“I’m for a return to that topic as well,” Azazael chimed in with a cheery grin, not at all deterred by Adam’s display of anger.
“This is the last glimpse you get of me and my thighs, do you get me?” I scowled at him, but Azazael only waggled his eyebrows at me, playfully.
“I intend to.”
“Okay, playtime’s over. Azazael, it’s been a real blast, let’s do it again in another three thousand years, shall we?” Adam smirked, his arm wrapping tightly around me again. “Say goodbye, sweetcheeks. This is where we leave the traitor behind, and go home.” There wasn’t time to offer so much as a word though, as Adam launched us up into the sky, his wings stirring the air around us. Not to be outdone, I extended the white wings that brought me there in the first place with only a moment’s thought, not too worried about the mechanics of managing it with his arm holding me so close. Reality wasn’t exactly the cornerstone of the dream experience.
Part of me hated how easily I went into his arms. After weeks of his being gone and getting on with my life, after fighting so hard to keep things as normal as possible and with Ben being such an important part of my life, you’d think I would be immune to his presence. But in that moment all I could think about was how right it felt to be with him again, how soothing the steady beat of his heart was against my ear, and how it was gonna hurt like hell when he left again.
When I pulled back enough to look up at him, I found Adam staring down at me, an inscrutable expression on his face, as though he was trying to come to a decision about something. “Mercy…” I felt more than heard my name on his lips, and I strained to hear what he had to say next. “White? Really?” He plucked a feather from the white wings that folded protectively around me. “Don’t you think that’s a little pure for you?”
I don’t know what I expected. An apology for staying away? Tender words of love? How much he missed me? The reality brought a scowl to my face. “That’s all you have to say to me after all this time? Adam, where have you been?”
“Around.”
“Not around me,” I muttered, and his face softened, reaching up to brush my cheek with the pad of his thumb.
“No, not around you.”
“You’re not coming back with me, are you?”
“I’ll take you home and then you’re on your own.”
“You’re leaving again.” It was more of a statement than a question.
“You don’t seriously expect me to stick around and watch you with Barney Miller, do you?” he scoffed.
“Who?”
“You’re kidding me, you don’t know who… forget it, it’s not important,” he shook his head.
He meant Ben and my eyes narrowed. “We’ve had this conversation before. Ben knows all about what I am now, and guess what?”
“He wants you to help him catch bad guys.”
“No.” I hadn’t mentioned the ability to read auras to him, it hadn’t come up yet. “He handled it fine. He still wants to take care of me.”
“Of course he does, he’s not a complete moron.”
“He’s not…” I mashed my lips together to keep from arguing. “How come you didn’t want me to know about him? About Azazael?”
Adam had the decency to duck his head guiltily at the question. “I was hoping he wouldn’t find a way to get to you in the real world, and then you wouldn’t have to worry about it, but I forgot about this place. It was lazy of me, but now you know, right? Any time you see him popping into your dreams, you run the other way and you’ll be good.”
I had more to say on the subject, but I didn’t want to argue, not when it felt like he would be leaving again so soon. “Was any of this real?”
“About as real as it gets for you and me.” He stroked my cheek and I leaned into the touch like a cat seeking attention from its master. I had to stop doing that, I had to break the hold he had over me, but I had no idea how to go about it.
“But you won’t come to see me in the real world.”
“You know I can’t.” His face hardened.
“I know you think I’ll end up hurt because of you, but…”
“But nothing, end of discussion, Mercy. Now, unless you’re willing to return to the conversation about your thighs, I don’t have anything left to say.”
He was pushing me away on purpose, but I wasn’t sure what to do about it. While I was still trying to come up with a good response, the scenery blurred and shifted around us, and we stood in the living room of my apartment. Immediately Mimsy bound over to rub against Adam’s ankles.
“I’ll see you around, kid.”
“Yeah, whatever…” I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of watching me moon over him while he floated away or disappeared or whatever it was he had planned for his grand exit, but his voice called me back.
