Moho (Part One: Rise of a Symbol) (18 page)

"Welcome to Holo Holo Nalii for CEBOS! I’m Liam, your virtual assistant," he says.

A tall man is standing to my left. For a moment I’m angry and confused because I think he is Cosmo. Liam reminds me so much of Cosmo. He is about his size, wears the same bulky outfit, and has the same short, thick hair.

"I sense that I remind you too much of Cosmo and we all know that you don’t like Cosmo," he concludes correctly. In an instant he morphs into a smaller woman.

"How do you feel about me now? I’m Pandu, your virtual assistant."

Nice try but she reminds me of Maya with her delicate figure and rigid posture.

"Again, I sense you don’t feel comfortable around me. I remind you of Maya and we all know that is the last person you want to see again, right? Let me search your mind to find someone you won’t dislike," she says.

Then she morphs into an older, quirky looking man.

"You haven’t seen anyone like me, have you?" he says. "I’m Knox-"

"Your virtual assistant?" I interrupt him.

"Exactly," he says calmly. "In reality, like Liam and Pandu and hundreds other mental engineers, I created this game. What you see is a virtual representation of me which isn’t controlled by me. This version of me will introduce you to the art of Holo Holo Nalii," Knox explains.

"Where am I?" I ask.

"Judging from your last memory in your Memoryspiral, you’re lying on a bed in your dorm. Judging from what I see right now, you are at a virtual representation of a training center which, by the way, is on a continent of Persadia you haven’t been to in person," he says happily before adding, "You haven’t really seen anything of Persadia yet, if I may notice."

"How do you know where I have been?" I ask but then I understand. "You have access to my mind. Got it."

"Indeed. So what are you up to today? There are about fifteen million players in the multiplayer mode, a few million players are battling their way through the tournament mode, and as usual, most player are playing in free play mode. The other modes are a bit abandoned this evening. What’s your choice?"

"I haven’t really played yet. Ever," I admit.

"I know. So beginner mode it is. Brilliant," Knox finishes.

I wait for a switch of scenery or the weirdly absent mesh to reappear but nothing happens. I look at Knox and he just smiles back and points straight ahead. Suddenly a very small, young bull comes racing towards us. His steps are short but forceful. His short black horns are pointed directly towards us. I get scared and jump behind Knox to get out of his way
but the bull stops instantly.

"You seem to know how to handle him. You two will get along great. I guess you won’t need me any longer," Knox says excitedly.

"What? No! I do. Don’t leave me alone with him!"

"He is controlled by you. You were scared and he stopped coming at you. There is no need to worry, Moho. He will do whatever you want
— mostly, at least."

"So he is my animal now?"

"Sure, if you want to. I didn’t sense any dislike on your behalf. But you can switch to a new animal at any time. Just want another and you will get another. There are thousands of animals available for you to train."

"So what can he do?"

"Not much, I’d think. You haven’t trained him yet. As he grows up, he will become more powerful and along the way you can teach him new attacks and work on his resilience. The best way to get started is to train him in tournament mode and start fighting other trainers and their animals."

The bull is still staring at me. He doesn’t really have a facial expression so I’m not sure what he is thinking. I feel almost a bit silly that I was scared of him because he is actually tiny. He is also quite pretty. His short, glossy fur is as black as his horns. Even his eyes and hooves are deep-black. The only white I can see is in his eyeballs.

"His name is Jax," I announce.

"If you say so," Knox responds.

I then go on and enter a tournament with Jax which goes horribly. We lose every single fight, mostly because I don’t know what I’m doing. But it’s fun. I do it a lot. Every night when I lie in my bed, I play Holo Holo Nalii for CEBOS. I even start skipping sessions because I like training with Jax much more. It's more satisfying. He makes quick progress and he is growing noticeably. His horns are getting longer and his body hardens. He is turning into a real bull and we even win a few battles every now and then. Knox sometimes suggests using another animal with different abilities and weaknesses, but I had somehow gotten really attached to Jax. It’s like he is real. The whole game feels so real that, when I have to end it because I’m running out of energy and need to eat or sleep to continue, I don’t feel like I wake up to reality. Being in the game is so much more fun than being in reality.

