My Dark Duke (23 page)

Cole's brows furrowed. ‘I understand why you made those rules, but they are harsh. You must explain yourself. If you do, I have no doubt that Alethea will forgive you.'

James closed his eyes. The memory of what had occurred so long ago caused another shaft of pain to strike his already battered heart. ‘I cannot. Do not ask that of me, Cole.' He felt a hand rest on his shoulder.

The doctor was silent for a while. ‘You must, or you will have to be prepared to live with your marriage as it is till one of you departs this earth. Can you truly be content with that?'

The duke slowly turned around. ‘I have to think. Alone.'

Cole nodded. ‘Of course.' He turned and walked to the door, then paused. ‘Save your marriage, my friend. You need Alethea more than you know.'

‘Thackery.' Alethea forced herself to smile when the stable master hurried to greet her. The memory of that fateful day was never far away and she had to remind herself that he had only been following his master's orders.

‘Your Grace! I had not expected to see you today.' Thackery quickly removed his hat and bowed.

‘No, I haven't been here for a while.' They both knew when it was that she had last visited the stables. ‘I came to see Jack. Is he here?'

‘Jack!' hollered Thackery.

Alethea turned around to see the boy exit a stall and run up to her before bowing respectfully. ‘Yer Grace.'

‘Are you well, Jack?' She examined him closely to see if he was suffering any visible ill effects after his ordeal.

‘Very well, ma'am.' His cheeks were rosy from exertion, his bright eyes looking inquisitively at her.

She frowned. ‘Are you certain, Jack?' In all honesty, she was surprised that he appeared so well.

‘Oh yes, ma'am. I was cared for real good by me ma and I'm all better.'Sides, it was only a small beating.' He grinned at her and she felt the weight in her chest lighten just a little for the first time in months.

‘Jack, I'm sorry it has taken me so long to come and visit. I wanted to see you the next day after . . . but I wasn't able to.' In fact Martha had counselled her against it. And then, with each day that passed, her courage became weaker and weaker, so afraid was she of seeing the condemnation in Jack's eyes. She was ashamed of herself for such a weakness, and today had finally forced herself to take the step to visit the boy.

‘That's all right. And His Grace, he sent a doctor who gave me ma some salve and that got me better in no time at'll.'

Alethea was speechless for a moment. ‘He did? Oh. Well, I . . . I just wanted to say how very sorry I am for what happened. If I had known, I would never have . . .' She had to stop to gather her composure. ‘Anyway, I do hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me.'

Thackery interjected. ‘Your Grace, please, you do not need to ask Jack for forgiveness. He knows that what he did was wrong.'

Jack piped up. ‘It's true, Your Grace. I knew that I had to come back and tell Mr Thackery you had run off and all, but I didn't. I deserved to be punished.'

‘No, you didn't, Jack . . .' Alethea began to say.

‘Yes, he did.' Thackery's voice was firm. ‘Jack, why don't you go and have your luncheon now.'

‘Yes, sir. Your Grace.' The boy bowed, then left.

‘I am so sorry for what happened, Thackery. I hope you will not judge me too harshly. I was reckless and unthinking.' Alethea turned back to the stable master to find him looking at her without any condemnation in his gaze.

‘We all make mistakes, Your Grace. Try not to be too hard on yourself.'

‘I can't help but do so, Thackery. It was all my fault.'

‘Forgive me, Your Grace, but I hope you will allow me to speak freely.'

Alethea inclined her head. ‘Of course.'

‘It seems to me that you blame His Grace for allowing Jack to be punished the way he did.'

She was silent. The entire household was well aware of the rift between her and the duke. Before he left for London, she had done everything she could to avoid encountering him during the day. It appeared for a while that James felt the same. She hadn't seen him at all for four days after the incident, as she kept to her sitting room while she imagined he remained in his study. She had not enquired as to his whereabouts; in fact, she really had not cared a whit.

