The DI was clattering about in her office when he passed it, but she hadn’t opened the venetian blinds yet. She wouldn’t see him leave. He hunched his shoulders and quickened his pace. He was not in the mood to explain his actions to a new team leader. In his hurry he forgot to sign himself out on the staff movements’ board.
Chapter Six
A faint smell of alcohol and sweat hung in the air as Diane carried her bucket of hot water and a waste sack through the disco-bar area of the club
She pushed the swing door with her shoulder and set the bucket down on the tiled floor while she fumbled for the light switch. Wrinkling her nose in disgust at the smell of urine mingled with the odour from a pool of vomit in front of the last sink, she wondered why it was women’s toilets were no better than the men’s.
She mopped up the vomit with paper towels and disposed of them in the waste sack, dropped to her knees and started to scrub. The hot water burned her hands but the scrubbing motion that ground the soapy suds into the tiles was something that satisfied her need to get rid of everything soiled, filthy and dirty.
Sometimes the scrubbing helped and sometimes it did not, and today was one of those days when it did not. Dropping the brush into the bucket of hot water she sat back on her heels. Tears dribbled down her cheeks. It had been five years, three weeks and two days since Jade had disappeared, and she had shed tears on every single one of those days. She thrust her hands into the water, swirling it round until she found the cloth. Wringing it out, she wiped up the suds on the soapy floor.
‘Ah, there you are. I’ve been looking all over for you. Bella’s reported in sick. I need you to clean the upstairs club and Tony’s office when you’re finished here. I’ll see you get paid for the extra time. Is that OK?’
‘No problem,’ she said.
She hadn’t heard Marlene come in and was uncomfortably aware of her wet cheeks, so she kept her head down, allowing her shoulder length hair to flop over her face.
‘Why don’t you use the mop?’ Marlene sounded puzzled.
‘I prefer the old-fashioned way,’ she mumbled.
How could she tell her it was the hard physical action of scrubbing and cleaning that kept the pain inside her under control.
Marlene squatted down beside her. ‘Look at your hands,’ she said, taking one of Diane’s hands in her own. ‘You soon won’t have any skin on them.’
‘So!’ She snatched her hand back. But Marlene was right. They were red and scaly from too much water. She remembered a time when she’d had nice hands. But that had been in another life. A life when she’d had ambition and a career. A life when she did not have this awful feeling that everything was dirty.
After it happened, the thing that turned her world upside down, she had gone a bit crazy and eventually Paul left her. ‘You need to get help,’ he’d said when he walked out. Ryan had wanted to go with him, but his father shook his head and said he would send for him once he was settled, but he never did.
It was when she thought she was going to lose the kids, she gave in and saw a psychiatrist. ‘You have to stop punishing yourself,’ he’d said, ‘it’s not your fault,’ and he had prescribed the pills. They had been her salvation, although they did not stop her thinking it was her fault. She had been too tied up in her own life to keep an eye on what Jade was doing. If she’d looked after her better, Jade would still be here.
‘I’ll order more gloves,’ Marlene said, standing up.
‘I still have the gloves you ordered last time.’ Diane bent over and mopped the floor. ‘I prefer to work without them.’
Marlene shrugged and walked away. ‘Well, if you need anything, just ask.’
The floor was spotless but Diane continued to scrub, and the tears continued to flow. Maybe by the time she finished she would be all cried out and she could return to Emma and Ryan with the false smile on her face. The smile that said, ‘Look I’ve recovered. I’m fine now.’
* * * *
Ryan Carnegie stood up and stretched, flexing his legs so they wouldn’t cramp. He was past his twentieth birthday and small for a man, barely five feet two, slim and gangly, appearing to be all arms and legs. His dark brown hair was tied back in a ponytail, but sometimes he let it hang in loose waves that brushed his shoulders. The stud in his left ear glittered like a diamond, although it was only a cubic zircona.