“Merceline…” I turned around, expecting him to give me a goodbye kiss, but instead he laid his hand over my heart. A warm golden light spilled from his hand as he gathered the Grace, suffusing my body with a tingling warmth as it spread over me. All at once I knew what he was doing, and what it would cost him.
Adam was giving me some of his Grace.
I opened my mouth to protest, but the breath left my body in a rush as the full force of his power hit me. When Sam had given me the Grace I’d been lying in the hospital dying, the pain was the only thing I was conscious of and barely at that, so nothing prepared me for the way it felt to share in Adam’s energy. In that moment I knew the full breadth and depth of his feelings for me, and no amount of snarky little quips or stupid jokes could lessen it. I was as sure of his love as I was the sun would rise in the morning. And I was sure he was leaving me again.
I woke up in my bed, feeling bathed in the light of that love, a soft glow emanating from my body. I could still feel him all around me like a warm embrace, but little by little it started to fade. “Adamiel…” I whispered, turning my head towards the window, fat tears staining my pillow. How the hell was I supposed to let him go now?
Chapter Three
I was slow moving the next morning as I got up to make coffee and breakfast for Ben before he had to get to work. The telltale glow was gone from my skin, but I could still feel Adam’s presence, like a comforting hug. Or was that wishful thinking? If I stopped to concentrate on it, I could feel him out there somewhere, far away. It was enough to convince me the ‘dream’ from the night before with Azazael had been real enough in its own way that what I’d learned was probably true. He wanted to use me to gain his freedom, just as Sam warned, and the key to that freedom was sex with me.
As disturbing as that was, I was relieved in a way, because I knew what to expect. Like Adam said, if I saw the guy coming all I had to do was run the opposite direction and I’d be safe. Unless… unless all that talk about love had been garbage and he could force me at any time. Remembering the feel of his strong arms around me, I didn’t want to get close enough to him to find out.
In the bathroom I could hear Ben up and around, getting ready for the day while I popped the bagels into the toaster, and I decided to call Daphne to see if she wanted to meet for lunch later. We were way overdue for a little girl talk about the whole thing. Luck wasn’t with me though, and I left her a voicemail, asking her to call me when she woke up. It was still too early to call my brother Matty, especially after a party the night before, and I debated whether or not to bring him into any of it at all. His reaction to my angelic abilities had been disappointing to say the least, but I was mostly over my frustration in him.
Mostly.
“Coffee, great,” Ben smiled, going right for the mug. “I can’t stay for breakfast, I got a call.”
“But the bagel will only take like two minutes and it’ll be ready to go,” I protested, the container of cream cheese already halfway open in my hands.
“I know, but I’m already running late. I had to use your razor by the way. I should keep a few more things here if you’re not going to come and stay with me.”
That sounded dangerously close to him moving in with me, but before I could jump into that pool, he set down the coffee mug and headed for the door. “You’re going to be alright here alone today, right?”
“Yes, I’ll be fine. I’ll probably meet up with Daphne later and I’ll be sure to be home before dark.” I gave him a little mock salute.
“You’d better, or I’ll stick a protection detail on you,” he returned playfully. At least I hoped he was being playful. I was still mulling that one over when he pulled the door shut behind him, leaving me with two bagels and an opportunistic cat.
I slid the extra plate across the breakfast bar to where Mimsy watched me with interest. “You want some coffee too?”
* * *
Not in the mood to take care of household chores beyond the breakfast dishes, I puttered around the apartment feeling… trapped. The funny thing is, I probably would have hung around the house on a regular morning anyway, but knowing there was danger lurking out there somewhere was enough to make me itch to get outside. So, I went to the one place I thought I might go and not have to look over my shoulder the entire time.
Sam’s apartment.
After such a long time I wasn’t sure he’d still be there. The last time I’d stopped by a few weeks before, the apartment had been unlocked as usual and his bookshelves still overflowed their capacity, but there had been no sign of the man himself. Just like he hadn’t returned my calls, both cellphone and otherwise. I figured there was at least a fifty-fifty chance he might be there since he’d broken the rules by coming to see me the night before. Finding the right door, I knocked and waited patiently. Unconsciously holding my breath, I let it out in a long sigh of relief when he pulled the door open seconds later, his sunny smile a soothing balm to my overwrought nerves.