As such, she had been shocked when he had visited her on the fourth night. She was already abed when he had entered her bedchamber. She had lain stiffly on her side, determined that she would not succumb to his advances. Anger filled her. How could he act as if nothing had happened? She stiffened when he lay down next to her, her body tense as she waited for him to turn her onto her back. What he did next surprised her. Despite his impassive facade, she knew that his anger towards her had been immense. So when he had run his hand down her arm, his touch gently soothing her, she had been taken unawares.

One by one, her defences tumbled as he kissed the sensitive skin of her neck and tenderly caressed her body from neck to hip. He uttered not a word, not when she arched her back involuntarily, needing more of his touch, not even when she moaned his name when he joined their bodies together as they lay on their sides. She had never known pleasure to be so bittersweet. Afterwards he left her as silently as he had come in, and Alethea remembered being more lonely than she had ever felt in her life.

Night after night he had come to her, and with each night that passed, she became more and more furious with herself. How could she be so weak that she was unable to refuse the man whom she was supposed to hate? He didn't even care about her. His actions made it very clear. Finally, Alethea lost the battle to try to keep her tears at bay. Fortunately, James had already retired to his bedchamber, allowing her to weep freely for all that she had lost. And when she awoke late the next morning, she had been relieved to find that he was gone.

‘Your Grace?'

Alethea blinked, brought back to the present by Thackery's voice. ‘I beg your pardon. What were you saying?'

The stable master met her eyes, brow furrowed. ‘You asked me not to judge you harshly, Your Grace. And I don't. But I do ask that you do the same for His Grace. There is a reason why these rules were put in place.' He hesitated, looking unsure whether to continue.

‘Did something happen, Thackery? If there is a reason for His Grace acting as he did, please tell me. I need to know.'

After a moment, the man nodded. ‘It is not my place to tell you, and His Grace would likely dismiss me if he knew of my impertinence, but I believe you have a right to know. When His Grace was a lad of sixteen, his distant cousin came to stay while her parents toured the continent. Lady Joan was fifteen then, a beautiful girl with a heart of gold. They were inseparable, those two, riding together for hours on end. One day, while His Grace was occupied with his lessons, Lady Joan told the groom who had accompanied her that she no longer required an escort. She rode off before the groom could protest.' Thackery fell silent and Alethea felt her chest tighten at the sense of foreboding that came upon her.

‘Lady Joan was kidnapped by a couple of brigands and they . . . well, she was hurt badly.' Regret filled his eyes.

‘Oh no . . .' breathed Alethea, putting a hand to her mouth in horror.

‘She's never recovered. His Grace still visits her every year, but I hear that she doesn't even know who he is any longer. They have to keep her sedated for her own safety. His Grace did not make this rule lightly.'

The duchess stood there, feeling as if her very foundations had been knocked from under her. This was why James had acted the way he did? He would have blamed himself for the tragedy that had befallen his cousin. This much she knew about her husband, even though she had only known him a short time. His sense of responsibility was immense. He would have done everything in his power to prevent this from happening again. Relief swamped her. She had not judged him wrongly. He was a good man, if a rather misguided one to think that such a harsh punishment would prevent such a tragedy from happening again. And she was going to tell him so. But first she had to apologise for telling him she hated him.

‘Thackery, please prepare a carriage immediately. I have to go to London.'

The stable master smiled for the first time that afternoon. ‘Yes, Your Grace. Oh, and Your Grace?'

‘Yes, Thackery?'

‘We have all seen the change in His Grace since he brought you here as his bride. We all wish him to be happy. He deserves to be. As do you.'

Alethea smiled, touched by his words. ‘I will try my very best. Do pray for us, won't you, that we will be able to overcome what's happened?'

‘We will, but I am sure you won't be needing our prayers.'

‘Thank you so much, Thackery, for everything.' She turned to go, then came back and gave him an impulsive kiss on his cheek, making the man blush.

Alethea hurried back to the house, mind racing with all the things she had to do before she could depart for London. When she reached the house, however, the sight of the carriage in front of the main entrance made her stop short.

The duke was home.

Her hands were damp and her heart raced as she stood before the gilded door leading to the study. Taking a deep breath, she raised her hand and knocked.

‘Enter.'

