My Immortal (11 page)

Next thing I know, she emerges her fake demon
fangs and punches two deep fang holes into her wrist, then shoves
it into his mouth.

Oh hell.

What are you doing?!" I ask, desperately.

"What does it look like?" she hisses.
"Healing him."

He didn't really have much of a choice to
drink with her shoving her leaking wrist into his mouth, but I hate
having to watch him latch onto her for a second time.

You're going to be sick
, I mind-link
to him.

He groans.
You're probably right
.

I check out his wounds. They don't seem to be
mending themselves but the blood flow has stopped.

No!
, he thinks, sounding shocked and
scared with horrible disbelief.

Stunned, he releases her wrist and shakily
pushes himself up into sitting position and just stares at me with
a look of trepidation.

"What is it?" I ask, panicking.

What?" Jezebel asks sounding confused.

He shakes his head, unable to speak the words
and I'm dying with curiosity and nervousness.

"Nothing. I just feel sick."

He wraps his arms around his stomach then and
starts to breathe deeply through his nose.

You're lying
, I send.

Oh gods, I've made a horrible mistake!
He grabs his hair with both hands and pulls. His beautiful face is
twisted into a heartbreaking, anguished expression as he sits with
his elbows on his knees, head bowed.

I am scared to know, but I ask anyways.
"What?"

My voice is breathy, timid, and barely more
than a whisper.

Jezebel is just watching him, patiently
waiting with big, wide eyes.

He moans and his hands hug his stomach.
Knowing what is about to happen I immediately move a respectable
distance.

Seconds later he is doubled over vomiting her
blood.

And that's how it should be.

Her blood belongs in the dirt, where she
does. That filthy slut.

After a few minutes when I think he is over
his spell I move back to his side, although he managed to crawl a
good distance from his mess.

I start biting my nails, unsure of what to
say.

The sun is starting to set and the lingering
light is dim.

Jezebel's form wavers and in the next instant
she has returned to her "pretty girl" form. The way she was when
she first graced my presence and I was so jealous of her.

Scanning that new form I find my feelings of
jealousy still linger.

She hesitantly raises her hand and rests it
on his shoulder. He flinches and her mouth twists. She moves her
hand back to her lap.

"Why did you throw up, Shadow?" she asks.
"You need to try to keep it down if you're going to heal and
survive."

His head moves back and forth, still buried
in his arms.

I nod. "She's right. We can't stay here long,
the Guard could be after us. Or worse"…
The Hell Horde…

He lifts his head up only enough to scan the
woods for the rest of our crew whom appear to still be at the
creek. He sighs.
I know I don't deserve it. And I hate even
asking. But if you don't want to leave me then I need your blood so
I can heal.

Of course, Shadow. You need only to ask. It
is my honor.

Yeah, you think so now. But you won't think
so for long…

I know he is hiding something from me.
Something that he just can't tell me right now. He can't tell me
because he can't accept it, and as much as it worries me, I'm
willing to let him come to terms with it and tell me in his own
time. I trust him that much.

You will tell me when you're ready. I trust
you still.

He closes his eyes. "How do you want to do
this?" He asks with his eyes still shut.

He finally turns his head towards me, his
cheek lying on his knees, naked arms framing his face.

"H-however you want," I reply.

"Do what?" Jezebel huffs.

"He needs my blood."

Jezebel continues arguing about my blood
versus her blood before I tune her out completely because the red
eyes that stole my heart are staring right into mine.

I hold his stare and time seems to stand
still.

He raises his head and drops his arms to the
ground grimacing when he puts some weight on them to scoot towards
me.

"Don't," I whisper. "I'll come to you…"

And I do. I move to sit directly in front of
all of his masculine beauty. As the light fades even more around
us, his eyes shine like a bright, beautiful flame…and I am drawn to
him.

Face to face we sit, eating each other up
with kind eyes. When his eyes have been burned into my mind and I
am positive to remember even the small sparkles and jagged lines
running through them, I let my eyes drop to his nose. From there
they fall to my true interest. My heart skips a beat at my
mistake.

I want to remember what it is like to feel
his lips pressed up against mine. How warm and full of life they
must be. To want something so much and be so close, yet not be able
to attain it is what I can only explain as agony. My Soul screams
and pleads with me. Every nerve on my body comes to life with
expectance.

Yet it's the same every time now. Nothing
happens.

I focus on those gleaming fang tips that poke
out from his full upper lip. The lower ones usually stay hidden
beneath his perfect lower lip somehow, and the cuteness of that
makes my lips tip up involuntarily.

Wondering about him so close to my face, I
look back up just as his eyes are darting back to mine from some
unknown part of my face.

I wonder if he ever feels the want to kiss me
again. Has it just completely left him as if it was never there?
Did he have his fill of me and no longer thirsts for anything other
than my blood?

Staring intensely into his eyes I ask myself
these things, not receiving an answer. Not caring if he is
listening in.

I only wish I could listen in.

I read somewhere once that your eyes were
windows into your soul, but I can no longer see into his.

It's because I don't have one anymore,
Sweetling.

My gaze doesn't falter or flinch as I think
as hard as I can about our last kiss and the pleasure it brought
me.

How in love I felt.

I know he's listening in now that he replied
about his lost soul and my plan works when he glances down and my
lips tingle just knowing he's remembering.

Maybe even wondering.

Is it too much to hope that he's wanting?

He leans down and lands a butterfly kiss on
the corner of my mouth, followed by one on my cheek.

I push the disappointment down as it wells up
inside my body.

My hands ball into tight fists at my side as
he plants a sweet kiss on my neck and I know what's coming
next.

And I want it, but it really almost ruins it
for me that he wouldn't be doing this with me if he didn't have
to.

