More Than Friends (Kingsley #4) (31 page)

“
For Harmon
y’
s boyfriend
,
” Michael answered
.“
Sh
e’
s getting married. What are you doing working here
?
”

“
Spare money, before I settle down with the baby
,
” Nicolette answered
.“
I do
n’
t need to work really, with my siste
r’
s life insurance payout taking care of u
s
… but I like to stay busy. And
I’
ll be home once the bab
y’
s born, s
o
…” She trailed away, shrugging
.“
Come on, my ca
r’
s over here. You can walk me. And yo
u’
re not cursed, i
t’
s just not that big of a city, Michael
.
”

“
Right. I have
n’
t seen you in years, and now suddenly yo
u’
re everywhere
.
” Snatching her elbow, he hauled her to a stop, mindful of her burdens and making a conscious effort to keep his grip gentle
.“
Nicolette what the hell is this? Yo
u’
re just gonna make small talk with me like w
e’
re old friends? Like you did
n’
t leave me without a clue, without a word
?
”

She smiled tenderly, allowing him to turn her, and she took his hands in hers
.“
I did
n’
t
,
” she said
.“
I left you a letter that explained everything in the only way I could. I told you what
I’
d been told. Told you how I felt about it. I ca
n’
t help that you did
n’
t find it sooner
.
” Her voice was gentle, but she stood in front of him now with an inner strength simmering just below the surface of her skin that made Michael feel like he was holding onto a live wire
.“
I had to do what I had to do, Michael, and it looks like maybe i
t’
s worked out for the best.
I’
ve moved on, and you have too. Tell me about your girl
.
”

“
Are you serious
?
”

“I’
m not just making small talk like w
e’
re old friends, Michael
,
” she said with a quiet laugh
.“
We
are
old friends. Remember
?
”

“
I remember you left
.
” He could feel his frustration mountin
g
– not with her or any one thing, but the culmination of everything h
e’
d been feeling in recent weeks. His breath seemed to be coming in rough gasps, and there was an ache in his chest that spread like fire, down into his stomach and up into his shoulders and neck
.“
How could you just do that to me
?
” he asked, hating the tortured sound of his voice even as he realized that he could
n’
t stop the words
.“
How could you not trust me more than that? You really could
n’
t believe that we would have figured things out? I mea
n
… Nic, we could have adopted. Or we could hav
e
–“

“
I know, Michael
,
” she said
.“
Bu
t
–“

“
And tha
t’
s not really all of it, is it
?
” he asked, suddenly understanding the shadows in her eyes
.“
I felt like mayb
e
… when I saw you the other day an
d
… it was
n’
t just about having babies, was it
?
”

She shook her head, lowering her face as her cheeks flamed with color
.“
No
,
” she whispered
.“
No, it was
n’
t
.
”

“
Did you marry
him
, too
?
” Michael asked bitterly, the acid taste of bile rising in the back of his throat
.“
The man you walked away from me for? The man you lied to me for
?
” He backed away too, suddenly disgusted, the shattering pain in his chest searing his lungs, squeezing the breath from his body
.“
Did you
?
”

“
I did
n’
t lie
,
” Nicolette murmured, reaching for his arm. He wrenched away and she lowered her eyes, nodding silently
.“
Alright, I deserve that
.
” She swallowed, her throat bobbing as she licked her lips
.“
But I did
n’
t lie Michael. I really was told that I could
n’
t have children, bu
t
… my doctor, he ended u
p
–“

“
Your doctor
?
” He had caught the softening in her eyes as she spoke, the hint of a smile on her lips
.“
Are you fucking
kidding
me right now
?
” He could feel the heat of his temper coming up through his blood, heating the back of his neck, his face, burning the tips of his ears. The hairs on the back of his neck stood out, tickling in the breeze that washed over him, and he felt the muscles in his neck shorten with tension
.“
You left me
for your doctor
?
”

“
He was very helpful during that time, Michael, and I wa
s
… I felt very guilty abou
t
… everything. I could
n’
t bring myself to tell you about what h
e’
d told me, and the
n
–“ She broke off, digging in her pocket for a tissue, and Michael watched, wide eyed with shock as she blew her nose and went on
.“
I went to a meeting
,
” she said
,“
for infertile couples, infertil
e
… people. He was there. And I know he should
n’
t have been, but he had been through it too with his wife and he understood everything, and he was so supportive. And I know what you must be thinking, but they were separated an
d
–“

