My Delicate Destruction: Book One of the Wolfegang Series (6 page)

“We have to go to the shop,
chica
,” Trent explained.

“No worries, I appreciate you coming out here to see me,” I said, giving him a big hug.

“We had to, you’re our little
hermana
,” Trent teased.

I smiled, and then said, “I wanted to tell you all something before you leave.” I felt everyone’s attention on me and took a deep breath. “I’m going to go through with the experimental procedure.”

They all looked a bit relieved and came up to give me hugs.

“We’ll be there with you through everything,” Victoria promised.

“Thank you,” I said as I hugged her. “I will see you later?”

“Definitely.” She kissed my cheek and left with Trent.

“I have to go, but I’ll be back later,” Kevin said. He held both of my hands, and rested his forehead against mine. His broad shoulders surrounded me; it felt like the rest of the world melted away.

“No,” I murmured. “Don’t go.”

“I’ll come back.”

I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my body against his. “When?”

“When do you want me to?” He pressed his cheek against mine.

“Today.”

He laughed; deep and throaty. It sent shivers down my spine. “I will be back later today then.” He kissed me hard. “I promise.” Then he left before I could say anything else to stop him. It left me cold. I wrapped my arms around myself to try and keep the warmth he had given me.

Kris came over and put an arm around my shoulders. “Let’s go get your stuff.”

Mom started cleaning up in the kitchen. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and said good-bye. “Breakfast was amazing.”

She smiled sadly and kissed my forehead. “Come home soon.”

I got in the front seat of my brother’s Jeep. The sun tried to break through the clouds, but all it did was create a hazy light that burned my eyes. My sunglasses barely helped. Kris jumped in and started the car, flipping on the radio. Hard rock pulsed through the car. He bobbed his head in time to the music as he drove from Burbank to Hollywood. It was a relatively short drive; almost no traffic.

“Do you need help or do you want me to wait out here?” he asked.

“Just let me go through everything and then you can help me bring it out. Those muscles should be good for something, right?” I said. I laughed and punched him in the arm.

I got out of the Jeep. My flip flops soaked up the heat from the pavement, and my feet started burning. I noticed as I walked up the steps that the plants hadn’t been watered in a while, and they were dying. A stray cat meowed at me as I opened the door to the apartment complex.

“Does someone belong to you?” I asked it. The grey tomcat just stared at me.

I shrugged and walked up the stairs and stepped into the apartment where I had been not too long ago, living in ignorance. There was no way I could have known how quickly everything would change.

I walked into my room and slowly looked around. Compared to the rest of the apartment and Victoria’s room, mine was Spartan. No decorations except for a few pictures on my dresser. The desk was always neat and clean. There wasn’t anything laying on the floor or not put away. My grandfather taught me the military lifestyle early. I didn’t like it, but I liked him angry less. All that was in the room was my desk, computer, dresser, and bed. That’s all I needed. It suited my personality, as Victoria would say, although she tried to talk me into redecorating many times. My argument was that you couldn’t redecorate something that wasn’t decorated.

The only thing you could call decorative was my old sailor’s trunk at the foot of my bed. I knelt down to the trunk and trailed my fingers over the engravings before lifting the lid. I inhaled the mixed scents of mahogany, jasmine, and sandalwood oil. The smells filled my mind with memories of my grandfather. He had been a retired Navy Captain, and he gave me his sea trunk before he passed. I kept all of his little treasures he had told me stories about since I could remember. Like the portrait of the gorgeous geisha, nude on a pile of Japanese silks. It was painted before she died. Grandfather said she was the love of his life. There was the old pistol he kept from World War II among the other trinkets. He had also left me a trust fund when I turned eighteen; most of it was money he had won gambling. My fingers brushed against the cold metal of the cash box. Money wasn’t something I would need for awhile. The idea was unsettling. I tucked the cash box back under my kimono in the trunk.

I missed my grandfather so much; we were the best of friends. He taught me the only things I really valued, the things that I could use, like how to shoot a bull’s eye, how to throw knives, and how to speak Japanese. He told me that Spanish was useless. He paid for my piano lessons when Dad said no, and paid for my dance classes when Mom told me it was a waste of money. She said I would never be a ballerina. He believed in me no matter what, told me never to stop doing what I loved.

I sighed away the memories and closed the trunk. I would take it with me, I decided. After throwing my clothes into some suitcases I brought them out to the car. I grabbed a few cardboard boxes from the trunk and threw everything I had in them. Kris put them in the Jeep as I put a few things in my sea chest. I carefully placed my pictures, a few changes of clothes, my gun and my other cash stash from my mattress inside the folds of the kimono and the wool blanket that still smelled faintly of my grandfather; tobacco and vanilla.

I dragged it out to the Jeep. Kris put the cardboard boxes in the back for storage, and then carefully put the trunk in next to them. Thankfully I didn’t have much.

“I could never call you a pack rat,” Kris joked.

“Victoria can keep my computer, TV, and my furniture for the next roommate,” I told him.

“Okay, let’s go then.” He opened the door for me and helped me in. I waited for him to get in too before I asked him the question that had been repeating itself in my head like an annoying song all day.

“Why are you really doing this procedure with me?”

He stopped fiddling with the radio and looked at me like he was considering whether or not I should know. The sun shone on his dark brown, hair. It gave him honey highlights while leaving his face in shadow.