He walked to the window and parted the curtains to look out. It was a miserable day, tree branches whipped in the wind and the overcast sky gave the impression it was about to rain, or maybe snow. In Dundee it wasn’t unknown for there to be snow showers in March, and it was cold enough for it.
The computer monitor blinked away at the other side of the room, reminding him he should be working. Sighing, he returned to his chair and started to key in the last of the code for Tony Palmer’s website for his night club, Teasers. It was where his mother worked as a cleaner, and his sister, Emma, was a part-time barmaid. That was probably the reason Tony had asked him to do the website. Ryan was starting to wish he hadn’t, and that he’d never come into contact with Tony. Everyone said the man was a gangster and Ryan had no reason to disbelieve this. It made him uncomfortable though.
This was the second set of mock-up web pages he had completed for Tony. He was still smarting from the man’s reaction to the first lot, and hoped this would suit better.
‘That the best you can do?’ Tony had snapped. ‘I should have got a professional company to do it.’
‘Just because I work from home doesn’t mean I’m not professional,’ he’d retorted.
Tony glared at him, and Ryan knew it had been a mistake to answer back. Damn, what had possessed him to agree to put up a web site for this man. He had more than enough clients on his books and didn’t need the extra work. But Tony had a reputation and was not someone you could safely say no to.
He rose from the chair, stretched and wandered downstairs to the kitchen. Mum was at work and Emma had lectures today, it would be hours before they came back, and he was restless.
Holding the kettle under the tap, he filled it and switched it on. But he didn’t really want tea or coffee.
Turning his back on the hissing kettle he walked upstairs to Emma’s bedroom, the one she had shared with Jade, and quietly let himself in. He could feel the spirit of Jade in here. It was where he felt closest to her. If he closed his eyes he could see her, sitting in the corner at her computer. ‘Come here,’ she’d demand. ‘Come and help me think of something smart to say to this geek.’
‘You shouldn’t be talking to anyone on the computer,’ he’d say. ‘It could be a weirdo.’
Her laughter was as fresh in his mind as if she were sitting there. ‘I’m not daft. I’m just stringing him along, having a bit of fun with him.’
Jade’s side of the room had not changed. Her computer, an antique beige monstrosity, sat on the corner desk at the other side of her bed – the bed that was still there, waiting for her return. But she would never return. She was dead, he was sure of it. He blinked hard.
‘I wish you’d listened to me,’ he whispered. ‘I miss you.’
Walking over to the bed, he fingered the tiny teddy bears pinned to her headboard. She had collected them and he could remember her excitement when she found one she did not already have. ‘Buy it for me,’ she’d say, and he always would, even though he didn’t get much more pocket money than she did. It was worth it to see the expression on her face and watch her jumping up and down with excitement.
Unclipping one, he held it to his cheek. It still held a faint smell of perfume mingled with dust. He smiled, remembering how she used to nick Mum’s perfume, ‘Shh, don’t tell,’ she’d say, as she squirted it all over her neck. Funny how the smell lingered when only a memory of Jade remained.
Sighing, he walked over to the dressing table and sat on the stool. The silk scarf draped over the mirror, hid the framed photograph he knew was there. Gently he removed the scarf. It smelled of flowers. He held it to his face, feeling the silk caress his skin. Then he draped it round his neck.
He had seen the photo many times before but he never tired looking at it – Jade and Emma with their arms around each other, twins, identical in dress and face, but with two very different personalities. Jade always had a sparkle in her eyes. She was bouncy and full of life, while Emma was the opposite, such a serious and quiet child. Even now, he did not know what Emma had felt at the time. She had gone into a catatonic phase and had not cried or shown much emotion. But Mum had done enough crying for all of them.
After Jade’s disappearance, it took him a long time to face going into her room, and he found it perplexing Emma would still want to use it. But she refused to sleep anywhere else. ‘It’s my room too,’ she’d said, setting her jaw in that unmistakable stubborn way that was so familiar.
He cradled the tiny bear against his cheek, thinking, not for the first time, it was a pity it had been Jade who had gone. Emma would not have been such a loss.