His fangs break my skin, sinking into the
large veins at my neck as my lifeblood flows into those lips I lust
after, nourishing the boy I
love.

"Um okay…I expect some explaining when this
is over," Jezebel mutters while we ignore her.

My knees are killing me after holding my
weight on them facing him for so long. I forgot about the bruises
on my knees and legs from the cell.

I manage to shift my weight and sit sideways
on my legs just as Shadow turns his head for a different angle,
causing me to lose my balance.

I fall backward, my head landing in the soft
grass along the tree-line. His weight crashes into me and my hands
come up between us to keep him from crushing me. They land gently
over his pecs and I can feel the cold bite of his steel nipple
rings at my palms.

Realization dawns on me that I'm touching him
and I gasp starting to panic. I jerk my hands down to my sides,
accidentally scraping them into the ground.

A big, warm hand finds mine, covering it and
bringing it back to his pec. Still on top of me with his weight
resting on his other arm, he then grabs my other hand and brings it
back to his other pec.

My eyes shut of their own accord as I focus
on the happy feeling that is overwhelming me.

The warm body above me belongs to the one
person I love and want so much in this world of absolute crap.

And just when I thought it was out of reach
for me I am able to grasp it again.

Hope springs forth once again.

I gently kiss the warm, tattooed shoulder
hovering close to my face and yet one more time for good
measure.

His fangs slip out of my neck causing my skin
to tingle and I shiver.

Lips touch the dip in my neck and then the
punctures that he made, before trailing softly up to my ear.

"I do still want you, Alexia," he whispers
softly into my ear. "I don't think that will ever stop." He laughs
and if a laugh could sound sad, then this one would. "But you
deserve so much better than me or anything I can give you."

"No, that's not true." My lip wobbles. "It's
not your fault what you have been through. It's not your fault what
you are! You are a victim in this cruel world just like me and I
love you!" Tears burst from my eyes as a sob bursts from my
mouth.

"Wow, okay. I'm just going to go look for
everyone else," Jezebel proclaims reminding me that she was still
here.

"I love you, I love you, I love you!" I yell
brokenly.

His eyes hold mine and an unknown expression
crosses his face. It was gone before I could read anything into
it.

I grab his head in a moment of panic, waning
him to remember what I remember when we kiss. Wanting to show him
that I am not crazy, that there is an unimaginable spark between
us.

I force my lips to his and kiss him with
everything I have. Every tear, every heartache, every ounce of
love, and courage, and hope that I ever had or will have.

His lips don't even twitch. And they don't
kiss me back.

I let go of him, keeping my eyes shut really
tightly, not willing to see the look of pity on his face.

"Why can't you love me back?" I whisper,
voice cracking on a sob.

He hangs his head so I can't see his face.
His black hair is shiny in the dark somehow and I laugh about
that.

I must be going crazy.

"Jezebel's pregnant."

My laughter slowly fades and I let it sink
in. It's not even all that hard to except really.

It was one of those things I was desperately
not wanting to happen so I sort of thought it would.

I respond in a deadpan voice, "Oh
really?"

"I was so wrong." He sounds so desperate. "I
don't know why I can't smell it in her blood. But I tasted it."

I try to speak but my voice shakes too much
trying to hold back my breakdown.

Despite that fact thoughts well up to the
brink of my insanity and I have to get it off my chest anyways.

"You're breaking my heart!" My voice is thick
with sobs and tears, wavering on every word.

"I know, Sweetling. I know. I'm so
sorry."

With what pride I have left, I stand up
shakily, pick my broken heart up off of the ground, and dust off my
backside.

"I just don't know how you expect me to sit
back and watch you love her now. I'm not that strong."

His expression transforms from confusion to
disgust. "I will never
love
her, Alexia. I don't even know
how you could think that. I will take care of her and my child. I
will have to feed her my blood when the time comes, but…no, I will
never love again."

Biting my lip to dull the pain in my heart I
subtly shake my head digesting all of his words.

He made it clear that he will never love
again. That includes me.

Was it so bad the first time?

My gods, what happened to him?

The image of him feeding her his blood and
comforting her and his child…her child fills my blood with hate and
my mind with rage.

"I will kill her then," I offer.

His eyes flash. "I know you're upset, Alexia,
but you had better watch what you say." He points a finger at me.
"Do not make me choose between my family," he points to her, "and
my…my…the girl I used to love. Because I will protect you both,
Alexia, but if either one of your safety becomes threatened by the
other and I have to choose," he shakes his head staring at the
ground. "You won't like the outcome."

"What happened to you?" Disgust drips from my
voice. I turn every ounce of hurt into hate and let it show in each
of my words and the tone I deliver them with. "You're right, you
don't deserve me. You aren't half the man you used to be! You're
just hiding behind your past because you're scared. You used to be
brave, honorable, and courageous! You were respectable! Worthy! It
had nothing to do with where you came from or how. Now you are just
hiding behind all of that! Pity me, pity me! Poooooor Shadow! Well
guess what? I'm done with you! You're dead to me."

I run off into the dark woods, not caring
where I am going, only caring what I am getting far, far away
from.

Because he is as dark as the night, inside
and out.

• Chapter Nine
  

I run until my feet are wet with water from the
stream. It's shockingly cold to my senses and I gasp, all of my
hairs standing on end.

Voices echo up ahead of me next to a fire. I
can't make them out from here but I know it's my friends.

I make myself comfortable leaning against a
tree, listening to the stream crackle and pop as it flows next to
me. All of this emotional turmoil has drained me and I find myself
nodding off just as I think I may have finally accepted defeat
where Shadow is concerned.

I'm jostled awake to find myself in someone's
arms.

"Didn't mean to wake you," a familiar voice
whispers but my eyes are unfocused and my mind is hazy in all of my
confusion.