Mixed Blessing (Mixed Blessing Mystery, Book 1) (13 page)

Words mean a lot to vampires, he was making sure I understood how much it all meant to him.

I lifted my head and looked into his pale blue eyes, a smattering of cyan swirled in their midst. He held my gaze and refused to let me look away.

"Do you understand, kitten?" He paused waiting for me to answer, I held my tongue trying to think of an out, but coming up blank. "Say yes now, sweet."

I think I was beginning to hate him. I let that bleed into my eyes. His lips twitched at the edges and the obligatory sticky toffee wafted between us on the air. He slowly reached up and for a moment I thought his fingers would brush my cheek, but they didn't make it that far. His hand opened my jacket and he peered into the pocket inside.

"Two," he said simply, eyeing my second stake. "Just what the hell are you, kitten?"

I swallowed, not liking where this was going at all. The only thing I could think of to end this and get him to back the hell down, was to agree to the contract.

"I understand," I said, my voice sounding distant to my ears. "We have a contract."

The air left my lungs needlessly, in a sudden rush. His
Sanguis Vitam
wrapped around me and before I could stop myself, my own danced with his. He closed his eyes, inhaled deeply and threw back his head, letting our blood life forces rise higher and higher, stealing our breaths and quickening our hearts. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, his eyes sprang open and captured mine. Turquoise fought with cyan, the baby blue long since disappeared.

He licked his lips, his fangs peeking out from behind. His gaze travelled down my face and rested on my neck. I wanted desperately to cover myself up. The thought of someone else, other than Samson, biting me made my heart stutter. Then the realisation that I was OK with Samson having that role, tore my heart apart until it no longer threatened to beat at all.

I was so screwed.

"Good," he said, breaking the moment. "We have an accord." And suddenly, he sliced his palm with a knife from nowhere, grasped my right hand and sliced down the middle before I could even yelp, and thrust our hands together.

The moment our blood mingled all hell broke lose.

Bottles on the shelves behind the bar rattled with the combined force of our
Sanguis Vitam
, the words of our contract solidified in a blood bond. Accords cannot be broken, because they rely on blood to tie everyone subject to the accord in. Blood bonds are near impossible to break. The strongest of all contracts in our world. Jett had just signed my life away and I had done nothing,
nothing
at all, to prevent it.

But the power that emanated in that room was more than just from an accord. I felt the Light within me gather and knew, without ever having experienced anything like this before, what was going to happen. I couldn't let it. I couldn't let Jett see how much Nosferatin I had in me and although I was unsure of what the outcome would actually be if I let my Light out, part of me knew it would be disastrous. Call it intuition, a gut feeling, I don't know. But letting this happen would be catastrophic, of this I was sure.

I used every ounce of strength I had in me to pull my hand from his. I almost didn't make it, my Light already tearing down my arm and crossing to his. But before it could venture too far, before too much of that side of me reached him, I severed the connection with an all mighty crack of Light and sound, which caused the bottles behind the bar to finally give up their fight and shatter into a million pieces.

Both Jett and I were thrown backwards, the separation too sudden, the power about to be shared too great. A vacuum existed in the air around us for a moment, and then as though watching from a distance, I heard a rush of sound, likes wings beating on the air, and all my Light came charging back in. My body arched, a cry was torn from my lips and the world went slowly black.

I came to incrementally, the sound of ice in a glass clinking reaching my ears, before the low light of the room filtered behind my semi closed eyelids. I felt a softness behind my back and realised I was lying on a leather couch. I inhaled, before peeling my lids fully open, and let a huff of air out on an indignant breath as I registered
cinnamon, bark and mixed spices, Jett's signature scent, on the air.

Time to face the music.

"Kitten, nice of you to join me again," came his drawl from across the room.

We were in his office, he was drinking what looked like a scotch on the rocks and had a twitch to the edge of his full, rosy lips. His hair looked a little dishevelled, his face flushed, but other than that, he looked in control of himself. Just reclining back in his chair watching me.

"How long was I out for?" I asked, sitting up gingerly. The world didn't tilt and my fangs weren't down, so things were looking up.

"Five or ten minutes," he replied and took a large sip of his drink.

"Did you..." I swallowed past a dry throat. "Did you pass out?"

"No." The way he said it made me glance up and catch his eyes. He smirked. "But it was entertaining."

"Entertaining. Huh." I said looking away from that intent gaze.

Neither of us spoke for a moment. All I could think was I really needed a drink, but I was hoping Jett wouldn't offer and I could just slink on back to my house and pour myself one on my own.