She walked in, finding James seated at his desk scanning a piece of correspondence. His estate manager, Stanton, was seated before him. Upon her entry, both men stood up immediately.

There was a long silence as her eyes met the duke's. After Thackery's explanation, everything she had thought about him was turned inside out. She stood there, hungrily drinking in the sight of her husband. He was wearing his habitually impassive expression, but she didn't care that he exhibited no pleasure upon seeing her. It was enough that he was here. At least it seemed as if he was equally unable to tear his gaze away from her.

‘Uh, I will take my leave, Your Graces.' Neither Alethea nor James looked at Stanton as he left the room.

The duke seemed disinclined to speak first, so she did. ‘You've returned.' She was too nervous to care that she had just made the most utterly obvious statement.

‘Yes.' His dark eyes roved hungrily over her and she felt the coldness within her start to thaw. Surely he must still have some feeling for her. Even with all the anger and hurt she had experienced, she knew now that she still loved him. The way her heart had leapt when she first saw him was proof. ‘Do you need something?' he asked politely.

You
, came the immediate thought. Despite everything, she still wanted him. Needed him. Alethea took a deep breath. ‘I know why you did not stop Jack's beating.' There. It was out.

Surprise flashed over James's face. It was clear that he had not expected such an answer. He walked around his mahogany desk until he stood before her. Now that he was close, she saw that he appeared fatigued, as if he had been carrying a heavy weight upon his shoulders. Somehow, she knew that she was the cause of the frown that lay more heavily on his brow and the deeper lines that bracketed his mouth. ‘I gather Thackery told you?'

‘Yes, but you mustn't blame him. He was concerned about me, about us,' she said softly. She wanted to touch him so very badly, but she stopped herself. It was too soon. The rift between them was still too wide. ‘I am sorry I broke my promise to you. Most of all I am sorry for saying I hate you. I don't, you know.' She tried to smile. ‘Not at all.'

James closed his eyes, expelling a harsh breath. When he opened his eyes again, she swallowed at the deep pain contained in them. ‘It is I who should apologise. I was wrong. Alethea, you need to understand that my life is governed by the rules I set. My businesses, my properties, my tenants. All of these cannot function without rules. It is not an excuse. And I realise now that this rule is perhaps too harsh. I am not . . . rational when it comes to the safety of those I care deeply for.' Her heart leapt. ‘When I think of you being hurt —' He clenched his jaw and visibly regained his composure. ‘I know I have caused you untold distress. I only pray that you will forgive me.' His voice was heavy with regret.

‘James,' she exclaimed, shaking her head. ‘Of course I forgive you. And I cannot say I am blameless in the entire affair. If I had done what you had asked, none of this would have happened.'

His eyes were solemn but he reached out to take her hand. The moment their hands came into contact, everything that had happened between them since that fateful day of her ride suddenly became unimportant. ‘But it has served to open my eyes to myself and my “rules”. Do you truly forgive me for Jack's punishment?'

‘Yes. But you have to promise me it won't happen again.'

James moved his head in assent.

‘Can you . . . can you tell me what happened to Joan?' she asked tentatively.

He looked down at their linked hands, silent for a moment. ‘Joan was my best friend. My only friend, really. Matthew was so much younger and Joan was nothing like what I thought a girl would be like. She loved riding and climbing trees and swimming in the creek up near the woods. She had the most amazing imagination I have ever known. She would spend hours on end dreaming up tales of chivalry and adventure. We were supposed to go for a ride but Father insisted at the last moment that it was time for me to learn about the estate and that I was to accompany him to meet the estate manager.'

The duke paused, his thumb stroking the back of her hand. ‘I should have been with her. She was my friend, my responsibility. What happened to her was my fault.'

‘It was not your fault. James, look at me.' He slowly lifted his head and her breath caught in her throat when she saw the stark pain in his eyes. She put her free hand to his cheek. ‘You carry so much on your shoulders, not just because of who you are, but what you are. You cannot hold yourself responsible for everything. I cannot imagine the horrors Lady Joan had to endure, but it was not your fault. Could you really have said no to your father?'