“
You do
n’
t know what
I’
m thinking. You did
n’
t know what
I’
d have been thinking back then, either
,
” Michael spat
.“
But for the record, I think you got played for a fool
.
” He watched the hurt dawn in her eyes, saw her chest lift as she sucked in a surprised breath, and went on
.“
I think you got suckered by a crooked doctor. I think you made a stupid choice. Am I right
?
”

“
And once
I’
d done it, there was no going back
,
” she said quietly, a tear spilling down her cheek
.“
And ther
e’
s no going back, is there
?
”

Repulsed, Michael backed away again, increasing the distance between them. She had betrayed him, had chosen against him even before she had actually left. He waved toward the swollen pregnancy that stood between them, grimacing as he wondered how many times she had left his bed to visit her love
r’s
– or vice versa
.“
You said you did
n’
t know who the father was. Is that his? The docto
r’
s baby
?
”

She smoothed a hand protectively over her burden, sniffling
.“
It is
,
” she said
.“
But it is
n’
t
.“
He, u
h
… he left. Right before I found out. H
e
… he got back together with his wife
.
” She laughed then, a short, bitter sound
.“
He said being with me helped him understand her. So he went bac
k
– and he does
n’
t know. About the baby, I mean
.
”

Disgusted, fighting alternating waves of rage and pity, Michael backed away. He had loved her for so long, had married her, committed his heart to her. Had built a life with her. And she had walked away, discarded him for a married man, justified breaking her vows by hiding under the grief of infertility. He looked at her in the light of the street lamps, swollen with the weight of her pregnancy, and although she looked the same, he felt as if he barely recognized her at all.

“
Tha
t’
s it
?
” she asked, cocking her hip out and staring at him in surprise
.“
Yo
u’
re just gonna look at me like that and walk away
?
”

“
Yeah
,
” Michael answered
.“
I
t’
s the best you deserve from me
.
” He turned away, heard her grumble under her breath, and turned back, furious
.“
What the hell did you expect, Nic? I loved you! I took our vows seriously. And for you to leave with no explanatio
n
– God, Nicolette, some nights I thought I was dying of it. I missed you, I wanted yo
u
… I probably would have forgiven it. But I did
n’
t get to make that choice, because you made it without me, alone. And if yo
u’
re sad now that
alone
is exactly how yo
u’
ve ended up, then tha
t’
s your problem
.
”

Her mouth dropped open as Michael spoke, and she stepped back as if sh
e’
d been slapped. Michae
l’
s emotions were in a total uproar, rage and guilt and shame battling with his own sense of pride, and an unexpected feeling of lightness, as if a weighted rucksack had suddenly been removed from his shoulders. He had needed closure for so long, had desperately needed to know why she had turned her back on hi
m
– and he had thought h
e’
d found his closure in her letter. And he had
n’
t recognized it then, but feeling the weight of dread fall away from him made him realize how sure he had been that she had
n’
t been telling him everything, that she had
n’
t been telling him the truth. He stepped close again, looked into her eyes, and rested his palm on the warm weight of her unborn child
.“
I hope to God I never set eyes on your face again
,
” he said
.“
Because I hate that it still hurts, and I hate you for ruining what we could have been. I hate that you ruined everything. And hope you get your shit together, for this one. He or she deserves better than a fair weather mommy, since it turns out you were just a fair weather wife
.
”

Her eyes filled with tears as she looked up at his face, and Michael released her, stepping away. He was glad to see that Drew had found him, and as he turned away, Drew walked with him
.“
You alright
?
”

“
Fine
,
” Michael lied. His heart was aching, his head was pounding, and his skin was crawling. Everything he had believed was tainte
d
– again. And even if some hidden part of his mind
had
known before that she had
n’
t been telling him everything, the confirmation left a bitter taste in his mouth. He had a stomach full of beer that was rolling and tossing, a tiny ocean of yeast and hops that threatened with every step to come heaving up his throat and out at his feet. He wanted to scream, to hit something, to ru
n
– he wanted to hide. He wanted to cry. And he hated himself for still hurting.