The game is also much easier than reality. It takes forever to learn new skills during the sessions on the Islands, but with Jax it goes much quicker. In some of the game modes I sometimes earn new features for Jax that let him do attacks that are unreal. Literally. One of the first attacks that I
unlocked is called 'Trance' and it lets Jax put his opponent into a hypnotic state for a while which makes it much easier for Jax to finish his opponent. But like all attacks it costs physical energy and mental attacks like 'Trance' also reduce Jax’ Essenchi. But if he is successful, then his need for status gets satisfied which recharges his Essenchi. That is similar to how the fights in Crystal Cave work. So in many ways, Jax and I are alike.

I play so often that Jax ages quickly. Apparently all animals age and they get weaker in some attacks when they age and are more efficient with other attacks. In the end they are not useful any more. And the same faith hits Jax. I’d have to choose a new animal but I still feel really attached to Jax.

So I accept Vijay’s invitation instead and play with him as a team in multiplayer mode. We cheat a little and directly start in The Grand Tournament of Persadia which takes place in an exact virtual replica of the actual arena. Even Lee and Yo-Yo show up in the arena but their voices and personalities are extremely altered, which makes me wonder if they and the Holo Holo Nalii League of Persadia know about this game. Anyway, we even play as Nux and Zaha and use Cryos and Nonga but this time the two fight as a team. Our opponents are really strong, so we lose. And needless to say, the arena is obliterated after the battle of the four monsters is over. I’m glad it was all virtual because I would have fled the arena screaming if this had been the real final.

Vijay and I often communicate over TNOP and INOP or directly in the game. We usually don’t see each other in reality but he has this new game that he really wants me to try and we need to hongi so he can upload it into my CEBOS. First I think that it’s an extension of Holo Holo Nalii for CEBOS of some sorts because he says the new game is also unauthorized. But this new game is entirely different. As it turns out he, some of his fellow AS
, and learners from other institutions similar to Cosmo’s Islands all over Persadia were inspired by Holo Holo Nalii for CEBOS and created their own game. Vijay continues to surprise me. He never seemed interested in what Cosmo’s Islands had to offer but he definitely paid attention in mental engineering sessions.

The game is quite impressive. The idea was to recreate the experience of Crystal Cave. He and his fellow engineers named it Kumu Hanalii for CEBOS. They were inspired by Holo Holo Nalii
, which is basically using animals, albeit often radically enhanced animals, to fight each other. Kumu Hanalii uses matter and mental connections to fight directly, without animals. So it’s what we used to do in reality in Crystal Cave but without actually putting ourselves in danger. And the game allows me to use all kinds of elements, not just the 'liquid of creation'. It also takes me to many different places on Persadia. The more available elements there are to use, the more interesting the fights. Therefore Element Islands would be a perfect place but Vijay refused to virtually recreate Cosmo’s Islands for the game, even though learners at other institutions were really pushing him. Among all of Persadia’s institutions for future Creators, Cosmo’s Islands seems to be one of the most desirable ones. Vijay didn’t explain why he refused to include his home in the game but I suspect it is because of Ravi. It would bring Ravi to tears if he knew that people are fighting each other on his beloved islands. And despite all their differences, Ravi and Vijay are twins who deeply respect each other.

We often play in groups with people from different institutions. All the
teamwork lets us bond quickly and I get to make friends from all over Persadia. It's weird that my new virtual friends are gone when I have to return to reality. I mean, they exist in reality as well but I'll probably never meet them.

