Memories of Love (7 page)

“Of course not. There was never
anyone but you.”

“But the pregnancy and marriage was
so fast.”

“She worked in my firm. I didn’t
know she had had her eye on me for a while. I was so blinded by you…I didn’t
see her or anyone else.”

“Oh, God, Grant. How I wish this had
turned out differently.”

“So do I, Cara Mia.”

She left the room to get a tissue
and was more composed when she returned. “But since you’re still married, I’m
wondering what you’re doing here?” Her newly frosty tone belied her feelings.
Tell me it’s a mistake you didn’t call. Tell
me you still love me.

“I don’t want to be married to
Evelyn anymore. I don’t think it’s going to last much longer, and now that I
know where you are…”

“After seeing Evelyn tonight, I’d
believe your marriage is crumbling. Or was it just a fight?” She sank down on
the sofa. He joined her.

“Oh, no. That was the real thing. I
think she’s having an affair. It never was much of a marriage. I’ve fought it
for so long, but I can’t fight it anymore. I love you, Cara Mia. I always have.
Never stopped. I tried to, but couldn’t. I was so angry at you when you left.
But when I calmed down, I knew I’d never get over you.” He turned away from her
and took a gulp from his glass.

“Why’s that bad?” She put her hand
on his shoulder.

“I’ve been weak. Ruined her life…my
life, and maybe your life, too. If I’d been stronger, I’d have found you and
dragged you back to D.C. to marry me. I even had the ring. I was going to give
it to you the day you left.”

“A ring? You were going to propose?”

“Of course I was…still am…I’m crazy
about you.”

“Why didn’t you?” Unshed tears stung
her eyes again.

“Got cold feet. Told myself you’d be
back. We’d see each other again. You were so excited about going to L.A…”

“If only I had known…” Cara bowed
her head as a few teardrops slipped down her cheeks. He slid closer to her,
gently took her in his arms, and stroked her hair.

“Would you have said ‘yes?’” he
whispered.

She nodded, emotion choking her,
then rested her face against his chest.

“I didn’t think you missed me. You
had such an exciting life.”

She pushed away from him, seeking a
tissue. “I missed you every day. It was scary and lonely. Then when I found out
I was pregnant…I ignored it for months, agonizing over what to do. So when I
finally called you, it was too late.”

“You were gone. I was on the rebound,
and Evelyn was there. Then she got pregnant. I was trapped. I did what I
thought was right.”

“Replaced me in the blink of an
eye.”

“I was hurt. I didn’t intend to end
up with Evelyn. A moment’s madness. I’m sorry. So sorry, Carol Anne.” He cupped
her cheek. “Did you stay away from Sarah because of me?” he asked softly.

“Ask your wife why I’ve stayed
away.” Her voice shook.

“Evelyn?” He held Cara at arm’s
length. She nodded. “You’re not going to tell me?”

“I can’t.” She hid her face in her
hands.

“Why not?”

“Please. Ask her.” She reached for
her drink and took a gulp.

“If I were free…would you marry me?”

“Grant, I still love you, but five
years is a long time.”

“I’d better go.” He stood.

She grabbed his arm. “Boy, you do give
up easy, don’t you?”

“I can’t force you to marry me. Making
one wife miserable is enough.”

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t. I don’t
know you now. Could I have some time to get to know you again—after you get a
divorce?”

“Now that I know you’re here and
free. I can’t…can’t go back to the way it was.”

“Will she let you go without a fight?”

“She doesn’t love me. Hasn’t for
years. And I don’t think she gives a damn about Sarah.”

Cara gasped. “Not care for my
daughter?”

“Our daughter,” he corrected. “She
doesn’t dislike the girl, but I don’t see any real feeling for her. She’s a
delightful child. You’ll love her.”

“I can’t see her…not until she’s
fifteen.”

“What are you talking about?” His
brow furrowed.

“You really don’t know, do you? Ask
Evelyn. She can tell you all about it.” She pushed to her feet to show his time
with her was over.

“You’re very mysterious.”

“I have no choice.” She dropped her
gaze to the floor.

“I’ll investigate. You’ll be here?”
He followed her to the door. “Can I see you again?”

“Once you’ve resolved things with
Evelyn. Until then it’s best to…not get involved.”

