Merry's Christmas: Two Book Set (Amish) (30 page)

She’d never once thought to question Dat’s judgment in the past. But what was this now, weighing so heavily on her? She knew the answer as soon as she asked herself. It was Dat’s ardent resistance to the recent softening of the rules about shunning. It was those new allowances that had been brought about through the efforts of Bethany’s Uncle Caleb. She’d heard Dat talking about it with Opa at great length, sometimes in distressed whispers.

She had to be honest with herself. It hadn’t just been that Dat and Opa had reservations. She’d shared their reluctance, too, especially when the Beacheys had a long lost brother attend a family wedding last month. Of course, this was before she’d known that Aunt Hope existed. She’d had no idea there’d been a shunning in the Bright family, too, much less that Dat and Opa had opposed this very compromise, even with her Aunt Hope in mind. Had she just taken on their convictions without thinking it through for herself?

Daniel pulled her close. She returned the smile he gave her, but as they walked on, her mind continued to turn. She sifted through what she’d overheard about the shunning decision. Why hadn’t she paid closer attention?

Bits and pieces drifted back. According to Opa, there had been a spirited debate between the two ministers. That she remembered. Their bishop had struck what Opa viewed as a troubling compromise. Under certain conditions, heads of families could now choose if they’d like to reconnect with formerly shunned relatives. Dat had called it a very slippery slope. At the time, she had firmly agreed.

What were those conditions they’d mentioned? She knit her brow, trying to remember. Oh, yes. It was only permitted if the person was of good reputation. That was one. And there was something about... There. That was the other requirement: the person also had to be involved with an English church. This was especially for Mennonites, like Caleb Beachey’s brother had become.

It was the strangest thing. In the past—though Charity had never thought it was her place to voice an opinion about what she’d overheard—she had always stood on her father’s side. Inwardly, she’d sincerely shared his concern as the lines had begun to blur between Old and New Amish Orders under the differing convictions of their leadership.

Now, she wasn’t entirely sure.

Daniel squeezed her hand. “Are you feeling all right?”

Charity looked up into the night sky. There was no easy way to tell him the truth she’d been holding inside. How could she explain it to him when she still didn’t know her own mind? “I’m sorry, Daniel. It’s just... It’s about Aunt Hope. She’s not coming home.”

Daniel’s brow furrowed. “She told you this?”

“Last night.”

He let out a heavy sigh as they turned the final corner to her street. “Perhaps she needs some more encouragement.”

Charity knew Daniel well enough to recognize him as a solver. Whatever the problem, he’d want to help her with it. But this problem was beyond his solutions. “Sadly, I don’t think so. She’s really considered it, and she’s made up her mind.”

Daniel glanced sidelong at Charity. “I’m surprised you’re accepting that so easily.”

Something choked in Charity’s throat. “Nothing about this is easy for me, Daniel.” She turned away, punishing herself. That had come out much more abruptly than she’d intended. “Please forgive me.”

“You’ve done nothing wrong.”

Charity shook her head ruefully. There was much more to this than Daniel understood. It gnawed at her stomach, refusing to let go. She prayed for the courage to admit what Gott already knew.

“Wait.” Daniel stopped. He turned to face her. “Charity... What is it?”

As much as she fought them, tears blurred her vision. “I’ve been doubting.”

“Doubting what?”

It was so hard to hold his gaze. In all her life, she’d never felt so riddled with uncertainty.  How could she admit the truth of what had her so completely undone? On the other hand, how could she have the kind of relationship she wanted with him if she couldn’t tell him? She gathered her courage. “I’ve doubted—well, just about everything. Our whole way of life.”

Daniel searched her face. “What are you saying?” He looked so crushed.

“Nothing yet,” Charity explained. “I’m still struggling with it. I don’t even know what I...”

With that, he took her trembling hands in his. He brushed them with a kiss. “What is there to know? Tomorrow, we take the train home. You’ll return to your brothers, your father, and your grandfather. We’ll celebrate Christmas with the wonderful secret of how we feel.”

Charity swallowed, failing to stem the flow of tears. “But... Daniel, how am I going to say goodbye to her? I’m wondering if I should.”

Tenderly, Daniel wiped a tear from her cheek. “We knew this would be hard, Charity.”

Charity shook her head. “You don’t understand. You have sisters. You grew up with your mother. She is still the heart of your family. Aunt Hope, she’s the closest thing to a mother I have.”

“But your Aunt Hope, she is not your mother.”

How could she help him to grasp this? She tucked a loose tendril back behind her ear. “I know she’s not, Daniel. Even she says how very different they were. But we have a connection now. We’re the last two women left in my family. And please understand how painful that bond is to break.”

Daniel studied her soberly. Finally, he seemed to recognize the crossroads they had reached. “One connection or the other will be broken. So it will. You realize that.”

“That’s why this is so hard.” Tears coursed down Charity’s cheeks. It was not at all like the Amish to give way to such emotion, but try as she might, she could not control what was tearing her apart. “Daniel...help me.”

Daniel opened his arms to her. How long he held her, she didn’t know. He stroked her back, so patiently, until she quieted. Even then, he waited longer, before he pulled back and looked into her eyes. “Charity, I can love you with everything that is in me. I can pray that it is enough. But that is where I end and you begin. This, you have to decide.”

Charity nodded as she wiped her face. Daniel was right. No matter what she chose, her heart would be divided. That much she knew. She had reached the precipice that every person must, that moment of decision. It was a choice that would define just who and what she was to be for the rest of her life.