* * * *
Emma Carnegie switched off from Mandy’s voice shortly after she entered the library. She had no interest in Mandy’s latest love affair. Last week it had been Steven who was enrolled in the new Ethical Hacking course. The week before it was Mark studying Computer Games Technology. Who on earth would want to get tied up with someone who was into games playing as a career? Not that Mandy was in any danger of getting tied up with one guy, when there were so many to choose from.
‘Next!’ The librarian sounded as weary as Emma felt. Maybe she didn’t want to be here either.
She handed over her library card and books, while Mandy’s voice continued to rattle on behind her. Emma wondered whether she’d made a mistake enrolling for the Computing and Networks undergraduate course. She didn’t seem to fit in with the student life going on all around her.
The librarian date-stamped and slid the books across the counter. Emma pushed her blonde hair back from her eyes, gathered the books up and stuffed them into her haversack. ‘I’ll see you later,’ she said to Mandy, cutting her off in mid-stream, ‘I’m off home to study.’
‘A bunch of us are going for lunch. You sure you don’t want to tag along?’
Emma paused in the doorway and shook her head. She couldn’t put up with any more of the chatter. ‘I’ll give it a miss. I wouldn’t have come in at all this morning if I’d known the prof’s lecture was going to be cancelled.’ Lectures were the part of her course she liked the least. She had thought a computer science course would have been more hands-on. At least at home she would have access to a computer and she would not have to wait for a library one to come free.
Outside she shivered in the biting March wind, buried her chin in her scarf, pulled the zip of her jacket as high as it would go, and hurried to the bus stop.
The house was quiet when she let herself in. Mum would still be at work, and she never knew what Ryan was up to. She slung her jacket over the banister and went into the kitchen. The kettle was hot. She flipped the switch, waited until the water boiled, and made a cup of coffee.
Cradling the cup in her hands, she headed for her study at the back of the house, switched on the computer and waited for it to fire up. That was when she heard the footsteps in the room overhead – her bedroom.
She stared at the ceiling for a moment. Then, setting her cup down, she tiptoed out of the study and up the stairs.
* * * *
Ryan dashed tears from his eyes with the back of his hand. The movement sent the fragrance of flowers wafting up from the silk scarf round his neck. Holding it to his face, he breathed in the smell and luxuriated in the softness of the fabric against his skin.
It aroused him. The urge to cover his body with silk was irresistible. He slid open a drawer, plunged his hands inside and closed his eyes, enjoying the sensuous feel of silk running through his fingers.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ Emma’s voice, harsh with annoyance, cut into his reverie.
He snatched his hands out of the drawer and slammed it shut. ‘I was thinking about Jade and wanted to see her photo again.’ She was not convinced. He could see it in her eyes.
‘You were rummaging in my undie drawer,’ she spat. ‘You had no right.’
He squirmed. ‘I thought there might be more photos in there.’
‘Likely story.’
‘It’s the honest truth.’
She strode towards him and grabbed the silk scarf from his neck. ‘You’ll be wearing my panties next.’
Heat rose from his neck to burn his cheeks. ‘Don’t talk crap!’
‘Weirdo!’
‘I’m not a weirdo. I miss Jade.’
‘And you think I don’t?’
‘You’re a cold fish. You don’t miss her the way I do.’
He held his breath. Emma’s eyes widened, and he found the look on her face difficult to decipher. Getting up he pushed past her and rushed from the room.
She staggered, pulled herself together and ran after him. He reached his own room and tried to slam the door, but he was too late. Emma pushed in after him. Anger suffused her face and he backed away from her. He had never seen her like this before and he was suddenly afraid of what she might do to him.
‘I’m sorry,’ he stammered, hoping to appease her.
‘You’re sorry,’ she blazed. ‘Damn well stay out of my room and keep your hands off my things.’ She raised a hand to strike him.
The doorbell rang, and her hand dropped to her side. Breathing heavily, she muttered, ‘Don’t think I’m going to forget this,’ before backing out of the room.