My Bad Boy's Secret: A Bad Boy Billionaire Romance (191 page)

I looked at him and tried to give him a look of support, instead of an angry one, like I had been for days. Maybe that would help him to open up more, I wanted him to trust me. I wanted him to feel safe emotionally, just as he made me feel safe physically. He stopped pacing the room and then looked at me and said, "You're going to judge me on this but this is the truth, the whole truth."

"I won't judge you, I promise." I said calmly and quietly trying to encourage him to continue.

"The reason I am an ex-Navy Seal, and not currently a Navy Seal is because I was discharged from service."

"Discharged? For what?” I asked feeling puzzled. I just assumed he was a retired Navy Seal and that is why he did bodyguard work.

"Yes, an honorable discharge, to be exact,” he said as he sighed out the words and disappointment in himself. "You see I had more than one offense against me. I am a wild man, Ava. I am full of lust, and I love women. I made the big mistake of having sexual relations with almost all the women in my unit, and that also included a high ranking officer. But it was just sex to me. That is always been my way, no woman has ever captured my heart. But I have needs, I am a man after all, and I am a man to the upmost degree in all things. I work hard at my job, and that means I need a hard release, and often.”

I listened to this and in somewhat of a shock. Anyone can tell just by looking at Zak that he was a bad boy; a lustful man. I knew that the moment I saw him the first time when I was sitting in class in the auditorium and he was outside leaning against the wall. In that moment I knew that he was a dangerous man, and not in a thuggish way, but in a sexual and deviant way. Now he was telling me that his looks matched his personality, it was all true. Though I didn't know to what extent, until now. Having sex with every woman he came across was a little extravagant to me, bordering on sex addiction. Although it was very bad boy behavior, I didn't see any grounds for an honorable discharge against him.

"I don't understand? It is bad manners to act in the way you did, but I don't see a reason for honorable discharge, what else happened?” I said trying to better understand the situation.

"The high ranking officer that I was involved with, it didn't sit well with her… my behavior that is. You see, after becoming involved with her, I also became involved with her sister. She did not take that too well, and she made it a personal vendetta against me. She saw to it that I was charged with sexual harassment and rallied the other women to her side. The women were all pissed off at me, so they gladly obliged her. Eventually, charges were brought against me, and I was discharged. She got her way, out of spite. It was over something that had nothing to do with our duties as a Navy Seal or our service to our country. Yes she had authority, and I created the perfect storm of women that way. So you see my lust has been my downfall. Since then, I've been working as a private bodyguard, your father hired me, and has the intention to hire me at the agency he works for, pending I do well on this assignment. That means I do not make the same mistakes that I did as a Navy seal that got me discharged.

But it's too late for that isn't it, Ava? Ever since I've been discharged I've been a good boy, I can promise you that. I learned my lesson, and I never mixed sex and business, until I saw you. The moment I saw you, I knew I would not be able to keep my hands off you. It was a struggle. I've tried. I've tried so hard. To you, you see it as me being hot and cold. I don't mean to hurt you and that is my struggle. I'm hot for you and I can't control my urges, and then I try to fight it off remembering that my future is at stake and so I am cold to you. I don't know any other way to deal with it. I'm lost. I'm powerless when I'm around you."

I sat in shock. This made complete sense to me. I didn't for one second think he was lying. Everything he was telling me went with his personality well. It made his hot and cold demeanor towards me makes sense. He had been fighting against it this whole time. Now I understood his struggle, and it made me feel bad. I didn't know what was going on inside of him, the internal storm he was experiencing. No wonder he felt disappointment in himself and in his behavior. Having sex with me only made him feel shame, and didn't really have anything to do with me personally. He was dealing with his own demons, just like I was, but with different purpose.

"Zak, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize. I wish you had told me that after our first night together. It would have made me feel better, and made me be more understanding. Why didn't you just tell me?"

"I was ashamed. Can you blame me?"

"No, I guess I can't blame you. I would've done the same if I were in your shoes. I understand. I didn't know you were hurting this whole time. Feeling ashamed of your past, and your behavior with me. Had I known, I wouldn't have said the mean things I had said. I hope you can forgive me."

"Forgive you? Ava, I am the one that should be seeking your forgiveness…"

He didn't finish his sentence because he stepped quickly over to me and pressed his lips against mine. Our sudden and new understanding of each other was an aphrodisiac that was very potent. We both felt it. He kissed me passionately and aggressively, as my arms ran up and down his strong back against the fabric of his tight t-shirt. He pushed me back onto the bed of soft rose petals. It was romantic. It was perfect. It was still wrong.

In that moment, Zak must've felt the same thing, because he pushed himself off of me. He put his head to his hands and said, "I'm sorry. Here I am telling you that I cannot be involved with you, and your support for me turns me on beyond reason. I needed to kiss you in that moment. But we can't, Ava. We have to stop this. It is wrong, and even more, it is distracting. I need to focus my energy on keeping you safe. Do not leave this room,” he said as he walked into the bathroom, leaving me puzzled.

I didn't understand what was going on until… I heard the shower running. He was jumping into the cold shower to cool himself down. I smiled wickedly that I had that affect on him. It made me feel good. It made me feel very desirable. Then my smile faded as I realized that he had said that we can't do this and that we had to stop, and that it was wrong, meaning we could no longer be intimate.

