Moth Girls (5 page)

Alison had said she didn’t blame her any more. Mandy didn’t quite believe it. Alison had said it when she was dressed up and holding her sharp and important leather handbag. Then she seemed hard and fortified, that she could forgive anything. Mandy was sure though that when the smart clothes came off and Alison was sitting in her dressing gown and slippers she probably asked herself over and over why Mandy hadn’t told anyone where the girls had gone for five hours.

Five hours that could have changed everything.

The party was due to start at nine. She’d been going to meet Tommy early at a coffee bar on the high street but he’d texted her to say that he had something to do first and would see her at Zoe’s house. That meant that she would have to go alone. She hesitated, wondering what to do. There were some other girls that she could meet up with but she didn’t want to.

She didn’t really have any girl friends in the sixth form. Her closest friend had been Sophie Brewer but her parents had moved house just after Christmas and Sophie was now at a school in Barnet. At first Mandy had kept in touch with her, talking for ages on the phone or sending a stream of emails letting her know what was going on in school. She’d stayed at her new house for a couple of weekends and Sophie had shown her around her new neighbourhood. The contact had lessened though as the months went by. They’d met in Oxford Street a few times for shopping trips but Sophie’s stories about her new school and her new friends made Mandy feel left out. She began to make excuses. The contact waned and by the summer holidays she realised that she hadn’t sent a text or email or rung Sophie for weeks. She’d not even bothered to look at her Facebook page.

There were friendly girls in school and she often sat with groups that she’d known over the years. It was easy to slip in and out of these relationships as it suited her. When she thought about it, her friendship with Sophie had been a bit like that anyway. Sophie had two younger sisters and a lot of her time was taken up with family stuff. Mandy’s friendship with her had always come second place to the things she did in her family. Mandy didn’t mind. She often looked round at girls in class who were panicking at the thought of spending a lesson apart from their friend and she sneered. It was better to be self-contained. She could find friendship when she needed it. That way there were no emotional demands made on her.

She decided to go to Zoe’s party on her own. She spent a while looking critically at the top and jeans that she’d bought. She tried them on and walked up and down her room in the high heels and realised, with a sinking heart, that these were probably the kind of clothes that Tommy would hate. High street garments that were no doubt made in third-world countries. On top of that they were someone else’s style. Tommy would see all that in a moment, even though he’d be too good mannered to say it to her.

She sat down on the corner of her bed. In the shop she’d been carried away with thinking how good the red looked against her skin and that the black jeans made her legs look long. Then there were the shoes. She didn’t usually wear heels but these caught her eye. There’d been loud music playing in the shop and the assistant had said that all the girls who worked there had bought a pair of these. So in a moment’s extravagance she’d decided to have them.

She should have gone to a charity shop.

Then she wondered if she could say that she’d got these from a charity shop. She held one up in the air. The red leather was pristine. She would need to scuff them up a bit to make it look as though they’d been worn by someone else, if only for a short time. ‘Look at this, I picked them up for half nothing,’ she would say and Tommy would think that was good because she was recycling something.

The jeans were plain enough. She could wear a black top over them. She could add her home-made jewellery. This was one thing that Tommy approved of about her. He loved that she made these bracelets and necklaces. He always commented on them and said that it was important to make our own things and not always rely on other people to manufacture them for us.

He thought a lot about the planet and resources.

She’d never known a boy like him before. That was why she had such strong feelings for him. Maybe, tonight, at the party, she could let him know in some way. There would be alcohol and it was always forgivable to do outrageous things when drunk. If she misjudged it then she could always say, ‘Oh, don’t mind me! I always get emotional when I’m drunk. You didn’t think I meant it, did you?’

She got dressed and put her beads on. Her mother was downstairs fidgeting with a duster in the hallway. She put on her coat.

‘What time shall Dad pick you up?’ her mother said.

‘I hate saying a time,’ Mandy said. ‘Can’t I just get a cab?’

‘He doesn’t mind staying up late. What time? Twelve? One?’

‘Can I just ring? I won’t be later than one. I promise.’

‘OK, I’ll tell Dad.’

Mandy walked round her.

‘Are those shoes new?’ her mother said.

‘Charity shop,’ Mandy said, trying on the lie to see how it sounded.

The party was crowded when she got there. She said hello to the kids she knew and Zoe took her to the kitchen area. She kept her coat on, not sure where to put it. Zoe pointed out her brothers and their mates. Then the bell rang and she left Mandy alone. Zoe’s brothers were taller and broader than most of the kids there and they had more hair on their faces. Mandy walked round them and headed for the table of drinks. She put down a bottle of wine and then looked for a can of beer. The room was semi-dark but someone had strung fairy lights across the cupboard doors. It looked welcoming, like Christmas. She began to relax.

She looked around to see who’d just come in. Her eye scanned the room, looking for Tommy. But it wasn’t him; just some kids she didn’t know.

