Her last thought as the world went dark was that this blood bond stuff rocked.
WHEN SHE CAME to she was still reeling from the intensity of the experience, her face cradled in the hollow of his shoulder, his fingers idly stroking the curve of her hip.
And she felt content.
His body felt so solid beneath her, his strength surrounding and protecting her. She felt…safe. It was an odd sensation, somehow implying she hadn’t been safe before. She was strong and capable. Independent. It had always been enough. Yet this feeling of contentment belied that it had ever been enough.
Kel nestled against his chest with a frown, absorbing his warmth and comforting herself with the steady beat of his heart. His arms tightened reflexively around her.
It was important that she be able to believe that she was content despite what happened to her, that the nightmares were nothing more than an inconsequential reminder of what she’d overcome. She didn’t want to be damaged from what the Ferrar doyen had done to her years ago and she most certainly did not want to attribute her sudden sense of completion to her complicated relationship with the Ferrar House marshal. What did that leave her? The victim? The rescued damsel?
Kel shivered and panic welled up, a cold dark presence in her sated body.
She could live with the knowledge of her past because she knew she’d triumphed, that they hadn’t been able to steal even one piece of her. She was a fortress; no one could make her that vulnerable again. She was fearless and impenetrable because she had molded herself into a woman without weaknesses. Now there was Gabe.
Squeezing her eyes shut she fought the chill that coursed through her, barely recognizing the emotion. It had been years since this feeling had been able to get any kind of a grip on her.
Kel was afraid.
“YOU’RE SHIVERING,” GABE whispered into her hair, his frown hidden. Sweeping his hands soothingly over her damp back he pulled her closer. She felt fractured to him. Carefully he let himself merge gently into the surface of her emotions.
Now that their bond was complete he could feel her, every emotion that flickered through her. She was unbelievably satisfied, part of her struggling toward acceptance. Yet she was terrified, the other part of her scrambling to put some distance between them even as her body seemed to cling desperately to his. Although he could feel what she felt he couldn’t read her thoughts. That was a conniving mind trick of the Drachon. Sanguen mates shared emotions and emotional energy.
Right now Kel’s emotional energy was caught in a civil war, and she was taking a beating for the inner conflict. His drive to protect her was a part of the bond. She belonged to him, a responsibility he took seriously. He wouldn’t let her be hurt, even by herself.
“Talk to me,” Gabe said softly.
“I think our bodies said all there is to say,” Kel retorted, her hand stroking down the hard plane of his stomach. Even though he recognized her caress for what it was – an attempt at distraction – his body took the bait. It tightened.
“Don’t.” Gabe raised his head to gaze at her across his chest. Her half smile was firmly in place but there were shadows swirling in her liquid eyes. “This won’t go away. We’re forever.”
Those shadows spun and writhed as she held his eyes, that turmoil surging. “I’m afraid.”
Her voice sounded raw, hesitant and unused. He stroked a wide hand down her back to her hip and back up to her nape, infusing her with himself – his strength, his support. She cleared her throat. He could feel her uncertainty. She wanted to retreat back behind the safety of her sarcasm and satire but was forcing herself forward. He admired that in her. She would stand and fight. Always. Even when a tactical retreat would save her the bruises. Did she even comprehend how fearless that made her?
“I can’t” – her breath rushed out and she swallowed hard – “be vulnerable.” She lifted her head and met his eyes. “Ever. Not again.”
Something dark and dangerous swelled in him. She had been broken once, shredded from the inside out. She feared her inability to survive again, feared the return of all the pain, and feared the darkness of it. He could feel it in her. He represented that for her. And that hurt.
Yet they didn’t have the options of other couples. They weren’t married like humans. They were bound by blood. He could never leave her for another; his body could crave only her, his mind seek only hers, his soul touch only hers. Her lost childhood and half Sanguen blood could never have prepared her to understand any of it.
He reached down to frame her small heart-shaped face in his large hands. “Listen very carefully, baby. There will be nothing to survive, nothing to overcome. We are it, all of it. There is nothing more for us beyond each other. You have only to accept it. You must accept it. I fear you will only continue to hurt if you don’t. And when you feel pain, so do I.”