“I understand. I’ll be back tomorrow
and tomorrow and tomorrow…”

“I’ll be here. I don’t know if I can
let you go again,” she whispered, stepping into his embrace one more time.

“You’re mine, and I’m not giving
up.”

A smile crossed her face.
You always knew what I wanted to hear.

Chapter Seven

Grant shoved his hands in his
pockets as he strode up Broadway, heading home. He didn’t notice the cool air
or the city noise. He focused on his life. Happiness, apprehension, worry,
confusion—his head was spinning. He needed time to think before he faced his
wife. Cara had raised some questions.
Too
many secrets. An affair? What else don’t I know, Evelyn?
His frustration
grew with every block.

By the time he reached the
apartment, frustration had melted into anger, swirling in Grant’s chest.
Thank God Sarah is at Molly’s tonight.
It
was midnight when he put the key in the lock. There was a light on in the
living room and under the door of the small maid’s room that belonged to Jane.
His bedroom was dark. Grant strode to his room, yanked the door open, and
switched on the light.

“Get up, Evelyn,” he said in a tight
voice.

She stirred, rolling over and
shielding her eyes from the brightness with her arm. She mumbled something
unintelligible.

“We have to talk.”

“Now?” she asked, not moving.

Fury seized him. In one motion, he
ripped the sheet and blanket completely off the bed. “Yes! Now! After that
scene you staged with Cara?”

Her eyes flew open. Her face froze
in fear.

Grant stepped back and softened his
tone. “If you don’t mind…”

Evelyn slid her legs over the side.
“Okay, okay. Don’t get hostile.”

“It’s truth time.”

Her eyes avoided his stare. She
stood, looking sullen, tugging her nightshirt down.

“I’m assuming from your evasive
answer before, you
are
having an
affair…” He rested his hands on his hips.

“Only fair since you’ve been having
one in your mind since we said ‘I do.’”

“You admit you are. For the record.”

“What record?”

“Lawyer-speak. Don’t get nervous.
I’m not taking this down.”

“Okay. I admit it. Do you want to
know who it is?” She thrust out her chin in defiance.

“I assume it’s Carl. Second
question. When I saw Cara tonight, she…”

“Did you sleep with her?”

“No. Not everyone breaks their marriage
vows…” He paced the length of the room.

“That’s such bullshit. You sleep
with her in your mind all the time. I bet when you’re screwing me, you’re
thinking of her.” Her eyes narrowed.

“That’s an ugly thing to say.”

Her eyes flashed. “Yet you don’t
deny it! You’ve never been in love with me.”

“I was on the rebound when we
started going out. You knew that, I never hid it from you. What did you expect?
We hadn’t dated long when you got pregnant. I did the honorable thing. You
could have said ‘no.’”

“I was so in love with you. I waited
for you for a whole year…while you were living with her. I would’ve done
anything to get you—anything!” She slapped her hand over her mouth.

Grant stepped back until he bumped
into the wall as the realization washed over him. “You didn’t?” She stood silently.
He strode over and jerked her toward him. “Tell me you didn’t lie about being
pregnant.”

“You want the truth?” A haughty look
came into her eyes. “Men are so easy to fool.”

“You did!” He sank down on the bed,
his heart beating wildly in his chest.

“Yeah. I did. I’m not proud of it,
but I got what I wanted. At least I thought I did. I got you.”

“Oh my God. You’re responsible…for…so
much misery.” He was in shock.

“Those were the happiest days of my
life. That whole first year you were so sweet, trying to make it up to me for
the fake miscarriage. It was hard at first to keep lying, but it got easier. You
were so loving. But that wore off. It took me another two years to face the
truth—that you still loved her, no matter what I did.”

He put his head in his hands. “I
can’t believe you did this to me…to us, all three of us. And Sarah.” He looked
up at her. “How could you?”

“Love does crazy things to people.”
She shrugged.

“You call that love?”

“Didn’t get me what I wanted, though.
I paid for that lie. I paid every day for loving a man who could never love me
back.” Her face flushed, tears welled in her eyes.

“You lying bitch,” he muttered,
shaking his head slowly.

She flinched. “Don’t worry. You’ll
get your precious Cara. I’m leaving. Carl wants me to live with him. I’m over
you. Finally! Finally got it through my thick skull you’d never love me. So I
found a greener pasture. It hurt at first, but not so much anymore.”