‘Are you not staying?’ a voice said.

It was a Lucy, a girl from her history group. Mandy hardly knew her. She was pointing at her coat.

‘I’m feeling a bit cold,’ she said, not wanting to take it off yet.

‘How are you finding history? I wish the teacher would stop lecturing. I get so bored.’

‘Yeah.’

Actually Mandy didn’t get bored in history but that was because she was sitting beside Tommy. He kept her entertained. She thought it might be dreary otherwise.

‘What are you doing in English? I’m in the parallel group.’

Mandy screwed her face up, trying to think. She’d never spoken to Lucy before. She wondered why the girl had struck up this conversation.

‘I think we’re doing
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
.’

‘I wish we were! We’re starting
Antony and Cleopatra
after half-term!’

People were trying to get past them to get to the drinks. Mandy was moving here and there and couldn’t quite hear Lucy.

‘Do you want to come into the other room? There’s more space,’ Lucy said, in a louder voice.

‘Sure.’

She followed her out, looking around all the time in case Tommy had come and she had missed him. The living room was bigger and some people were sitting down on the sofa. The music was loud but no one was dancing. Lucy headed over to the window. Mandy noticed that she had really long hair. It had wispy ends like baby hair and Mandy wondered if she was one of those girls who’d never had a haircut.

She was feeling very hot in her coat. She shrugged her shoulders at Lucy and took it off.

‘Warm in here …’ she said.

‘Put it over there,’ Lucy said, pointing to a chair in the corner that had coats draped over it.

After she left her coat she stood by Lucy and kept her eye on the window where she could see the front garden and the path. When Tommy came she would see him.

‘I love your beads and bangles. You make them, don’t you? I heard you saying one day. I always wondered why you didn’t do matching earrings.’

‘That’s a bit too technical for me. I collect nice and unusual beads. I can string them but I haven’t mastered anything as clever as earrings.’

‘My mum could show you. She makes earrings and sells them on a market stall. My mum made these!’

Lucy pulled her hair back and showed off a beaded earring. It was striking: long and colourful. A little wasted hidden behind Lucy’s heavy hair.

‘They’re really pretty.’

‘My mum’s really artistic. I’m the opposite. All I seem to do is study. I want to go to Oxford. So I have to get high grades. Are you planning to go to uni?’

‘I might. I haven’t thought that far ahead.’

‘Oh you need to. Do some research on universities. There are some good ones and some terrible ones. You don’t want to waste your student loan.’

The music had stopped and there were a few moments of silence. Mandy gazed out of the window. She saw Tommy come up the front path of the house. She stood up straight. He was here. She felt herself smiling. Lucy must have noticed the difference in Mandy because she looked out of the window as well.

‘I really like Tommy,’ Lucy said, ‘don’t you? He’s so different from the other guys, so easy to talk to.’

Mandy nodded, looking down at the red shoes, wondering whether she should have worn them or not.

‘I was surprised about him and Leanne getting together!’

‘What?’

‘Tommy and Leanne. They’ve been seeing each other. I saw them after school yesterday afternoon. I had a tutorial with my English teacher and I was leaving late and I saw them holding hands.’

‘Leanne?’

Mandy was touching the beads on her necklace, spinning them.

‘I was amazed. I knew he was always hanging out with Toni and Leanne but I guess I thought it was Toni he liked. She seems much more like him. You know, a bit zany in the way she dresses. But Leanne?’

Mandy felt herself weaken. Her shoes seemed higher all of a sudden and she felt she might topple off them. She looked for somewhere to put her beer can.

‘Are you OK?’ Lucy said.

The front door bell rang. Tommy was coming in and Mandy couldn’t face him.
Leanne?
He was with
Leanne
?

‘I just …’

Lucy’s face changed. She frowned and seemed to squeeze her lips together.

‘You didn’t know.’

Mandy stood back, behind the living room door, and Lucy moved to stay with her. The music was louder and a couple of girls were dancing, which made the living room look crowded. From behind the door Mandy could hear the sound of Tommy’s voice. Was Leanne with him? That was something she couldn’t face. Lucy was staring at her with concern.

‘You like him, don’t you? I didn’t realise. I just thought you were mates. I’m really sorry I said anything.’

Tommy didn’t come into the living room and Mandy knew he must have gone straight towards the kitchen like most of the partygoers, heading for the table with the drinks.

‘Can you get my coat for me?’ she said.

‘Oh, don’t go. There are lots of guys here …’

‘Please.’

Lucy seemed to think for a moment, then she strode across the room, and sorted out Mandy’s coat.

‘Thanks,’ Mandy said, putting it on. ‘If anyone asks, just say I didn’t feel very well.’

‘Sure. Will you be all right?’

Mandy walked out of the living room, leaving the music behind, and went through the front door as a group of kids came in. No one noticed her; no one said anything. It was like she was invisible. As if she’d never gone to the party at all.