Read Mrs. Yonkers Is Bonkers! Online
Authors: Dan Gutman
Mrs. Yonkers Is Bonkers! (5 page)
One Way to Handle a Sub
“Everyone stay calm!” yelled the beautiful Mrs. Cooney. “Mrs. Yonkers is on her way over. She'll know what to do.”
Mrs. Cooney put a bag of ice on Emily's head, while Mrs. Robo-Yonkers chased Dr. Carbles around the computer lab. Finally Mrs. Yonkers arrived with her cheese head.
“What's the big emergency?” she asked.
“Your robot clone is crazy!” yelled Mr. Klutz.
“Help!” yelled Dr. Carbles. “She's trying to kill me!”
“Oh dear,” said Mrs. Yonkers. “I guess I still have to work out some of the bugs.”
“How do we stop her?” cried Mrs. Cooney.
“There's only one thing to do,” Mrs. Yonkers said as she pulled a remote control out of her pocket. “I must destroy Mrs. Robo-Yonkers. Everybody stand back.”
Mrs. Robo-Yonkers had Dr. Carbles pinned against the whiteboard. We all hid our eyes. I waited for the sound of the explosion.
But nothing happened. The only sound I heard was Mrs. Yonkers crying.
“I can't do it,” Mrs. Yonkers sobbed as she handed the remote control to Mrs. Cooney. “Here,
you
do it. Push the button marked SELF-DESTRUCT.”
Dr. Carbles crawled between Mrs. Robo-Yonkers's legs and ran away. Mrs. Cooney pushed the button.
One secondâ¦
Two secondsâ¦
Three secondsâ¦
“DUCK!” I shouted.
BAM!
There was a big explosion. Pieces of Mrs. Robo-Yonkers went flying everywhere. Her head landed on top of the flagpole in the corner of the computer lab.
“I'll be back,” the head said. And then it fell into the garbage can.
It was a real Kodak moment. You should have been there! And we got to see it live and in person.
When it was all over, Mrs. Yonkers was sitting on the floor, crying.
“Boo hoo,” she cried. “I created Mrs. Robo-Yonkers with my bare hands. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for all this to happen.”
We told Mrs. Yonkers it wasn't
her
fault that her clone went crazy and attacked
the president of the Board of Education. And that's when Little Miss Big Mouth had to open her trap.
“It's all Arlo's fault,” said Andrea. “If he hadn't said all those weird sentences to Mrs. Robo-Yonkers, none of this would have happened. You killed her, Arlo!”
“No, I didn't kill her,” I said as I pointed at Mrs. Cooney. “Twas beauty that killed the beast.”
The Moral of the Story
We were all pretty bummed that Mrs. Robo-Yonkers exploded. Especially Mrs. Yonkers. All of us kids gathered around to hug her. And that's when the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened. Somebody walked into the computer lab, and you'll never believe in
a million hundred years who it was.
I'm not going to tell you.
Okay, okay. I'll tell you.
It was Speedy the turtle!
“Speedy!” yelled Mrs. Yonkers. “You came back!”
She picked up Speedy and hugged him and kissed his shell. We were all so happy to see him, no one seemed to care anymore that Mrs. Robo-Yonkers exploded. If you ask me, Mrs. Yonkers loved Speedy
more than she loved Mrs. Robo-Yonkers anyway.
Well, the moral of the story isâ¦that there
is
no moral of the story. Who decided that stories have to have morals anyway? Sometimes weird stuff just happens for no good reason. Especially at
my
weird school.
Maybe Mrs. Yonkers will be able to build a new robot clone. Maybe she'll make a million dollars from the Junk Food Transformer. Or maybe she'll make a computer that you plug into your head so we don't have to go to school anymore. Maybe she'll stop writing e-mails to herself. Maybe Emily will stop falling
down and Andrea will stop being so annoying. Maybe I'll find a way to live in a world without junk food. Maybe we'll travel through time to the 21st century.
But it won't be easy!
DAN GUTMAN
has written many weird books for kids. He lives in New Jersey (a very weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. You can visit him on his weird website at
www.dangutman.com
JIM PAILLOT
lives in Arizona (another weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. Isn't that weird? You can visit him on his weird website at
www.jimpaillot.com
Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.
Cover art © 2007 by Jim Paillot
MY WEIRD SCHOOL #18: MRS. YONKERS IS BONKERS!
. Text copyright © 2007 by Dan Gutman. Illustrations copyright © 2007 by Jim Paillot. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
EPub © Edition DECEMBER 2008 ISBN: 9780061973383
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*
What are you looking down here for? The story is up there, dumbhead.
**
I can't believe you looked down again!
***
It would be cool to travel through time. If I could travel through time, I'd go to the future when I don't have to go to school anymore.
*****
Herb-roasted chicken is chicken that is roasted by a guy named Herb.