Her eyes lingered in his and he held his breath. Waiting. How could he communicate to her what a blood bond was? Would she understand?
Sliding over him, she brushed her lips against his, her smooth, warm flesh pressing and gliding against the hard angles of his as she rose above him. His body instinctively surged to meet hers, answering a silent call. Although the shadows hadn’t completely left her eyes she was steadier, her voice sure.
“It’s a start,” she whispered and closed her eyes as she sank down around him.
“So you finally made an honest man of him.”
Kel jerked her head up from where she was tying the laces of her mesh sneakers. After a moment of surprise, she narrowed her dark eyes at the big Drachon. “What the hell are you talking about, Raife?”
“Come on, short stack, every member of the Arcane recognizes a bonded mate. And since I happen to know a bit about what happens between mated Sanguen…” He wiggled his eyebrows.
Kel rolled her eyes. He probably couldn’t even imagine what happened between mated Sanguen, but since she couldn’t think of a single string of words to describe it, she snorted instead and resorted to satire. “Damn, Merrick, I cringe to think of what the Barbies did in your house.”
Raife tossed his bag on the floor with a chuckle.
Kel dropped to the mat to stretch her muscles out, eyeing the big man thoughtfully. Raife and she got along well enough. There were no worries about her bluntness being hurtful. No topic was taboo for them. She was comfortable with Raife. Then again, she didn’t crave him until her desire for him obliterated all other pleasures.
Why couldn’t she have bonded with Raife? She’d have been able to go on as usual without feeling as though she’d lost some very significant part of herself. She hadn’t signed up for this blood bond stuff and it was a lot to get used to. It made her feel off her game. She’d gone from rocking it solo to being part of a dance team. Instead of only worrying about her own dance steps she had to take into consideration how her partner moved before she moved herself. She should be grateful she didn’t have to wear high heels.
“It’s not all that bad, short stuff.”
Kel blinked. She was sitting on the mat with her hands gripping her foot and her chest halfway down to her knee. Raife was crouched down next to her, his golden eyes warm.
“Easy for you to say. Even if it were all Xs and Os, I think both of you are missing one very significant obstacle. Hello, I’m a crossbreed.” Kel lifted her hands palms up with raised brows. “The Ferrar doyen ordered me dumped in a Triumvirate home some fifteen years ago. I’m fairly certain he had no intention of my returning as a member of the fam.
“Hell,” Kel muttered as she widened her legs and pressed her body forward to the mat. “The whole thing’s probably a huge security risk for Incog altogether.”
“How’s that?” Raife had pulled a pair of light sneakers from his bag and was jerking the laces tight around his massive foot.
“It seems my blood is like a disease. I’ve infected him or something. Doc tested his blood and it tests like the blood of a crossbreed. He’s even getting the hearing and eyesight.”
Raife laughed. “Can’t see how that’s a problem. You gave the bloodsucker an upgrade.”
“Yeah, but Sanguen don’t have the laid-back attitude the Drachon do. It’s all about the blood and the purer the better.”
Raife snorted this time with a shake of his head. “Yeah, well, when the options are scarce you wouldn’t let a little thing like race or blood get in your way either. They’re just a bunch of pretentious bastards. No offense to the hubby.”
Kel narrowed a look at him. “Yeah, well, I’ve just demoted one of their sons. They could involve the Triumvirate to have me eliminated. It’d be a real bitch for the Incog to have one of their agents being hunted by the damn Triumvirate Guardians, especially since we try to stay under their radar.”
Raife’s golden eyes met hers. “I wouldn’t worry about it much. If there is one thing all Arcane respect it’s the bond. Even the Sanguen would respect a biological bond. If he’s a Ferrar and a marshal, then he’s probably the future leader of the House. You die, he dies. Seems a bit counterproductive to me.”
Kel shrugged.
One of Raife’s thick brows shot up. “But I think your issue is not with them accepting you but with you getting over them. Fate really is a son of a bitch, bonding you with a son of the House that turned you out.”