He didn't offer me a drink thankfully, but instead said, "I have only ever encountered a similar experience with one other before."

I knew I really didn't want to know the answer to the question burning in my mind. I knew it, but for the life of me, couldn't stop myself from asking.

"Oh, what experience?" Who was the other?

He laughed, a little sinisterly. I chanced a look up at him and forced myself to hold that hunger-filled gaze. "Stimulation through the touch of Light." He said
stimulation
like it meant so much more than just a word. I wasn't sure just what form that stimulation had taken, but he had obviously enjoyed it, that was for sure.

Two things registered, neither of which I liked. One, I'd just given the Master of the City a little metaphysical
something
. And two, he'd recognised I had used Light.

So many question swirled through my head, I wasn't sure if I should voice any of them here. I needed to talk to Lucinda. Only she would be able to set things straight in my mind. But like a glutton for punishment I had to know.

With a frown threatening to take up permanent residence between my brows I asked, "What sort of
stimulation
?"

"The kind I like best," he answered without hesitation. I forced myself to look in his eyes, to see if he'd say more. "I told you, kitten, I like to play." And I was guessing his idea of playing was not to everyone's liking. Jett, when he had last said those words to me, had his hand around my throat, crushing my body against the wall, threatening to push me through it. Putting two and two together, I began to smile.

I hadn't realised I could use the Light-filled side of me, but when I did, it seemed it caused pain. This could be useful.

My eyes found Jett's again, I had forgotten I was smiling, he took my response to heart. Appearing before me out of thin air, he reached down and pulled me to my feet, his arm going around my body, his other hand wrapping a fist in my hair.

"Any time you want to play, little
Nothus
, I am more than willing share your Light."

Then before I could even register his words, the fact that he had figured my deepest, darkest, secret out, his lips claimed mine in a fierce kiss and his
Sanguis Vitam
shot through to my soul.

I was in so much trouble, I was drowning in it, it was just so deep.

This.

Really.

Sucked.

It took a lot for me to be standing where I was now. I haven't returned to this house, willingly or not, for close to two months. Having escaped further conversation - and further intimate exchanges - with Jett, I simply ran here. Using the shadows and my preternatural speed to make what should have been an hour long run, no more than fifteen minutes. I wasn't breathless, my heart no longer beat. I had given myself over to the Dark Shadow in order to face this monumental hurdle. A hurdle, I readily admit, I have built myself.

The sun was heating the sky, but not quite evident on the horizon. I wouldn't make it home today. I acknowledged, as my timing was so crap, that I was desperate. Not only to seek
her
out, to come all this way on the cusp of dawn, to face Marcus - who undoubtedly would be there - but also to face Samson. This was his home, his sanctuary during daylight hours. This was where I last lay in his arms. Where I woke after being turned.

There was much here to shy away from. Maybe not all the hurdles were self made.

I stood, undecided, on the doorstep. I could chance retreat and making it home before the sun crests the horizon, but I knew I wouldn't make it. No, my hesitation was purely to muster courage. To somehow find within myself something strong enough to lean on in order to knock on the door and face my shame.

Shame that I have not let Lucinda in. I have not allowed her to guide me, to care for me, to befriend me. I have hidden behind my anger and fear, I have blamed her for what I have become. I have denied her entrance into my circle of support. A circle, I now realised, consists of only two. Kara and me.

Right now, with so much fear ratcheting up my spine, stealing any humanity I possessed, I realised how short sighted that had been. But even if I admitted my mistakes, faced my shame, it was too late. Lucinda was leaving, and Samson would follow close behind. Who have I got left to turn to? Who can I trust?

No one. There was no one left who would fight for me like Lucinda would. Like Samson could if I had only let him.

My shoulders slumped, I licked my lips, but still I couldn't find a breath to breathe, a heartbeat to beat. I don't like what I have become on so many levels, I am ashamed.

The door cracked open and a sliver of light spilled from the vestibule inside. I heard the shutters on the window coming down, a soft whir to indicate the sun was soon to grace us with her deathly burn. I needed to get inside.

Marcus stood with his arms folded over his broad chest on the other side of the threshold. His fierce stance said it all.

"What do you want?" he growled, his fangs already descended.

I had kind of expected this reaction, I had just hoped Marcus was tucked up in bed when I arrived.

"Is Lucinda home?" I asked, mirroring his stance. He just brought out the worst in me and my Dark Shadow was close to the surface right now, leaving me little room for manners - or caution.

