Read Midnight Movie: A Novel Online
Authors: Tobe Hooper Alan Goldsher
Midnight Movie: A Novel (7 page)
ScaryBarry
off to see DESTINY EXPRESS!!! mad psyched!!!
6:31 PM March 31
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FarceCycle
@ScaryBarry Don’t gloat. It’s unbecoming.
6:33 PM March 31
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ScaryBarry
the lights went off. DESTINY EXPRESS, ALL ABOARD!!!
9:42 PM March 31
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FarceCycle
©ScaryBarry Repeating: Don’t gloat. It’s unbecoming. Dick.
9:51 PM March 31
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http://andidaltrey.blogspot.com
Andi-Licious
The Useless Musings of Sophomoric
Sophomore Andrea Daltrey
THE DATE: TODAY
THE TIME: MY TIME
THE TITLE: THE TITLE
I don’t remember the lights going off, but I do remember drinking some gross beer, and I remember the movie starting, and I remember being scared, and I remember being grossed out.
I remember some guy touching me, and I remember where he touched me, and I remember thinking he shouldn’t touch me there without my approval.
I remember I wanted to ask him to stop, and I remember not being able to open my mouth.
I remember this funny feeling in my stomach, and I remember my knees shook, and I remember my tummy did a squiggle.
I remember my nipples getting hard, and I remember looking for him.
I remember him being gone and I remember being sad.
It was a gorgeous night, and I was having fun chatting with Erick—who I’d always gotten a kick out of—so I decided to skip the movie. As for Andi, I figured she could fend for herself. She was a friendly girl, and I was sure she’d strike up a conversation with one of those horror nerds and be A-okay.
So Erick and I blabbed for a while. Like way too many guys in their early twenties, Erick didn’t ask a damn thing about me, but at least he was interesting to listen to. As was almost always the case, he talked mostly about his band, and how frustrated he was with the whole thing, and how fucked-up the record industry was, and how he wanted out, but he
had
to play music, and if he didn’t, he’d die. I appreciated the passion, but having grown up poor, I didn’t get the appeal of being an impoverished artist. I’d have been happy getting an advertising degree, and moving to, say, Phoenix, and getting a gig at some boutique agency that offered health insurance and three weeks’ vacation.
Erick also told me a story about his whole band getting some bad shrooms at a show in Denton, then spending the whole ride back to Austin vomiting inside, and outside, and even on top of, their van. Gross, but funny. It was nice that he wasn’t trying to charm me into the sack. I mean, you don’t seduce a girl by telling her puke stories.
I was
totally
trying to charm her into the sack.
Finally, about a half an hour after the movie started, I told him he should go in. He said only if I joined him. So in we went.
Erick was wrong. It wasn’t a piece of shit. It was a big, heaping piece of shit under a big, heaping pile of vomit, under a big, heaping pile of diarrhea, under a big, heaping pile of horse guts, under a big, heaping pile of maggots. I almost hoped a critic from a major newspaper was there, just so I could see what the fuck he’d write. A. O. Scott would’ve had a field day with good ol’
Destiny Express
.
Gary was sitting off to the far side, so I made my way over to find out what he thought about the whole thing. Right as his character was eating the arm off our female lead, Helen Leary, I tapped him on the shoulder and said, “Now that, Gary my man, is emoting.”
He punched me in the stomach and said, “Shut the fuck up, man. You say another fucking word, and I’ll fucking equalize you.”
I wanted to say
What the fuck, Gary
? but the punch knocked the wind out of me, and I couldn’t get out a single word. All I wanted to do was sit down, but there wasn’t a chair in the general vicinity, so I wobbled over to the bar, plopped onto a stool, and tried to catch my breath and figure out why Gary gut-shot me. I assumed he thought I was somebody else, and I’d startled him. But that was still weird, because the Gary Church I knew wasn’t a hitter.
The vibe in the Cove was weird, man. Just fucking weird.
FROM: [email protected]
This movie is fucking awesome. I’m getting a print. You’re watching it. It’s a revelation.
SENT FROM MY VERIZON BLACKBERRY
ScaryBarry
snorted 1 line off of the bar and im wrecked. teeth hurt. awesome flick.
March 31 11:31 PM
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FarceCycle
©ScaryBarry Jealous. Call me tomorrow.
March 31 11:33 PM
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EXCERPTED FROM THE PAPERS OF DR. AARON GILLESPIE,
RISK MANAGEMENT ANALYST FOR THE DEPARTMENT
OF HOMELAND SECURITY
March 31, 2009—I watched maybe two minutes of the movie and was appalled. It was a litany of violent acts under the guise of a zombie story. It had no redeeming qualities. I headed to the door but was tripped, possibly on purpose, by a slovenly young man. He put me in a headlock and said, “Aren’t you enjoying this?” He breathed his fetid breath into my face, and I felt a wave of nausea that almost doubled me over.
I said, “No, I am not enjoying this,” doing everything within my power not to vomit.
He said, “I think you are.” And then he tightened his hold on my neck. The next thing I remember, I was lying in my hotel bed with a plastic mask covering my face.