That's not what I wanted, but if it caused him to feel awful on the inside, I did not want to be the source of that feeling. So I would have to respect it. I laughed out loud as I finally realized that the tables were turned here. It was usually the guy that was pressuring the woman into sex, and now I was the one, while he was the one backing away and putting the brakes on. I guess I had to respect it. At least I knew that it wasn't me, or that he was just a cold hearted man, now I knew that there was more to it than that. That was a comforting thought. I sighed in relief as the weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Now that I knew Zak's background, it was as if one thing that had been bothering me had been taken away. Now I only had to focus on exams and getting away safely from the thugs chasing me until I was safe. It was one less thing to worry about, and that made me feel good. In fact, I finally realized that I was starving. It had been a long and eventful day, and now that I felt relief from the immediate tension that I was feeling with Zak my appetite came back. I picked up the phone, "Room service please. I would like to order two stacks of pancakes, two omelets, two orders of roasted potatoes, toast and jam, a pot of coffee, and two bottles of champagne. Thank you."

I hung up the phone and was excited to eat breakfast for dinner, my favorite meal. The champagne was to unwind and relax, though I doubted that Zak would have any. He was very serious about remaining sober and focused, just in case, as we didn't know if we were being watched.

I opened the French doors on the balcony and the sea breeze hit my face. It was a perfect view from the balcony out over the ocean. The sun was setting and the orange and pink's in the sky looked magical over the blue of the water, and I realized just how long it had been since I watched a sunset and felt safe. I think the last time I really stared at the ocean was on the deserted island. Even then I was in a panic and freaked out in my situation, but being in the honeymoon suite and protected, felt good. Having a robust meal on its way to me and having Zak only a few feet away was like drugs to me. It felt very good. I heard the shower turn off and I stepped back into the room. Zak came out dripping wet with a towel wrapped around his waist. He looked good enough to eat. His toned and perfect body glistened while it was wet and I wanted to run over to him and rub my hands all over him while licking the beads of water off his chest. I sighed as I looked at him, "You are not helping, our situation. How am I supposed to keep my hands off of you when you look like that?” I said smiling and crossing my arms over my hardened nipples.

He smiled a wicked smile and then said, "Perhaps you can take a cold shower and relieve yourself, just as you have done before. Remember?"

My face flushed red and my eyes grew wide, as I remembered that he was referencing the fact that he had watched me masturbate the first time we had ever met while I was in my apartment, and he was watching from the apartment across the way. I felt very embarrassed that he knew that was to relieve myself from feeling turned on by him. Then I couldn't help but to tease some more and say, "Perhaps I will. Want to watch?"

The smile fell from his face as he bit his lower lip and looked me up-and-down. There, I had done my job and got back at him. I giggled as I let the image of me touching myself in the shower wash over him. Then I said, “I ordered room service. It will be here in a few minutes."

"Great, I am starving. But don't answer the door. I will take care of it, I prefer that you hide in the bathroom when it comes. We can't have the room service guy letting anyone get a description of the woman in this room. Just trust me on this. It is better to be overly safe, than sorry."

"OK, not a problem."

ZAK

Finally being able to tell Ava about my past was relieving. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and a new form of understanding between us. But even with the understanding, there was still a problem. I still wanted her. She still wanted me. This would be complicated, at least for the next week or so until I could hand her off to her father. I was looking forward to it, so that I wouldn't have to fight my urges anymore. I wasn't looking forward to it, because I didn't want to leave her side. It was true about all the women I had been with; it was just sex. It was just me calming my urges. With Ava it was different, and that scared me. I cared for her more than any other woman I had ever known. At first I thought it was just me in my protective mode, but it was much more than that. I was scared to admit to myself that maybe, just maybe… I was in love with her. Deeply in love with her, and willing to risk everything for her. I put it all on the line, and now I was trying to salvage what I could.

Her father knew why I was discharged from the Navy, and I promised him I was now in line. So if he found out that I was intimate with his daughter, it would only look like I had no control over my urges, and that I was in fact just a sexual wild man, and I was. But what would be hidden in that would be my true feelings for Ava. He wouldn't believe that I had truly fallen for her, he would assume I was lying to make up for my crass behavior with his own daughter. Basically, I was screwed for screwing Ava. Still, that was my mess, and it had nothing to do with Ava. Now that she knew, I felt closer to her. Her reaction to what I had to say, was not what I was expecting. I expected her to stand up and then storm out of the room after I told her. I expected her to slap me and call me a sexual deviant, and insist that I had seduced her. However, none of that happened. Instead, she was supportive and she knew that I wasn't lying. Her understanding of me, only made me want her more. I went in for a kiss that turned passionate and aggressive. I wanted her. I wanted her right then and there. Then I remembered that I had to stop. Only a cold shower would stop me in my tracks, at least for now.

Knock! Knock! “Room service!” a voice said on the other side of the door.

I whispered to Ava, "Remember what I said." She nodded her head and went into the bathroom and closed the door.

I walked to the door and looked out of the peephole and saw a young teenager with a room service cart. It looked right to me. I opened the door to let them him in, I gave him a nice tip and sent him on his way. Once I locked and secured the door I went over to the bathroom door and knocked, "All clear. Hope you are hungry, there is a lot of food out here."

"Yes, I am starving. I hope you are, too. I ordered breakfast for dinner. It is my favorite. And some coffee to wake us up after a crazy day, and some champagne to wind down after a crazy day," she said as she walked over to the room service cart.