Mission: Earth "Villainy Victorious" (16 page)

"So you can now honor your promise to me," said Madison. "An unlimited budget and a totally free hand."

That brought Lombar out of his spin. He fixed Madison with a stare. The yellow lights in his yellow eyes were strange. "You can't have a budget. Only a department or section can have a budget. And it would take a Royal order to create a new one." He checked himself. He must never come so close to saying that there is no emperor or seal back of that door. "His Majesty is far too ill."

"But you promised unlimited funds!" said Madison. "You said if the Lords bowed..."

Lombar was shaking his head, annoyed. "Why are you making me listen to you? I don't have to listen to people."

"It's because the people have to listen," said Madison. "To BELIEVE you should be Emperor, they have to listen and I have to see that they listen to the right things and get whipped up about it. It will take PR and it will take time to create the favorable climate. And PR costs MONEY!"

"Money," said Lombar. "I can only authorize pay. That's why nobody gets paid much in the Apparatus. I can't authorize budgets for departments that don't exist!"

"Then," said Madison, "as you are a man of your word and worthy to be Emperor because of that, authorize unlimited pay."

"WHAT?"

"You saw the Lords bow."

Lombar suddenly blinked and began to nod, sort of bowing himself. Madison slid his identoplate across the desk. He saw a basket of forms and found "Change of Pay." He wrote "UNLIMITED" on it and slid it to Lombar.

Lombar looked at it and then filled it out and stamped it with Madison's identoplate and then found his own in his hand and stamped again.

Madison already had the other order written and he slid it under Lombar's identoplate and it came down on it. The order said:

Madison knew the man was hooked now in more ways than one. It was time to split with his spoils.

He got out into the hall and out of sight and then leaned weakly against a door, for he felt his knees would give way.

It was an awfully good thing Hisst never listened to anybody.

And who would tell him anyway?

In fact, who knew what the swindle was? Everyone else, watching, would have thought Hisst would know.

The cameraman had made it! He had not missed.

Right back of Hisst, in the golden dress of a page, amongst the crowd of boys, had come Teenie!

In the whole walk in and the whole walk out, she had been right back of Hisst, but cut out of the frame.

The Lords had been alerted by their pages.

They had been bowing to Queen Teenie, not to Lombar Hisst!

Madison's knees stopped shaking.

He clutched his goodies to his bosom and sped out of the palace.

Though distant still, victory beckoned loud and clear just over the horizon.

HE HAD HIS CHANCE AT HELLER!

Wild exultation began to pound through him as he finally believed himself that it was true!

HE WAS THE ABSOLUTE CZAR OF PR ON VOLTAR!

Lombar seemed to have forgotten about him. The chief went over to the Homeview and fed the strip back in. He sat down on a stool before it, cushioned his jaw in his cupped hands and began to watch it again.

Teenie, standing in the door of her palace, still clothed in the golden page's costume she had worn while walking back of Lombar, received Madison's ebullient good news somewhat grimly. She looked at the authorizations and gave them back.

"All right, all right, Madison. We've got it this far. Now you better start delivering. You can't hang around here and get anything done now. I want Gris's head and I want it bad-rotting preferred. So roll up your sleeves and start sweating!"

The look she gave him was so meaningful and the pop of her bubblegum so explosive that Madison hastily left. She might suspect that this really was a double cross. He wasn't after Gris at all-his real target was Heller-Wister, for only in that way could he come right with Mr. Bury. With Heller-Wister fully handled on Voltar, Madison could only then return to Earth a conquering hero-and not be shot as a deserter.

He hoped Teenie realized that PR was intricate and complex and wasn't done in a minute. The thing to keep your attention on was thoroughness-and GETTING HEADLINES!

Madison knew the image he would have to complete: it was that of a folk hero on the model of Jesse James, and how well he was researched in such images now-in the yacht he had travelled all over studying famous outlaws. Heavens, he fairly ached to put it into effect.

He knew just how to attain results: Coverage, Controversy and Confidence.

What he lacked here on Voltar were Connections, another
C
which he had always had on Earth.

Well, first things first. He had better get organized. He didn't even have a secretary, much less a string of obedient editors and publishers. Money. That was what he better start with first.

As he climbed into his airbus, he said to Flick, "How do I get my identoplate changed? Where do I go?"

"You going to get PAID? Oh, you just lie back on the seat there and relax and I'll have you to the Government City Finance Office twice as fast as this junk heap will go!"

They took off in a blur. They rushed through the Palace City gates, outbound, so fast Madison hardly had time to get nauseated from the time shift to thirteen minutes earlier.

As he drove frantically across the Great Desert, Flick said, "Oh, but am I tired of eating stale sweetbuns out of garbage pails like we been doing! You also owe me a pack of puffsticks. And I know a rooming house where we can get a room real cheap. Do you feel all right? Are you comfortable? Should I turn on some music?"

Madison was not paying much attention. He was trying to work out how he would go about setting up in such unknown terrain. Then he got off into headlines that kept drifting through his head: 18 point, FLEET OFFICER GOES RENEGADE but he kept discarding them. They were sort of pale and lacked punch. He realized this would require a lot of careful planning to really make it good. He had no support troops, he had no lines and the fact that these people on Voltar were ignorant of real PR was both a blessing and a curse. Every trick of the trade would be brand-new to them, but on the other hand, there were no traditional supports. It was sort of like a man approaching a virgin: the question was, how willing would she be to be raped?

His thinking was interrupted by Flick. The driver had gotten out, opened Madison's door and was now anxiously cautioning him not to trip on the ramp as he alighted. Madison was startled to see how much time had elapsed. They were at the Finance Department.