What the game
lacks is an end goal. The fights are stunningly simulated and connecting to matter in the game works and feels like connecting to matter in reality. But there is no tournament you can win, so most of the time I team up with other people and fight until I run out of Essenchi and physical energy. It’s fun but it’s not the same like reality and I really missed my nightly sessions with the AS. I don’t feel physically exhausted after playing the game. My head is sore but my muscles are not. And yet, I never leave the dorm at night to sneak into Crystal Cave. I’m too scared that I will get caught.

Weirdly enough, I never get caught skipping sessions
, which is all the more surprising considering that I do it so often. I’m losing myself in all the virtual worlds that are so more rewarding than reality. I usually play during the night when everyone else is playing, then sleep until late afternoon, eat a breakfast fruit and some juice in the Springtreegrove before I take my daily dose of Meditosis with Ravi, have dinner, and then play again.

Sometimes I wake up when all the other learners around me get up and leave for their sessions. Then I see the blue light twirling
beside my bed from the corners of my eyes and it stays there until I directly look at it. Then it flies past all the other Nightstones towards the ramp which connects all the levels of the dorm. There it disappears in the morning sun shining through the opening in the ceiling. I think the blue light wants me to go to more sessions. But none of the other learners around me seem to be able to see it. I’m probably just dreaming.

On the few days that I go to a session, I still play during the night and get some sleep during Meditosis. Since I started playing all the games, the fact that I’m going to Meditosis sessions doesn’t make sense. My need for revenge gets satisfied every night for hours and no amount of meditation on the absurdity of violence could make me dislike all those joyful memories. Nevertheless, I still don’t want to give up on Meditosis because Pax is still quietly lingering in my thoughts. Considering how good I am now in fighting other people with all kinds of attacks, I don’t want to imagine my reaction if Pax threatens me again. But I know it would be violent and I would definitely get darkened with her. I just hope she doesn’t show up before her Darkening.

Slowly but surely my first cycle at Cosmo’s Islands is coming to a close. A few more weeks to endure until Pax will be darkened and I will be free.

Islanders tend to be optimistic people who are grateful to be here, but the closer we get to Cosmoday, the more anxious all Islanders get. Some stop eating, some even cry, and all hone their skills constantly. Cosmo's Islands becomes completely consumed by the impeding day of its founder and I can't really say that I understand all the self-imposed stress everybody is suffering. The only difference between Cosmoday and any other day is that everybody has the chance to earn a badge directly from Cosmo. Badges are used to measure the progress of all learners and they are given out many times every day by the mentors of each session. I've collected a few, but I'm not as obsessed with them as most Islanders are. They tend to use badges as the only measure of their personal success and every time they earn a badge, they feel valued. I don't feel it as much.

I spend my days going to a few sessions, then Meditosis, and then playing Holo Holo Nalii or Kumu Hanalii at night. But I’m also growing tired of the games. Lately, I have used a few evenings to think about what I’m doing, about all the distraction I’m giving myself in order to not have to deal with the real issue. Like on this drizzly, grey evening around sunset. Aziz and I are sitting on top of the rocks that form Maze Island. Fogmountains behind us is slowly disappearing into the night.

"If I’m honest, I still love her. I really shouldn’t, I know. Still, even after all what has happened, there is something that feels so good about being close to her. It's like she is everywhere around me. I see her every time the wind blows through someone’s hair. I smell her every time I walk past a cherry tree. I feel her every time I touch someone’s soft skin. I hear her every time someone laughs. And I taste her, well… I still don’t know what she tastes like.

During the first few weeks after our fight, I used to mentally prepare myself before I went to a session when I knew she might show up. And as nervous, sad
, and agitated as I was, the mere thought of being close to her made me happy. In the rare instances where she actually showed up, I had to force myself to not constantly look at her. I couldn’t even look at her feet or the top of her head. So I forced myself to not look into her direction at all. I did it to forget her but all I did while I was trying to forget her was remembering her. Sometimes I managed to keep my eyes off her during the entire session but mostly I didn’t.