"Maybe," he said with a shrug. "What's it to you? You don't want anything to do with her, why should she give you the time of day?" OK, I deserved this, but it still grated coming from
him
. "I tell you what, Master of the City's pet, why don't you just meet the sun and take your loner attitude with you. We don't need your sort around here." And then the door slammed in my face.

I could feel the sun now, it was getting decidedly hot. So were the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes. At least there was no burnt flesh smell yet, but still, that whole doorstep
greeting could have gone a hell of a lot better. I pulled my cellphone from my pocket and thumbed through my contacts, stopping on Lucinda. I quickly sent her a text. Within a minute, the sun now making little wisps of smoke begin to curl up off the back of my neck, the door swung open and Lucinda, the
Sanguis Vitam Cupitor
, looked up into my face, a full smile spreading across her lips, making her hazel eyes sparkle in the shine of the now bright early morning sun.

My eyes travelled to her
Sigillums
, she had a few and being part vampire it was natural to seek them out, to see who this person belonged to. Not that Lucinda would agree she belongs to anyone, even if it was her husband. One
Sigillum
on her neck in particular was hard to miss. Intertwined around Michel's mark was an intricately woven iridescent tattoo-like design. Ribbons and swirls creating beautiful shapes wrapping around where he had bitten her, marking her as his. The tattoo-like design shone with inner Light. It was beautiful, almost as beautiful as her. The mark of the
Lux Lucis Tribuo
, one of her Prophesied roles. I don't know how she ended up marking herself, but a part of me longed for something as mesmerising, something as captivating as that.

A part of me, I desperately tried to ignore, wanted that with Samson. I sighed.

"Holy crap, Gigi!" she exclaimed, noticing the sun damage already spreading across my back. "Get your arse in here, girl." She hauled me across the threshold, surprisingly strong for one so petite, and slammed the door closed behind my back.

For a moment neither of us said anything and then I burst into tears.

I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I had so many things I wanted to berate her with, so many things I wanted to get off my chest, but all I could think was she was so bright, with Light and happiness and love and warmth and absolutely everything good in this world. She shined like a guiding star, I wanted nothing more than to fall into her embrace, to let her take all my worries away, to let her make my world right.

She just nodded, her straight brown hair flowing freely down to the tips of her ear lobes catching the light here and there in golden strands, a tear spilling down the side of one cheek, and took my hand leading me into the front room. Marcus was the only one there and growled when we entered, shifting to a fighting stance.

"Go take your frustrations out in the gym, Marcus," Lucinda ordered and amazingly he obliged without complaint. Leaving the room with only a glare for me, but not daring to utter a word in reply. It never failed to surprise me how vampires reacted to Lucinda's demands. She hadn't been forceful, she hadn't used her Light, but still he acquiesced easily, as though following a command.

I sat down on the couch she led me to and watched as she curled up in an armchair to the side. She didn't say anything, just waited for me to voice what it was I came here to say. I couldn't, not yet, so took in the familiar room. One I had been in several times in the past, in a previous life. Modern, expensive furnishings, plushly upholstered furniture, light wooden trim against cream walls broken up with vivid artwork. A large plasma TV on one wall, a fireplace with mirror above it on another, a large expanse of glass, shuttered, that during the night had a calming scene looking out over the Hauraki Gulf.

I had enjoyed many hours here with Samson, many pleasant memories that were shattered with the truth.

"Am I disturbing you?" I asked, once my eyes found hers again.

She shook her head. "Michel is on a phone call, you're saving me from listening to him converse in French and not understand a word of it. I have no idea why he insists on carrying out business calls in our bedroom, he has a perfectly decent office for that." She cocked her head to the side suddenly, a blush creeping up her cheeks. She blinked once, then flicked her gaze back up to mine. "He says 'hello'."

Huh. It always freaked me out how they could talk to each other in their heads. It seemed such an invasion of privacy, so unnatural, even after everything I had seen since being turned, the idea of
talking
mind to mind seemed alien. I hoped I would never be subjected to that.

I flexed my fingers and rolled my head, hoping to free up some of the tension that had
settled down my spine and through my body. It didn't, it just made me aware of the sunburn on my neck. My
Sanguis Vitam
had healed most of it already, but it was taking longer than usual. The encounter with Jett, the run here using the shadows, it had all stolen a little of my strength and the Dark Shadow within was hungry once more.