“I don’t want to end up alone, or to have you be alone.” He looked down, his eyelashes brushed against his cheeks like butterflies.

“You feel alone?” I was shocked; he hid his feelings as well as I did.

“Yes, I love you to death but it was hard to watch you thrive all these years without me. We used to be really close and hang together before I got sick. I miss it, Kat.”

His face was so sad. I swallowed the tears that were threatening to fall at his confession. I hugged him hard. “We will never be alone if we have each other,” I told him.

He smiled. “Nope, I’m going to annoy you forever.” We both laughed. It eased the tension and anxiety, and it eased the weight of the emotions I really didn’t know how to deal with. I sat back and we enjoyed the ride home in silence.

When we got there we found that our mom had already called up the doctor and he had faxed over the paperwork we needed to fill out and sign. She was sitting at the kitchen table calmly sipping a cup of tea as she reviewed the terms and conditions. She always did better when she had a plan.

She looked up and watched us lug the boxes and my trunk into my room. When we came back she said, “Kris, the doctor agreed to do the procedure on you as well, so I had your current doctor send over your medical records to Dr. O’Leary. Your appointment is on Friday. That only gives us two days to prepare. They’re doing the pre-op the same day as the procedure. Katerina, I’m really glad you made this decision. I’m looking forward to having both my babies back for a good, long while.” She got up and kissed both our cheeks.

“Now I need you to look over a few things.” She picked up a stack of the papers and started going on about side effects and possibilities.

I tuned it out as we sat there with her; it didn’t really matter to me either way. I didn’t want to remind her that the whole thing was experimental and we might not make it through. Kris squeezed my hand. He was always so good at making sure we were both okay.

We looked over the paperwork together and signed the dotted lines. It felt ominous, like I had just signed away my soul or something.

As soon as we were finished mom shooed us out of the room so she could finish cleaning up or whatever it is she does in the kitchen. We stood there, at a loss for what to do. Kris shuffled his feet and stuck his hands in his pockets.

“So, what do you want to do?” he asked.

“I don’t know. What do you want to do?” I felt stupid. It was like when we were kids during summer break. We could go at this for hours.

Mom was right on cue. “If you two don’t find something to do, I could always put you to work.”

Kris and I grinned at the familiar situation.

“Want to see a movie?”

“Sure,” I agreed.

We spent the day at the mall, hanging out and watching movies. We hadn’t done that in a while, years even. It felt really nice to be friends with my twin again. We saw some new movie Kris had been dying to see. There were a lot of explosions. I enjoyed it.

After the movie we walked in silence for a while before I asked, “Are you scared?”

He ignored my question. “Coffee?” He stopped to stand in the line at Starbucks. The sun beat down on our shoulders. It made everything feel hot and sweaty. I hated it.

He ordered a chai tea latte, and I got black coffee. I loved my coffee. While I was adding cream and sugar Kris threw little packets of Splenda at me. I glared at him while I stirred. I flicked the little red stirrer at him and got coffee all over his face. I calmly threw it away, putting the lid back on, and walked over to the darkest corner of the café to sit down on the armchair. He plopped down on the one next to me.

“So?” I asked.

He took a sip of his drink and thought about it for a second. “Of course I’m a little nervous, but my desire to be rid of this disease one way or another is stronger.”

I sat back and thought about what he said. It had been a long time since he was first diagnosed. I knew I didn’t want to end up that way; sick for years and years. Long and drawn out wasn’t really my thing.

Kris was a simple person in regards to what he wanted out of life, and I was just glad neither of us had to do this alone.

After a while we headed home and I called Kevin. He spent every minute he could with me, and mom even let him stay over. We didn’t really do anything, but we enjoyed each other’s company for the time we had left together.

He held me in his arms while I tried to fall asleep, but I couldn’t get my brain to shut up. Thoughts kept dancing around my head over and over. What would it be like to wake up two years later? That’s two years just gone. I couldn’t get it back and everything would be different. Kevin said he would wait, but there wasn’t anything to stop him from moving on. I could believe him like I really wanted to. But would I wake up alone? Could I survive that kind of heart break all over again?

“What are you thinking about?” Kevin’s deep voice penetrated my thoughts.

I fidgeted. I didn’t know how to bring up such a touchy conversation without hurting both of us.

“Please, let me in,” he murmured against my hair.

Let him in, something he had complained about in the past. He told me I never really let him in, that I kept things from him; thoughts and feelings. That I hid behind my wall, behind my sarcasm and indifference.

I cleared my throat. “I don’t want you to wait for me,” I whispered.

“Katerina, it’s what I want.”

I turned to face him, our lips touched and our breath mingled. “I don’t know if I could handle it, if for whatever reason you weren’t there when I woke up, waiting like you said. I’m not as strong as everyone thinks I am.”

He brushed the hair back from my face and looked into my eyes. I couldn’t tell what he thought about what he found there.

“I love you Katerina, I’ve always loved you. I never really ever stopped. I’ve regretted our breakup every day since it happened. If you...” His breath caught, but he pushed on. “If you pass on…” He stopped, he couldn’t say the words. “I will keep my promise and wait for you,” he said instead. “I only want you, why waste my time with things that don’t matter?”

I didn’t realize I’d been crying until he brushed the tears from my cheek. His words silenced the thoughts in my head, and I fell asleep listening to his heart beat.