Grant pushed to his feet, grabbing
Evelyn by the arm. “Cara said I should ask you why she hasn’t seen Sarah in
five years,” he growled, his voice strained.

“Did she? She didn’t tell you?”

“Said she couldn’t.”

“Hah. What a fool! A chump. Keeping
that agreement all these years.”

“What agreement?”

She yanked her arm from his grasp
and moved closer to the door. Fear flashed in her eyes. “I made her sign an
agreement. She agreed to have no contact with Sarah until she’s fifteen.
Otherwise, I’d never consent to the adoption.”

“What?” Grant couldn’t believe his
ears.

“You heard me.” Evelyn moved into
the doorway, picking at a cuticle. “She needed to place Sarah. She was desperate.
I didn’t want to be the lesser of two moms, so I made her stay away. Shit. That
didn’t work either. Sarah’s never really been my child. She’s always wanted her
real mom.”

“Cara never told me that.” He
stretched his arm out, his palmed propped against the wall.

“Yeah? Maybe if you’d called her.
You didn’t call her, did you?”

“You made Cara sign that agreement?”
He ignored her question.

“She didn’t want to—if it makes you
feel any better. But she was backed into a corner.”

“She did it for Sarah.” Tears
clouded his eyes.
All these years I’ve
resented her. I was wrong.

“And I never signed the adoption
papers anyway. Thank God. ’Cause now I’m out from under. Clean break. New start…for
everyone.”

Grant fell limply into a wing chair,
his head in his hands. “So much agony—none of it had to be.”

“Hey, I suffered, too.” She pounded
her chest with her forefinger.

“You did. All of your own making. Get
out.” His voice was controlled, low and even.

“I said I’m leaving.”

“Now. Get out now.” He began to get
louder. His control slipped as the heat of his anger flushed his face.

“Okay, okay. Keep your shirt on.”

“Right this minute!” He picked up a
bowl from the dresser and rifled it against the wall. The dish smashed into a
million pieces. Evelyn scooted out of the way.

Jane appeared in the doorway. “Your
face is purple. What happened?”

Grant was out of control. He threw a
mug and then a chair against the wall, splintering the arm, before he sank down
onto his knees, his face in his hands, and sobbed. Jane padded into the room
and put her arm around him.

Evelyn hesitated at the door. “I
just want to get my stuff and get the hell out of here.”

Grant wiped his face with his hand.

“Are you finished with your tantrum?
Is it safe to come in?”

“Jeff Banks will be contacting you
tomorrow about a divorce.” He rose up on one leg.

“Can’t happen soon enough for me,”
she sniffed, moving quickly to her dresser.

Grant pushed to his feet, pulled off
his wedding ring, and tossed it in the trash basket. Evelyn took her diamond
and platinum band off, put it in her palm, and offered it to him. “Do you want
this?”

He shook his head. “Hock it. Keep
the money. Just get out of my life.”

“Gladly.” She spat at him as she put
the ring in her purse.

He leaned on his chest of drawers and
rested his forehead on his arm while Evelyn pulled her few belongings out of her
bureau and threw them in her suitcase. The silence in the room was as thick as a
London fog. Emotions roiled inside him, rage turned to sadness then back to
rage again. The taste of regret was bitter in his mouth. He couldn’t stop the
tears.

When she was finished dressing, she
stopped in the doorway and turned to face him. “Goodbye, Grant. Thanks for
nothing.”

He raised his head and stared at
her. The hatred in his heart raised bile in his throat, blocking his ability to
speak. She paused, waiting for his response, shrugged when he was quiet, and
left.

Jane stood by the window, watching.
When Evelyn closed the front door, she jumped into action. “Let me get this
cleaned up.”

“I’ll do it,” Grant said. But his
hand was shaking so badly, he couldn’t pick up the pottery pieces.

His sister touched his shoulder. “It’s
okay. I’ll do it. I don’t mind. You might cut yourself.” Jane left the room
briefly, reappearing with the broom, dustpan, and a snifter three-quarters-f
of brandy, which she handed to Grant.

“Drink this. You need it.” He
lowered his spent body into the wing chair and took a gulp of the light brown
liquid.