“Mercy, you’re a sight for sore eyes.”
I had to smile over the turn of phrase, his vocabulary was expanding. “You saw me last night.”
“Yes, but not for very long. I missed you more than a fat kid misses cake.”
“What have you been watching on TV?” I narrowed my eyes at him. It was nice to see him trying to integrate more into society, but it was jarring to hear such a thing from his mouth. On the outside Sam looked like a regular guy, if for you a regular guy meant drop dead gorgeous. Sam was light in every way Adam was dark from his innocent, sunny smile to his golden blonde hair which still sported the modern faux-hawk style I’d cut for him months ago. The only physical feature they shared were the trademark blue eyes that marked him an angel, but what cemented their friendship were the circumstances under which they’d both Fallen.
“How did you know I’ve been watching the television?” he blinked.
“Lucky guess,” I hid a smile as I strode past him into the apartment. To my surprise, in addition to the bare furnishings I remembered, there was also an eclectic mix of artwork on the walls and a planter box of flowers by the window. “You’ve been busy decorating, I see.”
“I have taken an interest in my surroundings of late,” he nodded, shutting the door behind us. “Do you like it?”
I nodded quickly and was rewarded by his instant smile. “I wasn’t sure you’d still be here, you were never around when I came looking for you before.” The artwork he’d chosen were prints of the masters. Monet, Van Gogh and others I couldn’t name off the top of my head. Coupled with the plethora of books, it almost felt like I was in a library.
“I know, I hid from you before.” At least Sam had the grace to look guilty over it.
My mouth opened to chide him for it, but at catching his expression, I decided to let it go. “It’s alright, Sam, I forgive you. You were only following orders, right?” Orders from a certain fallen angel I was
not
gonna start thinking about again…
Relieved, Sam found his smile again, before his head canted to one side, studying me closer than I liked. “You look different.”
“Do I?” Was it noticeable? I did feel a little different, but when I checked in the mirror I looked the same as always to me. Not wanting to tell him what Adam had done in giving me some of his Grace, I decided to play dumb. It was a safe bet it would be frowned upon, and the less people that knew about it, the better. “Tell me more about who Azazael is.” I changed the subject and luckily he didn’t miss a beat, pulling down a big, yellowed book from his shelves to read aloud.
“
Azazael, the Fallen One. And Azazael taught men to make swords and knives and shields and breastplates; and made known to them the metals of the earth and the art of working them; and bracelets and ornaments; and the use of antimony and the beautifying of the eyelids; and all kinds of costly stones and all coloring tinctures. And there arose much godlessness, and they committed fornication, and they were led astray and became corrupt in all their ways.”
“So, he was a bad guy back in the day, but what happened that ended up with him imprisoned for thousands of years?” Giving weapons and make-up to humans didn’t sound like enough to damn someone for all eternity.
Sam continued to read aloud. “
And God saw the sin brought about by Azazael and bade Raphael to bind Azazael hand and foot and cast him into the darkness: and make an opening in the desert — which is in Dudael — and cast him therein. And place upon him rough and jagged rocks, and cover him with darkness, and let him abide there forever, and cover his face that he may not see light
.” Turning the book around for me to see, the drawing on the page showed a pitiful looking figure, chained to a huge stone, cowering beneath a shower of rocks and debris that was about to hit him.
“Wow, harsh,” I murmured. Talk about a steep punishment.
“He was set as an example to all of us, that we might know God’s wrath were we to follow in his ways.” There was no trace of Sam’s newfound colloquialism after reading from the book, he was just as formal as he used to be.
“Yeah, but to be trapped under a pile of rubble, away from the sunlight, for all eternity? You’ve gotta admit, that’s kinda cruel.” Not that I was rooting for the guy, but it didn’t sound like he’d been cutting a bloody swath through humanity like I’d pictured from Sam’s warning. It sounded like an unbalanced penalty for the crime.