby wore a pair of jeans, hiking boots and a white cotton blouse. The color of the blouse matched her pale skin. Worried, Susan asked, “Have you heard from Alec lately?”

“Yes. He’s back aboard the
Udaloy.
Nothing new there.”

“Maybe you can arrange to meet him on the Bering Sea?”

Abby shook her head. “I doubt it. Alec can’t write about military ship movements. The Soviet hierarchy considers that top secret, you know.” With a sigh, she pinned her thick mass of hair back with a banana clip so it resembled a horse’s mane behind her head. “It would be nice if we could meet, but I don’t hope for that kind of thing.”

Gently, Susan said, “Abby, are you all right? I know how much you love Alec….”

Abby carried her wardrobe bag to the couch and laid it across the cushions. In a strained voiced filled with surprise she asked, “How do you know I love him?”

Susan closed the door and came over to Abby. “It’s been written all over you for as long as you’ve known Alec.”

Rubbing her temple, Abby glanced over at her friend. “I was the last to know it, Susan. I realized it the second time he came here unexpectedly. Then, it was so hard not to tell him I loved him.”

“Why didn’t you?”

Abby sat on the couch, her hands dangling between her legs. “Why burden him with that knowledge?”

Susan sat next to her and placed an arm around Abby’s drooped shoulders. “Why not burden him with it?”

“Because Alec’s caught in the vise of what his navy wants him to do. After her returned to Moscow, Alec tried to get a transfer to the Kremlin to work with Colonel Surin, but he was turned down. After all the wonderful things Alec has done for
glasnost,
you’d think he’d be rewarded!”