“Did you hear everything?”

“Everyone on the Upper West Side heard
everything.”

He cracked a small smile.

Jane put the shards in a plastic bag
then sat on the bed facing him. “Let’s not look back. Let’s look ahead. She’s
gone, and now you can live the life you’ve wanted for such a long time.”

“It might be too late.”

“And it might not.”

“Always the optimist.”

“How does it pay to be pessimistic
in this situation? I’ll stay for as long as you need me.”

He raised his eyebrows.

“I will. Besides, Gary Lawrence in
your office asked me out. He’s cute. Not anxious to go back to D.C.”

“Thanks.” He turned grateful eyes to
her. “What would I do without you?”

“You’d be in a pickle. So be nice to
me.”

“I am nice to you.”

“I know. What do we tell Sarah
tomorrow?”

“Damn! I don’t know.”

“Why don’t we tell her Evelyn’s gone
back to D.C. for a while…”

“At least until I talk to Jeff and
find out how this works.”

“Then we’ll tell her the truth?”
Jane asked.

“Then. I don’t want to drag Sarah
into this until we know exactly what’s going to happen.”

“I’ll figure something out in the
morning,” Jane offered.

“She didn’t seem to miss Evelyn.”

“Should make this easier.”

“You’re the best, Jane. Thank you.”

“It’s nothing.” She smiled at him
and rubbed his shoulder before kissing his hair and bidding him goodnight.

He walked over to his dresser and opened
the top drawer. Reaching in, he felt around for a minute before pulling out a
cream-colored, satin teddy, part of his clothing exchange with Carol Anne.

He fingered the fine, silk fabric—smooth,
shiny, and slippery. Touching it took him back to long mornings spent eating
French toast with bacon and making love endlessly. Carol Anne had been eager
for his attention and his body, encouraging his passion for her. He’d always
found refuge from the stresses of the law in her arms, losing himself in their shared
ecstasy.

He lifted the garment gently to his
nose and breathed in. It still held the faint scent of her lilac perfume that
had driven him wild at thirty-one, and he had no doubt it would do the same now.
Carol Anne was more beautiful than ever. Her figure had rounded out a little in
all the right places, and she oozed confidence. He smiled at the vision in his
mind of them tangling together in the sheets, laughing and loving away a lazy
morning the way they did in Washington.

Grant slipped the garment back in
the drawer and crawled into bed. He lay awake, recalling his last conversation
with Carol Anne in the taxi on the way to the airport.

“
I
know you’re not coming back.”

“Why
do you say that?”

“Because
it’s true. You’re going to be a big movie star with no place for me in your
life.”

“But
I want you.”

“My
life is here. I’m not going to dig it up, like transplanting a tree, and leave
everything I’ve worked for, to follow you around the world like a puppy dog.”

“I
thought you loved me.”

“I
do. But I love my own life, too.”

“And
there’s no place for me in it?”

“There
is. Here. In D.C. Living with me. You can do theater here. Why do you have to
go to L.A.?”

“I
thought we’d been over this. I have to support my mother and sister and the
D.C. stage doesn’t pay enough.”

“If
you lived with me, I’d pay all our expenses.”

“It
isn’t enough, Grant. I told you.”

“You
did. Just don’t expect me to wait for you.”

“What?”
Tears formed in her eyes.

“You
heard me. Every horny guy in the business is going to try to get up your
skirt.”

“You
think I’m looking for that?”

“That’s
what you’ll find. It’s just a matter of time before you’re screwing every
director and hunk actor in town.”

She
slapped him across the face. Shame engulfed him as he rubbed his cheek.

“I’m
not like that.” Her tone was so low he almost didn’t hear her.

“I’m
sorry.” He held his hand out to her, but she batted it away.

“That’s
your excuse for tomcatting around town? How long will it take a hunky guy like
you to get laid? Five minutes, maybe?”

“I
love you, Carol Anne, Cara Mia. But I’m not a patient man, and I don’t share.”

“Can’t
we try to keep it together?” She inched closer to him.

“We
can, but I don’t hold out much hope. Long distance relationships are doomed.”

“Hold
me, please.” He took her in his arms as tears cascaded down her cheeks. “I’ll
always love you, Grant Hollings, even if you stop loving me.”