“Yeah, well, we all got something to cry about.” She for one
never
cried. Not since the night she’d heaved the dead body of a Guardian off her after clawing his throat out. She’d been fifteen.
The Ferrar doyen had done more to her than just simply turn her out. But that was between her and the nightmares she rarely remembered upon waking. Nightmares that Gabe appeared to be taking personally. He wanted her to speak of them, to bring them out into the open, but Kel couldn’t see how that could help either of them. They were ugly and speaking about them didn’t make them disappear or make him any less a member of the House that had brought them on her. Knowing the details wouldn’t ease the anger she could sense seething inside him, and she didn’t want Gabe to see her that way. His anger and pity would bring them back to life for her.
Kel shook herself. She didn’t want to think they still had that much of an effect on her, but she had to admit Raife had struck very closely to the truth. She’d come to terms with what had been done to her years ago. She was who she was because of it. And she was damn proud of what she was. Or at least she’d thought so.
Gabe was changing all of that. The thought of having to return to the Ferrar compound made it feel as if she wasn’t as at peace with her past as she needed to be. She hated loose ends. It made her feel…angry. No, it made her damn furious. It made her want to face the doyen and force him to accept what he did. She wanted to ram it down his throat with her fist.
“Then just do it.”
Kel turned to look over at her friend. Raife had his eyes closed as he did his little meditation thing and there was a small smile on his face. He cracked one eye open and looked at her. “The image was very vivid and you were projecting. If you’re looking for a voice of reason you are looking at the wrong person. Sanguen and Drachon are not exactly best friends. I’d hold the bloodsucker down for you.”
Kel smiled. There was a very old yet fierce rivalry between the two races of Arcane. Raife seemed even bitterer about it than usual. He must be getting worse.
She looked at him with a discerning eye. He looked worn. His eyes seemed a bit glossier than the last time she’d seen him, almost feverish, and there were dark smudges beneath them. His face had an unnatural flush to it and there was an edginess about him. Older than most living unmated Drachon, Raife was on borrowed time. And he was starting to look it.
Kel wasn’t a hold-your-hand-and-brush-your-hair-back type of girl. She believed in action.
She jumped to her feet and looked down at him. “What do I gotta do to get you motivated? Challenge your manhood?”
Raife heaved to his feet. He was a large man but surprisingly agile. And Drachon were damn fast. They couldn’t shimmer but the short bursts of speed they could put on made it seem like they did sometimes. “No, I think just your insinuating that I played with Barbies will be sufficient.”
The next thing Kel knew she was flat on her back, but Raife didn’t stay near her to gloat. After all, he wasn’t a fool and he and Kel had been sparring every week for over five years now. With a laugh Kel vanished. Raife blocked a kick as she reappeared to his right.
Both of them enjoyed the beating.
GABE STOOD BEFORE the heavily tinted window of his father’s private office. The sun was a bright fiery ball in the clear sky. It was midmorning and most of the complex was still asleep. Barely more than a week ago he would have been too.
Until Kel.
As it was he’d woken just before sunrise to the feel of Kel’s warm little body curled up next to him. He felt alive and warm after what seemed like a lifetime of living in shadows. He’d been so cold before Kel and hadn’t even known it. The most startling realization was that he might have happily lived his life with whomever the House elders chose as his mate and never been the wiser. Kel was a miracle to him.
And he was a nightmare to her.
They continued to look for the blood dealer but were unable to locate him or the one surviving Sanguen who’d tried to kill him. Kel couldn’t even catch their scent. They’d used vinegar to distort the scent of their trail. His little bloodmate had used some rather creative expressions to describe her irritation at discovering that little maneuver. He almost smiled at the memory.
The autopsy of the little girl had given them nothing besides solidly linking his dead partner to her when her blood matched the vial Kel had found on the scene the night of his death. The only other information the autopsy offered was of a personal nature to him.
Dr. Mahoney said there were signs that the girl had been sexually abused, repeatedly. Kel was certain their perp wasn’t responsible for the sexual abuse and her conviction that the abuse was from the home insinuated a truth he had suspected but hadn’t wanted to believe.