Following the anxious directions of Flick, Madison went by himself through the scurrying crowds and came shortly to a counter which had a sign:

Identoplate Changes

A bored clerk, in a working coverall to protect his suit, finished downgrading the pay of a disgruntled teacher who had been transferred to a lesser school and turned to Madison. Without interest, he examined the papers. He reached over for his plate-changing machine and then suddenly looked back at the form.

"UNLIMITED PAY?" He went boggle-eyed. He hastily pushed buzzers and Madison found himself surrounded on every hand by Finance Department Security Police.

An officer took the Change of Pay form through a door while the others just stood and stared at Madison. The officer could be seen punching buttons and turning on lights that apparently verified codes hidden in identoplates.

When he came back, he held on to the form and waited. It made Madison very nervous.

Shortly, an old man with a Finance Department executive badge came behind the counter and the officer gave him the form.

"I can't understand it," the officer said. "It's genuine."

"This is impossible!" said the aged executive. "Unlimited pay status? He could buy the planet!"

"Well, it's your business now," said the officer, and at a signal all the Finance Police left. But all along the counters, the word had spread and clerks and others were peering at Madison and whispering.

Another executive came behind the counter and the first one handed him the form and said, "Gods, look at this, Cipho. That guy Hisst gets crazier every day! It's a valid order. But what do we do?"

Cipho said, "What allocations would it come out of? Let me see the other papers."

They examined them minutely. They conferred. Madison got very nervous. He said, "Is there something wrong?"

The first executive looked at him. "We can't determine what budget it comes out of. Your rank is
PR man,
whatever that is, and it's in the Apparatus. Your pay status says No Pay-P, so that means you were to be attached to Palace City. Hisst signed this authorization not only as Chief of the Apparatus but also as Spokesman for His Majesty, so that would make it Royal. We can't determine which letter designation to put after the new pay status. I'm afraid you will have to come back."

Madison's stomach rumbled. He thought of his image with Flick. He thought of Teenie's meaningful look. He thought of his anxiety to get started. "Is there no way it can be done now?"

"Well, it's dangerous," said Cipho. "You might overdraw somebody's budget. You might decide to buy Industrial City or something and then you'd jam all our computers."

"What kind of money is in those budgets?" said Madison desperately.

They went in the other room and came back. Cipho said, "The Apparatus is nearly overdrawn because of the revolt on Calabar. Palace City is nearly empty now, so its allocation is only 50 percent utilized. The Royal expenditures have dropped to almost nothing."

"Money," begged Madison. "How much money is in them?"

"There's a billion Palace City that won't be used and about four billion Royal."

Madison's hopes soared. "Look, just give me a pay status on all three."

"Hmm," said Cipho.

"Look," said Madison, putting on his most earnest and sincere face, "I am a reasonable man. If I guarantee to advise you if I intend to draw more than a billion at any one time and confer with you, will you make it a pay status for all three? That way it would only debit from existing funds."

"You'd have to put it in writing," glowered Cipho.

"It would keep the computers from locking up," said the first executive. "Give him some paper."

They got the signed and stamped undertaking and marked his identoplate Pay Status: Unlimited-APR.

Madison accepted it with a very straight face. Never in his whole career had he ever had a billion-dollar drawing account! Oh, what he could do with that!

They had the look of men who had bested him. And he was very solemn as he walked away.

A BILLION-DOLLAR DRAWING ACCOUNT!

On the way out, Madison put his new identoplate to use. At the cash-withdrawal counter the pretty girl there looked at the identoplate and stared at him round-eyed. "Unlimited pay status?" she gulped. "How... how much cash do you want?"

Madison gave her the first figure that came into his head. "Oh, fifty thousand for now."

She scratched her head. "That will be an awful wad. It will ruin the shape of your suit. Wait right there. I'll see if we have some thousands."

She came back with a neat pack and while she was stamping things, Madison looked at the banknotes. It was the first time he had seen any Voltar money up close. It was gold-colored paper, quite pretty. It sparkled. He petted it. Very nice.

"You wouldn't have some idle time tonight, would you?" asked the girl hopefully.

Madison ran.

He got in the airbus and Flick closed the door for him. "We got some money?" said Flick. And when Madison patted his pocket, Flick leaped behind the controls and they took off.

"I'm STARVING!" said Flick, as he threaded his way through Government City air lanes. "I'll just drop down to a busy street and we'll get some hot jolt and FRESH sweetbuns off a vendor. You also owe me a pack of puffsticks. I gave one to that guard, remember?"

He dropped down into the parking strip beside the thronged and noisy street. He yelled at a dark-complected old man who was pushing a cart laden with comestibles and other things.

"Two hot jolts, four sweetbuns, one pack of puff-sticks," said Flick.

Dutifully the old man handed them in and then held out his hand.

"Pay him," said Flick.

Madison got out a thousand-credit note and handed it over.

"I can't take that," the old man said. "It would clean out the change of the whole street. You only owe me a tenth of a credit. Haven't you got a coin?"

"Wait a minute," said Madison. "Two coffees, four buns, one pack of puffsticks. Ten cents? You must be mistaken."

"Well, things are a little high these days," the old man said. "And after all, I've got to make a living."

"No, no," said Madison. "I'm not haggling with you. I'm just trying to figure out how much a credit is worth. I got it: how much is a good pair of shoes?"

"Oh, call it a credit and a half," the old man said. "They're kind of dear, the good ones I mean."

Madison did a racing calculation. He had been thinking in terms of dollars. As close as he could guess, one credit must be worth at least twenty bucks!

He sank back on the seat in a sudden shock. He didn't have a billion-dollar drawing account.

HE HAD ONE FOR TWENTY BILLION!

A voice penetrated his shock. "Well, pay the man," said Flick. "He's got some blank vouchers there. Just stamp one."