Bundled head to toe, Hope and Ivan looked out, over the Upper Bay to the Statue of Liberty, illuminated against the starry night sky. What a grand lady she was, shining out there in the harbor. Hope had come to see the landmark on many an occasion, but no visit had ever felt anywhere near as pivotal as this one.

Ivan pointed across the water toward the statue. “Lady Liberty. All my life, I had heard of her. And there she is.” The fog of Ivan’s breath dissipated into the air.

As Hope drank in the sight of the statue, her heart warmed despite the chill of the night. “Beautiful, isn’t she?”

Ivan nodded fondly. “I said hello to her when I first came here. And soon, I will bid her goodbye.” He turned toward Hope, his eyes glistening with affection. “I will still think of her, but not so very often as I will think of you.”

Hope smiled thoughtfully. The peace that had eluded her for so many years settled in her spirit. She had made a decision, and though it had been difficult, she knew it was the right one.

“Marry me, Ivan.”

Ivan turned to her, stunned. 

Hope took his hand in hers, never more sure. “Stay. Build a life with me.”

Though, clearly, it was all Ivan could do to process what she was saying, an incredulous joy shimmered in his eyes. His upturned mouth dropped wide open. “You. You are... This is what you want, now?”

Never breaking his gaze, Hope nodded. “This is what I want. Always.” Hope drew Ivan toward her and into a soft kiss, communicating all the love she’d found in her heart.

What a joy it was for Hope to share the news of her engagement with Charity and Daniel. Both Ivan and she did their best to exult quietly, so as not to wake Leanne’s baby. The child slumbered in a makeshift cradle, a deep dresser drawer set atop her coffee table, lined with soft terry towels.

Leanne threw her arms around Hope and Ivan at the same time. Charity was next. Hope embraced Charity long and hard, knowing how bittersweet this news would be for her. As Hope looked over Charity’s shoulder to Daniel, he acknowledged their news kindly, but with a reserve Hope couldn’t help detect.  

Charity pulled back to arm’s length with Hope, overwhelmed. “Oh, Aunt Hope! I am so happy for you.”

Ivan appeared between them. “And what about your Uncle to be? Are you happy for him?”

Charity beamed. “I’m going to have an uncle, too?”

“And cousins,” Hope added. “Don’t forget cousins.”

Ivan raised an enthused hand. “Yes! I promise you many cousins.”

Noticing her awakened infant, Leanne scooped him up in her arms. “You hear that Jesse-boy? You’re not gonna be the only baby around here.”

Surprised, Hope turned to Leanne. “You named him?”

Leanne swaddled Jesse. “After my daddy. He and Momma are flyin’ in tomorrow, so we can have Christmas together.

Hope’s heart leapt. “You called them.”

“I did,” Leanne smiled.

“Ah, I’m so glad.” Hope reached out to give Leanne a big hug. Jesse started to fuss from the commotion.

Leanne bounced him maternally. “It’s okay, Sweet Pea. We’re just excited.”

Charity stepped toward Leanne. “I’ll get him.”

“Thanks.” Leanne put her son into Charity’s waiting arms. 

Ivan moved toward Charity. “Bring him around this way, Charity. Let me see you with this boy.”

Charity soothed little Jesse as she turned him into Ivan’s view. “Shhhh... It’s all right.” The child calmed readily at the sound of Charity’s voice.

Ivan seemed impressed. “You are very good with babies.” He turned to Leanne. “Look at my niece, how good she is!”

“She is.” Leanne opened her arms wide, coaxing Hope’s embrace. “Tell you what, Hope. This is gonna be some Christmas.”

“Already is,” Hope exuded, but as she watched Charity, she noted a hint of sadness in her eyes. Hope exchanged a look with Daniel, concerned. “Daniel...”

Daniel motioned Hope toward the door. “May I speak with you? Downstairs?”

While Charity continued to soothe baby Jesse, Hope quietly followed Daniel out the door.

All the way down the steps into the building’s lobby, Hope wondered. What did Daniel have on his mind? In a way, she hated to upset the happiness of the evening, but then again, there was no sense in putting off finding out what was troubling him. “Daniel... Is everything okay?”

Daniel maintained his composure, but the sober look never left his eyes. “You could have waited.”

Hope searched his expression. “Waited to...?”

“This is already hard enough for her.”

Perplexed, Hope stepped aside from the stairs. “What? To let her see that I’m happy?”

Daniel cleared the way as a matronly woman passed and trudged up the stairs with her wash basket. “You know it is much more than that.”

Sensing that her neighbor was listening, Hope deliberately lowered her voice. “Daniel, all right. Okay, I honestly—”

“Do not lie to me.” Though Daniel didn’t raise his voice, his face was set.

“I wouldn’t,” Hope promised. “I haven’t.”

He looked down momentarily before returning to meet her gaze. “Do you want Charity to stay here with you?”

Inside, Hope reeled at the question, knowing no answer would satisfy him. “Of course, I do. She’s like my daughter.”

“The daughter you abandoned,” he specified. “You valued this life with the English more than you valued any of us. Do not forget that.”

Nothing about this was going to be easy, Hope realized. It never had been. And despite the fresh assurance she held in her heart about marrying Ivan, she knew it never would be. “Daniel, this isn’t fair.”

“No, it isn’t.” He paused, seeming to gather his words. “It is one thing for you to choose this world. It’s another for you to play with Charity’s emotions.”

“Daniel, no. I am not—”

“She is strong, yes. But she is still so sensitive. Do you not see that?”