I could tell Lucinda noticed, I knew she was reading how much Dark was present in my soul. I wondered, briefly, what it is she
sees
when she looks at me as the
Sanguis Vitam Cupitor
, but I refused to ask. I know I have Dark inside me, I know it is inherited from my Sire, the vampire who turned me. But I also know there is Light. I am part Nosferatin, how can there not be?

"You're leaving." The statement came from nowhere. I sure as hell hadn't intended to show how much I cared. I wanted to talk to her about Jett, but instead I laid my heart on the table bare.

She didn't say anything immediately, just held my gaze, then slowly nodded. "We need to be near Paris. There are things I cannot tell you, but leaving is unavoidable. I am sorry. I tried to get in touch."

I held my hand up to stop her. I knew she had been, but I didn't want to hear excuses. She could have found a way to tell me. She could have tried harder than she had.

"I heard it from Jett," I said, matter of factly. "I wasn't prepared. It took me by surprise."

Lucinda shifted forward in her seat, elbows resting on her knees, hands clenched together tightly.

"What did you do, Gigi?" she asked quietly.

I don't know why, but the fact she could read me so well, the fact that she guessed I had done something damaging, just made me mad. I stood and started pacing, treading a path into her carpet, unable to look her in the eyes. I was sure mine had bled all blue, and purple would be flashing and strobing across in its wake. I clenched my fists and willed the Dark Shadow to behave. My fangs, on the other hand, were not as easy to control. When I spoke again, I had a decided lisp.

"He knows what I am. He knows some of what I can do." Even Lucinda didn't know everything I could do, but she wouldn't ask. She knows better than that. But she understood my fear at Jett knowing. Knowing what I was and what I can do. Knowledge is power. Jett now held power over me.

"What has he said?" she asked, still sitting quietly, trying not to move.

I did look at her then and despite my eyes being an unnatural colour, despite my clenched fists and elongated fangs, she had a peaceful, neutral look on her face. Completely devoid of fear, or shock, or anything else for that matter. This is what made Lucinda so good, what kept her alive in amongst so many vampires. She knew how to hide emotion. She knew how to wear a mask.

I wasn't sure if she was afraid of me. Part of me wanted her to be. Then the other part, the Nosferatin part, paled at that idea. I may fight my connection with Lucinda, but I know there is part of me that craves it all the same.

I slumped down into the couch feeling suddenly numb. One minute I was full of shame, the next anger, then fear, and now numb - nothing. What was wrong with me? So many emotions, none of which I seemed to be able to control. Confusion reigned inside, I just bowed to the emotion without pause.

I shook my head to clear it. My life had become so complicated. I had never asked for this. I didn't know vampires had existed and even if I had, I wouldn't have wanted to be one of them. And now that I am, I have to investigate murders, answer to powerful and sadistic masters, avoid fairies, hide all that I have become, survive. I wasn't sure I could do this, and I knew now, I couldn't do it alone.

I looked up and found Lucinda kneeling before me. I don't know how long she had been there. I wanted to pull away, to hiss, but I managed to swallow instead and hide my reaction. Her eyes widened slightly, her nostrils flared. Sometimes Lucinda was more vampire than the vampires. She's just been around them for so long. I hadn't fooled her though, but she didn't acknowledge my response or lack thereof.

"Gigi, you don't have to do this alone," she said quietly, taking hold of my hand. Hers were warm, pulsing with life and blood. Mine were, in contrast, ice cold.

"But I do," I answered on a sigh. It was pointless, I shouldn't have come here. Lucinda could provide comfort for a while and then she would be gone. And I would be on my own again, fighting all the Dark inside, fighting to hide who I am. Fighting.

"Sweetie," she said, giving my hands a gentle squeeze. "How bad can it be? You're a vampire, you are strong and powerful. Fast and predatory. You are at the top of the food chain. You can do this, Georgia. Because, there is more to you than even that. You are full Light. You are capable of such great things. I know you will find a way to use the side of you that is Light, to guide the side of you that is Dark." She waited for that to sink in, then she added, "Jett is only doing what a vampire does. Play him at his own game."

"How?" I whispered. She had me trapped. Trapped by her words. By her sweet, soft voice and gentle, caring touch. Trapped by the Light that I could see when I looked at her. A beacon of Light that called me home.

She leaned forward and whispered back. "What do you want out of life, Gigi?"

I thought about her unusual question, unsure where she was going with this. What did I want? To be normal, to be safe, to be happy, to be loved. None of which I could ever be again. I pulled my hands from hers and leaned back on the sofa, putting a semblance of space between us.